The Fight (8 page)

I

thought the minutes would come out right after the next meeting, but it took a few days. I called Zoe as soon as I saw them.

“The school board has determined that none of the suicides were related to episodes of bullying or harassment,” I read to her.

“What?!” she screamed into the phone.

“The policy does not need review at this time,” I continued. “That's it. That's all it says.”

“Ugh,” she said. “I didn't think they were going to be super helpful, but this is worse. It's—it's just saying it never happened! Oh, God.”

She was quiet for a minute. “Well, there's nothing that should really prevent the GSA from being official since other schools have them. I guess that's what we should focus on now. So at least there's a safe place.” She sounded really sad.

A

t the next meeting, Zoe asked Salazar again why we hadn't been approved.

“The proposal has been sitting on Mrs. Rice's desk for months. Mrs. Carney was supposed to be the GSA adviser, but she was transferred. She asked me to do it.”

Salazar looked down at his hands.

“Mrs. Rice asked me to take ‘gay' out of the name,” he said, and eveyone snorted.

“I said no, GSA was the name used in most schools, including others in the district. Then she wanted permission slips from parents.”

Emilio blanched.

“Obviously that's a no-go too—lots of kids aren't out to their parents. And other student organizations aren't required to do that. And now she's just sitting on it,” Salazar finished.

“When,” Zoe said carefully, “did you last ask her about it?”

Salazar sighed. “Months ago. I'll ask again, I promise. You guys are being brave—I need to be too, even if…” We all looked away. Tyler changed the subject.

We met again a few days later because Salazar had news.

“Good news,” he said. “The principal approved the GSA once I hinted that there could be legal problems if she didn't.”

Everyone cheered.

“Less good news,” he said. “I can't be the adviser….” Everyone looked shocked. “The principal heard that we were meeting on school property without permission. She's appointed a counselor, Ms. Lopez, to be the adviser.”

“But can she do that?” asked Zoe angrily. “Just decide who the adviser will be?”

Salazar nodded. “Any kind of after-school thing means extra pay for the staff person, so they always have to be approved. And she also said she thought a counselor was more appropriate given the ‘psychological needs' of students in the GSA.”

Everyone started talking angrily at once. Salazar waved his hands.

“I'm really sorry,” he said, “but I have to ask you to leave. I'll get written up if there are more unofficial meetings. You'll have to talk to Ms. Lopez about the next meeting.”

We all turned to go. As we trickled into the hallway, Salazar called out, “You're always welcome to come talk to me. Anytime!”

Before we split up, Zoe said she'd talk to Lopez. She turned to me, frowning. “I've got some errands. Otherwise, I'd offer you a ride.”

“No problem,” I murmured.

It felt like failure all around. The bad policy was still there. The GSA might turn out to be a joke depending on what Ms. Lopez was like. I trudged home.

T

he newspaper had only a paragraph after the school board said it saw no connection between the suicides and bullying. I don't think anyone except us noticed it.

Then everything changed.

This time my mom had the paper open at my spot at the table when I came down for breakfast. On the front page of the local section the headlines read, “Another student suicide. Is district policy to blame?”

It was a kid from another high school, but the details were all too familiar. Bullying “related to sexual orientation” the paper said. Friends claimed that teachers had been aware of the bullying but hadn't done much.

“Sometimes they'd say, ‘that's inappropriate,'” said one girl they interviewed. “But they never really stepped in and to help Luke.”

“The school board could not be reached for comment,” the article concluded.

There was a little box too about “suicide epidemics” and whether it was true that suicide was catching, like a cold.

At school, people were buzzing about it. It had been going on right under everyone's nose, but now people were noticing.

I said this to Zoe at lunch. She nodded.

“My parents know Luke's parents through PFLAG,” she said.

“Uh, maybe I should know this,” I interrupted, “but what is PFLAG?”

“Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays,” said Zoe. “Sometimes my parents are a little too into it, you know? Like they want to participate in every part of your life because they think that will keep you from separating from them or something? Anyway, this guy, Luke, his parents are lawyers.”

I just looked at her, confused.

“They might get more from the school board than we did,” she said.

“Ohhhh,” I said. Nobody really knew what might happen with lawyers involved, so we focused on the GSA.

“Did you talk to Lopez?” I asked.

“Yeah, twice,” sighed Zoe. “She said she's totally busy. Lots of students are showing up in her office and parents are calling her about their kids cutting and stuff like that.”

Suicide epidemic
, I thought.

“I pointed out that the GSA could support people who feel desperate. At any rate, if she doesn't make time for it soon, we could ask the principal for an adviser who actually has time to meet,” Zoe said fiercely. I nodded, not sure I would be brave enough to do that.

I

went to join my friends at our lunch table after talking to Zoe. They hadn't really said anything about it, but they also were always in the middle of some big conversation when I sat down. Usually I just listened and then lunch was over. Simple. But today Jenny turned to me.

“Um, Bella, this is going to sound weird, but are you OK? I mean, I just feel like you've been kind of distant lately. Withdrawal from friends is one of the signs …” she said, tears in her eyes.

Keesha was watching me, but Kim kept eating like nothing was happening.

Before I could say anything, Jenny continued. “With all this going on, I just, you know, feel like every time I say good-bye to someone that I don't know if I'll see them again.” She started to sob. Keesha put her arm around her. Kim put down her spoon to hold Jenny's hand.

Part of me wanted to roll my eyes, but these were my friends. I
had
been pulling away, and maybe it was time to stop. And I got what Jenny was saying. A lot of people our age were killing themselves. It did make you look around and wonder
who's next?

“No, Jenny, I'm OK. Really,” I said softly. “But I'm sorry if it seems like I've been blowing you guys off lately.” I took a deep breath. “The thing is, I've been helping that girl, Zoe, try to start a GSA for our school. And we went with a bunch of other kids to a school board meeting to talk about the policy and why it's bad.”

I paused.

“Why didn't you tell us?” said Kim, looking me in the eye.

I blushed. “I guess, I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it. Or what you might think….”

Keesha jumped in. “We're not prejudiced, you know,” she said angrily. “But does this mean there's something else you need to tell us too?”

I shook my head, not really getting what she was asking or, at least, not wanting to get it.

At the same time, Kim said, “Keesha, it's a gay-
straight
alliance—anyone can join. Sounds like something we need at this school and every school. I don't know why the school board has their heads so far up their butts to think that something like that would be a problem. Seems better than kids killing themselves.”

Everyone nodded. Then the bell rang.

Z

oe finally got a date from Ms. Lopez. It was kind of last minute, but the six of us were there in the library, waiting, when Ms. Lopez rushed in.

“Sorry, sorry, I had a student appointment that ran over,” she said. She looked tired. And annoyed.

“So, is there anything you need to do?” Zoe asked Lopez. Lopez looked confused. “Like, to make this an official meeting?” Zoe was trying to be polite, but she sounded a little snarky.

Ms. Lopez sighed. “No, I'm just here because every student club has to have a faculty adviser. But if you'd like me to facilitate and get the ball rolling, I'm happy to. Does anyone have a joy or concern to share?”

She got a lot of blank stares. Then Zoe said, “I thought we could talk about plans to get the word out about the GSA now that it's official, I mean, now that it exists.”

“Posters, goody,” said Tyler, pulling some markers out of his bag. “I've been practicing my bubble letters just in case.”

“Yeah, in a minute,” said Zoe. “But we also need to talk to someone on the school newspaper. And can we set a time for the next meeting so we can put it on the posters and get it in the morning announcements?” She looked at Lopez.

“I'll check my calendar while you work on posters,” Ms. Lopez muttered.

Tyler grabbed some paper out of the printer. “I'll go charm some bigger stuff out of the art teacher,” he said. “Start with this.”

We came up with a list of slogans to use and got going.

You're not alone
, I wrote, trying to get it to space evenly. Emilio was drawing rainbows in every corner of his paper.

Lopez came back and said she could meet again in two weeks.

“I'm just really booked after school—a lot of students are hurting,” she said, self-importantly.

“Sometimes it helps to have something positive to do,” Zoe said, not looking up as she wrote
Gay? Lesbian? Bi? Transgender? Queer? Questioning?
on her poster. “I thought maybe as a group we could go to the rally for marriage equality next Friday night. We could make some posters about that too and meet at school to carpool.”