The First Gardener (39 page)

Eugenia looked up to the ceiling, where Maddie’s fluorescent stars danced through the pink hue of a night-light. “Take care of her.”

Never stopped.

My ride come and got me at five thirty like it always do. But I still keep prayin’ after that. Ever’body know by now just to leave me alone when I prayin’. So when I got to my room, I just kneel down and keep on goin’.

Fought that battle good and hard. Let the Spirit pray through me like he ain’t gone and prayed in a long time. He groan in ways only God know what he be sayin’. But I sure ’nough glad God know.

Don’t know what happened to make that burden lift. But there come a moment in the middle a my prayin’ when I knowed what need to be done, be done.

So when I climb on my bed, them springs squeak like they do, and I laid there and just had some knowin’ come up all in me.

I knowed what tomorrow gon’ bring. For the first time since our world’s been rocked with that news ’bout our baby Maddie, we gon’ have us some peace. That deep kind a peace. That peace our minds ain’t able to understand. And I knowed what flower say all that best.

I laid there starin’ up at that white ceilin’, wonderin’ how God done it all. Wondered what ’xactly he done. Best guess, Eugenia gots her hands all up in it like she do, but I ain’t knowed for sure. Maybe God go pass him a real big miracle and get Eugenia to stay outta it.

One thing I know—I sure glad God let me be in on all this ruckus. Workin’ at the mansion ain’t ’xactly been my life’s dream. But there ain’t one day go by that I ain’t grateful he let me work there. Ain’t one day. And today I ’specially grateful.

Chapter 53

Darkness had settled before Gray felt a peace that the war he had been fighting could be surrendered—at least for now. In his entire life he had never prayed the way he prayed today, and he had never fasted. But the stakes had felt higher too. He truly felt that for the first time in his life he had fought something otherworldly.

He opened the door to find Sophie staring at him with that “Please take me out to the bathroom and then feed me” kind of look.

“Need to go potty?”

She jumped halfway up his leg.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

On the way to his car he stopped and let her relieve herself, then assured her he would feed her once they got home.

The house was quiet except for a commotion coming from the kitchen. He pushed the swinging wood door and encountered Eugenia and her cohorts, along with Rosa and Jessica, lounging around the breakfast table and chatting like schoolchildren. The rich aroma of coffee filled the room, setting his stomach to churning. He felt like he could eat now.

Rosa jumped from her seat. “Señor London, good evening, sir.”

He motioned for her to sit. “Rosa, enjoy yourself. Whatever it is the six of you are talking about, it sounds way too good to interrupt.”

“Please, señor, let me make you something to eat.”

He placed his hands on her shoulders and gently pressed her back into her seat. “Sit, Rosa. I’m a big boy. Your workday is over. I’ll get myself something.”

She finally, reluctantly, sat.

He rested his hand on the table and looked at the women. Each had a sly expression on her face. “You all would be pitiful at poker.”

Berlyn cleared her throat. “I’m actually the best one at my church.”

“Your heathen church,” Sandra added.

“Shut up,” Eugenia shot out without looking at either of them. She stood, her eyes focused on Gray.

“Mack okay?” he asked.

“You should go see her.”

His shoulders slumped. “Bad day?”

She took his hand between both of hers and patted it softly. “Perfect day. Go see her. She’s in Maddie’s closet.”

He didn’t understand. “Maddie’s closet?”

“Just go see her, Gray. And pay no attention to the children in the room,” she offered as he headed toward the kitchen door.

He heard Jessica snicker as he stopped and turned. He had never heard Jessica snicker. He had a feeling nothing would ever be the same after whatever had gone on here today. And he wasn’t too sure all of it was a good thing. Not with Eugenia’s friends involved.

“What have y’all done?” he asked.

Eugenia’s smile was warm. “We just opened the door, Gray. But Mackenzie walked through it.”

“Yep, opened it wide and she walked clear through it,” Dimples confirmed. “At least I think it was her. Lord knows it could have been some other woman, but from best I could tell it was her.”

Gray noticed that Sandra wore a pair of yoga pants and a red V-necked T-shirt. He stared at the miraculous—and strangely familiar—sight. “Sandra, your outfit—what are you wearing? Is that . . . Mackenzie’s?”

Sandra looked down nervously at her clothes, then ran a hand across her bare throat before a rather satisfied look came across her face. “Well, I do believe it is. I’ll be—I have a neck.”

Eugenia was the first to laugh. And from there, laughter rippled across the table until even Sandra was laughing. Gray just shook his head. He wasn’t sure he had ever seen Sandra laugh. He would check the liquor cabinet on the way upstairs.

Maddie’s door was open a crack, and a stream of pink filtered out from her night-light. He opened the door wider and saw three curly redheads—one in each of the twin beds and one on a pallet on the floor. It was Goldilocks on steroids. He had a moment of concern that whatever had happened here today would end up in the
Tennessean
by morning.

He tiptoed around the little body lying on the floor and walked to the closet. He pulled the door open as quietly as he could and found Mack asleep on the floor with one of Maddie’s shirts tucked under her chin and a paper in her hand. How this could be good was beyond him.

He closed the door behind him and sat beside his wife. He ran his hands through her dark hair, the motion stirring her. She blinked, obviously trying to figure out where she was.

“Hey, babe. Gone to sleeping in closets now?”

She pushed herself up to a sitting position, and he noticed the change immediately. It was gone. That hopeless, lost look was gone.

She threw her arms around him and clung as if for dear life. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she whispered over and over in his ear.

“It’s okay.” He pulled her close, kissing her hair. “It’s okay.”

“I’ll do anything, Gray. I’ll talk. I’ll eat. I’ll do anything. Please don’t give up on me.” Her words came out desperate against his ear.

He squeezed her tighter. “I would never give up on you. Don’t even say that.”

She held on for the longest time, and he savored her presence, her fear, her emotion—all of it. When she finally released him and leaned back, he cradled her face in his hands. “What happened, Mack?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. These kids were just here. And they kept asking me questions. And forcing me to respond.”

“But who are they?” The confusion on his face must have been obvious because a hint of laughter filtered out of her.

Then it hit him: she had laughed.

He’d just heard Mack laugh.

He grabbed her head again and pulled it toward him, hugging her hard. She laid her head against his chest. And there in his embrace, she told him the entire story of the day.

“. . . and then you woke me up.”

He released her so he could study her face. It looked so different—like there was a piece of something alive there. But then fear rose up inside him.

“Where do we go from here, Mack? What is tomorrow going to look like? I don’t want to lose you like that again. I thought—” his voice broke—“I thought I’d never get you back.” His tears wouldn’t obey his command not to fall. They didn’t care if he was still the governor or not.

She wiped them away. “I don’t know where we go from here. I’ll start meeting with Ken again. I’ll even meet with the psychiatrist. I know I need help with all of this. I can be willing to do it, but I can’t do it by myself.” She patted her hand gently on her chest. “I don’t know what to do with all of it. All the pain that’s still in here.”

He nodded. “I know. Me neither.”

“Can we do it together?”

“I’ll do anything with you, Mack. You know that.”

She leaned her head on his chest again and let it rest there. “I need to ask you something though.”

He ran his hand up and down her back. “Sure. Ask me anything.”

“Do you blame me?”

“Blame you?”

“Yes, do you blame me for Maddie’s death? It’s okay if you do.” She sat up as the words came out quickly. “I understand if you do. I just . . . need to know.”

He stretched his legs out and brought them around her. He encased her waist with his arms. “I’ve told you this before, and it’s true. I never blamed you. Never. What happened to Maddie was an accident . . . a horrible accident.”

“But I—”

He placed a finger against her lips. “Babe, nothing in life is as it was meant to be. It was meant to be perfect, like the Garden of Eden. But that’s gone now. What we’ve got now is a world full of broken people. And hurts and pains and sickness and accidents and death . . .”

His last words trailed off softly, and he leaned his head against hers. “But God has been right here in the middle of it all, with us. He’s been grieving with us, fighting with us, cheering for us to hold on.”

“But I’ve been so angry at God,” she said. “I hated him, Gray.”

He laughed. “I’m sure he knows that.”

A soft smile swept over her face. “I thought he owed me the baby.”

“I did too.”

She hung her head. “He doesn’t owe us anything, does he?”

He raised her chin. “Not a thing.”

“Anything we have is just a gift, isn’t it?”

He nodded. “Just a gift. But he sure gave us a beautiful gift in Maddie, even if we only had her for a little while. Think of it. Of all the people in the world to trust with her, he entrusted her to us.”

Tears rushed to her eyes. “I didn’t want to give her back. I still don’t.”

Gray’s grief rose to life with her words. “Me neither.”

And in that moment, for the first time, they shared grief. Truly shared grief. There on the floor of their baby’s closet, they wept . . . together, as husbands and wives were meant to.

After a while Mack wiped her face with the sleeve of her T-shirt. She picked up Maddie’s shirt, which had fallen to the floor beside her. “I’ve got to let go. If I’m going to make it, I’ve got to let go. That little girl out there, the one asleep on the floor—her name is Suzy.”

“Suzy?”

She smiled. “Yeah, Suzy. But she—she’s just so Maddie. I mean her spunk, her wit, her questions. Oh my word, that child asks more questions. Anyway, she and Maddie are about the same size. So I was thinking, would you mind if I packed up Maddie’s clothes and sent them with her? And I could pack up some of Maddie’s toys for her and her sisters and send the rest on over to the mission.”

Gray tilted his head. “You sure? We can take this one step at a time.”

She nodded. “I’m sure. It’s time, Gray. I’ve got to live again. And I can’t do that by holding on to the past or pretending the whole thing never happened.”

Gray pulled her a little closer to him. “What if there never is another child for us, Mack? What if we’ve had all we’ll ever have?”

He could see the thought settle on her, and he wondered if he had pushed too hard. Maybe he shouldn’t have even gone there. Could one word propel her back to that horrible place where she had been just that morning?

“There are always children to be loved, Gray,” she finally said, “whether they come from this broken body or someone else’s. If I love them for a day or a lifetime, there will always be children to love. And I think I’m supposed to do that.”

His heart settled back into place as she smiled at him. “And I’m good at it. I’m good at loving babies, Gray.”

He kissed her softly. “Yes, you are. You are so good at it. Now, are you ready to go sleep in a real bed?”

“I’m actually tired of sleeping in that bed. And I just had a nap.”

“Well, then, are you hungry? ’Cause I’m starving. And two of the best cooks in Nashville are still down there in our kitchen.”

She licked her lips. “I want chocolate gravy and biscuits.”

His eyes widened. “And bacon.”

They were on a roll now. “And fried eggs.” Her chuckle was thick and rich.

He stood and pulled her from the floor. He knew they still had a long way to go. And yet he allowed himself to think the words he’d wanted to say for so long now:
My Mack is back.

Chapter 54

She held the tiny pink ballerina skirt in her hands and didn’t even attempt to stop the tears. Cleaning out Maddie’s closet was one of the hardest things Mackenzie had ever done. Both Gray and her mother had offered to help, but she knew this was something she needed to do herself. She needed to feel every feeling, relive every memory before she let them go. So while her mother and her allies had Grace and her children downstairs, feeding them a big old Southern breakfast laden with cholesterol and starches, she was packing up her baby’s clothes. She’d send the toys later. This was all she could do today.