The Farewell Season (15 page)

So, as easy as it might've been to simply pick up where we left off, I said, "No. I just wanted to explain. I hope we can … be friends." That was kind of a copout, but I didn't know what else to say.

There was a hint of tears in Hedy's eyes, but acceptance, too. "Sure, Eric. We can be friends."

There was nothing more to say. I took her face in my hands and kissed her goodbye.

When I stood to leave, I saw Glynnie ride by on her bike. I waved. She didn't wave back.

I wondered how she could've missed seeing me. Or did she? Maybe she was ignoring me.

Chapter Sixteen

Just as I pulled the car into the garage, I saw Kirstin in the back yard out by the fish pond. Apologizing to her was not something I was used to, but I had to do it. Big time.

I swallowed hard and threaded my way through the shade of the fir trees along the spongy, mossy path. Kirstin was kneeling at the edge of the pond, so busy feeding the fish that she didn't hear me coming. It wasn't until she saw my reflection in the water that she realized I was there.

She jumped to her feet. "Go away! Leave me alone."

I flinched, surprised at the level of fury in her voice. "I-I just want to talk. I want to—"

"I don't want to talk to
you.
" Kirsten's face was tight and blotchy.

"But—"

Kirstin slapped her hands over her ears and spun away from me. Her long silver-blonde hair seemed to hang down her back like a steel curtain. "Leave … me … alone."

I'd never felt such pure anger from anyone, much less Kirstin. I needed time to figure out what to do. "Okay," I said softly. "I'm going."

As I picked my way back through the shade garden to the house, I had a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. How could I get through to Kirstin?

What could I say? I tried to think. Could I … maybe … put it in a letter? I went to the living room and got a pen and piece of paper. I sat at Mom's desk and tried to think. But words wouldn't come.

I stood up. I stared out the window. I paced around the room.

Then, just as I heard Kirstin come in the back door, I had an idea.

I ran over to the piano and sat down. I hadn't played since forever, so, even with the music in front of me I had a hard time picking out the notes. But I kept at it and hoped Kirstin would recognize what I was playing. I'd been thinking of it as the song Dad always sang with
her
. As my fingers slid over the keys, I remembered that he used to sing it to me, too, at bedtime, when I was little—until I told him I was too old to be sung to.

I plunked my way through a few bars and started to think it was hopeless. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Kirstin standing in the doorway. In a shaky voice, I tried to sing "All Through the Night," but my voice trailed off before I could finish the first line.

"Oh, God, Eric. I miss him so much."

"Me too …."

Next thing, Kirstin and I were in each other's arms. Our tears ran together.

For a few seconds we couldn't speak. Then Kirstin wiped away some of her tears. "Eric, I just want to
remember
Dad. I want us to keep him close to our hearts."

"Me too …." I paused, then took a deep breath and plunged ahead. "I'm sorry about last night. I don't even know why I did it. I was such a jerk."

"No kidding." Kirstin's voice was still teary, but there was a familiar sarcastic tone in there, so I knew she'd forgiven me. "I just hope you can patch things up with Rolf. You really hurt him."

"I know." I rubbed my forehead with the back of my hand, trying to erase the image of my fist smashing into Rolf's nose.

"I mean, you really hurt his feelings," Kirstin scolded.

"Yeah, I know … but I don't know how I'm going to make him see how sorry I am …."

"I don't know either." Kirstin crossed her arms in front of her chest. "But you'd better do it soon. As in
right now
."

"I don't know … maybe I should wait … let things cool off a—"

"Er-
ic!
" Kirstin's voice rose an octave on the last syllable. "Immediately is not soon enough."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right." It wasn't that I didn't want to apologize to Rolf. It was that I was afraid to. I mean, Kirstin would always be my sister. But I might have lost Rolf's friendship for good. I wasn't sure I could face that. Still, I had to try.

So it was back to Mom's car for the long, winding drive out to Rolf's. I tried practicing what I was going to say. But when I turned into the entrance to Holst Farms I was still clueless. I parked in the crowded lot and sat and watched the customers asking questions, poking at flowers, paying for plants and shrubs at the stand next to the farmhouse.

Finally, it got too hot to sit in the car. I got out and looked around, hoping I'd find Rolf right there in the center of things. Maybe it'd be easier to talk to him if we weren't alone.

I spotted his grandfather. Or was it his great-grandfather? The Holtz men were all made from the same burly, blue-eyed, apple-cheeked mold. The percentage of white hair was about the only way to tell the difference from a distance.

Still, there would be no problem with the name. "Hi, Mr. Holtz," I said, finally determining it was Rolf's grandfather when I got close enough to tap him on the shoulder.

"Eric, how are ya?" Mr. Holtz's hand landed on my shoulder like a slab of prime beef. If he knew what happened and had any hard feelings for what I did to Rolf, he didn't show it.

"I-I'm ….  W-where's Rolf?"

"Way out back." Mr. Holst gestured toward the Southwest corner of the farm. "Loadin' trees into the truck for delivery."

"Okay if I talk to him?" I asked, almost hoping Rolf was too busy.

"Yah, sure!"

"Oh. Uh, thanks …." I felt exposed and vulnerable as I walked through the rows of shrubs in the outlying fields. The air was still and the chatter of customers faded into a dusty silence. In the clear wide sky the sun seemed to focus on me as if it was shining through a magnifying glass. Any minute I was sure I'd spontaneously combust and disintegrate into a pile of ashes.

Or maybe that was what I was hoping.

Finally, I saw Rolf, but he didn't see me. I had time to turn and run. Still, I drew closer, watching Rolf lift trees in twenty-gallon containers into the truck as if they were kindling.

He could have snapped me in half like a twig last night if he'd wanted to. Maybe he just didn't want to exterminate me in front of Kirstin. Maybe he just wanted to wait until there were no witnesses.

I was still picturing my gory demise when Rolf looked up and saw me. He slammed a tree onto the truck, wiped some sweat off his forehead, stood with his hands on his hips and stared at me.

"Hi," I said, feeling incredibly stupid.

Rolf didn't say a word. He just kept staring, with a look in his eyes I couldn't figure out. His nose was kind of swollen and starting to get black-and-blue, but I'd seen him look a lot worse after a game.

"Hey," I said, feeling even more dumb the second the word was out of my mouth.

"What do you want?" Rolf's voice was hard. "I'm busy."

I gulped. Without a torrent of words flowing out if his mouth, it hardly seemed like Rolf. "I … I came to apologize."

"Okay. You apologized." Rolf grabbed another tree and flung it onto the truck.

"I'm a jerk! An idiot! A fool! A … a … a …." I tried frantically to think of a word to describe my complete failure as a friend and a human being.

Rolf set down the tree he'd started to pick up.

"I'm sorry! What I did was awful! Terrible. Horrible. I don't even know why I did it. I saw you kissing Kirstin and I was … was …." Suddenly in my babbling confession it dawned on me. "I was jealous."

"Jealous?" Rolf raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised.

"When I saw you with Kirstin, it was like … like I was losing her to you. And you to her. I couldn't stand to lose anyone else. Especially not my … my best friend."

"That's crazy …." Rolf shook his head.

"I know … I'm just figuring it out." I took a deep breath and let it out. "That must be why I was so blind to what was happening with you and Kirstin. I couldn't admit to myself what the whole world could see, that you … that Kirstin … that you and Kirstin …."

"Love each other?"

"Yeah."

"You dope." Rolf gave me a shove. "As if I can't … you know …." His face turned a beefy red. "It's not as if I'd have to choose between you and Kirstin."

"Okay, so I'm clueless."

Rolf let loose his big-hearted laugh. As soon as the last notes of laughter faded, he touched his swollen nose. "I'm really gonna hear about this at practice on Monday."

"Say you ran into a door." I still wasn't sure if I wanted to go to practice, that I would play football. I loved the game, but things were so different.

Rolf laughed at my crack about the door. "By the way, I took your advice. I talked to Derek Davis and told him that since he was so smart, I'd do all I could to see that he's made a team captain next year."

"And …?"

"You should've seen his face. Total panic. I think he'll be a lot less trouble from now on." Rolf chuckled, and then launched into a monologue about football.

That's when I knew for sure he'd forgiven me.

***

On the way home from Rolf's, I just happened to drive by Glynnie's house. I slowed down. She was out front fixing a bike tire. I was sure she'd seen me at Hedy's. I wish I knew for sure why she hadn't waved. Did she hate me?

She lifted her head for a second, and I'm sure she saw me, but she didn't wave or anything. She just quickly looked away.

I sped up and drove home.

As soon as I walked in the house, I found Kirstin waiting for me.

"Did you talk to Rolf? Is everything okay with you guys now? What'd you say? What did he say?"

"Uh, oh. Don't tell me Rolf's motor mouth disease is catching."

"Er-
ic
!" Kirstin stuck her hands on her hips and glared.

"Okay, okay. I talked to Rolf. He talked to me. We are once again friends, comrades, buds." I paused, and added, "And, in a few
years
, I guess, brothers-in-law."

Kirstin's eyes opened wide. Her mouth dropped open. Her face turned several interesting shades of red. She closed her mouth, and a dreamy smile crept across her face.

She didn't even try to have the last word.

Leaving Kirstin in her trance, I went into the antique shop and found Mom and Mr. Lindquist busy with loads of customers. I was glad Lindquist was explaining how to use an
aebleskiver
pan to a knot of people, because I wanted to talk to Mom alone without him lurking around us.

"Hi," I said to Mom as soon as she finished with a customer.

"Hi, Eric." Mom's brow wrinkled with concern. "H-how did it go with Mrs. Coleman-Dickerson?"

"Okay." I picked up an old flour sifter, and then put it down. "I made another appointment."

For a second Mom just stared at me with her mouth open. Then she smiled. "Good."

"I'm wiped out," I said, then went upstairs and collapsed on my bed. It'd been a long day, but things had worked out okay. So why did I have this knot in my stomach? Why did it so totally bug me that Glynnie didn't wave to me? Why hadn't I just stopped and
asked
her about it?

It must have been that kiss last night. She was ticked, me
forcing
it on her like that! Why did I do it?

What if I'd lost her friendship? For good? I couldn't stand that. It'd kind of sneaked up on me, but I realized that her friendship was important to me.

What if I'd blown it?

Chapter Seventeen

After tossing and turning most of the night, I woke up early. Starburst trotted up my chest and started licking my chin. "Okay! Enough!" I sat up and opened the window. "Out!"

I wiped my hand across my wet chin. Starburst was a great cat, but maybe it was time I had more contact with humans again, and not just at bone-crunching force on the football field.

I checked my clock. It was early, but I didn't want to lie around in bed staring at the ceiling. I got up and went downstairs to fix breakfast.

It'd been a while since I'd done any cooking, and I'd never be a good as Kirstin, but once I got going it was fun. I finished cleaning up the total mess I made just as the oven timer went off.

"Mmm, what smells so good?" Mom drifted into the kitchen, sniffing the aromas.

"Coffee and Finnish coffee cake," I announced.

Kirstin stepped into the room. "Okay, who kidnapped my brother and left this pod person?"