The Four Books (45 page)
Authors: Carlos Rojas
The punishment that God imparted on Sisyphus was like heaven’s decree that the year be divided into four seasons. Time moved forward day by day. But there was also a theory that time actually wasn’t moving forward, but rather backward, and that the arrival of tomorrow and the next day amounted merely to the progressive unfolding along a preordained schedule, like the act of opening a comic book to the last page and then methodically proceeding back to the beginning. In this way, our future selves stand as foretold recollections while our past selves exist only as vague anticipations. In this state of inverted time, Sisyphus’s punishment became an ordinary condition, to the point that he no longer regarded it as God’s punishment for his transgressions. We are therefore faced with Sisyphus’s fate of having to push that boulder up the mountain day after day, only to have it roll down the other side each evening when he pauses to rest. The next morning, panting heavily and covered in sweat, he once again pushes the boulder back up the mountain. This sense of eternal recurrence weighs down on our souls like a massive mountain.
We regard Sisyphus as a kind of hero—one who can accept absurdity, hardship, and punishment—and we are profoundly moved by his tragedy. By embracing Sisyphus, humanity is given a key and spirit with which to fracture existing reality and create a new one. What no one realizes, however, is that this view reflects our misunderstanding of Sisyphus’s condition. Over time, Sisyphus gradually grew accustomed to what we view as punishment, which he initially also regarded with frustration and distress but eventually managed to accept. This process of familiarization became his weapon, and permitted him to resist the forward movement of time. In the morning he would begin pushing the boulder toward the top of the mountain, and in the evening he would watch as it rolled back down the other side. The next morning he would begin the process all over again. Sisyphus had already come to regard this eternal recurrence as a requirement and a responsibility, and if he were to escape the prison house created by this perpetual repetition, Sisyphus would have felt that his life had lost all meaning.
Regardless of whether time was proceeding forward or backward, and whether he was growing old or becoming younger, Sisyphus never underwent the slightest change and instead found himself in an eternal cycle of exhaustion and recovery. However, one day when the boulder rolled down the mountain, Sisyphus followed behind it as usual, but as he was preparing to recommence his labor the next morning, something novel occurred.
He encountered a child.
A child appeared on his mountain of eternal recurrence, standing by the side of the road and watching the boulder roll down and Sisyphus running behind it. This child was simple and innocent, and full of curiosity about the world. The first time Sisyphus saw the child, he merely glimpsed him out of the corner of his eye. The next day when he was pushing the boulder up the mountain, the child was no longer standing by the roadside, though when he followed the boulder back down in the evening the child was there again.
This time, Sisyphus stopped and nodded to the child, asking, “How are you?”
There was a seemingly endless silence. This was the first time he had uttered these words.
Each time Sisyphus followed the stone down to the river, he would always see the child standing by the roadside, and would nod to the child and say a few words.
Sisyphus grew quite fond of this child.
Over time, this love and affection came to link them together, allowing Sisyphus to discover new meaning and a new existence in his eternal punishment. Now, each time he pushed the boulder up the mountain only to see it roll back down again before he even had a chance to catch his breath, he knew that, as he followed the boulder, he would have a chance to see that simple and innocent child, who was so full of curiosity about the world and worldly reputation. The child was always waiting for him at that same time and place. Sisyphus couldn’t forget the child’s crystal-clear eyes. As long as he pushed that boulder up the mountain each morning, he would be able to see the child when it rolled back down, and if it were not for the stone having to be rolled up and down the hill, he would have had no opportunity to see the child’s crystal-clear eyes.
The reason why Sisyphus grew fond of this child was that the child was able to infuse new meaning into his meaningless state of perpetually rolling the boulder up and down the mountain. Without that endless repetition, he would not see the child, and consequently he began looking forward to his daily task of pushing the boulder up the mountain. He prized not the period just after sunrise but rather the period just after sunset, and upon having the opportunity to speak to the child every day he began to develop a warm and bright smile.
God noticed all of this.
God could not permit Sisyphus to find familiarity and meaning in his punishment. Therefore, rather than having Sisyphus push the boulder up the front side of the mountain, God instead had Sisyphus start from the back side of the mountain and push the boulder
down
. . . the . . . mountain, whereupon the boulder would then roll back up the other side. The odd thing was that Sisyphus would need to use all of his strength to push the boulder down, but once it reached the base of the mountain it would quickly start rolling back up again on its own accord.
This was what might be called a “strange hill effect.”
In this strange hill effect, Sisyphus discovered a new form of punishment, which was that he was no longer able to see the child. For Sisyphus, love and longing became a form of corporeal and spiritual punishment. He had developed a new crime, which was not only that he loved and had feelings for the child, but rather that he had become accustomed to—and even dependent on—pushing the boulder down the mountain. As soon as someone develops a sense of familiarity and comfort with respect to the difficulty, change, boredom, absurdity, and death resulting from their punishment, the punishment thereby loses its meaning. As a result, the punishment ceases to be an external force, and instead can be transformed from a form of passive acceptance to a beautiful significance. This is an adaptation that humanity has evolved in the face of hopelessness and inertia. On the other hand, this unavoidable inertia also has the potential to become a meaningful force of resistance in its own right. Inertia produces accommodation, and familiarity contains strength.
On this side of the mountain, Sisyphus was a Western Sisyphus.
On the other side of the mountain, Sisyphus was an Eastern Sisyphus.
Every day, Sisyphus would begin at the top of the mountain, and with sweat streaming down his face he would push that enormous boulder from the top of the mountain to the base. Before he even had a chance to regain his footing, a strange force would pull the boulder back to the top. The following day, Sisyphus would once again have to push the boulder down the mountain, but at nightfall it would start rolling back up, and Sisyphus would have to follow it. He would then sleep at the top of the mountain and wait for the sun to rise the next morning, whereupon he would push the boulder back down. He continued like this day after day, and while he never again saw the child, he continued his interminable task of perpetually pushing the boulder down the mountain. At the end of every day he found himself exhausted and hopeless. God watched him from a distance without saying a word.
From this reversal of his punishment, Sisyphus truly felt God’s anger and hatred. For a long time he was unable to come to terms with this new, inverted punishment. Previously, when the boulder was rolling down the mountain he could run comfortably after it; now he had to use all of his strength to push it down, and moreover had to exert himself anew to climb back up when he was done. As a result, he had to exert twice as much effort. More important, before he could look up and see the bright sky as he was pushing the boulder up the mountain, and therefore each time he felt he was approaching heaven, now he was unable to seek the sky as he pushed the boulder down the mountain, and therefore felt that God, Heaven, and the Holy Spirit were going in opposite directions. His flesh and spirit suffered under this new punishment, and he couldn’t understand why the boulder needed to be pushed down the mountain, or why it would always roll back up on its own accord. God told him, “You must explain to the Spirit the principle underlying this strange hill and the strange force, and if you are unable to do so, you will have to continue doing this for eternity.” Sisyphus simply could not figure this out, but each day as he was pushing the boulder down the mountain he pondered this strange state of affairs. What he didn’t realize, however, was that this question could not be answered through mere cognition, and in fact this was part of God’s new punishment.
Sisyphus thought so hard about this problem every day that he felt as though his head was going to explode, yet still he made no progress. Instead, he began to regret he had ever seen that child on the other side of the mountain, regretting he had ever come to love that child. When he could no longer bear having to ponder that riddle while pushing the boulder down the mountain day after day, he became impatient and frustrated. At the same time, however, Sisyphus knew that even if he did succeed in solving God’s riddle, God would simply give him an even greater punishment.
Sisyphus therefore continued pushing the boulder down the mountain every morning, and following it back up every evening. Day after day, year after year. After a while, he stopped racking his brains trying to solve God’s riddle. Instead he grew accustomed to this new system, and even became quite diligent about carrying out this new punishment, not complaining and instead allowing the punishment to become part of his body and soul. As a result of this adjustment, there was a shift in the cruelty, force, deathly absurdity, not to mention exhaustion and desperation, resulting from this infernal punishment. And then, just like when he previously saw the child by the side of the road, one day as Sisyphus was pushing the boulder down the mountain he happened to look up and saw at the base of the mountain a wooded area with a small village and children playing in the courtyard.
As he was carrying out God’s punishment, he glimpsed a Buddhist monastery and a lovely image of the mortal world.
He fell in love with this monastery and this image of the mortal world.
In his exhaustion, he no longer thought about the riddle God had given him, nor did he have any desire to solve it. Instead, his new sense of familiarity gave him a renewed strength and sense of purpose. Once he stopped pondering that question, he was able to reach a new equilibrium, a new sense of comfort, and a new sense of harmony. Each evening, he would follow the boulder up the mountain so that when the sun rose the next morning he would be able to push the boulder back down. He proceeded farther and farther down the mountain, until finally the trees, houses, fields, and hermitage came into view, together with the cows, sheep, and children playing in front. The existence of this community allowed Sisyphus to find new meaning in his punishment, and also a new power to adapt.
Many, many years later, he found that he was no longer interested in pushing the boulder up the mountain, and instead was happier pushing it down. Therefore, he became concerned that God would notice he was no longer pondering the riddle of that strange force, and instead had become accustomed to this new punishment and managed to transform it into a necessary precondition for existence itself. He feared that God would again reverse the direction and the path of punishment, perhaps requiring him to push that irregularly shaped boulder in a loop
around
the mountain, making sure that it not stray a single inch from that line. If this were to happen, Sisyphus felt he simply wouldn’t be able to continue.
In order to glimpse that picturesque hermitage and community every day, and to prevent God from disrupting his newfound harmony and equilibrium, each time Sisyphus pushed the boulder down the mountain he was always careful not to give any indication he had seen the hermitage and the community, and instead would proceed as though he were still pondering the origin of that curious force.
In the end, God never discovered his secret, and Sisyphus continued contentedly pushing the boulder down the mountain day after day.
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