The Fourteen Day Soul Detox, Volume Two (2 page)

“No, it’s not fair to you…
because we’re never going to end up together. Not in any real
way.”

He rocked back. “Why would you
say that?”

“Because, we’re each
other’s history, we’re never going to be able to move on
if we cling to the past through each other.”

“That’s what you’re
doing? You’re clinging to the past through me?” His
shoulders came up, as if he was pulling into himself.

“What Logan and Vanessa did to
us, and then we started sleeping together only a few months later…
how are we supposed to ever make something real out of that?”

“What are you saying, exactly?
What has this relationship between us been to you? Some elaborate
revenge against Vanessa?” He glared at me as he spoke, his
nostrils flaring.

“Of course not!”

“Shit, Jamie. I thought—”
His head fell back, his hands covering his face. His hands fell away
and his eyes came back to glare into mine. “I thought you loved
me. But I’m just some long, elaborate grudge-fuck for you?”

Tears came faster now. “No. You
know that I love you, Cameron. But that’s not—”

“Not, what?”

“You knew!” I shouted at
him. “You knew for weeks and you never told me. You even
covered for them,” I said. “I’ve tried so hard to
move past it, because I’m in love with you. But I can’t
move past it, I can’t. Every time we have sex, the words beat
into my fucking head. He knew. He knew. He knew!”

Tears coursed down his face now, too.
“I’m not fucking perfect, Jamie.”

“I know, and I know I’m far
from perfect. I’m a big fucking mess. But, I really want to
move forward in my life, and you and I are just carrying around our
past everywhere.”

“You just had sex with me, right
here, just a few minutes ago, and now you lay all this on me?”
he said, before shaking his head.

“I’m so sorry. You just
keep saying and doing these amazingly sweet things, and I’m so
filled with guilt. You deserve better,” I said.

“Yeah, I do.” His hand came
up to my cheek and his thumb brushed my tears away. “I do
deserve better from you. Like a little fucking understanding about
what I was going through at that time. I’m going to the living
room to sleep. We can talk about all this stuff later. I’m not
in the right mindset right now.”

“Okay,” I said, tears still
coursing down my face.

He stood, but didn’t walk away
for a second. His eyes squeezed together. “I really wish that
this wasn’t the way you told me that you loved me for the first
time.”

“I’m sorry,” I said.

He opened his eyes, and stared directly
into mine. “Yeah, me too. Goodnight, Jamie.”

When I opened my eyes, light filled my
room. I had thrown off my blankets sometime in the night, but the leg
that was still covered felt like it was baking. Looking beside me, I
found an empty bed.

“Sarah?” I called out.

“She’s out here,”
Cameron called from the kitchen.

Glancing over at the clock, I read the
time: ten-thirty. “Whoa,” I said, under my breath. After
crawling off my bed, I trudged out of my room.

“Wow, I slept in. I’m
sorry, Cameron,” I said with a yawn.

Sarah and Cameron sat at the kitchen
table, a puzzle on the table before them. They’d put together
the edges, as well as a gymnast, midair between the uneven bars.

“No worries,” Cameron said
as he connected another puzzle piece. “I promised Sarah I’d
do this puzzle with her in the morning.”

Sarah smiled up at me, her hair big and
crimped.

“Morning, angel.” I kissed
her forehead. “Are you hungry? Oh, you already ate,” I
said, noticing the plate left out for me, a pot lid covering it.

“Yeah, sorry we didn’t wait
for you,” Cameron said, standing up. “Can I talk to you a
minute?”

“Yeah, sure.” I attempted
to keep my voice even.

He tilted his head to the living room
and I followed him when he headed that way.

When Cameron turned around to face me,
he gave me a straight-lipped smile. His hand came up and brushed up
and down my arm. “Hey,” he said.

I swallowed. Looking everywhere but at
him, I said, “Thanks for everything this morning, letting me
sleep in, and the breakfast and everything.”

“Of course,” he said. “I—”

“It was really wonderful of you,
staying overnight too.”

He nodded. “No problem. I want—”

“And the present you gave me was
so special.”

“Jamie, please.”

My hand came up to my face. “Okay.”
I finally looked into his eyes.

“I need a couple days. I have to
figure out my head, think some stuff over, you know.”

“Of course.” I nodded, then
bit my lip before saying, “I can get someone else to watch
Sarah on Thursday, it’s no problem.”

“It’s up to you, but that’s
not what I want. Thursday is a long way away,” he said.

“It is. Just… don’t
feel obligated to do anything. I want you to do the right thing for
you. What I mean is, I can get a babysitter, so only come Thursday if
you want to.” Heaving a deep breath, I met his eyes. “It’s
up to you. Just let me know.”

He rubbed down the sides of my arms
again, looking into my eyes. “I never feel obligated to do
anything, Jamie. This isn’t about that, okay? Even though I’m
going to take a few days for myself, I still want you to call me if
you need me.”

I nodded, breaking eye contact.
“Alright. Well… thank you for coming over.”

“Of course,” he said. He
sighed and wrapped his arms around me, clutching me to him.

My arms moved of their own accord, and
suddenly my hands were clutching at his back.

He kissed my forehead lightly. “See
you in a couple days, Jamie,” he said. His hands dropped away
from me.

“Okay,” I whispered,
squeezing my eyes shut. I felt Cameron moving away, but I couldn’t
seem to force my arms to release him.

Instead of breaking my hold, Cameron’s
arms encircled me again, squeezing me to him. “I’m not
going to be too far away,” he whispered. “No matter
what.”

“Okay,” I said, hoarsely.
“Okay.” I forced my arms to drop from around him.

Immediately, Cameron turned away from
me. He crossed to the kitchen and gave Sarah a quick kiss on the top
of her head. Without another word or a glance back, Cameron walked
out of the door, making sure to lock the bottom lock on his way out.

Watching the closed door for a minute,
I was not quite able to make myself move. I walked to the door and
unlocked the bottom lock. The knob felt cool as I turned and held it.

“Jamie, no way, no how are you
going to run after him,” I whispered. I released the knob,
taking a step back. With a deep inhale, I unlocked the top and bottom
locks.

I found Sarah still at the table,
fitting another piece into the puzzle. She smiled over at me as I sat
beside her with my breakfast plate.

“Hey beautiful girl, did you have
a good morning?”

“What are we going to do today,
Mom?” she asked, enunciating every word.

I took the lid off my plate, finding
toast, eggs and sausage. “Did you eat this, angel? Or did you
eat a yogurt?”

Sarah made a loud, annoyed sound. “What
are we going to do today, Mom?” she repeated.

“Oh, sorry. Gymnastics. We’re
going to gymnastics today. I’ll tell you the rest in a second,”
I said, standing up. When I checked the fridge, I found one of
Sarah’s yogurts gone. When I looked into the trashcan, I found
an empty yogurt container and a banana peel near the top.

Taking the seat beside Sarah again, I
said, “So today is Sunday…”

“So there’s no school
today. Yep, that’s right, angel,” Sarah said, giving me a
wide grin.

“Yep, that’s right, angel.
In an hour we’re going to go to gymnastics. I think Heidi said
you’re going to practice on the beam today.”

Sarah squealed, waving her hands up and
down.

“And then, we’re going to
go to that Lucky Stars movie with Aunt Amy and Uncle Peter.”

“Is it a movie about gymnastics?”
Sarah asked.

“No baby, it’s about a
horse. Remember, we watched the preview.”

“And then?” Sarah asked.

“Then we’ll either go to
dinner or go home,” I said. A hot feeling surged up my face,
and my eyes started to tear up. I took a deep breath to push the
feeling back. Stuffing a big bite of eggs in my mouth, I began to
chew. The eggs were a little cold, but I just shoveled another bite
into my mouth.

“And then we’ll go to ice
cream,” Sarah said.

“Maybe,” I said, but then
decided, “Yeah, okay, we’ll go to ice cream.”
Finishing my meal, I stood and walked over to the fridge. “You
should probably eat lunch before we go to gymnastics.”

“I will go get ready,”
Sarah announced, jumping up from the table.

My purse vibrated from where it was
still sitting on the table. Pulling out my phone, I saw that Susan
had already texted me three times.

Susan:
Morning.
Welcome to day two, eat up.

Susan:
I
hope you’re eating a good hearty breakfast my friend.

Susan:
We
were just invited to a barbeque at Patrick the Hot Dad’s house.
You’re invited too.

I sent her a message back.

Me:
I’m
about to have a second breakfast, and it’s Patrick the Hunky
Dad FYI.

Her response came immediately.

Susan:
Well…
I’m thinking you’re the main invitee, but Patrick doesn’t
have your number, so he called Bee. We’re totally going to the
barbeque after we hang out with your mom anyway, though. Free food
and beer, and he has a pool.

Me:
You
can’t have beer, you’re pregnant.

Susan:
It’s
the idea. And anyhow Beza can, not that she will. You could too, I’ll
drive you.

Me:
I
probably can’t, can you tell him sorry for me?

Susan:
No,
you call him, you big chicken.

Me:
I
don’t have his number.

She sent me his number.

Me:
I
hate you.

I saved his number into my phone as
Patrick Kelly, feeling like I’d stolen his last name since he’d
never mentioned it to me. I pressed the button that opened the screen
to text message him, but closed it. Opening my phone app, I took a
deep breath and called him.

The phone rang twice before Patrick
answered with, “You’ve reached Patrick.”

“Um, hey Patrick, it’s
Jamie,” I said.

“Hey.” His voice, which had
sounded casual and professional, now sparked with interest.

“So…” I drew out the
word, “Susan passed on your number and an invite to your
barbeque.”

“Good. I was hoping your friends
would,” he said.

“Is it a dinner time thing?”
I asked.

“Yeah, around five-thirty. And,
it’s definitely going to be a friend barbeque, not at all like
a date,” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice.

I breathed out a laugh. “Okay,
well as long as it’s not a date. I was very worried,” I
said, grinning. “But, unfortunately, I have plans with my
sister and her husband for dinner.”

“Oh,” he said, his voice
losing all of its enthusiasm.

“Unless… until what time
will your barbeque be? We might be able to drop by after dinner.”

“Sure, or if you want, you can
just bring your sister and her husband,” he said.

I paused, looking down at the puzzle
spread over my kitchen table. “Maybe, I’ll ask them.”

“Great, I can’t wait to see
you… as a friend, nothing more,” he said, making me
laugh again. He added, “I’ll text you my address, just
come whenever you can.”

“Alright,” I said.

“And I hope it’s okay, I’m
planning to save your number. Just a warning, I might put your name
down as ‘Sexy Mom’.”

“Ha, I forgot I have to kill Beza
for telling you what I called you,” I said, feeling my face get
hot. “Just so you know, you’re now Patrick the friendly
dad.”

“That’s unacceptable. I am
absolutely going to have to change your mind on that,” he said.

“You can try,” I said
through a smile. “I’ll see you later.”

“I’m counting down the
hours… in a friendly way,” he said.

“As long as it’s in a
friendly way. Bye, Patrick,” I said before I hung up.

A smile had taken over my face but it
fell away as I set my phone down next to the scattered pieces of the
puzzle. Standing, I crossed to the cupboard and opened it to stare at
my coffee beans.

“I miss you,” I told them.
They missed me too, I could tell from the way they slumped forward in
their bag. “No one would know,” I whispered.

Then I sighed and turned to my fridge.
I opened it and peered in at the contents. There was an overwhelming
assortment of choices that would all expire if I continued to
overlook them. I settled on sandwich fixings, and made Sarah and me
grilled ham and cheese sandwiches.

As I served the sandwiches on plates,
Sarah returned to the kitchen dressed in her gymnastics leotard.

“Sweetheart, you can wear that
now but when we’re outside you’ll have to put on clothes
over it.”

“No,” she said as she took
a seat at the breakfast table.

I blew a breath out my nose and looked
to the ceiling for patience. The ceiling gave me nothing. Grabbing
half of my sandwich, I ate it on my way to my room. After getting
dressed, I grabbed Sarah some shorts and a light sweater.

“Hey baby,” I called as I
reentered the living room. “Do you want to see Mommy drink
grass?”

Sarah looked up from her sandwich with
wide eyes.

“What do you say? Do you want to
see me drink grass or not drink grass?” I raised my eyebrows in
question.

A big smile spread across her face and
she nodded. “Yes, eat grass!” she shouted.