The Folly (20 page)

“No
!  T
his is God’s way of telling us
that
we had no right to be together.  Now our baby is dead
,
and it will not go to Heaven because of our sins.  Don’t you see that?”
Elizabeth
was pounding her fists against Jeremy’s chest, her face contorted with agony.

“Lizzie, try to calm down.  You need to get some rest.  Why don’t I take you into the other room, so Kitty can
change the sheets
?  I
’
ll stay with you
until the doctor arrives
.” 

“No
!”  Elizabeth screamed. “
I can’t go into your bed.  I
’
m not your wife.  I
’
m still the wife of Sir Henry
,
and I commit a terrible sin every time I
’
m with you.  Leave me alone
!
”  She was fully hysterical now,
pushing
Jeremy
away
and shaking like a leaf.  He wished he had some laudanum to give her.  It would help her sleep
,
and she would feel better in the morning.  She was just in shock, blaming herself for something that couldn’t be helped. 

“Where is he?  I want to see him.  I want to hold him.  Give him to me.”  Elizabeth was looking around the room wildly.  “What have you done with him?”

“Sweetheart, he
’
s not here.  He
’
s with God.  Please, calm down.”  Jeremy grabbed her wrists to keep her from punching him.  “Lizzie, he is
in Heaven
now.”  He didn’t believe that for a moment, but it seemed to be what she
wanted
to hear.  Jeremy stopped believing in God a long time ago, but Elizabeth needed to believe that their son had gone to Heaven, so he would just keep telling her he had, hoping that some day she would start to believe that. 

Kitty quietly came into the room, looking to Jeremy for instructions.  Jeremy’s eyes slid to the
bloody,
petticoat
-
wrapped bundle
,
then looked meaningfully at the door.  Kitty nodded and came closer. 
Jeremy bent to kiss Elizabeth on the forehead, obstructing her view and allowing Kitty to pick up the bundle and leave the room. 
She tried not to look at the blood-soaked
thing in her hands as she ran down the stairs.  What was she supposed to do with it?  She couldn’t just throw it out with
the
rubbish
.  Maybe Mrs. Sutton would want to bury it once she was up and about again.  Kitty went into the pantry and found an empty tin, putting the remains of the baby inside.  She would take it to her room
,
then ask Mr. Sutton what to do.  In the meantime, she
’
d bring him some brandy.  Maybe he would be able to give some to his wife
to
help her go to sleep.  She was in such a state, poor lamb.

Elizabeth refused the brandy, but she eventually fell asleep, worn out by crying.  Jeremy sat on the side of the bed feeling as if someone had just beaten him to a pulp.  He reached for the decanter and poured himself a drink.  He would need about twenty of these before his brain felt sufficiently addled to let him rest. 
Elizabeth
’s physical suffering was over, but the emotional pain would not go away so quickly.  He wasn’t sure what he
would
face when she woke up tomorrow, but he was fairly certain she would be in emotional
h
ell.  He had to find a way to stop her
from
blaming herself for losing the baby, but how?

Jeremy smoothed a lock of hair from
Elizabeth
’s brow, feeling her forehead.  At least she wasn’t fevered.  Her face began to blur
,
and it took him a moment to realize that he was crying.  He hadn’t realized until tonight how much he wanted the baby.  He
’d
never permitted himself to think about the future before.  What was the point?  He didn’t know if he would still be alive the following day, much less if he would live long enough to see an end to the fighting.  With
Elizabeth
’s pregnancy
,
he would not only live to experience fatherhood, but leave something of himself behind, like his own father did.  John Sutton was long gone, but Jeremy was living proof that the man had once existed and loved his mother. 

Jeremy wanted to believe that they would have another child in time, but the priority right now was to get Elizabeth away from this place.  He no longer trusted the Colonel
,
and had been biding his time until
Elizabeth
had
delivered.  Now there was no longer a reason to wait.  Once she recovered
,
he
’
d have to make a decision about where to go and keep it a secret from
Elizabeth
.  No doubt, she would tell the Colonel where they were headed
,
and at this point Jeremy
preferred
to keep that information to himself. 

Chapter
3
9

“I
’
m sorry, old chap.  How is Elizabeth?”  Hugh
sat down across from Jeremy, pouring
himself a
brandy
.
  It was nearly morning
,
the house silent and still, just like the world outside.  The fire in the grate had
b
urned down, glowing embers leaving the room in near darkness
,
as Jeremy sat staring at the smoldering ashes.  The doctor had finally arrived close to midnight
,
and confirmed what they already knew.  Elizabeth
had
suffered a miscarriage, but she was young and strong and would bear other children in time. 

He gave Elizabeth a few drops of laudanum to help her sleep
.  Rest was the only thing that would help at the moment
.  T
he doctor instructed Jeremy not to touch his wife for at least a month.  If he was unequal to the task of keeping it in his pants that long, other solutions were to be found without the knowledge of his wife, who was vulnerable.  Jeremy reassured the doctor that he could control himself
,
and asked Kitty to escort him
to a guest bedroom where he would spend the night before starting his journey home in the morning.  The snow had stopped, but the roads were still impassable, making traveling difficult.

“She blames herself,” answered Jeremy quietly.  “She thinks God is punishing her.”

“Well, that’s what God does best, doesn’t he?” smirked Hugh as he took a long swallow of his drink. 
“
Please give her my regards
when you go up to her
.  I don’t think she is ready for visitors just yet.”  Hugh felt genuinely sorry for the girl, but her miscarriage could be useful.  By the time she recovered, his plan would be in motion
,
and Rachel would
,
no doubt,
be pleased not to have to deal with a pregnancy.  She wanted her girls available to work right away.  A baby would be an impediment. 
He finished his drink and set the empty glass on a low table at his elbow
.
  He
’
d been up all night and he was more than ready for a few hours of sleep. 

“Good night, Jeremy, or should I say good morning.  I’ll leave you to it.”  With that he left the library, leaving Jeremy staring motionlessly into the cooling hearth.

Chapter
40

Jeremy’s eyes burned with lack of sleep, but he couldn’t bring himself to go to bed.  The effects of the brandy were wearing off, leaving him exhausted and depressed.  The library had grown cold and dark, the first light of morning still a few hours away.  Jeremy rubbed his eyes and forced himself to rise to his feet.  He climbed the steps slowly, his legs refusing to obey
,
his vision blurred by
fatigue
and drink.  He was tired and
hung over
;
his body demanding much needed rest, even if his mind wasn’t ready to surrender.  Fear was g
n
awing at his insides. 

Hugh was as charming and friendly as ever,
volunteering to go out into the snowstorm to bring the doctor personally and staying up all night in case his assistance was required
, but
Jeremy’s teeth were on edge.  He sensed danger, but he had no idea what form it was going to take.  Hugh would never do anything himself.  He was too smart for that.  People like him got others to do their dirty work for them, but who?
  Was he really planning something
,
or was Jeremy just being paranoid, looking for a plot that didn’t exist?  His mind told him to be reasonable, but his gut instinct was screaming so loudly, he could barely hear himself think. 
He
’
d look in on Elizabeth and try to get some sleep. 
He needed a clear head to deal with both Elizabeth and Hugh. 
   

  Jeremy took a deep breath and turned the door handle, entering his bedroom.  Elizabeth was still asleep in his bed, having finally agreed to allow Kitty to clean up the blood.  She was wearing a clean nightdress
,
all traces of blood washed away from her body.  If only he could have cleansed her soul
and purged it of guilt
.
She stirred, looking up at him as he came in. 

“Jeremy
,” she mouthed.

“I
’
m here, love.  How are you feeling?”  She looked
deathly pale in the feeble light of the moo
n
shining through the
uncurtained
window
, making Jeremy’s heart turn over.

“I feel empty,
” she
began to cry quietly, her hands over her face.
  Jeremy sat down next to her and cupped her cheek, wiping away a tear with his thumb. 

“Lizzie, we’ll have another baby.  I promise you.  As soon as you
’r
e well enough we can try again.”  Jeremy held his breath.  This is the part where she either rejected him for good
,
or accepted that the miscarriage was not her fault and agreed to try again. 

“Yes, we’ll try again.”  She said it very quietly, but there it was.  “The doctor said it happens frequently
,
and that there is no reason why I can’t have a healthy baby next time.  He said not to blame myself.”
 
Shocking
, thought Jeremy.  Dr. Lawrence was such a cold
fish
that
any words of comfort coming from him were like blood from a stone.

“And you shouldn’t.  You did nothing wrong.”  Jeremy felt a wave of relief wash over him.  He would just keep telling her that it wasn’t her fault. 

“What have you done with him?”

“
The doctor
?
  He
’
s asleep in one of the guest bedrooms.
”

“
Not the doctor, o
ur son, Jeremy.  Where is our son?  I want to bury him.”  Oh, dear God.  What had Kitty done with the baby?  He wasn’t thinking last night.  He only wanted to get the bloody corpse out of the room, but now
Elizabeth
wanted a funeral and there was no baby.  She would despise him for getting rid of it. 

“Ah, I
’
ll have him
buried
right away.  I will go see Father Doyle today.”  He hoped his bluff would work, but
Elizabeth
was not so easily duped.

“
They
won’t
bury him in consecrated ground since he wasn’t baptized
;
you know that
.  It’s monstrous
how they treat miscarriages and stillborns
.
  I can’t believe that’s what God really wants.
”
  It wasn’t like Elizabeth to question the ways of God, but Jeremy knew she was distraught and just stroked her hair and tried to comfort her.

“
Would you like me to speak with Father Doyle?
 
I
’
m sure he’s had his share of babies who hadn’t been baptized.  He’ll tell us what to do. 
Now, is there anything you
need?
  Are you
in any
pain?  Shall I give you some more laudanum to help you sleep?
” 

“
I feel terribly sore, but I don’t want any more
laudanum
.  I just want you to lie down next to me and hold me.  I
’
m sorry about the things I said, Jeremy.”  She looked up at him, her eyes almost black in the darkness of the room
.
  Elizabeth squeezed his hand, willing him to forgive her. 

“I know, love.”  Jeremy shrugged off his coat and pulled off his boots
,
before getting into bed next to Elizabeth.  He had no energy to take the rest of his clothes off
,
and fell into an exhausted sleep as soon as he felt her hand on his chest and her head on his shoulder.