The Gods Themselves (15 page)

What she had just done indicated the extent of her rarefaction more than any amount of right-ling scolding and for a moment she was ashamed and sorry for Tritt.

And then she was swept by a deeper shame. What if she were caught? She, an adult—

If a Hard One passed and lingered— She could not possibly bring herself to emerge if anyone were watching but how long could she stay within and what if they discovered her
in
the rock?

And even as she thought that, she sensed the Hard Ones and then—somehow—realized they were far away.

She paused, strove to calm herself The rock, permeating and surrounding her, lent a land of grayness to her perception but didn't dim it. Instead, she sensed more sharply. She could still sense Tritt in his steady motion downward as sharply as though he were by her side, and she could sense the Hard
Ones
though they were a cavern complex away. She
saw
the Hard Ones, every single one of them, each in his place, and could sense their vibratory speech to the fullest detail, and even catch bits of what they were saying.

She was sensing as she never had before and never dreamed she could.

So, though she could now leave the rock, secure in the knowledge she was both alone and unobserved, she did not; partly out of amazement, partly out of the curious exultation she felt at understanding and her desire to experience it further.

Her sensitivity was such that she even knew
why
he was sensitive. Odeen had frequently remarked how well he understood something after a period of melting, even though he had not understood it at all before. There was something about the melted state that increased sensitivity incredibly; more was absorbed; more was used. It was because of the greater atomic density during melting, Odeen had said.

Even though Dua was' not sure what "greater atomic density" meant, it came with melting and wasn't this present situation rather like melting? Hadn't Dua melted with rock?

When the triad melted, all the sensitivity went to Odeen's benefit. The Rational absorbed it, gained understanding, and retained that understanding after separation. But now Dua was the only consciousness in the melt. It was herself and the rock. There was "greater atomic density" (surely?) with only herself to benefit.

(Was this why rock-rubbing was considered a perversion? Was this why Emotionals were warned off? Or was it just Dua because she was so rarefied? Or because she was a Left-Em?)

And then Dua stopped all speculation and just sensed—in fascination. She was "only mechanically aware of Tritt returning, moving past her, passing in the direction back from which he had come. She was only mechanically aware—scarcely feeling the vaguest surprise—that Odeen, too, was coming up from the Hard-caverns. It was the Hard Ones she was sensing, only they, trying to make more out of her perceptions, trying to make the most out of them.

It was a long time before she detached and flowed out of the rock. And when that time came, she was not concerned overmuch as to whether she would be observed. She was confident enough of her sensing ability to know she wouldn't be.

And she returned home deep in thought.

3b

Odeen had returned home to find Tritt waiting for him, but Dua still hadn't returned. Tritt did not seem disturbed at that. Or at least he seemed disturbed, but not at
that.
His emotions were strong enough so that Odeen could sense them clearly, but he let them go without proving. It was Dua's absence that made Odeen restless; to the extent that he found himself annoyed at Tritt's presence simply because Tritt was not Dua.

In this he surprised himself. He could not deny to himself that it was Tritt who, of the two, was the dearer to him. Ideally, all members of the triad were one, and any member should treat the other two exactly on a par—both with each other and with him (her) self. Yet Odeen had never met a triad in which this was so; least of all among those who loudly proclaimed their triad to be ideal in this respect One of the three was always a little left out, and generally knew it, too.

It was rarely the Emotional, though. They supported each other cross-triad to an extent that Rationals and Parentals never did. The Rational had his teacher, the proverb went, and the Parental his children—but the Emotional had all the other Emotionals.

Emotionals compared notes and if one claimed neglect, or could be made to claim it, she was sent back with a thin patter of instructions to stand firm, to demand! And because melting depended so much on the Emotional and her attitude, she was usually pampered by both left and right.

But Dua was so non-Emotional ,an Emotional! She didn't seem to care that Odeen and Tritt were so close, and she had no close friendships among the Emotionals to make her care. Of course that was it; she was so non-Emotional an Emotional.

Odeen loved having her so interested in his work; loved having her so concerned and so amazingly ready of comprehension; but that was an intellectual love, lie deeper feeling went to steady, stupid Tritt, who knew his place so well and who could offer so little other than exactly what counted—the security of assured routine.

But now Odeen felt petulant. He said, "Have you heard from Dua, Tritt?"

And Tritt did not answer directly. He said, "I am busy. I will see you later. I have been doing things."

"Where are the children? Have you been gone, too? There is a been-gone feel to you."

A note of annoyance made itself plain in Tritt’s voice.

''The children are well-trained. They know enough to place themselves in community-care. Really, Odeen, they are not babies." But he did not deny the "been-gone" aura that he faintly exuded.

"I'm sorry. I'm just anxious to see Dua."

"You should feel so more often," Tritt said. "You always tell me to leave her alone. You look for her." And he went on into the deeper recesses of the home cavern.

Odeen looked after his right-ling with some surprise. At almost any other occasion he would have followed in an attempt to probe the unusual uneasiness that was making itself quite evident through the ingrained stolidity of a Parental. What had Tritt done?

—But he was waiting for Dua, and growing more anxious by the moment, and he let Tritt go.

Anxiety keened Odeen's sensitivity. There was almost a perverse pride among Rationals in their relative poverty of perception. Such perception wasn't a thing of the mind; it was most characteristic of Emotionals. Odeen was a Rational of Rationals, proud of reasoning rather than feeling, yet now he flung out the imperfect net of his emotional perception as far as he could; and wished, for just a moment, that he were an Emotional so that he could send it out farther and better.

Yet it eventually served his purpose. He could detect Dua's approach, finally, at an unusual distance—for him —and he hastened out to meet her. And because he made her out at such a distance, he was more aware of her rarefaction than he ordinarily was. She was a delicate mist, no more.

—Tritt was right, Odeen thought with sudden, sharp concern. Dua
must
be made to eat and to melt. Her interest in life
must
be increased.

He was so intent on the necessity of this that when she flung herself flowingly toward him and virtually engulfed him, in utter disregard of the fact that they were not in private and might be observed, and said, "Odeen, I must know—I must know so much—" he accepted it as the completion of his own thought and did not even consider it strange.

Carefully, he slipped away, trying to adopt a more seemly union without making it seem he was repulsing her. "Come," he said, "I've been waiting for you. Tell me what you want to know. I will explain all I can."

They were moving quickly homeward now, with Odeen adapting himself eagerly to the characteristic waver of the Emotional flow.

Dua said, "Tell me about the other Universe. Why are they different? How are they different? Tell me all about

it"

It did not occur to Dua she was asking too much. It
did
occur to Odeen. He felt rich with an astonishing quantity of knowledge and was on the point of asking, How do you come to know enough about the other Universe to grow so curious about it?

He repressed the question. Dua was coming from the direction of the Hard-caverns. Perhaps Losten had been talking to her, suspecting that despite everything Odeen would be too proud of his status to help his mid-ling.

Not so, thought Odeen gravely. And he would not ask. He would just explain.

Tritt bustled about them when they returned home. "If you two are going to talk, go into Dua's chamber. I will be busy out here. I must see to it that the children are cleaned and exercised. No time for melting now. No melting."

Neither Odeen nor Dua had any thought of melting, but there was no thought in either mind of disobeying the command. The Parental's home was his castle. The Rational had his Hard-caverns below and the Emotional her meeting places above. The Parental had only his home.

Odeen therefore said, "Yes, Tritt Well be out of your way."

And Dua extended a briefly loving part of herself and said, "It's good to see you, right-dear." (Odeen wondered if her gesture was part relief over the fact that there would be no pressure to melt. Tritt did tend to overdo that a bit; even more than Parentals generally.)

In her chamber, Dua stared at her private feeding-place. Ordinarily, she ignored it.

It had been Odeen's idea, He knew that such things did exist and, as he explained to Tritt, if Dua did not like to swarm with the other Emotionals, it was perfectly possible to lead Solar energy down into the cavern so that Dua might feed there.

Tritt had been horrified. It wasn't done. The others' would laugh. The triad would be disgraced. Why didn't Dua behave as she should?

"Yes, Tritt," Odeen had said, "but she doesn't behave as she should, so why not accommodate her? Is it so terrible? She will eat privately, gain substance, make us happier, become happier herself, and maybe learn to swarm in the end."

Tritt allowed it, and even Dua allowed it—after some argument—but insisted that it be a simple design. So there was nothing but the two rods that served as electrodes, powered by Solar energy, and with room for Dua in between.

Dua rarely used it, but this time she stared at it and said, "Tritt has decorated it ... Unless you did, Odeen."

"I? Of course not"

A pattern of colored-clay designs was at the base of each electrode. "I suppose it's his way of saying he wishes I would use it," Dua said, "and A
im
hungry. Besides, if I'm eating, Tritt wouldn't dream of interrupting us, would he?"

"No" said Odeen, gravely. "Tritt would stop the world it he thought its motion might disturb you while you were eating."

Dua said, "Well—A
im
hungry."

Odeen caught a trace of guilt in her. Guilt over Tritt? Over being hungry? Why should Dua feel guilty about being hungry? Or had she done something that had consumed energy and was she feeling—

He wrenched his mind away from that impatiently. There were times when a Rational could be
too
Rational, and chase down the tracks of every thought to the detriment of what was important. Right now, it was important to talk to Dua.

She seated herself between the electrodes and when she compressed herself to do so, her small size was only too painfully evident. Odeen was hungry himself; he could tell because the electrodes seemed brighter than they ordinarily did; and he could taste the food even at that distance and the savor was delicious. When one was hungry, one always tasted food more keenly than otherwise and at a greater distance. .,. But he would eat later.

Dua said, "Don't just sit silently, left-dear.
Tell
me. I want to know." She had adopted (unconsciously?) the ovoid character of a Rational, as though to make it clearer that she wanted to be accepted as one.

Odeen said, "I can't explain it all. All the science I mean, because you haven't had the background, I will try to make it simple and you just listen. Later, you tell me what you didn't understand and I'll try to explain further. You understand, first, that everything is made up of tiny particles called atoms and that these are made up of still tinier subatomic particles."

"Yes, yes," said Dua. "That's why we can melt."

"Exactly. Because actually we are mostly empty space. All the particles are far apart and your particles and mine and Tritt's can all melt together because each set fits into the empty spaces around the other set. The reason matter doesn't fly apart altogether is that the tiny particles do manage to cling together across the space that separates them. There are attractive forces holding them together, the strongest being one we call the nuclear-force. It holds the chief subatomic particles
very
tightly together in bunches that are spread widely apart and that are held together by weaker forces. Do you understand that?"

"Only a little bit," said Dua.

"Well never mind, we can go back later... . Matter can exist in different states. It can be especially spread out, as in Emotionals; as in you, Dua, It can be a little less spread out, as in Rationals and in Parentals. Or still less so, as in rock. It can be very compressed or thick, as in the Hard Ones. That's why they're hard. They are filled with particles."

"You mean there's no empty space in them."

"No, that's not quite what I mean," said Odeen, puzzled as to how to make matter clearer. "They still have a great deal of empty space, but not as much as we do. Particles need a certain amount of empty space and if all they have is that much, then other particles can't squeeze in. If particles are forced in, there is pain. That's why the Hard Ones don't like to be touched 1?y us. We Soft Ones have
more
space between the particles than are actually needed, so other particles can fit in."

Dua didn't look at all certain about that. Odeen hastened onward. "In the other Universe, the rules are different. The nuclear-force isn't as strong as in ours. That means the particles need more room."