The Geek and His Artist (7 page)

When he could bring himself to look up at Simon, he saw a wide, if stunned, smile on Simon’s face. “You like me?”

Jimmy nodded again. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t know everything, obviously. Or, well, all that much yet, but… errr… I want to.” He swallowed, closed his eyes for a few seconds, and took a deep breath. “I have a confession to make, actually. I’ve, uh, been watching you. For, well, most of the school year, actually. Uh, so, yeah…. And yesterday and, well, I’d like to know more, but I like what I’ve seen so far.”

“I was watching you.”

The words threw Jimmy off, and his gaze flew up to Simon’s face. “You… what?” He blinked, sure he hadn’t heard right.

Simon’s face was bright red, but he nodded. “Yeah, since about the second week of school. It’s why I sat at that table. So I could see you.”

He’s been watching me this whole time?
“Holy sh—Damn. Fuck.” He shook his head. “I wish I’d said something. Ugh.” He sighed at himself. “So, uh, does that mean…?”

Simon grinned and nodded. “Yeah, I’d like to date. Whatever that might mean. Uh—” The bell rang then and Simon frowned. “Lunch, right?”

Jimmy smiled. “Yeah, I’ll meet you at the cafeteria?” When Simon nodded again, Jimmy reached out, then dropped his hand. “I’m guessing you’re not out, are you? I mean, I’m not really, not to my parents, but my friends know. Anyway, well, for what it’s worth, I’d kiss you or something….” Jimmy was beginning to think it might just be better if the floor opened up and swallowed him whole.

Simon blinked at him, then did something Jimmy never expected. He stood up on his toes and left a kiss on Jimmy’s cheek. “See you at lunch.” Then he took off down the hall.

Jimmy was so stunned, Simon had made it all the way down and turned the corner before he could bring himself to move. He’d be feeling that little kiss for the rest of the morning, he was sure of it.

B
Y
LUNCHTIME
,
Simon was a nervous wreck. He couldn’t believe he’d actually
kissed
his geek. He had no idea what had prompted him to do so, though the stunned smile on Jimmy’s face had been really nice. Even so, that had him more than a little on edge.

On top of that, he still hadn’t figured out how to answer Jimmy’s invitation from the night before, and as the morning had gone on, he’d started to wonder if maybe it wasn’t the invitation he’d thought it was. Jimmy hadn’t said anything that morning, so maybe they’d only meant he could go with them the night before for
that
night or for a little while or something, and it was Simon’s brain that had filled in the idea of him leaving permanently.

He’d spent the entire morning trying to figure it out. He kept trying to see another meaning behind the words.

I’m sorry he’s such a bastard. Mom says you don’t have to put up with that and can come with us, if you want to.

But no matter what he tried to tell himself, he couldn’t take anything else from it but what he’d thought the first time.

But even
if
that was what they meant, he wasn’t sure if he should take them up on it. His memories, so sharp the night before, hadn’t faded in the hours since. His worry about getting Jimmy’s family into trouble hadn’t gone away either.

He could recognize it was pure fear. Just fear. He
was
bigger, physically. At seventeen, he knew he could even emancipate himself, if he wanted. And if Jimmy’s family had meant it for more than one night, he even had a place to go. Even so, four years of fear couldn’t be erased with one note.

But some of those fears were founded in truth. How many times had he felt a boot hit him? Or something else? And he had no doubt whatsoever that if The Bastard knew about Jimmy or his family, the call would happen so damned fast, their heads would spin. Simon was sure The Bastard would go after kidnapping charges, and who knows what else he’d try. So, fears, yes, but not entirely unreasonable either.

During his first-period English class, Simon had missed pretty much everything his teacher had said. He’d been focused on the note in Jimmy’s book, which he’d forgotten to give back in his shock. He knew he was being more than a little silly about it. It was just a few words. But it was a note to
him
, in his geek’s handwriting.
I’d like it if you did, too.
He ran his fingers over and over the note and the name inside the book.
James Bennet.

He wanted to believe it, wanted to believe that, even if he couldn’t accept it, the Bennets wanted him. That Jimmy wanted him,
really
liked him. But years of being told he wasn’t good for anything, wasn’t wanted by anyone, had taken its toll. The fear alone was a powerful force, and Simon didn’t know how he could get past it.

The morning dragged and Simon thought it would never end. He wanted to see Jimmy again, needed to make sure he hadn’t fallen asleep on the bus or something and imagined the whole thing.

Did his geek really ask to date him?

Simon didn’t know what that would entail. Either because of the way The Bastard was—getting out at a particular time for anything but school had never been easy—or because, well, he’d never dated before. He had no idea what to do.

First things first, he had to make sure he hadn’t imagined it, and that meant getting through the morning.

W
HEN
THE
bell rang at eleven thirty, Simon couldn’t decide if he was more excited or nervous. He stuffed the sketch of Jimmy he’d done into his backpack and was one of the first out the door of his trig class. He was going to have to study extra hard over what he missed in class, but if he hadn’t blown things up in his head, he had someone who’d be able to help him with it.

He started out almost running. He stopped at his locker to retrieve his sketchpad, then headed for the cafeteria. By the time he got to the end of the hall, he’d slowed. His nervousness exploded, his heart pounded, and his stomach tied itself in neat, complicated knots.

When he turned the corner, he saw Jimmy standing outside the door with Ronnie and Sean. His steps slowed unconsciously, and he swallowed around his dry throat.
Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. This is insane. I made it up. I had to. It’s not what I thought it was. Maybe he just wants to help. Yeah, that’s it. He’s a nice enough guy! He heard The Bastard and made the offer because of that. He couldn’t really want me, doesn’t really want to date me.

By the time he got halfway down the hall, he’d worked himself into almost full panic. In the hours since he’d seen Jimmy the night before, he’d built a fantasy around them. Not sexual this time, no. He imagined them at prom together, at college together, and even after, still together. And now that he realized he was probably wrong, he wasn’t sure how he could take it when Jimmy clarified that he just wanted to help.

He was so lost in his internal panic that he didn’t realize he’d stopped until someone nearly knocked him aside. That’s when he saw Ronnie point at him. Jimmy turned, looking down his way. And smiled.

Simon couldn’t miss it, even from that far away. Wide, open, and beautiful.

Don’t read into it. Don’t read into—

He didn’t get a chance to finish his thought. Jimmy’s long legs ate up the distance, and what could only be seconds later, he was standing in front of Simon, smiling down at him. “I missed you this morning,” he said in greeting, and then his cheeks colored.

Simon struggled with his breathing, trying so hard to make sure it was real.
Did he really just say he missed me? Maybe he hadn’t meant it and that’s why he blushed. He doesn’t really—he can’t—

“Hey, what’s wrong, baby?” Jimmy asked, reaching out and taking Simon’s hand.

Simon blinked, heart tripping hard at the feel of Jimmy’s hand, and he found himself calming just a little. “Baby?”

Jimmy blushed. “Sorry, just sort of… slipped out. If you don’t like it, if I—”

“No, I do. I…. You really… fuck,” he bit off, eyes sliding closed. He tightened his hand around Jimmy’s, trying to give some indication that he didn’t want Jimmy to let go. He fought to draw in a full breath, then finally looked up at his geek. He opened his mouth to talk but nothing came out.

“Hey, it’s okay. Come on, let’s go sit down.” Jimmy looked over at Ronnie and Sean. “Don’t you two have class?”

“Nah, skipping it. Wouldn’t miss this for anything.” Ronnie grinned and Jimmy narrowed his eyes. “I’ll be good! I promise!” Jimmy raised an eyebrow. “Well, mostly.” Sean poked Ronnie in the side, and Jimmy grinned when Ronnie winced.

“It’s okay,” Simon managed, dragging a smile out.

Jimmy squeezed Simon’s hand, then shook his head at Ronnie. “One word,” he warned and Ronnie grinned wider.

The four of them settled at Jimmy’s usual table. Simon took a seat and Jimmy sat on the side with his good ear, pulling his chair close. Then he pulled two paper bags out of his backpack and set one on the table in front of Simon. “Hope you’re not allergic to ham or Jewish or anything.”

Simon raised his eyebrows. “What? Allergic to Jewish?”

Jimmy laughed. “I mean, I hope you’re not Jewish. Mom packed ham sandwiches. I told her I didn’t know what you eat because, well, I couldn’t actually remember seeing you eat.”

“Oh.” Simon opened the bag and peered at a sandwich and can of Coke. “That’s… she didn’t have to… uh… tell her… thank you?”

He felt more than a little lost. He’d never had someone bring him lunch before. When his mom was still alive, she’d packed for him. Afterward he’d just skipped lunch, since The Bastard had forbidden him from packing one and refused to sign the papers for the free program. Once or twice he’d gotten comfortable enough with his friends to swipe something off their trays, or had something happen like Tony and his burgers, but that was it. He wasn’t sure if he was embarrassed, humiliated, or grateful.

Simon glanced up at Jimmy to see him focused on his own sandwich. Simon decided it was to keep him from feeling that humiliation, and started eating.

“You can tell her yourself.” Jimmy waved at his friends, who seemed to find something on the other side of the cafeteria suddenly
very
interesting. Jimmy leaned in and dropped his voice. “She’d like you to come over for dinner tonight. I told her that your—that
man
might make things difficult if you did, but she was hoping you would. Hoping it might help you make a decision about what she offered last night so that it doesn’t matter what
he
thinks or does. And I have to admit, she probably wants to get some food into you. My mom likes to feed… like, everyone.”

Simon looked up at him, frowning. “I… I don’t know what to, uh, what I should….” He sighed and set the sandwich down. He propped his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands. Being late a second day in a row was just begging for trouble way beyond anything he’d gotten the night before. The shouting alone would be horrible, and Simon suspected The Bastard might find something much heavier than a boot to throw this time.

Was it worth the possibility?

“Look, you don’t have to decide right now. Just have dinner with us. See if my parents are people you can put up with.” He smiled, then bit his lip in thought. “If nothing else, I’d like to introduce them to my first boyfriend.”

Simon blinked. “Your boyfriend? Wait, your… first?”

Jimmy nodded. “Yeah. Like I said, I haven’t actually come out to them yet. I… I don’t know how they’ll react. I
think
they’ll be okay with it. They haven’t seemed homophobic or anything. But anyway, yeah. You’re my first boyfriend.”

Something in Simon warmed at that, overshadowed the fear that had taken such a tight hold on him. “I… I need to ask something, and this is going to sound stupid, so I’m sorry, but I… it’s not because you want to help me, right? This, uh… the… dating thing?”

Jimmy looked completely
puzzled for a long moment, as if Simon had just spoken in a foreign language. “Help? What?” He blinked a few times, and then his face cleared. “Oh! Oh no, baby. Uh… can I call you that?”

Simon found himself nodding but couldn’t seem to speak.

Jimmy leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, then spoke in his ear. “No, I want
you
, Simon. I like
you
. I want to help you because I like you. I don’t like you because I want to help you.”

When Jimmy sat back and took Simon’s hand again, Simon could do nothing but stare at them clasped together for the moment. “I… I don’t think I can. Not… not today. I’m sorry.”

Jimmy looked disappointed, but despite how much Simon wanted to make Jimmy happy—and it surprised him just how much he did, this fast—the fear, the absolute certainty of what he’d face if he came home late again was just a bit more prominent.

Simon dropped his eyes again, focusing on their hands once more, and bit his lip. “Look, maybe this is a bad idea. I… I don’t know if or when I can go out or—”

“Hey, hey!” Jimmy put a finger under Simon’s chin and forced his gaze back up. “No, no, no. It’s… if being your boyfriend means I only see you at school for now, then that’s what I’ll do, okay? We’ll have lunches, right?”

Simon nodded and swallowed around a lump. “It’s… that’s not fair to you, though.”

Jimmy shook his head. “I don’t care about that.” He paused and frowned. “What about your trig?”

Simon sighed. “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I’ll just have to study more at night, I guess. I mean… he usually leaves me alone after I clean up from dinner and go to my room. Sometimes, if he passes out, I can sneak out, but I can’t guarantee anything.”

“Well….” Jimmy looked thoughtful. “We could work during lunchtime.” He made a face. “I’m sure there are better things for us to talk about, but….”

Simon nodded. “That’s true. I need to fix that grade or my chances of a scholarship are pretty much gone.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll get that fixed.” He smiled and brushed at a stray bit of hair. “And it’s not like we can’t talk about other things. Do you want to go over stuff now?”