The Good Sister (12 page)

He shrugged as he wiped his mouth on a paper napkin. “Not that I know of. I don’t know. I haven’t met anyone to whom I felt the urge to marry. I always assumed I would know. My sister often tells me all the wonderful things I’ll feel when it happens. I just… haven’t so far. I figure, why waste my time, or hers, on something that isn’t going anywhere? I don’t bother. I date. I’m always upfront and honest, but if it gets to where it becomes more of an annoyance than a pleasure for me, I end it.”

“What about Hannah, the gingersnap baker?”

He shook his head. “You sound disturbingly like Jessie now. Don’t think you need to become like her when it involves my personal life. But Hannah and I fizzled out to nothing. Friends. No… more like uncomfortable acquaintances.”

“And… my sister? Did you foresee her as being different for you?”

He chuckled. “Ah, I see what you want to know. You have to understand: this is a very small town. Your sister was a refreshing surprise to find here. She is quite pretty and full of personality. So for a little while, of course, I was interested. But anymore? No. I don’t long for her. I never think of her like that.”

“Did you guys ever…”

His eyebrows shot up, shocked beyond words that Lindsey would ask that. She kept her gaze pinned on her plate, but her wine glass was almost completely empty. Perhaps that was why the stick came out of her ass and she voiced the inquiry.

“No. Do you suppose Will would tolerate us working together if we did?”

Lindsey considered it before grinning. “I do! She tells him what the deal is, and he usually goes with it.”

He stared at her downturned profile. She was such a cool, elegant beauty. Her ash-blond hair framed her lovely face and cascaded over her slender shoulders. “Do you ever tell your husband the deal?” He kept his tone soft and non-threatening.

Her eyes shot up to his face and widened in what nearly looked like panic. Why did any personal questions always turn her half crazy? Like a cornered wild animal. She took a deep breath and released it, her shoulders sinking with her exhale. “No. I never tell my husband what to do. We don’t work that way.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have asked it. I just wonder sometimes—”

“What?”

He set his glass down and watched the liquid swoosh up the sides of it. “Does it bother you? The way he is so possessive and makes you account for all your time? Is that what it’s called? The way he calls you and expects you to respond no matter what? The way he doesn’t want you to work? Don’t you think it’s a bit of an odd attitude nowadays?”

She folded her hands in her lap and stared at them. “Yes.”

He turned his head to the side and considered her profile.
Yes, it bothered her? Yes, it was odd? What?
He waited, but she said nothing more. He let out a sigh. “You don’t want to talk about it, do you?”

She shook her head. “No, it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t think it’s appropriate. It’s private. Between Elliot and me.”

“You and Jessie are really nothing alike, are you?”

“No, we never have been. That must disappoint you. You do enjoy her company a lot, don’t you?”

He grabbed his napkin and pressed his lips together. Yeah, he enjoyed Jessie. But Lindsey’s tone certainly implied she cared about that. In fact, if he didn’t know better, it sounded to him like the friendship he shared with Jessie bothered her. “Yes. I think she’s great. I respect what she’s been through and how she managed to overcome it. I would feel the same about anyone who did what she did. But she’s also a lot of fun to have around. She does a good job. And she acts like she and Penny are both my sisters. So it makes our relationship easy and uncomplicated. Unlike with you.”

Her head shot up and he inclined his with a small nod. “Well, you have to admit, it is rather awkward between us.”

She bit her lip. “I don’t mean to make it awkward. I tend to make it that way with everyone. I don’t know why.”

Except, Noah believed in his heart, she did know why. It was to keep everyone from asking her about Elliot and the incessant phone calls. Elliot and the controlling way he kept her at home and isolated from the rest of the world. “You know why you’re working for me, don’t you?”

Her expression turned puzzled. “Well, sure: to fill in while Jessie takes it easy.”

“And because your sister wanted you to work. Just to get away from Elliot. To remind you of the woman who used to be a soldier. She set this whole thing up so you would have to remember when you were a competent, able-bodied, and capable adult. I resisted her at first. But she really wanted this for you. So I relented, and regretted it for awhile. But you know what? Despite all the valid reasons why I shouldn’t tell you the truth behind this, I am going to. You are not a child who needs be told what to do, and the motives behind certain actions should not be hidden from you. You are not, as Elliot insists, in any way incapable of deciding for yourself what you want to do or how you want to do it. So, I’m going to tell you the truth. She believes he dominates you to keep you under his control. And she hoped by giving you some autonomy back, you’d remember the confidence she claims you once had overflowing inside of you.”

The color started in her throat and climbed all the way to her hairline. Was it anger? Embarrassment? Was she mad at Jessie? Or Noah? Or horrified he dared talk that way about her husband? He waited to find out.

“She shouldn’t have done that.”

“Done what? Worried that you seem to be half the woman you were five years ago? Even
I
noticed it, Lindsey. When I met you in North Carolina, you were outgoing. You held your head high, and looked people directly in the eyes. You spoke up. You had opinions. You had a lot to say. You helped Jessie take on her father.  No one else could have accomplished that. And now? Now you’re a submissive doormat who is chained to her husband by a cell phone.”

She suddenly stood up, pushing her chair back. “How dare you?!”

Noah stayed seated and raised his eyebrows. “How dare I what? Point out the truth? It might piss you off, which I have to mention, I didn’t even know you ever got, but you can’t argue with me and tell me what I say isn’t true. You know it is. My question is, why doesn’t it bother you?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you. Or my marriage. Who do you think you are to even say that to me? Don’t you realize who I am? I am the future first lady of Virginia State, maybe even the country some day. Elliot is a millionaire with connections from Washington D.C. to any major city around the world. He changes lives and will do even more so after the election. And you dare comment on us? On me? You’re just some inferior nobody, a country
veterinarian
who spends all day giving dogs and cats vaccines. Not exactly life-changing work,
Dr. Clark
.”

Noah had no clue she even knew how to speak sarcastically, let alone, strike with such lethal precision. She was breathing hard and he slowly rose to his full height, gently nudging the chair out of his way. “If I run such an inferior, nothing vet clinic, then please tell me why you couldn’t even manage to figure how to be the receptionist there! So you know what, Lindsey? Maybe it’s not so inferior. Really? You’re about to list your
husband’s
virtues and accomplishments? Is that because you have none of your own to claim?”

“I don’t have to prove anything to you! You live nowhere, and are going nowhere. This is it, right? How much further do you have to climb?”

He stepped closer to her, and his eye twitched in anger. “Well, tell me this then, why couldn’t you manage to figure out how to function at work? You haven’t yet answered me about what
you
can do
now,
not five years ago. Now, as in
today.
Can you do anything besides answering your cell phone?”

Said cell phone started ringing right then and Noah banged his fist on the table in annoyance. It was no more than an hour since she last spoke to him.

She stared at him as he did her before lifting her phone to her ear and answering, “Hello Elliot… Yes, I was having dinner with a friend of Jessie’s. No, it’s no one you know. A neighbor. Yes, yes I know. I’m sorry.”

She looked away from him as her husband berated her for several long moments. Then she nodded as if he could see her.

Why was she always so apologetic to Elliot? She finally had to whisper her goodbye before slowly disengaging the phone from her ear and clutching it with both hands. She stared down at it and the silence grew longer and more viscous.

“It bugs me how you act with him. I might not have the right, I know. I’m nothing to you and my opinion means nothing. It’s just that you once were such a capable woman. And to actually observe how you’ve succumbed to becoming some kind of
Stepford wife for Elliot, it just seems wrong. But I have no right to say that to you. When you got here, you were an advocate for Tessa Backerman. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like that. For a while there, I guess I forgot who the real you was. The real you is the one I usually deal with.”

Her fingers tightened on the cell phone. It was like some kind of freaky lifeline to her. Was it because it connected her to the precious Elliot?

“I shouldn’t have said you were nothing. But then, you’re not me. You have no problem with who you are and you know you’re worth something without my saying so.”

“It’s not usually a bad thing to have a little confidence in yourself.”

“No. It’s usually not.”

“Lindsey?” he said finally, and more gently. “I’m sorry. Please accept it. I think you should keep working at the clinic, at least until you return home. Jessie’s heart was in the right place about this. And in telling you about it, so was mine. I shouldn’t have started an argument over it. Please, say you’ll come back to work.”

She raised her eyes to his and they shimmered in their elusive, cool blue depths. He had no idea what that meant. Was she mad? Sad? Pissed? Embarrassed? Did she hate him? He really didn't know. “I’ll be there, don’t worry.”

He let out a long breath. “Good. Then maybe we could forget this ever happened.”

She shook her head. “No. Let’s not. I haven’t had a good shouting match… in, well, years. And I think, I won. Turns out I can be a lot nastier than you.”

“Are you for real? You’re not mad?”

She smiled finally. “No, I—well, you can’t really understand. But thank you. I do, however, need to leave.”

Asking her why was on his tongue.
Why must she leave?
Why was she almost panicking to get through his front door? He followed her to the entry where she stopped, her gaze intense as she looked into his face. He shifted his weight, feeling uncomfortable with her scrutiny. What was it she wanted anyway?

“I am who I am now. There is no changing it. So accept it, me, as I am now, at work. Or I’ll simply be done. You can’t keep questioning my motives for staying with Elliot. I am with Elliot. Nothing will ever change that. Understand that, please. And if you can, and
will quit commenting on whoever I used to be, and accept the person I am now, then we can be friends. If not, then I think it’s best if I just stay at Jessie’s.”

“I can handle it. I’ll back off. I promise.”

She smiled and turned on her heel as he slammed the door after her. That was the strangest conversation he’d ever had. And though he shouldn’t have goaded her on, look what happened when he did! There was still a real woman in there: a live, breathing woman who still got mad and pissed at being treated like a mannequin. Now, if he could only manage to prove to her that what happened today wasn’t any accident, but the real Lindsey emerging.

Lindsey slammed her car door and sat in the driver’s seat, leaning her head into the steering wheel. Her hands shook and her throat felt closed off. Her head pounded as she had not been in such a confrontation for at least four years. She had not blurted out her thoughts in as many years either. She certainly hadn’t been rude, careless, or mean in a very long time; and the weirdest part, the part that caused her hands to grip the steering wheel tighter, was that it felt awesome. It was like breathing for the first time after being held under water. It was a release. An emotional high and level of satisfaction that she never knew. Ever. She was mad, and she acted on it. For obvious reasons, she could never tell Elliot what she truly thought about anything. She didn’t tell him what she thought… period. She simply listened to him. She regurgitated whatever he wanted to hear. Or what she guessed he wanted, at least. And she never got mad. She never even huffed a sigh at him. Now, suddenly, she stood up and yelled at Noah, being downright nasty to him! It was awful that she did so. But holy Christ, it sure felt good. If she’d kept on, and  Elliot’s call hadn’t interrupted her, as he did everything, maybe she’d have even sworn at Noah.

She shook her head and felt like she was swimming in shark-infested waters for the past few weeks. First the job, and lying to Elliot every day about what she did, to this: having a private dinner at Noah’s house! Elliot would surely do something awful to her if he ever found out. She had actually gotten into a fight. A fight! She didn’t know she still had it in her. She truly believed Elliot had beaten all her rage out of her, every ounce of rebellion, resentment, and anger. Sometimes, she felt like Elliot had even beaten every emotion out of her. To survive Elliot, she had to become a numb, uncaring robot. There was no other choice or any other way to be. But suddenly, with Noah, she wasn’t. Strangely, it felt more intimate to her than sex.

Sex. Who the hell cared if they ever had sex? She hated it. Every single time. It was another awful byproduct of being married to Elliot. It hurt and was dirty and disgusting. It was his ugly, cruel penis ramming inside her, or choking her. She would always rush off as soon as she could to wipe his semen out of her and frequently washed her mouth out with three helpings of mouthwash. God, she hated it. She detested it and always wished she never had to do it again.

And fighting with Noah just now? It was the most exhilarating sensation she’d had in years!

She put the car in gear and started home. She loved being alone, out at night, and driving a car. She breathed in a deep breath. She was happy. For the first time in so long, she actually felt happy. She was right there, in the present, driving, relaxed, and not dreading having someone waiting to attack her. No one was going to hit her. No one was going to lie down on top of her and have rough sex with her. No more gross grinding when she least wanted it. No! She was free. For this wonderful moment.
Here. Now. She was free.

She wished Noah could see her smiling and free. But she could never act so stupidly giddy and silly in front of him.