The Full Experience (28 page)

That caught her attention, and she turned quickly.

“Really?” she snapped. “And who is, huh? You?” she laughed coldly.

“I could be, Raven.”

Raven’s temperature rose. Kato was talking to her in the tone that Beck used with her. Instead of it arousing her, she felt nauseated by it.

“Leave. Me. Alone,” she ground out between her teeth.

“Don’t you see I just want a chance, Ray? I’ve only ever asked for a chance; that’s all.”

Kato stepped towards her, and reached out to grip her forearm.

“I don’t want to, Kato. I’ve told you before. Why won’t you listen?”

“One date is all I ask for, Raven. Why can’t you give me just that?” Kato’s tone had taken an angry turn. “Just one.” His grip tightened on her arm as she tried to pull free.
 

“My dad’s a cop,” she said, surprising him.

“So?”

“So do you think he never taught me to protect myself?”

“What?” he growled, gripping her other arm.

Raven acted quickly. She wasn’t going to let Kato try to intimidate her into going out with him, and she certainly wasn’t going to let him hurt her.

Instead of struggling, she pulled her arms downwards, causing Kato to lean forwards towards her. She brought her forehead into his face, head-butting his nose. His grip loosened, and she brought her leg up between his with the ‘ol faithful knee to the nuts, and watched as he fell to the floor groaning in agony.

“Don’t touch me, and don’t fucking speak to me ever again, or I swear I will fucking cut you!” she shouted.

Raven walked away, panting for breath; her hammering pulse drowning out all other noise.

“What the hell?” Ava asked in disbelief when Raven told her what had happened. “Who the fuck does he think he is?”

The questions reminded Raven of the times Beck would get to her, and Ava would listen to the details. Except she’d never said just how much his words had turned her on. Kato’s; on the other hand, angered her and had her blood boiling in her veins.
 

“I lost it, Ay. As soon as he grabbed me, I knew I was going to hurt him.”

“Good!” Ava nodded. “Nobody had the right to touch you without your permission.”

Raven felt the sting in the corner of her eyes. That was another thing Beck had said to her in the past.

“Oh God, I’m sorry,” Ava apologized and wrapped her arms around her. “I didn’t mean…”

“It’s ok,” Raven whispered as she fought back her tears. “It’s just so hard, Ay. Why is it so hard?”

Raven hadn’t been that upset when she’d broken up with her high school boyfriend who she’d been with for two years. They’d drifted apart, and she’d felt more relieved than hurt.

“I think it’s because we didn’t see it coming, Ray. We had no idea.”

“You got that right,” she snorted, wiping her eyes. “I’m going to go back to our dorm. I’ll see you later.”

Raven walked away from Ava with her head down. She didn’t want anybody to see the redness of her eyes.

She locked the door, kicked off her shoes and climbed into her bed, pulling the covers over her head as painful memories fell from her eyes.

Raven popped her head out of the covers when her phone beeped. Reaching to her nightstand, she checked her message. It was a college notification telling her that the Dean wanted to see her.

She ignored it and turned her phone to silent. There was no way she was going to go anywhere for the remainder of the day, and certainly not in the state she was still in.

*****

Four weeks had gone by, and the days hadn’t been getting easier. It was coming closer to the same amount of time that Raven had been with Beck, than she’d been without him. That thought didn’t make the slightest bit of difference. Everything that reminded her of him, hurt. Going to class, going to the hall, going to the library…they were all empty spaces to her.
She
was empty; hollow inside her chest where her heart used to beat for him.

Raven no longer cried. She had turned inside herself in an attempt to block out the pain, and she no longer felt anything but the remnants of sorrow that had eaten away at her soul.

Raven decided to at least try -after much persuasion from Ava- to attend Economics class, but she couldn’t hear anything nor see anything that was being taught. It was as though the world around her had blurred, and she couldn’t pinpoint a single thing to concentrate on.

It was then she knew that she’d lost all motivation for college. None of it seemed to matter to her anymore, and she didn’t care either.

Her days had been spent alone watching mindless TV shows in the rec room, trying to numb the pain that gripped her every time she thought about Beck. She tried to shut them out, but the whole campus reminded her of him, and their time together.
 

The Dean had requested to see her a few times, but she never went. She didn’t want to sit in that office again after the last time she was there.

The day Beck had left her.

Getting back to her dorm, Raven lay in her bed and stared at the plain ceiling. She had no idea how long she’d been lying there when Ava walked in with Donnie.

“Hi, Ray-Ray,” she said cheerfully. “How did class go today?”

“Pretty much of the same,” Raven replied, not looking away from the small spider that was making its way across the white area.

“So, are you doing anything later?” Donnie asked.

“Nope.”

“Do you want to come to the Green Bridge with us?” Ava sat next to her on her bed.

“No thanks.”

“Ray, come on,” Ava sighed. “It’s been weeks now. You have to get out there and start living your life again.”

Raven took a deep breath and slowly released it. No matter what anybody said to her, everything brought Beck to her mind. Ava was right. She needed to live her life, but the only way to do that was to get away.

A loud knock on her door brought her out of her thoughts.

Donnie opened it and another senior student stood on the other side.

“Hi, um, the Dean wants to see Raven. He said it’s urgent,” the girl said before walking away.

Raven had ignored every notice that she’d gotten, but sending a student to her door… she couldn’t ignore. She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Ava asked, stroking her arm. “Or, at least until we get to his office.”

Raven nodded. “Thanks, Ay. You’ve been great these past weeks, and I’m lucky to have you as my friend,” she said, her voice catching in her throat.

“You’re welcome, honey. I’m not going to sit by and watch that asshole tear my best friend apart from afar.”

Raven knew who Ava was talking about. She’d stopped calling him by his name and used ‘asshole’ instead. Even Donnie and the girls did too. It made it a little easier not hearing his name. Around campus was a different matter.

“I better go see what he wants,” she sighed and the three of them left to go to the Dean’s office.

“Come in and close the door, please,” the Dean said as Raven walked in.

He gestured for her to take a seat, and she sat in the brown armchair opposite him, behind his mahogany desk.

“I’ve been sending notifications to you for a while, Raven,” he said. “I have a number on file for you, but I don’t know if you’ve changed it. Have you received any notices?”

“Yes,” she replied flatly.

“Then why didn’t you come to my office?” he asked, his eyebrows meeting together in a frown.

“I didn’t want to come here.”

“Excuse me? Given the circumstances over the past weeks, I would let the first couple slide, but it’s been almost a month, Raven. A month and you’ve not been to see me when I ask for you!”

“My name is Ray…” she corrected him, “…and I’m here now, aren’t I?”

The Dean looked as though he was angry, but Raven only felt impatient. She wanted to know what the hell he wanted so she could leave. Her hands began to shake with the memories of the last time she’d been there.

“
Ray
, you’re an adult, and you should behave as such,” he began, his jaw working in agitation. “From what I hear, you haven’t been attending your classes
and
you’ve been fighting.”

“That was self defense. Kato grabbed me when I told him to go away.”

“So what did Linzi do?” he asked, folding his arms, waiting for her to explain that one.

Raven let her head fall back, and she closed her eyes.

Shit.

“Hey Ray,” a female voice said as Raven walked to the main hall with Ava.

Raven turned to see Linzi, another senior, walking in the same direction. Her brown hair flowed down her back in waves and her denim cut off shorts with tight pink tank top left little to the imagination.

“Hey,” Raven replied without stopping.

“Where’s Beck?” Linzi snorted.

That made Raven stop and take notice. Nobody had asked her that question.

“What?” she asked, adrenaline pouring through her veins.

Raven knew that a lot of girls were jealous of her relationship with Beck, but they’d never let it bother them. Their being together was only their business.

“Your fuck buddy,” Linzi smirked. “Where is he? Has he gotten bored already?”

“Ray!” Ava shrieked as Raven launched herself at Linzi.

Her fists flew and connected with various body parts, fingers grasped brown strands, and palms stung from a multitude of slaps landing on bare skin.

Ava pulled Raven back, but she continued to lash out. “Ray, stop!” she cried.

Raven stopped, fighting for her breath as fury still erupted from every pore in her body.

“You fucking psycho!” Linzi screamed from the floor as she held her face with one hand and her side with the other.

Raven looked around and saw that a crowd had gathered to watch. Ava held her shoulders and turned her away, directing her back to their dorm.

Nobody said anything else to her after that, which was good, but Raven felt embarrassed at her own behavior and the words that had triggered her to lose control.
 

‘
Has he gotten bored already?’

It was another knife added to the already crowded block in her chest.

“So?” The Dean asked, getting her attention. “I only heard about that this morning, Ray. That kind of behavior
cannot
continue on this campus. You’re lucky that Linzi isn’t pressing charges.”

“I didn’t break anything,” Raven replied.

“That’s beside the point!” he raised his voice. “You beat up that poor girl for nothing!”

“Nothing?
Nothing?
” Raven shouted. “Is it nothing when somebody laughs at you and then proceeds to imply that the person you saw yourself with had left because they’d gotten bored of you? Is it nothing when people are staring at you and whispering things about you? Is it also nothing when all you want is to be left the fuck alone?” Raven was standing with her fists tight, tears streaming down her face, and her legs close to buckling beneath her.

She felt as though she was back in the same emotional state as the last time she was there, and that day flooded through her in waves.

Raven’s chest hurt, and she put her hand over the empty space as she fought to control herself.

“I think you need some time to think about what you want to do with your time here, Ray. I would advise you see somebody about your anger.” The Dean put up his hands when Raven opened her mouth to retaliate. “I understand your reasons; I do, but believe me when I say you’re getting off lightly with this. Anybody else would have been dismissed from this college in the first instance.”

“There’s no need to do that,” she said, her voice cold. “Don’t do me any fucking favors.”

Raven turned towards the door.

“I haven’t finished,” the Dean called out.

“
I
have.” Raven reached for the handle of the door with trembling fingers and pulled it open. Ava’s wide eyes and open mouth told her she’d heard everything. “Let’s go.”

Chapter 10

Six months later.

“I still can’t believe it’s all over,” Ava laughed as she sat in Donnie’s lap. “We’re finally free!”

“Free to start paying back student loans,” Raven chuckled.

“Yes. Thank you Ray,” Ava said, playfully nudging Raven with her elbow.

“Anytime, Ay. Anytime,” she winked as she took a sip from her beer bottle.

Their group, and a lot of other students, had gone to the bar just out of the city to celebrate their graduation the day before. It wasn’t long after they’d arrived that the beers began to pop and bottles of wine had been poured.

They sat in groups around the tables and shuffled around so they could talk easily among themselves.

Raven turned to look towards the bar at ‘Big Mike’ as the customers called him, and he gave her a warm smile. The owner of the bar, he wasn’t somebody to be messed with, but to Raven he was a cuddly bear.

He was a tall guy, at least six feet four with wide shoulders and arms to match. His black hair and green eyes, similar to hers, got him a lot of female attention. Especially when he threw his signature smile at them.

Mike served another customer further up the long bar that stretched from near the door to the back of the building. It curved around and stopped near the bathrooms on the opposite side.

There was a small area for people who wanted to dance, but the majority of the dark blue flooring was taken up with round wooden tables and chairs. Some of the chairs were soft fabric, and Raven was sat in one of them.

She sat back against the green cushioned material, facing away from the entrance, and had her feet tucked under herself.

“Whose round is it?” Donnie asked, lifting his empty bottle.

“Yours!” More than a couple of voices shouted.

“Shit, I shouldn’t have opened my mouth,” he grumbled, but he was joking. He lifted Ava up off his lap and kissed her before he walked over to the bar to order the next lot of drinks.

“How’ve you been, Ray?” Wynn asked, as he held on to Kerry’s hand.

They’d hit it off since the Green Bridge bar, and were now a couple. It was nice to see Kerry happy in a stable relationship. Leila, however, remained as single as ever.