The Girl He Knows (13 page)

These days Heather’s life must be awfully difficult. It makes my woes seem silly. I’m reminded to keep things in perspective. My dad used to say, regardless of how bad you think you have it, someone always has it worse.

Jayne and Josie join us with their drinks and the conversation regarding Heather continues. I decide it’s time to look to see if Jake’s working. It’s stupid to act as if I don’t know he works here. I readjust in the seat and scan the bar.

Jake’s working. He stands at the end of the bar and smiles at me followed by a finger wave. I smile and wave back. He winks, and I forgive him for the misunderstanding. He looks good in a tight Tommy Hilfiger T-shirt with his muscles pronounced. The dark blue of the shirt sets off his sun-kissed brown hair and tan. He turns away and goes to the other end, to help a customer I assume.

My cell phone rings, and I pull it from my purse. It’s Jake.

“Hey, Paisley.” I look and see him on the phone. We both laugh.

“Hey, yourself.”

“I was afraid you weren’t talking to me, I waited to see if you’d even look at me tonight. I’m glad you did.”

I look down at the table and trace a scratch in the surface. It bugs me Jake waited until now to reach out to me. I guess he, too, might have been nervous or uncertain.

“Think maybe you’ll go out with me again?” he asks.

“I think you’ll have to ask and find out.”

“Whad’ya say? Wanna go out Saturday?”

I purse my lips, trying to visualize my calendar.

“Mmm, Saturday? Sorry, I have plans for Saturday.” I’m supposed to go to Lakeland this weekend.

“Seriously?” His voice tells me he wasn’t expecting that response. “You don’t have to play hard to get. I said I was sorry.”

I’m taken aback. “Yes, seriously. I have to be in Lakeland this weekend for a family get-together. I’m not playing hard to get. I’m being honest.” The girls are trying to appear as if they aren’t listening but they are. No one is talking, and Jayne leans toward me.

“I’m sorry, Paisley. Jeez, I say that a lot to you. I’m not used to girls being honest with me. Usually they play games.” He smiles sheepishly.

I totally understand. “That’s OK.”

“OK, how about sometime next week? I’m off Thursday.”

“Me too.” I laugh. “What time?”

“Noon?”

I’m surprised, and I guess it comes across because he laughs when I ask, “Noon?”

“Afraid to spend a full day with me?”

“No, I try not to be up before noon but OK, noon sounds great.”

We finish making plans and say our good-byes, watching each other across the room. When I return my attention to my friends, they are staring at me and Josie is making a retching face.

“Thanks, Josie,” I bite out.

“Look, after what he did, I can’t believe you are going out on a second date with him.”

I glare at Jayne, who has the good sense to look contrite, before I reply, “It’s only a date or two, Josie. It’s not marriage. How am I supposed to know what I want if I don’t have these experiences? Isn’t that what dating’s about? Finding what you like?”

She shrugs. “You’re too stupid to see what’s good and what’s not. Good keeps bumping up against you and you still push it away.”

“Gee, thanks a lot. I didn’t know you felt that way.” I jerk up my purse and begin digging for money.

“That’s not what she means, Paisley, and you know it.” This time Jayne joins in. “She means you’re too trusting and romantic and more often than not it skews the true picture.” Jayne reaches out and clasps my hand.

It still doesn’t take the sting out of Josie’s words. I look at Josie, and she has tears brimming in her eyes.

“You’re not
stupid
, stupid, but Jayne is right. You’ll look too hard and miss what’s right under your nose. I want you to be happy. I’m sorry. I could’ve said that the first time.”

I guess if your friends can’t tell you how they feel and want what’s best for you, then what kind of friends are they?

“It’s all right, Josie. Can’t you let me experiment here for a while?” I squeeze Jayne’s hand and she releases it. I guess now she feels certain I won’t bolt.

Josie begrudgingly nods her acceptance, “OK, but you cannot, and I mean it, you
cannot
bring that asshat to my wedding.” She points to Jake.

“OK.” I shrug. I wasn’t planning on it. I’m about to order another round when my cell rings again. This time it’s Heather. I tell everyone at the table and they become quiet as they wait for me to answer it.

“I’m sorry, hon, I don’t have a sitter for Tyler. I won’t be able to make it.” Her voice sounds raw, as if she’s been crying.

“Is there anything we can do for you?” I ask.

Heather starts sobbing, and I can’t understand a thing she says. Something about her life going to shit.

“Are you up for company?” I ask. “We can bring the party to you.” I give my friends a look. Everyone is nodding their heads.

“Really?” She seems surprised.

I give her our estimated time of arrival and disconnect. We make a list of items to get. Josie and I are to cover the booze portion and Jayne and Kenley head to Publix to get comfort food.

Thirty minutes later, we find Heather dressed in grungy sweats, her face pale, and eyes red. She repeats to everyone what she tried to tell me on the phone. Justin has left her, on a permanent basis.

“It’s Tyler,” she wails. “You know he’s always been demanding and now with these doctor appointments, things are harder. We constantly argue about who should be taking care of him. How he should be taken care of. I can’t do it all. I need help.” She throws herself on the couch and begins to cry again.

Unfortunately, Kenley and I thought Heather and Justin were heading down the path of no return. He was always absent, busy with his friends and his job. What kind of man leaves a woman with a special-needs child and tells her he’s done with the both of them? Justin Michaels is that kind of man.

I experience a surge of panic and fear. What if this were to happen to me, again? I don’t know if I could take it. It’s a selfish moment, and I try to hide behind the blender and martini mix as I go cold and clammy. No matter how many times I rub my hand down my skirt, the sweat clings to my palms.

Kenley rushes over to comfort Heather. “You’re not alone, sweetie, you have me and the girls.”

“You have your own problems, Kenley. I can’t trouble you with mine.” I witness a shared look between them after they hug.

“Wait, what?” I stop mixing drinks to look at Kenley, remembering her odd behavior and their fight during my blind date with pilot Ted. I knew something was off then.

“What’s going on?” I sit on the ottoman in front of them.

She shrugs but won’t meet my eyes. Heather whispers an apology to her.

“Kenley?” I press.

She sighs and clutches Heather’s hands. “Doug and I have been trying to have a baby, and it’s not going well.” She turns to Heather. “Let me help, please. I need the distraction.”

“What do you mean, it’s not going well?” Having been responsible for the cocktails, Josie puts a tray of drinks on the coffee table and plops into an armchair.

“I mean we can’t get pregnant because of some motility issue with Doug, who takes it as a sign of failure, drinks more than ever. He spends lots of time at the club. The strain and friction are exhausting.” Her shoulders sag as she punctuates the sentence with a large sigh.

“It’s a good thing we have each other,” I say because it’s true.

“We’re a hot mess, huh?” Heather laughs for the first time tonight.

We gather into a group hug and, once we break, the liquor starts flowing. I try not to think of my fears. How will I ever find a nice guy? One who believes in “till death do us part.” At one of the hardest moments in Heather and Justin’s life, he bailed.

Do men stick around? Do they share their part of the responsibility or when times get tough, do they help make a burden look more like an obstacle?

I don’t know. My father was a part-time dad right before he died, commuting between his family and his job. I try to take some of Hank’s advice and not let it get crazy in my head. But I know the time will come when I’ll succumb to the fear.

* * * *

When I get home, I’m still shaken up thinking about Heather’s experience and Kenley’s disclosure. Even though it’s hours past late, sleep remains elusive. I indulge in a cheap version of therapy by taking a hot bath and having a good cry.

When my fingers are shriveled and the water is cold, I get out. Still unable to sleep I lie in bed and check my e-mail. Hank sent one. The time stamp was an hour ago.

Hey, just got home. Maybe we should talk tomorrow. Give me a call.

I pull the sheets up to my chin and try to withstand the loneliness surrounding me. Watching Heather’s dreams crumble reminds me of my own losses and, though I’m much happier without Trevor, I still like the idea of being one half to a whole. Of course I know a person needs to be whole to be a half of something, but I don’t know what more I need to do to come to terms with my single status. I’m trying. I really am.

I roll over and, on impulse, call Hank. It’ll be nice to hear his voice even if he is mad at me. He answers on the second ring.

“Yep.”

“Hey. It’s me.” I try not to cry.

“Hey, Paisley.” The way he says my name, his voice lifting slightly on the last letter, tells me it’s followed by a smile. “What are you doing up at this time of night?”

It’s not what I expect, considering, the last time we saw each other, he left taciturnly.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“I just got in from my trip and was unpacking, sorting my mail, and watching some TV. I guess my clock is off. I’m not too tired.”

“Where did you go?” I stretch back onto my pillow and try to breathe. Holding back my tears is causing a lump to form in my throat.

“Off to take care of business.” He sighs and the TV clicks off in the background.

“Is that code for you can’t tell me? You go out of town a lot.”

“Nah, it’s code for nothing interesting. Traveling is part of the job. I work for one of the admirals, so when he goes out of town, so do I. In this case it was a conference in D.C. You haven’t answered my question. What’s got you up?”

I pause and tears break lose. “My friend’s husband left her. Left her and their child. I just found out today.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s my friend whose child had the seizure. I guess he couldn’t take it. Truth is neither can Heather, at least she can’t alone.”

“I’m sure it’s a hard thing to deal with. I can’t imagine. People react in different ways to these things.” He pauses. “Are you surprised he bailed?”

I don’t give it a moment’s thought. “No, not really.”

“What else is bothering you?”

“I dunno. I guess it’s hard to watch people hurt.”

“And?” He prompts.

My pangs of fear expand and bring with them anger. “Do marriages last anymore?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“I look around me and see marriages falling apart all the time.”

“Who else’s has fallen apart?”

Feeling defensive, I give a quick shrug. I know he can’t see me, but I have nothing more to say.

“You’ve seen only yours and your friend’s fall apart. Sarah Grace and Dan are still married. Gigi and John have been married five years, my parents almost forty. I bet your parents would still be together.”

“Yeah, but Gigi and John aren’t happy.”

He laughs abruptly. “Aren’t they?”

“Have you seen them lately? They fight all the time.” Obviously I know them better than he does.

“Do they? Maybe you should take another look.” He sounds smug and all knowing.

Why did I even call him?

“Never mind. I thought you’d understand,” I snap.

“I do understand, Paisley, more than you think. Not everyone is upstanding or will react the way
you
think they should. People are flawed. That doesn’t make their actions unforgiveable. Sometimes you have unreasonable expectations.”

I gasp and am about to launch into a rant when he interrupts.

“Take this guy, for example. You seem bent out of shape because he left, but you just said you aren’t surprised. When his kid had a seizure, his wife doesn’t even call him. She calls her sister-in-law. No one expected him to rush home and help. Either he’s already let everyone know he’s the unreliable sort so his actions now shouldn’t be any surprise, or he’s never been given the chance to step up, so why should he bother now?”

I sigh with exasperation. How can he possibly understand? When was the last time he watched his marriage fall apart? Oh yeah, I forgot. Hank’s never been married. What was I thinking to call him?

“How is being responsible, loving, dependable, and trustworthy an unreasonable expectation?”

“People you love will let you down. It’s where you go from there that makes the difference. Now don’t hang up. I can tell you’re angry. I only want you to think about why you’re really upset.”

“And just what makes you think this isn’t the real reason why I’m upset?” My tears have dried up, replaced with bolts of anger flashing through me.

“Because I know you.”

What Mr. Henry Shane Lancaster the Third doesn’t realize is I’ve changed. I’m no longer the teenybopper who used to hang out at his house all the time. I
have
changed.

“So why do you think I’m upset?” I’m a natural glutton for punishment.

He’s quiet a moment except for a grunt that tells me he’s choosing his words carefully. Hank has always been deliberate about his words.

“Let me ask you this, Paisley. Are you one of those people who needs to be married, or are you OK by yourself? For the rest of your life.” He yawns as if our conversation is prosaic.

“Of course I don’t
have
to be married. If I
had
to be married, wouldn’t I still be with Trevor?” I counter, emphasizing each word. I’m positive of my response and feelings.

“OK, but who initiated, who pursued the divorce?” he pushes.

“I don’t think it’s relevant whose idea it was. I think it shows who was the quitter and who was willing to make it work.” I’d taken my wedding vows seriously and didn’t appreciate any implications otherwise.