The Girl Who Never Came Back (12 page)

Today

"You didn't tell me she was a fucking nut-case!" Charlotte hissed a few hours later, standing in the kitchen while Tony served up the roast duck.

"I thought that was assumed," he replied, carefully ladling out the juices from the tin. "Hasn't that been standard policy in your family for decades?"

"She thinks Sophie's coming back!" Charlotte continued, glancing at the door to make sure that Ruth was still busy setting the table in the dining room.

Tony put the tin down on the draining board. "Careful of that," he muttered, "it's hot."

"She needs to see a fucking psychiatrist," Charlotte replied, keeping her voice down. "What the hell are you going to say to her when it gets to midnight and Sophie doesn't reappear?"

Tony shrugged.

"Haven't you thought of that?" Charlotte asked, stunned by her brother-in-law's apparent lack of care. After a moment, however, the pieces started to fall into place and she signed as she watched Tony portion out the potatoes. "Oh fucking Christ," she muttered. "Jesus fucking Christ. You're both..."

Tony ignored her, focusing instead on the food.

"You think she's right, don't you?" Charlotte continued, suddenly struck by the tragedy of the house. "You both think Sophie's going to come back today."

"You don't know that she isn't," Tony replied, placing a couple of slices of roast duck on each plate. "So far, Sophie's disappearance has been exactly like yours, and we all know how that turned out, don't we?" He took a step back and admired his work. "I shot this duck myself, you know," he added, clearly keen to change the subject. "Don't worry, though. There won't be any lead in the carcass. I've cooked duck... Gosh, it must be hundreds of times over the years, and I've never got any lead in there yet."

"Shut the fuck up about your fucking duck," Charlotte muttered as she realized that, far from coming back to a house that had come to terms with its tragedy, she'd wandered straight into the middle of a nightmare. "Why isn't she pregnant?" she asked suddenly. "You need to move on, Tony. You need to get past everything that happened! You need..." She paused, wondering whether she should say what she was thinking. "You need to have another child. Maybe a couple, you know? It won't replace Sophie, but it'll be a way to remind yourselves that life goes on."

"We're thinking of having more," he replied uncertainly. "We just wanted to wait until..." He paused. "Well, you know how it is, you need to do one thing at a time, don't you? We thought we should probably focus on Sophie first, and then maybe in a year or two we can start to think about some new additions to the family."

They stood in silence for a moment as Tony looked at the roast duck and Charlotte stared in shocked, open-mouthed horror at her brother-in-law. She found it hard to believe the fantasy world that Ruth and Tony had created, and she felt certain that it was going to come crashing down sooner or later. Probably sooner.

"You're going to break each other's hearts," she said after a moment, all her anger suddenly replaced by pity, and by the realization that everything would fall apart at midnight. "You're fucking idiots, do you know that?"

"Can you carry this plate through?" Tony asked, passing a plate to her. "I can manage the rest." He looked up at the ceiling as the wood creaked. "Great," he added, "sounds like Helen's smelled the food. I hope you enjoy the duck, Charlotte. I think it's my best yet."

Charlotte opened her mouth to argue with him, but she realized that she'd only be banging her head against a stone wall. It was as if a spell had been cast on her sister and brother-in-law, rendering them deaf to the rational world while they plunged deeper down a rabbit-hole of false hope. Although she was by no means opposed to self-delusion, Charlotte felt that this particular fantasy had a very clear sell-by date: by midnight, it would be abundantly clear that Sophie wasn't coming back, in which case Ruth and Tony would have to face the truth.

***

Dinner was delicious and sorrowful.

As she slowly made her way through her portion of duck, Charlotte didn't know where to look. Ruth was eating happily, chatting away to Tony about plans to maybe take a family holiday the next year, and between them they made for a pitiful sight. As if that wasn't bad enough, Charlotte and Ruth's mother Helen was sitting alone at the other side of the table, mournfully eating her food and keeping her head down, as if she was ashamed to be in polite company. There was also a spare place made up, clearly designed for Sophie in case the girl happened to reappear during dinner, while the patio door was open to let the air of a warm summer's evening into the house. Everything was set for Sophie's arrival, but there was one problem:

Charlotte knew full well that the little girl wouldn't be making an appearance.

After dinner, Tony suggested that everyone should sit out on the porch. The explanation given was that it'd be nice to have some sherry and enjoy the evening, but Charlotte knew that the real purpose was to have a perfect view of the lawn. As she slowly escorted her mother outside, Charlotte couldn't help but glance back at Ruth and Tony, who both had the same sad, forced smiles on their faces. It was almost nine o'clock, and there were only three hours to go before the day of Sophie's miraculous reappearance was going to come to an end. Charlotte had no idea how the couple would react when midnight arrived and Sophie was nowhere to be seen, but she'd already made a hard-hearted decision. In all likelihood, she'd jump into her car and drive through the night. She simply couldn't handle the emotional fallout of Ruth and Tony's mutual delusion.

"Mummy's very excited," Ruth said a few minutes later, as they all sat in a row, drinks in their hands. She leaned over and gave her mother's shoulder a reassuring pat. "You're not cold are you, Mummy?"

Ignoring her daughter, Helen kept her eyes firmly on the lawn. Her lower jaw was constantly trembling and the past year seemed to have made her eyes more milky than ever, while there was an air of fear about her face, as if she was terrified of the evening's events.

"Are you sure she's okay?" Charlotte whispered, leaning over to Ruth.

"Of course," Ruth replied with a smile. "Why wouldn't she be?"

"Her eyes," Charlotte continued. "Have you had her checked out? Are you sure she can see properly?"

"She's fine," Ruth replied.

"But she just -"

"She's fine," Ruth said again, a sliver of her old anger showing through for a moment. "She can see just fine." She paused, and the veil of good humor came down again, bringing the smile back to Ruth's face. "Stop worrying so much, Charlotte. Tonight's going to be a good night. Can't you feel it in your bones? It's going to be a really good, happy night."

Charlotte opened her mouth to argue with her, but suddenly she realized that her sister was close to tears. The effort required to believe something as fantastical as Sophie's impending return was clearly causing Ruth great strain, and although Charlotte wanted to find a way to help her sister, she finally leaned back in her chair, afraid to say or do anything. Instead, she watched as strands of late-night mist drifted slowly across the lawn.

"It's a lovely evening," Tony said after a few minutes. "Really... lovely."

"Yes," Ruth continued, her eyes fixed firmly on the gate at the far end of the garden. "So lovely."

Charlotte took a big swig of her latest vodka and orange, almost downing the entire glass in one go.

"You want a refill?" Tony asked, hurrying over and grabbing the glass before she could reply. "I'll get you a refill."

The evening continued to drag past in excruciatingly slow fashion. Ruth and Tony made polite, jovial conversation, occasionally dragging Charlotte in to mutter a few words, but as ten o'clock and then eleven o'clock ticked past, the tension in the air was becoming increasingly palpable. Charlotte couldn't help but keep glancing over at her mother, whose expression had remained unchained throughout: scared but stoical, the old woman didn't seem to have averted her gaze from the lawn once.

After a while, the polite chatter between Ruth and Tony died down, and when she checked her watch, Charlotte saw that there were only ten minutes left until midnight. She glanced at her sister and saw a look of concern on her face, due no doubt to the fact that soon the day's fantasy would be over. Although she wanted to leap up, grab Ruth and shake her until she realized the error of her ways, Charlotte felt frozen in place, as if she was too scared to get involved in anything that was happening. She wanted to just stay back, avoid drawing attention to herself, and hope against hope that perhaps she might not feel the full force of her sister's anger once the disappointment set in.

By one minute past midnight, they were all sitting in silence. It was as if no-one wanted to be the first to say anything, and Charlotte wondered whether Ruth and Tony planned to just sit out all night. Starting to feel cold and tired, she ached to go inside and draw the agonizing evening to a close, but she knew that if she so much as blinked, she'd be seen as the one who ended the family's hope. Staring at the gate at the far end of the lawn, she tried to imagine what it would have been like if Sophie
had
suddenly appeared. The joy would have been unbridled, the celebrations endless... and yet all those happiness could never be unleashed, because now it was painfully clear even to the most deluded family-members that Sophie was never, ever coming back.

"Well," Tony said after what felt like an eternity. "I don't know, maybe..." His voice trailed off, as if he was waiting for Ruth to give him a cue. "Would anyone like another drink?"

"I'll get them," Ruth said quickly, getting to her feet and grabbing the empty glasses before hurrying inside.

Charlotte glanced over at her brother-in-law and saw the fear in his eyes.

"This has to end," she whispered after a moment.

Tony nodded.

Getting to her feet, Charlotte made her way inside, but as soon as she got through to the kitchen, she realized she could hear someone sobbing. She walked over to the door and peered through to the darkened living room, where she saw Ruth standing in the shadows, a bottle of vodka in her hand as she wiped her eyes. It was such a private moment, Charlotte felt that even a sister had no right to intrude, so she hung back, wondering what to do next. She didn't want to just turn around and go back outside, but neither did she feel that she could leave her. Instead, she simply waited, half in the room and half out, half with her sister and half not, watching as Ruth slowly poured more drinks for them all. It was a sad, pathetic sight, and Charlotte couldn't help but wonder whether this was how her sister was going to live the rest of her life. With a steely heart, she realized that there was no way she was going to sit around and watch while -

Suddenly there was a cry from out on the porch. Charlotte turned, immediately recognizing the voice as her mother's.

"What was that?" Ruth asked, hurrying over to join her before turning to Charlotte. "Were you watching me?"

Ignoring her sister, Charlotte ran through to the other room and finally out onto the porch, where she found Tony desperately trying to support her mother while the old woman struggled forward, trying to make her way onto the lawn. It was as if, after a whole evening of inactivity, Helen had suddenly been spurred to push forward toward some goal that no-one else could see.

"Here," Charlotte said, grabbing her mother's arm and trying to pull her up. "Jesus, Mum. What the -"

Before she could finish, she heard the sound of glass smashing behind her. Turning, she saw Ruth standing in the doorway with a stunned look on her face.

"You gonna help?" Charlotte asked, before turning back to her mother and then glancing over at the lawn.

And that's when she saw it.

Still struggling to keep her flailing mother upright, Charlotte nevertheless couldn't take her eyes off the sight down by the gate at the far end of the garden. It was a dark night, with precious little moonlight, and there were still lines of fog drifting across the lawn, but as Charlotte stared in awestruck horror, she realized that there was an unmistakable figure outlined against the trees, standing down by the gate.

It was the silhouette of a little girl.

Today

"Sophie!" Ruth screamed, racing across the porch and almost knocking Charlotte and her mother over in the process. Steadying herself against the railing, Charlotte made sure her mother was upright before turning to watch as Ruth ran across the lawn.

"Sophie!" her sister shouted again, heading straight for the silhouette.

"Hold her," Tony said, shifting Helen's weight fully onto Charlotte before letting go and running after his wife as she got closer and closer to the little girl's figure.

***

"Stay here," Charlotte said, trying not to be too forceful as she dumped her mother's frame into a chair.

"Sophie!" Ruth screamed in the distance, down at the bottom of the garden. "Sophie!"

"Stay. Here!" Charlotte said firmly, before turning and looking across the lawn. Despite the mist, she could just about make out Ruth and Tony's figures in the distance. Her heart pounding, Charlotte set off after them.

***

Racing across the lawn, already desperately out of breath thanks to her dozen-fags-a-day habit, Charlotte damn near slipped over several times on the damp grass.

"Sophie!" Ruth was saying over and over again, just a few meters up ahead. "Sophie! Sophie!"

"Where is she?" Charlotte shouted as she came to a halt, only to finally lose her balance as one of her feet slid through the mud, leaving her to slam down hard on her back. Getting up quickly, she wiped mud from her legs as she tried to work out what was happening. "Where is she?" she shouted.

***

"She was right here," Ruth said, her voice filled with panic as she stood on the other side of the fence, turning around in circles as she looked for some sign of her daughter. "She was right here!" she screamed.

"I'm not sure," Tony said breathlessly. "I thought I saw something, but it's so dark..."

"I saw her," Charlotte said, standing by the gate.

Ruth turned to her. "You did?"

Charlotte nodded.

"See?" Ruth continued, turning to her husband. "I wasn't imagining it!"

"I didn't say you
were
," Tony replied. "I saw her too, or at least I thought I did. I just..." He glanced over at Charlotte, and it was clear that he had no idea what to think.

"I saw her," Charlotte said, her heart racing as she walked over to join Ruth. "It wasn't a trick of the light or any of that bullshit. I fucking saw her." She believed it, too. She was even convinced that she'd seen the little girl walking forward. She knew full well that it was possible for shadows to conspire and create an illusion, but that's not what had happened. She
knew
that she'd seen the silhouette of a little girl down by the fence, and yet now there was no sign of her. It was as if she'd briefly shown herself, only to vanish back into the mist.

"Sophie!" Ruth screamed. "Sophie! Where are you?"

"Sophie!" Charlotte shouted.

"You saw her, didn't you?" Ruth said, tears rolling down her face as she turned to her sister. "Please, God, tell me you saw her. Tell me I'm not imagining it!"

"I saw her," Charlotte replied. "I did."

"Are you sure?" Ruth shouted, grabbing her by the arms. "Are you absolutely sure?"

"Of course I'm fucking sure!" Charlotte shouted back at her. "Do you think I'd fucking say anything if I wasn't sure? I saw her! I saw..." She paused for a moment. "I mean, it sure as hell looked like her. I saw her silhouette. I swear to God, I saw her!"

"Sophie!" Tony shouted, trudging through the mud as he made his way toward the tow-path. "Sophie!"

"Where is she?" Ruth asked, turning and following him. "I don't understand. She must have seen us, so why didn't she come to us? What's wrong with her? Is she scared? Doesn't she remember us?"

Turning to glance back at the house, Charlotte suddenly realized that she could see a figure lumbering toward them through the mist, hurrying away from the house. For a fraction of a second, her heart leaped in her chest as she allowed herself to believe that it might be Sophie, before she realized with crushing horror that it was a different shape altogether. It was someone older, someone less steady, someone who could barely stay upright.

"Fuck," she muttered, hurrying back through the mist until she reached her mother. "Mum, what are you doing? I told you to stay back there!"

"Where is she?" her mother asked, leaning heavily on her daughter. "I saw her! Where is she?"

"Fuck," Charlotte gasped, straining to keep them both upright. "Mum, you're too heavy." She looked over toward the tow-path. "Hey! Someone! A little help here?"

In the distance, she heard Ruth and Tony calling Sophie's name.

"I guess they're busy," Charlotte muttered as she tried to shift her mother's weight. "Mum, you need to try to straighten your legs," she gasped, feeling as if she was fighting a losing battle to keep them both up. "Seriously, Mum, you need to help me to help you here -"

"Where is she?" the old woman whispered, trying to push on toward the river.

"Let them look," Charlotte continued. "Mum, it's muddy out here -"

"I saw her," her mother insisted. "I saw Charlotte."

"Sophie," Charlotte replied. "You saw Sophie, Mum. And we all saw her." She turned and looked at the darkness all around them, and a chill ran up her spine. "We all did," she continued. "We all saw her."

"It's my fault," her mother said, trying to push her away. "Let me go and find her."

"It's not your fault," Charlotte said, as she heard Ruth and Tony still calling for their daughter, their voices sounding further and further away. "Mum, you're gonna fucking freeze out here. I can't let you down onto the ground. It's muddy as hell."

"It's my fault," her mother continued, still trying to get past until, finally, she tumbled into the fence.

"Here," Charlotte said, wrapping her mother's arms over the top of the gate-post. "Don't let go, okay?"

"Poor Charlotte," her mother said, her milky white eyes fixed on the darkness ahead. "That poor little girl."

"Yeah," Charlotte replied after a moment, finally taking a few seconds to catch her breath. "Poor Charlotte. Poor little girl, huh?" She paused as she listened to the others' voices, still plaintively calling for Sophie in the distance. "We all saw Sophie," she continued after a moment, "and then..." She turned and looked back across the misty lawn. For the first time since all of this had begun, she was starting to reconsider her beliefs. She knew she'd seen the girl's silhouette, and yet it was clear that there was no sign of her. Suddenly, the most rational explanation, the
only
rational explanation, was one that filled Charlotte with fear.

"It's all my fault," her mother whispered, still clinging to the fence. "All of it. The cold. The mud. Everything. I should never... Poor Charlotte."

"It's Sophie, mother," Charlotte replied, starting to get annoyed. "For fuck's sake, can't you pull yourself together for once?" She immediately realized that she was being too harsh, however, and to compensate, she took off her jacket and wrapped it around her mother's shoulders. "It's going to be okay," she said, trying to calm the old woman a little. "It's going to be okay, there's -"

Before she could finish, she spotted the silhouette of a girl nearby, on the grass. For a moment, her heart seemed to stop beating until she realized that the silhouette was actually her own shadow, cast alongside her mother's across the lawn. Still, as she looked more closely, she realized that while her mother's shadow was heaving with the old woman's attempts to stay upright, her own shadow seemed to be completely still and calm, almost as if it was staring back at her, almost as if...

"Ettolrahc," Charlotte whispered.

"It's my fault," her mother continued. "It's my fault that poor Charlotte's dead."

"I'm not dead, Mum," she replied, feeling a cold shiver pass through her body. "It just feels like that sometimes."

In the distance, barely audible, Ruth and Tony were still calling for their daughter, their unanswered calls drifting through the trees and mist. All Charlotte could do, however, was wait with her mother and hope that somehow the little girl might yet be found, even though - with every distant call of her name - it was now clear that Sophie was never coming back.