The Fountain of Infinite Wishes (Dare River Book 5) (39 page)

She put her arms around him and started to cry, and Sadie was itching to shout,
Hey, what about me? I don’t know the truth.
But Mama never cried like this—and so she waited while her sister shook from head to toe next to her. Shelby must be hurt and mad as all get out. Well, so was she.

“All right,” Mama said, untangling from J.P. “I need to tell y’all in my own words from start to finish. If you can hold off until I finish…it’d be easier on me.”

And so Mama began, beginning with Daddy’s unemployment and the stress it had put on both them and their marriage. When Mama choked out the details regarding Daddy’s affair with the fifteen-year-old girl at church, Sadie sat back against the couch as the pain and shock crashed through her.
How could he do that? How could anyone do something so vile? And with a girl? At church!

Sadie heard Susannah make a strangled sound when Mama told them the girl had gotten pregnant. Something funny happened to Sadie then—she felt like she was floating, and while she could hear Mama’s voice, it suddenly sounded like she was talking underwater. The pain wasn’t crushing Sadie anymore. In fact, she couldn’t feel her body.

Mama was crying and suddenly put her hands to her face. Still, Sadie floated in her reverie, jarred only slightly when J.P. and Shelby dropped her hands and stood up, making the couch move. She tried to turn her head, but it moved so slowly, almost like the air had grown thick with humidity. But that was strange. They were inside the house.

Susannah was crying by herself, her arms wrapped around her sides. Then Mama was sitting beside her eldest sister and enfolding her against her chest, rocking her and stroking her hair.

Someone jostled her shoulder, and she turned her head to see J.P. kneeling before her.

“Say-dee,” he seemed to drawl.

Shelby sat down next to her on the couch and put a hand on her knee. At first she looked at her sister’s hand but couldn’t feel it, then she suddenly felt the touch. Shelby’s hand was hot. And then she everything inside her was hot too.

“Sadie!” J.P. called out and snapped his finger in front of her face.

Pain shot through her system as though a switch had been turned on. And then she felt it…the hot, clawing hand twisting her insides. She bent over at the waist, cradling her stomach.
“
Oh, God.
”

J.P. stroked her back while she cried as spasm after spasm roiled through her gut.
 

“Shh…” he kept repeating over and over again.

“Oh, honey,” Shelby said, resting her cheek on Sadie’s shoulder. “I know it hurts.”

“It hurts so much,” she whispered as the sharp pains continued. “How could he do something like that?”

“I don’t know, honey,” J.P. said softly. “I just don’t know.”

The razor blades cut through her as she let go of every dream she’d ever had of the daddy she’d never known. “I hate him! I hate
him!”

“That’s okay, Sadie,” J.P. said, keeping up the comforting sweeps of his hand on her back. “You feel what you feel.”

The heat rose within her until she felt like she was standing in a forest fire. She pushed off the couch. “I can’t take this! I want to hit him.” Mama looked over at her sharply. “I want to know
why!”

“Oh, baby,” Mama said, rising and wrapping her arms around Sadie. “I know you want to know. I wish could tell you.”

Her chest thickened until she could hardly breathe, and a rush of pain rose in her chest. She cried out again, and this time tears erupted—hot, painful, drenching tears—the kind that made her fear she would drown in them.

She pressed her face into Mama’s shoulder as the world narrowed to nothing but her pain and the unstoppable release of it. Her head filled up. Her nose ran. She coughed and cried and then coughed some more. The happy dream of her daddy walking her down the aisle turned into the tawdry scene of him banging a fifteen-year-old girl at their old church.
 

From time to time, someone would press a tissue in her hand, and she would blow her nose and throw the tissue on the floor because she didn’t care. She didn’t care about anything.

The flood transformed into a river and then narrowed to a stream, and then she was nestled against her mama’s chest. Mama was humming in her ear, and somehow hearing that sound, one she remembered from childhood, soothed her some. Her daddy might be the worst kind of deadbeat asshole—good heavens, she didn’t use that word lightly—but her mama was the best. And so were her siblings. She was so lucky. She tried to latch on to that.

“I’m so glad you didn’t go with Daddy,” she whispered in her mama’s ear.

Mama edged back and soothed away her tears. “Oh, my sweet girl, I’m so sorry for this.”

She shook her head and looked over her shoulder when she felt a hand touch her lower back. It was J.P., whose dark eyes were wet with tears like the rest of them.

“I’m so glad you were the man of the house,” she told her brother.

His mouth turned up, and he caressed her cheek. “We’re blessed we have one another.”

Mama gestured to Susannah and Shelby, who were hugging each other beside them. “Come here, y’all.”

They wrapped their arms around one another, making a circle, offering and receiving comfort. Sadie was sure there would be many more discussions about the events Mama shared with them tonight, but for the moment, no words were necessary.

Sadie didn’t know how long they stayed that way, but the pain lapping at her heart was now surrounded by love…and that was bigger than all the pain in the world.

“We’re going to be okay somehow,” Mama said, sniffing.

“We’re more than okay, Mama,” J.P. said in his deep, reassuring voice.

And Sadie knew he was right like usual.

Chapter 38

When Shelby finally crawled out of Pearl after midnight in her driveway, her body felt like she’d gone nine rounds in the boxing ring of life. Her emotions were all over the place, and she’d already decided to call in sick tomorrow and wallow just for the hell of it.
 

Mama had invited all of them to spend the night, but Sadie was the only one who’d taken her up on the offer. Shelby had wanted to be around her own things. And if she had trouble sleeping—which she expected she would—at least she could wander the halls or make tea without disturbing anyone.

When she opened her front door, she dropped her purse on the floor, not having enough energy to set it on the table. Too much effort. She dragged herself up the stairs and stripped off her clothes on the way to the shower. She made the water hot, and when she got under the spray, she let it wash over her.
 

The pain seemed to rise up all over again. God, when was it ever going to stop? It was bad enough to learn about Daddy’s horrible sins, but to hear that Vander had spoken to Clayton and her brother rather than her… The heart that had been filled with love and sparkles for him was now filled with anguish and gravel.

Shelby sank to the floor of the shower and gave in to her emotions all over again as the questions swirled in her head.
How could her daddy have done that? That?

She cried until the water turned cold, and since she was starting to shiver, she pulled herself up and shut the shower off. Crying like this made her feel weak and pathetic, but even J.P. had cried, so perhaps there was no shame in it. He’d always been the rock, their stronghold, but this had hurt him as much as the rest of them. Perhaps more so because he remembered Daddy the best, being the oldest and all.

After drying off, she decided she was too tired to brush her hair out or put on moisturizer. Wrapping a towel around her, she left the bathroom and jumped when she saw Vander sitting quietly on the edge of her bed.

“I would have held you while you cried, but you were naked, and I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about that right now.”

Her bones were aching, and her heart swelled with renewed hurt. “How could you have talked to Clayton and J.P. and not me?”

He took her robe from the bed and stood. “You’re shivering. Put this on, and I can tell you why. I made you tea.”

She pushed the robe away and looked at him. His face was grave, but his blue eyes were steady on her face.
 

“I don’t want your help,” she said, her voice pitched to hurt. “In fact, right now, I don’t even want to look at you. I thought you loved me. You talk about how important honesty is in a relationship, then you do this. How can I trust you again?”

“I know you’re tired,” he said, moving toward her slowly, like she was an animal that might shy away. He slipped the robe around her shoulders before she could flinch from him. “And cold. God knows how much you’re hurting. It killed me to hear you cry like that and stay out here. Shelby, I do love you, but this was complicated. Surely you can see that.”

J.P. had tried to talk to her before she’d left, saying Vander had been between a rock and a hard place, urging her to listen to what he had to say. She’d given him a pat response.

Now, she said, “You men! I hate it when you treat us women like we’re too soft or dumb to handle tough news.”

Vander’s eyes fired. “This wasn’t about gender. I didn’t want to break your mama’s silence after I found out why she’d kept quiet, but I also didn’t want to keep the truth from you when you were so desperate for it. Shelby, there were more people involved than just you. If it had only been you, I would have told you in a second.”

She studied him, her eyes burning from fatigue. “Would you have? I’m not sure I believe that. You were trying to protect me—just like Mama was. I don’t want or need protecting. Not from you. And not from any other man. You destroyed my trust in you.”

“
I’m sorry
,” he said, his mouth twisting. “I know I hurt you. I usually have a clear vision of what to do about things, but this time I didn’t because it involved you. Shelby, I love you and want you in my life for a long time. I don’t see that changing. Ever. Do you know what that means?”

She felt tears streak down her cheek. He was going to allude to marriage at a time like this?

“It means I didn’t want your mama to hate my guts for telling you a family secret she’d kept her whole life. It means I didn’t want there to be friction between you and your family. Shelby, you love them, and my involvement with you complicated matters. I’m sorry I didn’t speak with you, but I just…didn’t know the best way. I thought J.P. might. I hated putting that decision on him, but it felt like he was the best person to entrust it to.”

Other times, she might have agreed with him. But not now. “And what if J.P. had decided it was best to keep quiet about it? Would you really have kept something that important from me for years?” The thought sickened her. “For our whole lives?”

“I want to say no, but honestly, I don’t know, dammit! Shelby, please…I’m trying to be honest here.”

A harsh laugh escaped. “Honest?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m asking you to forgive me and move forward. The truth is out now. And you know I love you. Everything I’ve said, I’ve meant.”

Her chest radiated pain. “It’s not enough. How can I trust you not to go around my back if you think it’s ‘best’ for me?”

His hands cupped her shoulders, and he bent over slightly to make them eye level. “Let’s make a new agreement. I swear I will never keep anything from you ever again. From this day forward.”

The words echoed the vows she’d heard at weddings, and it broke the remaining pieces of her heart. “I thought we’d already promised each other that.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed deeply. His hands fell from her shoulders. “Get some rest. You’re exhausted. We’ll talk again.”

His kiss landed on her cheek, and she fought the urge to hug him to her, to make everything better through touch. But that wasn’t the way.

“If you want, I’ll stay with you,” he said, keeping his cheek inches from her own. “We’ve comforted each other before. You don’t have to forgive me to take human kindness from me.”

But she did, and she made herself step back. “I think you should go.”

He ran his hand through his hair. “All right, but when you’re thinking about all this, just remember one thing. I love you, and I’ve haven’t said that to anyone since my dad died.”

Her lip quivered, but she made herself remain silent. His admission didn’t change what he’d done, even though her heart broke for him.

“You damn well know how long that’s been, Shelby. Think about that.”

With one last scorching look, he walked out.

Chapter 39

Vander wasn’t a man who seethed, but he’d done nothing but. Shelby refused to see his side of things and believe he’d done everything out of love. In the office the next morning, Charlie brought him a dozen pointy darts with a knowing look.
 

He’d texted her an update after speaking to Shelby the night before, and Charlie had called him even though it had been late to offer the Charlie Comfort Package he’d come to rely on in tough cases. That package included her cracking obscene jokes about elephants and their trunks and brainstorming what Caribbean island he could run off to for some time away. She was a good friend and had promised to beat the pants off him at darts.