The Final Rule (19 page)

Inside, he found a phone book and flipped through the pages. Twice he forgot what he was looking for. When he found it, his hand trembled so hard he tore the page. He fumbled with the phone.

Ellis read the number, but he couldn’t seem to find the matching numerals on the receiver.

He clenched his eyes shut and sucked in a breath. This had to be done. This was for the best. The truth cut right through his heart.

Jon jerked the receiver from Ellis’s hand and slammed it back down on the base. His blazing gaze flicked over the cab companies listed in the phone book before coming back to Ellis.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“You’re not stupid. Figure it out.” Ellis reached for the phone.

Jon flung it across the room. “I will not let you walk out on me.”

“We’ve already had this conversation, Jon. You don’t get to dictate my life.” Ellis put the phone book back on the table and headed for the front door. Jon grabbed his arm. “Let go.”

“No.”

“Let me go, Jon, or I will make you let me go.”

“Then you’ll have to make me.” Victory flashed in Jon’s gaze. That was all Ellis needed. He swung. Jon tried to block it, but this time Ellis was faster and he landed a blow to Jon’s ribs. His grip loosened enough for Ellis to twist out of it.

The front door opened and Eleanor came in, grocery bags filled her arms. “What’s going on?”

Guilt made Ellis look away. Then he reminded himself why he was angry. He slipped past her, letting the screen door slap shut behind him.

Gravel crunched under his feet as he crossed the driveway to the pasture. The shortcut would take him to the main highway where he could hitch a ride into town.

Grass whispered behind Ellis, growing louder with every step. Jon said his name. Ellis reached the fence. He had his foot on the bottom rail of the cattle gate when Jon yanked him down.

“Listen to me, goddamn it.” Jon dragged Ellis away from the fence.

“You have nothing I want to hear.”

“Well tough shit, because I’m not done talking.”

Ellis hooked his leg around Jon’s bad knee. He fell, and his weight came down on top of Ellis, knocking him flat on his back. He lost his breath and everything whited out with the explosion of ringing in his ears. The weight crushing his chest disappeared.

“Jesus, are you okay?”

Jon’s voice echoed from far away. Ellis gasped for air.

“Look at me.” Jon patted his cheeks. “C’mon baby, breathe.”

Jon knelt over Ellis . “Get…off…me.”

Jon ran his hand over Ellis’s ribs and he pushed his hands away.

“I’m just making sure I didn’t hurt you.”

“I’m fine.”

Jon felt the other side.

“Get off me…I’m fine.” A sharp pain burned through Ellis when he drew a full breath. He winced.

“Where does it hurt?”

Ellis wished it was darker so he couldn’t see the concern in Jon’s eyes, but there was too much light from the moon and stars.

“Nowhere.” He tried to scoot back.

“Ellis, stop.”

“I’m fine…it just knocked…the air out of me.” The second deep breath didn’t hurt.

“Are you sure—”

Ellis yelled so loud it stabbed his healing vocal chords. “Stop pretending like you care. Just stop because I don’t want to hear it anymore. I’m not your problem.” He shoved himself out from under Jon only to be dragged back. Ellis twisted in his grip, but couldn’t get free. “You think proving you’re stronger than me gives you the right to tell me what I can do? Is that why you like to fuck me, Jon? Is that your way of telling me I’m your bitch to call to heel?”

“Stop it, Ellis.”

“Why? Does the truth hurt?” Jon’s grip tightened on Ellis’s wrists, then it was gone. The sudden absence was a slap to the face. Jon trailed his fingertips along Ellis’s jaw, then he dropped his head lower like he was going to kiss him, but only his sigh touched Ellis’s lips.

“Okay.” Jon sat back on his knees. “You win.”

“There is no winning, because this isn’t a game.”

Jon nodded, but kept his head turned. “Then you’re right. Everything you said is true. I coddle you. I tell you what to do and I try to control you. I’m a selfish bastard who wants you under me every chance I get. If I could lock you up and shield you from the world I would. But I can’t. So I lie to you, I hide things from you, and I’m able to do it because I can convince myself you’re weak.”

All Ellis could do was lay there in the grass. He already knew the things Jon said, but hearing them come from the man’s mouth felt like falling into a bottomless pit.

“Everything.” Jon said. “All of it.” He took a breath. “Except one.” Jon lifted his chin and his dark eyes all but glowed. “I love you more than anything else in this world.”

Jon pushed himself up and his knees popped. The limp in his gate was more prominent than usual as he headed back to the house. Darkness thickened around him until only the crunch and whisper of grass against his shoes was left.

Then it was gone too and Ellis was alone.

Somewhere between staring at the ceiling and trying to get comfortable on the worn out motel bed, Jon came to the conclusion that there was just no way to fix the mess between him and Ellis.

What made it worse was Jon couldn’t find it in himself to feel guilty for what he’d done. He loved Ellis.

He loved him too much.

Now Jon faced the reality that even if he could repair things he might never get the chance. George was bringing in his friends to help, but they were going to face something as old as the stars and powerful enough to destroy a world.

How did a handful of old men and one egotistical bastard stand a chance against that?

Unless Rudy was mistaken, Ellis, alone, could kill it.

That infinitesimal chance of Rudy being wrong was all Jon needed to reason away allowing Ellis to try.

Failing to burn this thing back could mean the death of millions. And yet it seemed like a small price to pay for the chance to keep Ellis safe.

Egotistical and selfish.

Still no guilt. Not for that. The only pain Jon felt was for Ellis. Hurting him enough to lose his love and his trust. There were no words to describe the hollowness it left behind.

The phone rang. The Marshes were the only ones who knew where Jon was staying. So it was either bad news, or the green light that they were ready to finalize the plans.

He answered it. “Hello?”

“Jon?” Mike.

“Yeah.”

There was the sound of shuffling. “I called the hospital and they told me you were staying with the Marshes.” The fear and awe in Mike’s voice was all too familiar.

“They let me out a week and a half ago. I know I promised I would call but—” My world fell apart and nothing else matters anymore.

“You were in a coma.”

“That’s what they tell me.”

“Dr. Bramblet sent me the MRIs.”

“Then you know I was brain dead, and not supposed to be alive, and yet here I am.” Over the past week Jon wondered if he’d made the right decision to come back. But he knew he had. It was better for Ellis to want Jon gone rather than to be taken from him. Ellis would hurt, he would grieve, but he would also have a better chance at being prepared for a life without Jon.

“This isn’t a joke.”

“Do you hear me laughing?” Jon picked up the half empty bottle of JD. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bite your head off. It’s just…” What? How did he even explain the worst week of his life since that day in the barn then again in the warehouse? “It’s been rough.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

No. Never. “Later, maybe.”

“I never thought I’d be glad to hear you say that.”

“What?”

“Later.” A chair squeaked in the background. “I can’t tell you how good it is to hear your voice Jon. I thought—” There was the slightest waver to Mike’s voice.

“You don’t have to explain. But just so you know, the feeling is mutual.”

Mike cleared his throat. “Bramblet said the neurologist he consulted wants to write a paper. Are you going to do the additional testing?”

“I don’t know.”

“You need to. This kind of thing is impos—unheard of.”

“Trust me. Dr. Bramblet has made that perfectly clear.”

“Then you understand why the tests are important.”

“It won’t make a difference.”

“What does that mean?” Mike’s voice dropped from relieved friend to concerned doctor.

“Nothing.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about this?”

“I’m sure.”

“How are your anxieties?”

“Fine.”

“Perhaps you should give Dr. Kale a call. You’ve been through an incredible amount of trauma.”

“I don’t need…” Jon leaned against the headboard. The springs in the mattress protested. “How did you even know I was in a coma?”

“Dr. Bramblet used the ID in your wallet to track down the home office. He wanted to know if you had any family.”

“To get permission to turn off the life support?”

Mike’s exhale whispered over the line. “Yes.”

Jon scrubbed his face. They’d given up. They’d been ready to let him go.

Except for Ellis. Never Ellis.

Someone who loved as deep as him would never give up.

Unlike Jon, Ellis wasn’t selfish. He wasn’t willing to let people suffer in his place. He would do what he had in order to protect those he loved. Sometimes it meant giving up his hopes and dreams by isolating himself. Sometimes it meant having the willingness to face death.

Jon dug his fingers into his chest. The pain in his heart did not let go.

“Jon?” Papers rustled in the background.

“I…” He cleared his throat. “I’m here.”

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

Jon laughed. “I’m not sure what’s left to be done.”

“But you at least know I’m here, right?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“And you’ll call when you’re ready to talk, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll call.”

“I hope you’ll allow Bramblet run the tests, but I’ll respect your decision if you don’t.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that.”

“I’ve got a patient coming in fifteen minutes, but I’d like to call you back as soon as I get a minute.”

“I’ve got a few things I need to do today and tomorrow. So I probably won’t be able to for a couple of days.”

“I can wait. Just make sure you take care of yourself. And remember—”

“You’re my friend, you’re here for me, if I need anything call. Did I miss one?”

Mike chuckled. “No, I think you got all of them.”

“As many times as you say it, no wonder.”

“I mean it.”

“I know you do.” Jon wouldn’t take it for granted anymore. He’d taken so many things for granted. Life, love…Ellis.

“A couple of days, then?”

“Yeah, a couple of days.”

“I talk you then.”

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

It was a mistake to ask, because there was only one person Mike could have found.

“What did my father say?”

“Are you sure you—”

“Yes.”

“I don’t think this—”

“You said if there was anything you can do. This is something you can do. Now tell me. His exact words.”

“He said, ‘Don’t waste the electricity.’ Then he the hung up.”

No loss, no sorrow, no regret. The knowledge left Jon empty of everything. “I appreciate you trying.”

“I worried we might not find him.”

“What took so long?”

“I had to fly to New York for a couple of days. My plane was delayed, their computers were down, they lost my luggage, and they couldn’t verify my hotel reservation so I had to book a room somewhere else. The office didn’t know where to forward the contact information. Then I had to wait till I got back to make sure they got it. That’s why I called Dr. Bramblet today. Who would have ever thought that something good could come from everything going wrong?”

Jon smiled against the receiver. “Rule number five.”

“Rule number five?”

“Yeah. Everything happens for a reason.”

Jon and Mike exchanged goodbyes.

Outside, a car door slammed shut, followed by voices. A moment later a motorcycle rumbled to life, a dog barked and an infant cried from the neighboring room. Yet in spite of all the noise, for Jon, there was only silence.

Jon picked up the bottle of liquor from his lap. As much as he wanted to dive back into the numbing blackness he had work to do. He kicked the empty pizza box out of his way to make room on the floor. His knee protested at being woken up so early.

“Suck it up, buttercup. It’s only going to get worse.” Jon balanced on his hands, lifted himself up on his toes and did the first of one hundred push-ups.

He’d started the routine the first night in the motel room. In the beginning, it had been a way of channeling his anger, but now it was about getting back the strength he’d lost from laying in a hospital bed.

Jon had no idea just how much of a toll it had taken on him until he was less than a quarter through the count and collapsed on the floor. It only took a few days for his body to get with the program, but it still left his muscles quivering like jelly when he was done.

The sit-ups were easier and he only had to stop once. Planking almost left him in tears. It wasn’t because the extended push-up position hurt; it was facing how weak he’d become. Before, seven minutes had been no sweat. Now, four left him gritting his teeth and spitting out every swear word he knew.

He had to save the pull-ups until he got to George’s place. Today that wouldn’t be till five or so. Today they were going to start test runs with the other men to coordinate the operation. Hopefully George’s confidence in them wouldn’t be wasted.

Jon made it to six minutes before his arms gave out and he collapsed. The gym-sock scented carpet itched his cheek. He had to wait for the worst of the pain to ease off of his knee before he could sit back down on the edge of the bed. He massaged the area around the scar tissue. The hot shower would help, but the reprieve would end after he walked the five miles to George’s farm. Eleanor had almost cried when Jon declined the offer of being picked up and driven home.

At least now he could make it both ways without his bones feeling like mush.