The First Law of Love (34 page)

“That works,” Wy said agreeably.

“And I forgot my hat that I never bought,” I said, still observing everyone. Joking a little, I added, “I stand out, dang it.”

“You'd stand out no matter what,” Wy said admiringly. “As you're so pretty.”

“I can't believe you don't have a girlfriend,” I told him, grinning as he flushed a little. “That Hannah is one dumb cookie.”

Wy led us expertly; as we swirled amidst the other couples I peeked towards the edge of the dance floor to spy Case, watching us dance. We swirled away then, and I lost sight of him in the crowd. As the song ended, Wy said, “How about one more, Tish, please?”

But I saw Case coming through the crowd towards us, and my breath caught with a kind of painful hope. I said to Wy, though I couldn't take my eyes from Case, “Not this one, buddy…”

Case reached us and I saw Wy smile, and then back off.

“Can I have this dance?” Case asked me, just softly, and I nodded slowly.

As always, I was so aware of him. I had never experienced such a thing, this kind of longing, this kind of razor-edged aching for another person. Never like this. Before he could keep us in a more traditional stance, the way I'd been dancing with Wy, I put my arms around his neck and moved as close as I dared, not taking my eyes from his.

His hands moved to my waist, his big, strong, beautiful hands, which took me gently in their grip. I felt a pulse that moved directly from his skin to mine, I saw the expression in his eyes that mirrored the one in mine, the one he couldn't quite tuck away, or was tired of trying to hide. And he drew me close, so that my breasts were against his chest. My heart thrust furiously, as though trying to push me even closer to him, and I drew in a small, sharp breath, curling my fingers into the soft hair on the back of his neck, beneath his hat brim.

I felt his hands move behind my back, locking around me. His eyes held just as tightly to mine. He studied me and I could feel my heart, my pulse, matching the pace of his, beat for passionate beat. I clung to him, pressing my breasts to him, nearly weak with the desire for more. All. Everything. My thighs began trembling and then the trembling moved upwards and I could tell he felt it even as he kept us swaying gently to the music. We danced to the next two songs, wordless, studying each other as though this was the last night we would be together. And in my mind, pictures and images swirled together, and I knew with every ounce of my soul that I had danced with him before.

Case
, I thought. And then,
Cole
…
oh God, you
'
re him. You. It
'
s you.

He saw in my eyes what I needed and after the fourth song, he took my hand and led me wordlessly outside, into the night, where it was humid and almost fully dark, growing ever luminous with stars, the sounds of the dance immediately receding to the background. Around the far edge of the barn, where I could only hear my heart, and my frantic breathing, and there he buried his hands into my hair and brought my mouth to his, kissing me so deeply and so sweetly that I moaned. His hat brim bumped my forehead and I took it from his head at once, letting it sail to the ground, curling my hands into his hair.

And it was so intense, so quickly. Overwhelming need to take deeper his kisses, to taste him and open completely to him, in every way possible. He held my face, kissing my jaw, my neck, my collarbones, so tenderly and with so much heat, as I clung to his shoulders and let my head hang back to allow him every access. I kissed him in return, his firm, stubborn chin, his jaw, his neck, running my hands beneath his shirt, over his hard, warm skin. He moaned deep in his throat and our lips were flush again, open and stroking. He slid both hands under the hem of my blouse, swiftly up to my breasts, cradling me at last as I made soft pleading sounds, unable to help it as he stroked my nipples with his thumbs.

“Case,” I moaned, sliding my right hand over the front of his jeans. I felt as substantial as molten liquid as I caressed the length of him against my palm, hard as a brass rod beneath the warm denim.

He caught my face in his hands then, holding it, tipping his forehead to mine as our breath came in heaving gasps. I begged, “Oh God, please…”

“Tish,” he whispered, his voice hoarse, as though he was in pain. And then, to my stun, he turned away as he had before, crouching and crossing his forearms against his face.

“Wait!” I gasped out, moving for him at once, but he collected his hat with a brisk movement and then rose before I could make contact, swiftly and with purpose.

He said, low, “I can't bear this,” and took off in the direction of the parked cars, walking with a long stride, determined. I ran after him, feeling my heart beating like a wild creature that wanted to come clawing out from my ribcage.

“Wait,” I begged again, dogging him. “Case, oh God, wait…”

His truck wasn't far. Horrified, I saw that he was going to leave me, drive away. He climbed in the driver's side but I cranked open the passenger door and followed directly after him, grabbing his right arm, intent on keeping him from getting the key into the ignition.

“Tish,” he said again, freezing in place, his voice husky and aching, and everything within me responded, this use of my name and the tone in which he spoke it inciting a riot in my blood.

“Don't go,” I begged, pulsing with energy and desire, and then I jumped as he moved fluidly, swiftly, across the seat to wrap me in his arms. Suddenly I was straddling him, uncertain how this had happened, as I didn't recall moving. But it didn't matter – nothing mattered except the taste of him against my tongue, the heated intensity of his hands deep in my hair, his kisses, my hips pressing so hard against him that I would be bruised tomorrow. I clutched his shoulders, his head, begging him with wordless sounds.

He gripped a handful of my hair and forcefully tipped back my head, kissing my neck, biting me lightly. His other hand was tight around my waist, hot against the softness of my shirt, and I held fast to him, as I was sure he would stop this at any second. His eyes blazed like hellfire and my heart was near to exploding.

“Don't stop,” I ordered fiercely, and he made a hoarse sound in his throat, moving his hands to cup my breasts. I pressed closer, lifting into his broad palms as he kissed me deeply. I tore my mouth from his to beg, “Please, Case,
please
…”

He shifted us then, taking me beneath him on the seat, bracing over me. Pressed flush against him, I could feel his heart, matching mine thrust for increasingly frantic thrust. Again I could feel how hard he was, cradled against my hips, and then we were kissing and nothing had ever felt more right. I curved my thighs around him and he kissed my neck, moving down between my breasts, closing his teeth over my right nipple, his big hands warm under my shirt, against my stomach. My hips jerked against him, and I pleaded, “Come home with me…”

Not without difficulty, as I was clinging to him, he sat up then, burying his face in both hands, breathing so hard that his chest was heaving. I was almost too weak with desire, with what we had been doing, that I could hardly move at first. I was stunned that he would stop again.

“Case,” I said, scrambling to my knees, getting my arms around him from the side.

He broke away and managed to say, “No…”

“
No
,” I disagreed sharply, my own breath so short that I was dizzy. “Case, please…”

“I have to go,” he said, hardly able to speak the words, I could tell, and yet he was choosing to do this to me.

“No you
do not
,” I hissed, gripping him.

His eyes blazed into mine. He repeated, “I have to go.”

Fury burned a path through me, so hot that my vision wavered.

“Then go,” I raged at him, slamming out of his truck. I yelled at him again, “Just fucking
go!
”

He drove away without fishtailing gravel this time, but the second his taillights began to disappear down the road I grabbed Robbie's car keys from the pocket of my shorts, terrified. I caught these in a shaking hand, disregarding what would surely be Robbie's wrath, ran to his car and started it with a vengeance.

I followed Case's truck straight out to his place, the sleek little car purring beneath me, determined to finish this once and for all, one way or the other. I was shaking with rage and need for him, blinded by these emotions. He had barely parked when I pulled in next to his truck, hardly remembering to put it into park before bursting out of the BMW and accosting him in his yard.

“How dare you drive away from me like that!” I screamed at him.

“I can't bear this!” he yelled at me again, truly furious, as visibly angry as I felt. Mutt and Tiny were jumping all around our legs, though they began barking at this unexpected sound of Case in a rage. He brought his hands to his face.

“Why? Answer me!” I shouted right back. “Goddammit,
look at me!
”

Case dropped his hands, pinned me with his eyes and said in a low, deadly voice, “All I fucking do is look at you. I'm tortured every second of every fucking day.”

He stormed past me and slammed into his trailer, clicking on the kitchen light, me on his heels. In the narrow space of the kitchen, I grabbed his t-shirt and tugged fiercely.

“Stop it!” he raged, spinning to face me so quickly that I made an inadvertent sound of fear. But I would never fear him. I only feared the untamed expression on his face. He yelled, “You can't be here! I can't fucking bear it! It's tearing me up inside! Don't you know
how long I
'
ve loved you?
Jesus fucking Christ! I've fucking loved you since I first saw your picture seven years ago!”

“You didn't even know me then!” I screamed at him, his words pummeling me with both abounding joy and helpless agony. I didn't add that I wanted him to know me better than anyone else in his life. That I wanted the same from him, in return.

“You think I don't know that?! It's insane, it's more fucked up than
anything I
'
ve ever known!
” he yelled back, fire and heat clashing between us in red-orange waves. “I didn't ask to feel this way. Jesus Christ, it's like I'm tormented, fucking
haunted!
When you're not around, I can't get you out of my mind. When you're in front of me it's even worse. I can hardly breathe because I want you so much.”

His deep voice broke a little on the last few words even as he continued glaring at me. I gulped a little, wanting him so very much that I felt electric, my nerves crackling. But there was something far more sobering thrumming in my body, in the vicinity of my heart. Something I was far too terrified to fully acknowledge and so I glared right back.

“Don't worry,” he said quietly, acid in his tone now. “I won't mention it again.”

“Goddammit,” I said, flailing, desperate to be in his arms but unable to let myself. I recognized that I would not be able to turn back from that road, should I choose to head down its length.

But as I stared up at him, the choice was out of my hands.

We were unable to take our eyes from each other. My heart was furious in my chest, demanding acknowledgment. He went on, in a controlled rage, “I tell myself
every time
that it's the last time. The last time I'll try to see you, to be near you. Do you know what it's been like for me with you here? I feel like I'm on the fucking rack. Just
let me go
.”

Oh God, I don
'
t want to let you go. Oh Case, oh God, I don
'
t want to let you go and I won
'
t tell you because it would only hurt you. I can
'
t stay here. I don
'
t belong here
…

“Just let me go,” he repeated, his tone an inch from total defeat. His eyes were dark with anger and need and desire, all swirled together, and his gaze dropped to my lips, my breasts, my hips, back to my eyes and then he buried his face in both hands, clearly in agony.

Agony clawed at me too. Unable to stop myself, I closed the meager distance between us and put my hands around his elbows. He jerked as though I'd plunged a knife into his side, removing his hands from his eyes. His auburn eyes that flared with rage as I curled my fingers around him, refusing to let go of his arms. He was hard and strong, so warm beneath my palms and the same liquid desire rippled over me, more insistent than ever.

“Don't,” he said, his voice low and dead-serious.

I tightened my grip.

“I fucking mean it,” he said. “I should never have kissed you…oh God…”

“Kiss me now,” I begged him, every pulse point beneath my skin throbbing.

He broke free and stepped back, shoulders squaring. The fury chiseled on his face struck me straight through the center. He was so good-looking he was beautiful, even in this sort of passionate rage.

“No,” he said, low.

“Please,” I whispered.
Oh God, don
'
t turn me away again. I
'
ll die.

“
Go
,” he said then, hardly more than a whisper, his eyes flashing fire so hot that I was very nearly incinerated just looking back at him.

I spun away and shoved out the door into the humid summer night, crushed beneath the weight of regret. I stormed over the stone path leading to his trailer, seeing nothing but the red of desire, and fury, passion, and very likely insanity. I heard the screen crash open behind me, indicating that Case had decided to come after me, and so then I ran, racing into the night. I heard him right on my heels just as his arms went around me from behind and we stumbled forward, almost going down.

“Let me go!” I gasped out, breathless, struggling furiously against his hold.