The Fragile Fall (7 page)

“What’s up?” Jax said.

“Not much. How was your first day back?”

“It was pretty good.” Jax smirked. “Will was a hit.”

“Oh, really?” Jealousy flashed through me, but I had no business being jealous over Will. He was only my little brother’s friend.

“No, not really,” Will muttered.

“The girls found him completely adorable.” Jax laughed. “A few girls said he was more adorable than a puppy.”

“Oh.” The fact that no one showed immediate interest in him caused the jealousy to ease. I didn’t want to deal with these feelings, so I kept trying to ignore them, but I couldn’t. Every time I saw him, they overwhelmed me.

“I told him I’d help him with his image.”

“What do you think, Will?” I studied him, trying to gauge his reaction.

“I’m really not sure…”

“What aren’t you sure about?”

“My parents always told me that people should like me for who I am, not for what I wear or what I look like.”

“I agree with your parents. The thing is, how do you feel? Are you comfortable?
You
have to make
you
happy.”

He was silent for a long time, standing in the doorway and staring at the floor. When he finally answered, he spoke softly. “It’s hard to forget everything they said to me.”

“You don’t have to forget. But you don’t have to live under their rules anymore. You aren’t living at home anymore, Will. You are going to school, living in an entirely new state. You have to do what will make you more comfortable. If you are fine with your clothes, then don’t change a thing. If you want to try something different, then you should do it. But don’t do it for anyone but yourself. That’s the only way you’ll be happy. You aren’t forgetting them if you change your clothing or choose to live your life differently. You can still love them and miss them and make yourself happy.”

“I told you she was smart as shit, dude,” Jax boasted. I could hear the pride in his voice and I smiled.

“Yeah,” Will replied, his eyes locked on mine, holding me captive. The way he was looking at me, like he was staring into my soul, made me shift uncomfortably. The air around us became charged and I wasn’t sure what had happened, but something had changed.

He smiled at me, really truly smiled. I couldn’t remember a time when he had smiled so genuinely or with such confidence. It stopped my heart and made me swallow. I wanted to pull him into my arms and hold him. “Thank you, Ryanne. I’ll think about it.”

“No problem.” I smiled at him weakly as he continued to stare into my eyes.

Jax looked between Will and me, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. Will didn’t break eye contact with me and I felt my body flush. Jax walked over and slapped Will on the back, breaking our connection. “Now that we have that figured out, Will and I are going to do homework.”

“You have homework on the first day?” I scrambled to get my brain to work right, but I couldn’t stop thinking or looking at Will.

“Yeah, you know Mr. Brand. He’s an asshole who thinks we have nothing better to do than piles of homework every day,” Jax grumbled.

Will smiled before following Jax out of the room.

I sighed and slumped in my chair, missing Will’s presence but glad the tension had left with him. I had no idea how to fight my feelings for Will when they kept getting more and more intense.

And I wasn’t sure I wanted to fight them.

“Your dad has been gone a lot longer this time. Are you expecting him to be back anytime soon?” Courtney asked. We were hanging out around the pool, enjoying one of the last few warm days before fall came and brought colder temperatures.

“I don’t know. I haven’t heard from him in a while.”

“Did he call when Jax started school? I mean, it is his senior year.”

“Nope. Nothing.”

“He’s a really shitty human being.”

“You have no idea.”

“Well, at least you’re a good parent.” She reached over and squeezed my arm.

“I don’t really have much of an option.”

We sat in silence for several minutes. “What’s going on with you and Jax?”

I laughed bitterly. “Is it that obvious?”

“Completely.”

“He’s upset about Will.”

“What about Will?”

“He’s afraid I have feelings for him.”

“Well, duh. That’s pretty fucking obvious.”

I looked at her, eyes wide in horror. “Is it
that
obvious that I have feelings for him?”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Ry? You practically drool when he walks in the room.”

“Fuck…” No wonder Jax was up my ass about it. I couldn’t believe I was this bad at hiding my feelings. Shit, if Jax and Courtney could tell, did that mean Will could tell as well? I groaned and buried my face in my hands, embarrassed.

“It could be worse.” She grinned at me.

“How could it be worse?”

“You could wear a giant sign that says, ‘I want to fuck Will Mathers.’ That would be totally awkward.”

I balled up my towel and threw it at her. She laughed as the towel hit her in the face. “It is
not
that obvious.”

“Ry, I love you. You’re my best friend. But it is
totally fucking obvious
that you have feelings for him.” She flipped on her stomach to sun her back. “What is Jax’s problem anyway?”

“He thinks I’m going to shatter Will.” I sighed, not sure if I wanted to talk about Will or my feelings for him, but I knew I needed to. I needed Courtney’s brutal honesty. “Will seems really fragile, and he obviously has a lot of shit going on, so Jax is afraid I’ll do something to cause Will to completely crumble, especially since he has been so sheltered and overprotected.”

“That’s bullshit.” She propped herself up on her elbows. “If there is anyone around who is perfect for Will, it’s you. You’re caring, compassionate, and you’d treat him right.”

“Yeah.”

“No, seriously. The tension when you guys are around each other is ridiculous. Sometimes I feel like I need to fan myself and I’m not even part of it.”

I laughed. “I like him, Court, but I can’t.”

“Sure you can, sweetie.”

“No. I. Can’t.” I looked at her. “He has such a deep sadness inside of him, like he’s haunted by something, and I’m afraid I’d push him too far if I forced something to happen between us.”

“I understand, but sometimes being loved and cared for is the only thing that’ll help.” She plopped down on her belly and closed her eyes. The conversation was over and I was glad because I couldn’t talk about Will anymore; it made my heart ache in unbearable ways.

I sat at the kitchen island, working on my homework and waiting for Jax to come home. He had taken Will shopping for new clothes and I was incredibly anxious to hear how it went.

“Lovely sister, I’m home!” Jax yelled as the door slammed shut. I heard the rustling of bags and the sound of him walking closer.

“Hey. How’d it go?” I kept my back to him, afraid to show my true feelings.

“Turn around and see for yourself,” Jax said, his voice full of pride.

I spun around and gasped. Will’s hair was cut shorter on the sides, though he’d kept the length on the top, his hair falling against his eyebrows. His dark hair against his bright blue eyes was breathtaking. He had on cargo shorts that hung down past his knees and a fitted black shirt. It was such a casual look for him, different from
anything
I’d ever seen him wear.

I smiled at him. “You look amazing, Will.” I wanted to be in his arms the way I had in the pool that day, and knowing I would never get to feel his arms around me again or feel his lips against mine made me want to cry.

His eyes burned into me. “Thanks,” he said, smiling back at me.

“We did a pretty kick ass job, don’t you think, Ry?” Jax’s chest was practically puffed up with his ego.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat and smiled. “You guys did a really good job.”

“You have your first somewhat girl approval,” Jax said, slapping Jax on the back.

“
Somewhat
girl? What the fuck does that mean?” I asked.

“It means you are only
somewhat
of a girl to us, Ryanne. You being my sister, your opinion is only
somewhat
important.”

“Jax, that’s kind of a jerk thing to say,” Will said, his voice ringing clear through the air. Both Jax and I turned to look at him, amazed. Will had never spoken up like that before. His eyes found mine again, holding me. “Ry’s opinion is just as important as anyone else’s and she’s definitely all girl.”

My throat felt like it was closing up and my eyes darted between Jax and Will. I felt incredibly uncomfortable. Jax made his feelings clear and it seemed Will was making his feelings clear and I had no idea where that left me. I cleared my throat, again, and decided to try to change the subject, hoping to cut through some of the tension that filled the room. “What do you think about your new look, Will?”

“It’s good,” Will smirked.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.” When I raised an eyebrow at him, he continued. “I can’t wait to see what happens Monday at school, that’s all. I hope I’m not called adorable again.”

I was nervous about how Will would be seen at school. Part of me wanted him to find someone. Part of me wanted him to find
me.
“You are way beyond adorable. You’re hot.” His eyes widened and his lips parted in shock, then he looked down at the table and I wanted to smack myself for saying that out loud.

“Ryanne, leave your cougar claws out of Will,” Jax said, his voice sharp. He glared at me.

“Shut up. I’m just trying to help him out.”

“Stop.”

“Hush, little brother.” I smirked at Will and he grinned back. There was a newfound confidence in Will and as he smiled back at me, I felt a shift between us.

A
good
shift.

Will

T
HE
WEEKEND
WAS
OVER
and I was sitting in Jax’s truck in the school parking lot, preparing myself to walk in with my new look. I was nervous about how other people would see the changes.

“Let’s go,” Jax said. He flung his door open and climbed out.

Lindsey came over as soon as she saw Jax. “Holy shit, Will.” Her eyes widened. “You look really hot.”

“Thanks.” I felt an odd mix of embarrassment and pleasure and my cheeks heated.

“I bet Stacey would go out with you now.”

“Leave it alone, Linds. Will doesn’t want any part of Stacey.”

“Why not? She’s my best friend, Jax.”

“That’s fine. She can be
your
friend, and she can leave her claws out of
my
friend.” Jax waved for me to follow him. We started to walk away when Stacey came up and grabbed my arm.

“Wow, Will. You look really good.”

“Thanks.”

“Totally hot,” Lindsey said, sighing.

“Totally,” Stacey agreed. Her eyes moved over me from head to toe as if she were devouring me with her eyes. After her previous rejection of me, it was oddly satisfying to know I appealed to her now even though I had absolutely no interest in her.

“Leave him alone, Stacey. He doesn’t need your bullshit,” Jax said. “Let’s go man.” I followed Jax down the corridor. “You don’t want Stacey. She is only interested in guys who can do something for her. You need to learn a few things, but luckily, you have me.”