The Flawed Mistress (The Summerville Journals) (9 page)

   
He nodded thoughtfully, as though it was not something he had considered.

   
“I shall put it to her,” he said thoughtfully.  “If she agrees to convert
then I shall assume that her faith is not deep.  If she does not, then I
shall think I had a lucky escape.”

   
I knew he was joking, knowing full well that he kept his own beliefs a secret
for fear of losing Summerville Hall, but I could not help be concerned for his
safety.  He would have to reveal his crime to a stranger with no knowledge
of her own ideals and how far she would take them.

   
“I shall miss you, Richard,” I said softly.  “When you are married, I
shall miss you terribly.”

   
“No,” he said quickly, shaking his head.  “One of the conditions I shall
insist on is that I keep my mistresses, or at least one of them.”

   
I sighed deeply, feeling that I was indulging a little boy.

   
“And because you are so charming, I expect you will persuade her to agree,” I
said with an affectionate smile.  “That would please me, but I doubt it
will please her.”

CHAPTER
EIGHT

   
I saw no further sign of Lady
Winterton
at
Summerville Hall and Richard, Anthony and I spent that Christmas quietly at my
house.  He went off to Sir Geoffrey’s ball on twelfth night, leaving me to
pray that it all turned out happily for him.

   
Even with all the hardships I had suffered in my life, I do not believe I have
ever before wished that I could be someone else, but that Christmas I wished I
was this lady that he had chosen to court.  I could so easily have been a
young girl from a wealthy family, looking for a suitable match, had my father
not drunk away all our fortune and sold his little girl in desperation.  I
hoped she would treat him well, make him happy, even if it were not to be a
love match.

   
I recalled the well hidden sorrow he had suffered over his first wife, how hard
he tried to make her happy.  This girl, this merchant's daughter, would be
very lucky to get him and I just hoped she would come to know that, for both
their sakes.  I did not believe that he would tolerate another failed
marriage.  Much as I cared for him, on rare occasions I had sensed that he
could be dangerous given the right circumstances. 

   
The first time I noticed was not long after he had taken me in and spread the
rumour that he was my lover.  A peddler in the village accosted me as I
waited outside the inn, wanting me to buy from him.  I had no money with
me, so I told him I could not.

   
Suddenly, the man's demeanour changed and leered at me like all those men in my
past, a look I had not seen in a long time and it sent a shiver down my spine.

   
"Do not think you can look down on me, My Lady," he said angrily.
"You are nothing more than a common prostitute."

   
I was shocked at the language, and I did not know that Richard had overheard
him.  He emerged from the inn and gathered the man up by his shirt. 

   
"My Lord," the man spluttered.  "I meant it in jest."

   
Richard flung him into the horse trough as though he were weightless.  I
had not realised before just how strong he was, and his jaw was clenched as he
tried to control his anger.

   
Yes, he could be dangerous when protecting that which he loved and he loved
Summerville and all it stood for.  God help any woman who did not share
that love with him.

   
It was three days before he returned to tell me of his meetings with the girl.

   
“She has agreed,” he said happily, “to all my conditions.”

   
“Conditions?
  I thought it was just the religious
aspect that you were going to put to her.”

   
“I was, but I thought I had best make my position clear and give her a chance
to do the same.  We needed to agree on the conception of a
son, that
was the most important thing.”

   
I nodded, though I was puzzled as to why it needed to be mentioned, until I
remembered his disastrous union with Rosemary.

   
“She was knowledgeable in that region?”  I asked at last.

   
“Not really,” he replied shaking his head, “but she knows that it is something
that has to be done.  Not like the last time.  I had a sense that
this was a real woman, not a child, and she promised me she would honour her
commitment.  She seems to be very self confident and is not afraid to
speak her mind."

   
“What else did you put to her?”

   
“I promised to share my wealth with her if I made her my Countess and I told
her that I needed her to be faithful to me, even though I would not be faithful
to her.”

   
“She agreed to that?”

   
I was more than a little surprised that any woman would agree to that
condition.

   
“Yes.  She wants the title, the mansion and the money.  She is
extremely intelligent, which I admire, and she wants those things enough to
promise to convert to
catholicism
.”

   
I took his hand and kissed it, feeling more than a little worried about this
woman to whom he had proposed.  She was very young, half his age, and she
may not realise precisely what she had agreed to.

   
“Richard, I want your happiness more than anything.  She does not sound
like a good person to me, since her main objective is your title and
wealth.  Are you sure you are doing the right thing?”

   
“That is the point, Rachel.  We have committed to each other and I told
her what would happen if she betrayed me.”  He paused and glanced down at
my hand, then kissed mine in return.  “I think I frightened her a little.”

   
“I am not surprised,” I answered, remembering the peddler in the horse trough.

   
“She is her own person, though.  She will take me because of who I am and
what I
own,
and I believe she will keep her
promises.  She does not love me and I do not love her, so there is little
danger of anyone getting hurt.  I think we can develop a mutual respect,
which is all either of us
want
.”

   
“Then I wish you every happiness, my dear,” I said softly.  “She sounds
hard
and  uncaring
.  Please take care not to
fall for her.”

   
He laughed a little, as though the idea of his falling for anyone was bizarre,
then he held my hand again.

   
“Her father was practically on his knees to me,” he said.  “He had his
heart set on a baron and along comes a willing Earl.”  He shifted
uncomfortably for a few minutes before he went on:  “I am a little afraid
myself, to tell you the truth.”

   
“What of?”

   
"I am afraid that I may frighten her as I did Rosemary," he replied
hesitantly.  "I did not do well with a virgin the last time, did
I?  Does that sound pathetic?"

   
"No," I replied softly.  "It sound just as it should
be.  But can you really imagine Rosemary coming to this arrangement,
making these demands?"  I watched as he shook his head. 
"She was a child, Richard.  She should never have been married at
all.  From what you have told me, this lady sounds as though she knows what
she wants and is prepared to do whatever it takes to get it, even if she is a
little naive."

***

   
I did not expect to see him until after the wedding and even then it was some
weeks before he reappeared at my door.  I wondered if Her Ladyship knew
that he had me living so close; I wondered if she were hard headed and
practical enough to accept that.  But because I had not liked the sound of
her character, I had been watching from a distance and I had come to the
conclusion that their little agreement was not going to quite go to plan.

   
When I saw him, he looked happy and for that I was grateful.  It could
only mean that he had indeed chosen wisely and that this would be a real
marriage, not the sham that his previous union had been.

   
“Rachel,” he said, coming forward and hugging me.  “I wish I could have
come before, but I have been very much involved in getting to know this woman I
have taken to wife.”

   
“And are you pleased with her, My Lord?”

   
He
smiled,
a delighted smile that touched my heart.

   
“She is amazing,” he answered and he seemed slightly mystified.  “She is
warm and honest and passionate, very passionate."  He stopped talking
for a moment and looked thoughtful and I knew he had something on his mind for
which he wanted my advice, or even approval.  I was right.  "I
want to tell her about you.”  He said at last.

   
“No,” I answered, shaking my head.  “She will never understand about me,
not unless you also tell her my secrets.  I hope you will not do that,
Sir, as they are my secrets, not yours.”

   
I know my voice took on a hard edge as I spoke, but I had been satisfied to be
known as Richard’s mistress, I had been happy not to feel that I was different
to other women and I did not want it revealed to anyone that I was flawed.

   
“If that is what you truly want,” he said, “then I will honour your wishes,
always.”

   
He still looked doubtful and I felt I had to try to explain.  Whether he,
as a man, would ever really understand I had no idea.

   
“Do you know what happened to me a week or so ago?”  I paused while he
shook his head slowly, a concerned frown on his handsome features.  “I was
out riding, alone, when my horse threw a shoe.  I waited in the village
inn while their blacksmith tended to my horse and while I was taking
refreshments,
a gentlemen
approached me and asked if
he could be of assistance.”

   
“Did he say anything untoward?”

   
“Not straight away, no,” I replied reassuringly.  “He warned me that a
woman alone would likely be cheated and he offered his services to see that did
not happen, and to escort me home.  That is as far as he got before the
blacksmith’s boy came in and told me my horse was ready and to ask should they
send the account to Lord Summerville as usual.”

   
I could not help laughing as I recalled the angry look on the stranger’s face,
the look of absolute outrage.

   
“You told him yes, of course,” Richard was saying.

   
“I did.  But that is not what the tale is about.”  I smiled to recall
it,
then
continued.  “The man was angry, I could
see, but then he said:  ‘forgive me.  I did not know you were Lord
Summerville’s whore’.”

   
A look of pure fury crossed Richard’s face, but I took his hand to reassure
him.

   
“He meant to insult me,” I told him, “but he paid me the compliment of
believing me capable of such a role.  That is why I want my secrets kept,
so that I have no need to feel that anyone is thinking I am different.” 

   
“He is fortunate that you cannot tell me his name,” Richard said angrily.

   
“Your new Countess,” I told him, “you do not know her well enough to know
whether she will hold her tongue.  I have spent most of my life enduring
lecherous leers from the lowest classes to the highest; do you think I want to
know they are whispering about me now?”

   
“She will not tell anyone if I ask her not to.”

   
“That is possible, but jealousy is an unpredictable emotion.”

   
“Jealousy?
  Why should she be jealous?  She
agreed to everything at the beginning.”

   
“That was before she fell in love with you, My Lord.”

   
I had to laugh at his puzzled frown, at the doubtful expression.

   
“How could you possibly know such a thing?”  He demanded.  “You have
never even met her.”

   
“I do not need to meet her,” I replied, feeling slightly abashed.  “You
must forgive me, but I have been watching from a discreet distance.”

   
“Why?  Why would you do such a thing?”

   
“I wanted to assure myself that you had not made another mistake. Your
description of her character made me concerned that she was uncaring,
selfish.  When I first met you, you were so desperately unhappy." He
opened his mouth to object but I raised a hand to stop him.  "You hid
it behind the charm and the smile, you amused yourself with all those willing
partners, but that was not who you are. If it had been, you would not have been
able to see so easily into my heart.  Seeing you laugh like you have with
your new wife has warmed my heart and stilled my fears.  But take my word
for it, Sir – she is in love with you.”

   
He still looked doubtful.

   
“No,” he said at last.  “Just because she does not run away and hide when
she hears me coming, does not mean that she is in love with me.”

   
“What does she do when she hears you coming?” I persisted.  “Runs to meet
you would be my guess.”

   
“Why yes, how did you...............?”

   
I raised my eyebrows sceptically.

   
“I think that is proof enough,” I said.  “I have seen over the years since
we met the way women look at you, with pure lust in their eyes.  The look
I saw in your wife’s eyes was pure adoration, pure love.  But please; carry
on believing you are safe if you will, carry on believing that your cold
hearted agreement will prevail.”  I reached up and kissed his cheek,
feeling satisfied that he had chosen wisely.  “Now return to your wife
before she comes looking for you and finds me.”

CHAPTER
NINE

   
I was happy knowing that he was happy.  Sometimes I would ride across
Summerville land, for which of course I had its owner's permission, and I would
see the pair of them from a distance, riding together or walking along holding
hands like two children.  They laughed a lot, they kissed a lot and from
what I saw in those public places, in private they loved a lot.

   
I could not help but be pleased for him, even though I felt an unaccustomed
dart of jealousy that this girl had stolen his heart.  And it was clear to
me that
is
what she had done, even if he would not
admit to it, even if he could not see it himself.  I saw little of him
during those first months of the year, but I decided that when I did I would
make no mention of it.  He would have to realise for himself just how much
he cared for his new Countess.

   
I did not want to lose his friendship, but neither did I want her to know my
secrets and the very last thing I wanted was to come between them.  I
tried to prepare myself for a future without his company, but it was not easy.

   
In the meantime I had my books, my embroidery and I was learning to play an
instrument, a harpsichord.  I had engaged the services of a teacher from
the village who was very respectful, who still believed like others that I was
Richard Summerville's mistress despite his recent marriage.  I made a
mental note to talk to Richard about that when next we met.  If his wife
learned of our supposed relationship, she would be hurt.  It was one thing
having a mistress miles away, but one that
all the
village knew of was a different matter.  It was disrespectful and would
only cause heartache.

   
So I kept to myself and hoped that she did not hear about me, but I had no time
to discuss it with him on the next visit I had from him. He had come to tell me
that the King was dead.

   
"I have to go to support Mary," he told me. 

   
He was wearing his thick, leather doublet and a sword and he looked
determined.  I had always known that if the Lord Protector tried to usurp
Mary with his daughter-in-law, Richard would fight for Mary; I had known that
all along. 
But seeing him here ready to do just that
tore at my heart.
 

   
"There is money with the goldsmith in London," he told me, "in your own
name.  If I do not return, you will never have to worry about the upkeep
of this house.  There is enough to last you a lifetime.  I never want
you to be forced into anything you do not want, ever again."

   
"Thank you, Richard," I replied, "but please take care.  I
swear I shall worry and pray every day until you return.  Your poor wife;
what has she to say about it?"

   
His eyes met mine and held my gaze for a few moments,
then
he took my hand before he spoke again.

   
"You were right, you know," he said softly.  "She is in
love with me."

   
I could not help but laugh, he looked so mystified.

   
"She told you so?"

   
"No," he replied, shaking his head.  "She did not have
to,
it was so obvious from her parting words.  Rachel,
I did not want her to fall in love with me.  What will happen when Mary
gains the throne, I do not know, but I do know she will expect me to be there,
supporting her, just as my father and my grandfather before me sat at the right
hand of the
monarch.
"

   
"Well?"  I remarked, puzzled.  "Bethany will be with you, will she not?"

   
"That is what worries me.  I have got to know her well these last
weeks, and she is more honest and forthright than I had imagined.  I am
not sure that having her at court will be a good thing, and yet she loves me. 
She will be terribly hurt if I make her stay here, and I do not want
that."

   
"Richard, I think you had best wait and see what happens before you start
worrying about that.  You have more important things to think about right
now and you need no distractions."  I reached up and kissed his
cheek, then pushed him away.  "Now go, and may God go with you. 
Come back safe, for both the women who love you."

***

   
It did not take long for Mary Tudor to regain her throne.  As the rightful
heir it was inevitable that the people would support her and I knew that all
along, but Richard's protestant wife may not have been expecting it.

   
I wondered how she would feel, now that there was a Catholic once more on the
throne of England,
something she would have no memory of.  It made me feel old, realising
that on the night I was 'privileged' to share the King's bed, this girl was but
a baby.  She had no idea about life then.  She may have thought
herself very grown up and practical when she had made her bargain with Lord
Summerville, but she still had no clue about life in the real world.  I
was thankful that she had never learned to fear life as I had, that she could
give her heart to a man and her only concern was that it may get broken.

   
She was pure and free and would never know the horrors that had been my
misfortune. 

   
I watched the torches being lit all across the country announcing the victory
of Mary and I just prayed that Richard was safe.  The returning tenants
would impart their news to Bethany,
while I would have to wait to learn his fate.  Thank God for Anthony!

   
I came outside to meet him and he waved and smiled, so that I knew Richard was
safe.  I brought him inside and ordered refreshments.

   
"He is safe?"  I asked at once.

   
"He is, thank the Lord," he replied.  "He will not be back
for some time though.  I think the coronation will take all of his time,
but I will keep you informed.  This is a great day for all of us."

   
"Tell me, Anthony, what do you think of Richard's new wife?  Is she
pleased at Mary's victory?"

   
"I have no idea," I asked.  "I do not believe it is
something I can know about.  I am wondering why he married such a very
young girl, but I suppose he knew what he wanted."  He paused and
looked into his goblet for a moment, as though he might find answers
inside.  "He seems fond of her and I believe from what I have
witnessed that she is besotted with him."

   
"That is as it should be," I replied quietly.  "I only hope
this new reign will not drive them apart."

   
"Why should it?  She promised to follow his beliefs so I am not
really sure what you are saying."

   
"Nothing, Anthony. 
Really, nothing."
 

   
There was something I had wanted to say to Richard that I had not had time for
before he left and I was unsure whether to put it to Anthony or not.  He
was very young and probably not as experienced in the ways of the world."

   
"What is it, Rachel?  What is wrong?"  He asked. 
"Richard did ask me to keep you safe as well as her, so if there is
anything troubling you, I would like to know it."

   
I laughed then, wondering what Richard thought this boy could possibly do for
me.

   
"I have been thinking that I should move away from here," I told him
finally. 

   
"What?  Why?"

   
"Because
all the
village and the tenants know
that I am Richard's mistress and that is hardly fair on Lady Summerville,
especially if what you say is true.  I saw a long time ago that she was in
love with him and if she hears gossip she will be badly hurt.  I do not
want that."

   
"I think you had best ask Richard about that," he said.

   
"I agree, but when?  If, as you say, he will not be back for some
time it could be too late."

   
"Have you made no arrangements to see him?"  Anthony looked
puzzled when he asked.  "I do not think his marriage will change your
relationship very much, will it?"

   
My eyes met his for a moment, trying to see his thoughts.  My relationship
with Richard was not the same as the one he spoke of.

   
"It will, Anthony, trust me on that.  He does not want to break her
heart and he does want a
son, that
is why he
married.  I am hoping that when she goes to court, he will see that she
can honour him and his beliefs and pay homage to the Queen."

   
"Of course she will.  She is his wife, she is duty bound to do
so."

   
I was glad he was so certain because I most certainly was not.  I wondered
briefly where this attitude had come from; probably his own father even though
Anthony was young when his parents died.  He certainly did not get it from
his cousin.

   
It was pointless having this discussion with him; he did not have the
experience of life to know what I was talking about.

   
"We will see," I said at last.  "Perhaps if Lady
Summerville stays in London
I will be able to stay here.  We shall see."

***

   
I decided to stay away from the village as much as possible.  I would ask
Louisa to go if I needed anything.  Lucy had a child now and although she
still came to the house to clean for me, I did not want to give her any extra
work.  She was, however, more knowledgeable about my situation than Louisa
and I had noticed a troubled look about the latter's expression over the past
few months, an expression of disapproval whenever I mentioned Richard's
name.  I did not think she was happy about his marriage and I could not
understand why.  Perhaps she thought he should not have lowered himself to
marry a commoner, but that somehow did not seem like her.  I should have
guessed it was out of loyalty to me, but I needed it spelled out.

   
It was in the autumn that Richard sent for his wife to join him at court for
the coronation.  I prayed for her a little, not something I often did, but
I had this awful dread that this new Queen would drive a wedge between them and
from what I had seen, she would be heartbroken.

   
Out in the country as we were, there was little immediate news to be had so I
could only assume that the coronation had gone as planned.  Bethany would be required
to join the procession; she had not been raised in court circles and just the
ceremonies themselves must be a trial for her.  But her husband was
patient and understanding;
  he
knew there were
things she would not be expected to understand.

   
When the wheel on the carriage started to splinter when I was out driving, I knew
I would have to go to the village to get it repaired.  I dared not risk
driving home with it in that state, so I pulled in at the wheelwright and left
the carriage with them while I went to the inn to wait.

   
I should have known I would get stares from people, but whereas before they
were only staring out of curiosity, now I noticed hostility from some of the
women and that familiar interest from the men.  Nothing had changed for
me, but they did not know that, did they?

   
Thank God the innkeeper was still respectful as he brought my ale to the table.

   
"Ignore them, My Lady," he said quietly.  "They have
nothing better to concern them."

   
I smiled and watched him return to his bar, but it was not long before another
man came and sat at the table opposite me.

   
"So His Lordship has found himself a lovely new bride," he said
insolently.  "Where
does that leave
you, I
wonder."

   
I looked at him for a few minutes, wondering whether to answer him at
all.  But at last I decided that to keep up the pretence would be a safer
option than the alternative, a return to those lecherous stares and unwanted
contact."

   
"It leaves me, Sir, in exactly the same position I have always been,"
I replied.

   
"Not from what I have seen," he persisted.  "It is clear
that she is more than a simple marriage of convenience.  I think it
unlikely that he will
be needing
your services in the
future."

   
I wanted to throw my ale in his face, but part of me knew this was what I had
wanted, to be known as the alluring other woman.  It was all different now
though, now that people believed I was no longer the beautiful mistress who was
making their Lord happy, but the trashy whore who was coming between him and
his new bride.

   
"Well, Sir," I replied at last.  "Perhaps we had best ask
His Lordship on his return whether he needs my services and see whether he
wants to explain it to you himself.  It is Sir Arthur
Manderville
,
is it not?"

   
He was obviously startled that I knew his name and as he stood quickly and
retreated to the door, I could not help but smile in satisfaction.  He did
not want Richard to seek revenge when he discovered the way I had been treated,
that was clear.

   
But the situation could not continue and I knew I would have to sell my house
and move away, for all our sakes.  I put it to Louisa as soon as I
returned to the house.

   
"Move away, My Lady?"  She asked quietly.  "If it is
what you want, I will of course come with you.  I have no one else here,
except Lucy of course."

   
"I am glad.  You are a dear friend Louisa, and I do not want to lose
you too."

   
I could feel her eyes watching me and instead of moving away, she continued to
stare as though wondering whether to speak her mind or hold her tongue.

   
"What is it, Louisa?"  I prompted at last.

   
"Well, My Lady, you will think me very impertinent, I know, but I cannot
help it.  It distresses me terribly to hear the way the local people are
talking about you, as though you were coming between His Lordship and his new wife. 
And I cannot help but be angry with Lord Summerville for marrying that
merchant's daughter instead of you."  She stopped talking abruptly,
wondering I am sure whether she had said too much, but when she saw I was not
angry, she went on.  "There," she continued.  "I have
said it and I am glad.  I thought he loved you; he always behaved as
though he did.  I do not understand why you seem to feel no
betrayal."