The Games of Supervillainy (The Supervillainy Saga Book 2) (24 page)

I mentally processed that. “So, whatever I recreated wouldn't be Mandy? It would walk like her, talk like her, and look like her but it wouldn't be her.”

“Only by some definitions,” Zul-Barbas said, his voice once again dry as dirt. “Many humans don't even believe in the soul.”

“Yeah, but I do.” I was horrified by what he was suggesting. Zul-Barbas devouring the world's souls was infinitely worse than him just killing everybody.

“So you will not agree to this?”

“I don't want a clone of Mandy to live. I want
her
.”

“Even if she will die again in a few hours and have her soul devoured for all eternity?” Zul-Barbas asked, gazing at me with crossed eyes.

“Yeah,” I said, sighing. “I've got faith in the Society of Superheroes. They'll stop you, Mandy will live, she'll go on to marry some other guy or girl and everything will be roses and cupcakes. You know, except for me. I'll be in your stomach or wherever you store the souls you eat.”

“
Zul-Barbas keeps the souls he devours in a dimension of darkness and terror
,” Cloak said. “
A place of horror and nightmare where your worst fears live on forever
.”

“Wisconsin?”

“
That doesn't even make any sense
.”

“Clearly, you’ve never been to Wisconsin. My cousin’s farm? Horror beyond imagination.”

“The Society will cease to exist when I enter this world,” Zul-Barbas laughed. “They will be actors, has-beens, and comic book artists. Nothing more than dreams in the imagination of children and fools.”

I wasn't sure what bothered me more. That there was a half-way decent plan for destroying the world or that there were enough morons in the world to carry it out. If I'd had any faith in mankind left to lose, I would have lost it then and there.

“Mandy will stop you,” I said. “She and Gabrielle have more good in her than all of the world’s heroes combined.
Before
you rewrite reality.”

I was surprised to realize I believed that.

Zul-Barbas chuckled. “They’ll have to work quickly. The world will end in forty-five minutes and fifty-three seconds.”

I took that in. “Shit.”

“Fifty-two seconds.”

“You can't destroy the world,” I said, biting my lip. “For reasons I have yet to figure out.”

Zul-Barbas gave me a sidelong glance.

“For example, I’m using it. I intend to rule it and it’s not your place to destroy my property. Seriously, though, people will stop you. Heroes. Heroes who are willing to sacrifice their lives. People who aren’t me.”

“It will work because those who sacrifice themselves are fools,” Zul-Barbas said, stretching out a hand and clenching his fist as if to crush something. “I feel compelled to tell you all this because I am assuming your form. Which means, of course, you believe those who sacrifice themselves are foolish. Ironic.”

“It's not so much ironic as sad. Like the Alanis Moirsette song. Most of those things weren’t really ironic and—”

“Are you quite finished?” Zul-Barbas interrupted, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I think so,” I muttered, looking away. I was more embarrassed than anything else.

Zul-Barbas stretched up its right hand and snapped its fingers. “There. It is done.”

A part of me worried that, in the midst of our conversation, everything had been destroyed. “You... killed everyone? Killed everyone and ate their souls?”

“No,” Zul-Barbas said, its expression remaining utterly lacking in emotion. “That is for later. I have restored your wife to life, or what passes for it. She will rise from her slumber within moments. Now, it is time for you to sacrifice your soul unto me. To become a meal for the one true master of the—”

I pulled out my scythe coin, rubbed it, and swung the resulting blade. The end of the scythe through sliced through the representation of Zul-Barbas. The scythe went through its side like a hot knife through butter, leaving a free-standing hole where his abdomen used to be. Strangely, his upper torso didn't fall over, it hung in the air where I'd slashed through him.

“You betrayed me,” my doppelganger cried out, shocked. He looked unable to comprehend what just happened.

“Nothing gets by you, does it?” I said.

Zul-Barbas's body exploded into a thousand pieces of free floating black shadow. The shadows caught fire in midair, burning into tiny little cinders before vanishing into nothingness. I was now alone, free from the curse of Zul-Barbas, in the vastness of the Nothing Beyond.

“Yip! Yip!” the
Book of Midnight
happily jumped around my feet, eventually nuzzling against the side of my leg.

“
Gary, what have you done?!”

“Saving our ass,” I said. “I figured anyone who calls themselves a Great Beast, has magical books written in human skin, and takes the appearance of whatever terrifies a summoner is a royal douchebag. I figured I could manipulate him into trusting me and double-cross him at the last second.”

“
You realize you haven't actually killed Zul-Barbas
.
You just killed your image of Zul-Barbas using his power.
”

“Yeah,” I said, hoisting my scythe over one shoulder. “I don't get why it seemed to know a lot about what the actual Zul-Barbas is doing but I figure that's just one of the oddball facts of magic.”

“Wait, you killed your image of Zul-Barbas, which you were only able to kill because you thought you were smart enough to outsmart. But you were only able to outsmart him because you thought you were smart en....God, this is insane
!”

“Oh yeah, I'm awesome,” I said, pleased with myself. “They should put a statue of me up in the Fraternity of Supervillains Hall of Fame.”

“
If you're so smart, how are we supposed to get out of here
?” Cloak said, sarcastically.

“What?”

“
We're in the Nothing Beyond, another dimension. You can't move through other dimensions and you just killed the power source behind the book
,” Cloak said. “
I’m sorry, we’re stuck here
.”

Looking around and seeing a whole lot of nothing, I processed that. “Son of a... okay, okay, I've got a plan.”

“
This I've got to hear
.”

“Yip! Yip!”
The Book of Midnight
showed no sign of being less active, jumping over my feet and back several times.

Cupping my hands over my mouth, I shouted at the top of my lungs. “Hey Death! A little help here!?”

“
That's it? That's your big plan
?”

“I didn't say it was a good plan!” I snapped at my cloak. “Listen, if all went well, then Mandy is alive. That's all I care about. I don't care if I'm trapped in the Nothing Beyond for all eternity. As long as she's alright, screw the rest of the world.”

“
Even if the rest of the world is going to be destroyed by Zul-Barbas and everyone's soul eaten
,” Cloak said. “
In about, say, forty minutes
?”

“Okay, there are a few flaws in my plan.” I raised my hands in frustration. “Napoleon didn't conquer Russia in a day!”

“
You're being deliberately sardonic now
,” Cloak said. “
It's not helping
.”

“I'm sorry,” I said. “I really fucked up here.”

“No,” I heard my wife’s voice behind me speak, which was all the more unsettling because I instinctively knew it was Death’s. “You didn’t.”

“Gah!” I said, jumping again. “God dammit! What is with you gods and sneaking up on a person?”

Death had changed out of her earlier attire and adopted the gloriously elaborate period dress of a 17th century noblewoman, complete with elaborate hairdo. Her dress was made of black fabric and positively stunning and so was she. Especially noteworthy was the cleavage exposing front; Mandy was an amply endowed woman to begin with, so Death wearing a corset in her body was eye-catching to say the least.

“Eyes up here, buster,” Death said in a perfect imitation of Mandy's voice.

“Sorry!” I said, my eyes shooting up to hers. “My bad, your Grim Reaperness.”

“You're my chosen, Gary. That makes
you
the Grim Reaper. I'm more the cosmological embodiment of finality.”

“Pardon?”

“Never mind,” Death said, popping out an ornate fan that she waved into her face. “So you were going to sell your soul to raise your wife from the dead, huh?”

Yeah, that was not the conversation topic I wanted to bring up right now. The whole Armageddon thing was topping out my agenda. Unfortunately, I couldn't think straight looking at her. Death was gorgeous in her outfit, doubly so because she was 'dressed' (for lack of a better term) as my wife. She was a visible reminder I was probably never going to see Mandy again.

“Not really,” I said, trying to look away from her.  “I decided to double-cross Zul-Barbas pretty early in our discussion. Being a supervillain is all about with great power coming no responsibility.”

“Don't lie to me, Gary,” Death said, closing up her fan and poking me with it. “I know you were willing to give yourself up to my enemy. The only thing that stopped you was being warned Mandy would be in danger otherwise.”

“Please keep that to yourself. If people knew I was willing to sacrifice myself for anybody, it'd be open season on Merciless and his crew. My badass evil reputation depends on me being a complete asshole.”

“
What badass reputation
?” Cloak said. “
You've killed a small number of criminals and robbed two banks with a month off
.”

I ignored Cloak, because bantering with him was the last thing the world needed right now. We both knew we had more important things to do but it was like a comedy act. I would say something funny and he'd retort and I'd do the same back and so on. It was automatic with us. In another life, I bet the two of us might have been bigger than Laurel and Hardy.

“Is Mandy going to be alright?” I asked, finally looking at Death. Her eyes were gorgeous, just like my wife's. Unlike Zul-Barbas and me, Death and Mandy had a lot of similarities in personality. For example, they loved messing with my head. “I don't care if the world burns. I just need to know if she'll be alright if I don't get back to the planet Earth or one of them.”

“No,” Death said. “She's won't be.”

“Shit,” I said, sighing. “That's no good.”

“
Thirty-eight minutes
.”

“Shut up, Cloak.”

“
Hurry it up. We need to get her to help us return. No matter the cost, we have to prevent Zul-Barbas's rise
.”

“She can hear you, you know.”

“
Oh, right
.”

“Don't worry, Gary,” Death said. “I didn't go to the trouble of subtly arranging your ancestors to get together from the Black Death onwards and manipulating events for you two to get parted by some punk dragon and a low-rent zombie apocalypse.”

“Wait, what?”

“Nothing. I can't directly interfere in the mortal world. It's an agreement I made with my brothers and sisters.”

What was with gods today? In the old myths Zeus and company would have struck down the Brotherhood of Infamy for impertinence by now. That's what the modern era lacked, punishments for hubris. I made a mental note to kill the gods and take their stuff someday. Eli and Death would get a pass but that was it.

“You have brothers and sisters?” I asked, surprised. “Ones who are equally unable to help?”

“My siblings Creation, Law, Chaos, Entropy, Fate, Life, and Choice. Just imagine God and chop him up into like eight people and you have us,” Death explained. “There, I've just told you the secret of the universe.”

“God has multiple personality disorder? Geez, I could have told you that.” I snorted, sitting my elbow on my scythe's upper handle. “So, can you help me or not? By helping me, I also mean right this very second. Because, honestly, we're screwed if you don't.”

“I can because we're not in the mortal world,” Death popped out her fan again and gestured to her surroundings. “It's going to cost you, however.”

“This deal is getting worse all the time,” I muttered.

“I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further,” Death said, pressing her nose against mine. “You're not the only one who can make
Star Wars
quotes around here.”

“If I wasn't a married man, I'd be all over you right now,” I said, unashamedly in awe of my wife's doppelganger. “We've only got like thirty-five minutes left, though, so I'd appreciate it if you could rush it along.”

“
Thirty-four, actually
.”

“I know,” Death said, with some disappointment.  “I need something from you. Something that may result in a change within you and bring the carefully constructed house of cards you've built your psyche around tumbling down.”

“Seriously, you gods need to work on your salesmanship. Can't you make something sound nice? Even the crazy fundamentalists have fluffy cloud heaven to look forward to.”

“I need you to answer a question,” Death said.

“Time or maybe, a man.” I was getting annoyed with Death's obliqueness. “There, are we done?”

“It's not a riddle, Gary.” Death looked at me, irritated.

Good, because my counter-riddle was going to be 'What's in my pocket?' I didn't need Death telling me about all the naughty pictures of Mandy I kept in my wallet, especially since they were technically naughty pictures of her now.

“I need you to tell me... why?”

“Why... what?”

“Why do all this?” She gestured at me, up and down.

“You want to know why I'm a supervillain?” I'd already answered that question once this week, month, whatever.

“I was referring to the ridiculousness of your every action. You've mocked and heckled your way through things which would break the sanity of your average mortal. You care about people, Gary. You have suppressed it but it's there. A person who genuinely doesn't feel for others can't love.”

“Spare me the fantasy novel heartwarming speech,” I said, annoyed Death was getting philosophical on me. Oddly, she sounded me like Mandy now than ever. “I care about one major person in my life and a handful of others to a much lesser degree. People who are going to die unless you take me back.”

“We'll get there when you answer my question,” Death said, undaunted. “Why?”

I was uncomfortable with this line of questioning. I also wasn't sure I could give an adequate answer. Being stumped on a point of philosophy seemed a pretty poor reason to end the universe.

“Why do you care?” I asked, finally asking.

“I get to see every mortal's final days. I've seen greedy men turn generous, good men turn evil, men abandon their faith, and atheists turn to religion. I've seen lifelong enemies embrace and families split up. I always get to know the true nature of a person by witnessing how they react to their final days but I don't know much about living. So, I often ask this question of them. Why do you live the way you do?”