The Fish and the Not Fish (11 page)

The road we walk on to get to where town is, it too is made of rock and dirt and dust.

Us boys, we make dust when we, like this, with Dead Dog on all fours with us, walk.

The dust and the road and the sun in the sky, they walk with us to where town is.

We walk to where town is so that we can see a face that is not ours.

When we get to where town is, to where town used to be, there is not a face for us to see that is not ours.

There is not a boy face or a dog face that is not Dead Dog's for us to see.

The only face we see is Death's.

The face of Death.

Death's face.

Death was a man who lived in the town where the road took us to when it took us from where we lived, out in the woods, to where town was, to where town used to be.

It was Dead Dog who was the one of us who took us to the house where Death lived.

Death lived.

Death was not dead.

Death lived in a house that was made out of wood, with a roof and with floors and with smoke that rose up from the hole in the roof where there was a fire that Death liked to sit in front of and with his hands and with his breath he would stoke it.

What Death's house did not have was a door.

Where a door should have been there was just this hole in the wall for us to walk on through it.

Death lived in this house with no door on it with no one else but his dead self to live with.

Death was fat.

Death was so fat that had a door been on the front of this house Death would not have fit through it.

Death was that fat.

Death was a fat man with a gut full of death fat.

He looked like he just ate, like he just ate a whole cow, or a whole barn, or a whole town.

That's how fat Death was.

When us boys, with Dead Dog on all fours, walked in through the hole that was the door to Death's house, the first thing Death asked us was did we think he was fat.

We shook our heads.

Death took his big fat gut in his fat hands and held it as if to keep it so that the fat of him would not fall off it.

Then Death told us boys to sit.

We did what Death told.

We sat.

Death sat down with us too.

We sat down in chairs that looked like they would have a hard time if Death sat down in them.

Dead Dog sat down with us too.

Good Dog, we said to Dead Dog.

It had been a long walk from the woods to the town to get to Death's house.

So we all three of us sat down to face Death.

We did not fear Death.

So what if we were in the house of Death?

We lived, we spent our nights with Man.

We were used to what could take place when our eyes were closed up tight to shut out the dark.

We looked at Death's face.

Death's face looked like it was made out of mud, or like a lump of raw dough that had not been baked to make bread.

The face of Death was all fat.

It was hard for us to see Death's dead eyes.

Death's nose was more of a flap in the fat of Death's fat face.

Death's mouth was a dark hole in his head where Death liked to shove in food through.

Death tried to stand up.

He took hold of his gut and tried to push up.

But he could not get his dead self up.

So us boys, we each of us gave Death a hand up.

Death took hold of us by our boy hands and Death stood up.

Death thanked us for this.

Then Death tried to eat us.

We let go of Death's hands and we ran.

We ran out through the front hole in Death's house and then we ran back to and through the woods.

Just once we both of us stopped and we both of us looked back.

It looked to us like Death was stuck in the hole that was the door to Death's house.

Death raised up his right hand.

You boys come back real soon, you hear, Death called out. Us boys, we did not say that we would not. We both knew that we would. So what if Death tried to eat us?

He'd have to catch us first.

Death would have to come to our house in the woods at night for him to eat us up.

Death, it looked like to us, was a cork stuck in the door that was a hole in the front of Death's own house of death.

When Death tried to eat us, Dead Dog did not get up like us and run.

Dead Dog stayed right where he was.

Dead Dog sat where he sat when Death told us all to sit.

So we get it in us to get back up and go and run back to go back to Death's house.

To get us Dead Dog back.

When we get to Death's house, Dead Dog sits up when he sees us.

Dead Dog, we see, is not a dog that is dead.

Dead Dog is not a dog that Death ate up.

We feared this in our heads that this was what Death would do to Dead Dog when Dead Dog did not like us get up and run.

I'm so glad to see that you boys came back is what Death says to us when he sees that we are back.

Give us back our dog, we say.

Take him, Death tells us.

Death says, This dog's a free to go dog.

Come, Dead Dog, we say.

We say, It's time to go back home.

But Dead Dog does not come when we call him.

Dead Dog sits right where he is next to Death.

When Dead Dog sits and does not get up to go, the fat on Death's face flips and rolls with what us boys know is a smile.

Would you boys care to join me for lunch? Death asks us.

We ate, we say, though this is not true.

I can hear what is in us, what is in our own guts, what is not in there, it growls when Death says the word lunch.

It's been three days since us boys have put food in our mouths that is not made of bone or dirt.

There is a smell here in Death's house that smells like feet.

We look at Death's face.

We watch him lick his lips.

It's your loss, Death says.

Death says to us, It's your choice.

If you change your minds, Death tells us.

We take hold of Dead Dog by the scruff of fur on the back of Dead Dog's neck.

We give Dead Dog a pull for the hole that is the door to Death's house.

Dead Dog turns his head and takes a snap at the hand that he knows that this hand, it is not the hand that feeds him.

Dead Dog looks like the kind of a dog that is fed food spooned out of a tin can.

Death's house, it seems to us, has been good to Dead Dog.

Dead Dog's fur shines black like the back of a bird's black wing.

Hey, Dog, we say to Dead Dog.

We say, Don't you know who we are?

We lift up our hands.

Our hands curl up to make four fists.

We tell this dog of ours, No.

No bite.

Dead Dog growls at us boys to step back.

We take two steps back.

Good dog, Death says to Dead Dog.

Sit, Death says.

Dead Dog sits.

Us boys, we look back at Death.

At Death's face.

Fat face, one of us says so that it is just us who can hear it.

We'll be back, we say.

I'm sure you boys will, Death tells us.

We turn to leave.

We make our way for the hole in the wall that is the door to Death's house.

Death says, with the fat on his fat death face rolled up to form a grin, Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

That night, we go back to the house of Death.

To go and get Dead Dog back.

To go and save Dead Dog from Death.

We go up slow on the tips of our boot toes to look in through the hole that is the door to the house that is Death's.

We see that Dead Dog is curled up at the foot of Death's bed.

Here, Dead Dog sleeps.

The fat on Death's fat face puffs up and it puffs out when Death in his dead man's sleep breathes in and then breathes back out the breath that is the breath of Death.

The breath of Death smells like feet do when you take off your boots to let your feet breathe at night.

It is night right now and all we can see is a dark that makes us boys think of death.

Of things that are dead in the night.

There are ghosts in these woods that at night make sounds that some folks say are the sounds that trees make when the wind blows through their leaves.

Us boys know that these sounds that we hear in the woods at night are not the sounds that trees make when they are blown here and there and back and forth in the night's breeze.

We have seen, at night, and with our own boy eyes, what us boys know are ghosts.

But we don't call these things that we see ghosts.

We call them Death.

There are nights when Death walks through these woods on the look out for things like us to eat.

When we sleep, on nights like this, we sleep with our arms crossed on top of our chests.

We can feel the beat of our hearts beat and beat hard with our wrists.

When Dead Dog used to sleep by the foot of our beds, there was no need for us to not sleep.

If Death walked in our room, Dead Dog would have been sure to wake us.

Dead Dog would take a big bite out of Death's big butt.

But that was then.

And now is now.

Now Dead Dog sleeps by the foot of Death's bed.

What are boys like us to do?

Us boys, let us tell you what boys like us are to do.

We have got to go and get back Dead Dog from Death.

We have got to go back to town to where Death's house is and we've got to steal back Dead Dog from Death.

Which is why us boys are here right now like we are at the door to the house of Death.

Dead Dog, we hiss, through this hole in the wall in this house where Death lives with no dog that is his own to keep watch with.

To this hiss, Dead Dog does not lift up his head.

Dead Dog looks like he is dead.

Us boys, we know that this dog is not dead.

Don't let this dog fool you like he once fooled the both of us.

One of us boys picks up a rock with his hand and throws it so that it hits Dead Dog right in his dog head.

One of Dead Dog's eyes lifts up.

One of Dead Dog's eyes stays shut.

The eye that sees us, we can see that it sees it is us.

Then it shuts back up.

So one of us boys picks up a rock that is twice as big as the first rock was and we throw it so that it hits Dead Dog right in his gut.

The bones in Dead Dog's gut stick out like the bones that you see in things that sit on the side of the road dead.

But like we've said, this dog is not dead.

When this rock hits Dead Dog right in his gut, Dead Dog makes a sound with his mouth that is a yelp.

Or like this sound is a cry from the mouth of Dead Dog for Death to come help.

Death just sits there like a lump of dirt in this chair that looks like this is the day it is now to break.

Don't break, we say to this chair.

Don't wake up Death.

This chair does what we tell it.

It holds up all of that fat that is this man that we call Death.

On the tips of our toes, us boys, we walk past Death.

When we walk past Death, Death makes a sound with his mouth that makes it known that the sleep that he sleeps is deep.

This is the kind of sleep that we call the sleep of death.

Or so we think.

Death is up and is up on his feet when we make our way back past him.

You boys back for some more of Death, Death says to us, and his lips flick up to form a grin.

We're just here to take back our dog, we say to Death.

Who's here to stop you? Death says to us back.

When Death says these words to us, Death shrugs so that his head shrinks back up in the skin that is Death's neck.

Not me, says Death.

You can see that there's no leash round this dog's neck.

Death is right.

Dead Dog is not the kind of a dog that you have to leash.

Death knows that dogs like Dead Dog have got no need to be chained up on a leash.

Dead Dog is a dog that comes when he is called.

But Dead Dog does not come for us now.

Not till Death says to Dead Dog, Go, dog, go home, get.

Dead Dog gets up and then like this he came.

We take Dead Dog home.

We walk with Dead Dog down the road through town and back through to where the road through town turns to woods.

We do not see a face that is not the face of one of us.

The sky we look up at is dark.

The stars we see do not shine.

There is no moon for the clouds to hide in.

All that we see as we walk through town is the dark that we know is Death.

When we got back to our house, Man and Girl were both in their beds dead.

Us boys, we both knew what to do with Man now that Man was dead.

With Man, we would dig a big hole out back of the house to put him in and then we'd put the dirt back up on top of him till our eyes could not see the face that was the face of Man.

It was a face we would not miss.

But Girl, the way that she looked all dead in her bed, it made us boys want to kiss her.

We knew we would miss her so much.

So we kissed her.

When we kissed her, her girl eyes, both eyes at the same time, they looked up.

Girl sat up in her bed.

I had a bad dream, Girl said.

I dreamt I was dead, she said.

Well, you're not dead now, we told her.

Who's he? Girl said, and she wiped at her eyes when she saw the dead man in the bed next to hers.

He's dead, we said.

We did not need to say a thing more about Man that that. Man was just a dead man now.

Girl got up and walked from the back part of the house up to the front.

It was not for her a far walk.

Girl walked slow.

She walked on the tips of her toes.

It was like she walked this way so she would not wake Man up.