The Good, the Bad and the Unready (52 page)

Ptolemaic Kings

Beginning with the accession of Ptolemy the Saviour in 323 BC and ending with the death of Cleopatra in 30 BC, the Ptolemaic dynasty is a deeply convoluted and somewhat neglected 300-year stretch of Egyptian history. Nicknames of a few of the earlier Ptolemaic kings reflect the intimate relationships among the Egyptian royal family. Those of the later rulers (whose precise dates and even numerals are keenly disputed) suggest an increasingly feeble monarchy. The first dozen kings are listed below.

Ptolemy I the Saviour

c.367–c.283 BC

The inhabitants of Rhodes supposedly awarded Ptolemy the divine title of ‘Soter’ after his forces saved their island in 304 BC by lifting a year-long siege led by Antigonus the
ONE-EYED
.

Ptolemy II the Brother-Loving

308–246 BC

As well as caring deeply for his brothers, Ptolemy also loved his sister, Arsinoe II. He loved her so much, in fact, that he married her.

Ptolemy III the Benefactor

282–211 BC

Dubbed ‘Euergetes’ because, as well as extending the kingdom almost as far as Babylon, he sponsored learning and the arts and was famed for initiating the construction of a great temple at Edfu.

Ptolemy IV the Lover of His Father

c.238–205 BC

Ptolemy ‘Philopater’ may have loved his dead father, but he had little time for any of his other relatives, not least his mother, whom he assassinated at the inauguration of his reign, and his sister, whom he married and then murdered.

Ptolemy V the Illustrious

c.210–180 BC

Hardly illustrious, Ptolemy ‘Epiphanes’ was controlled by inept guardians when he was a boy-king and incompetent advisers when an adult. As a result, Egypt lost nearly all its foreign possessions during his sorry reign.

Ptolemy VI the Lover of His Mother

c.180–145 BC

Ptolemy VI’s nickname of ‘Philometor’ refers to his role as joint head of state with his mother, Cleopatra I, until her death in 176 BC.

Ptolemy VII the New Lover of His Father

d.144 BC

Sources are muddled as to the place of this king in the Ptolemaic royal sequence. It seems that he ruled some-
time in 145 BC after the death of his father, whom he apparently loved, and later was executed when his widowed mother married his uncle, whom he possibly did not love so much.

Ptolemy VIII the Pot-Bellied

d.116 BC

This Ptolemy wanted to be known as ‘the Benefactor’, but it was not to be. Alexandrians dubbed their brutal king ‘the Malefactor’, especially after his expulsion of all Greek intellectuals from the city, while his more common nickname was ‘Physkon’, meaning ‘the Pot-Bellied’ or ‘Fatso’.

Ptolemy IX the Chickpea

d.81 BC

Although also known as ‘Fatso’, Ptolemy IX was more famously known by the mysterious and intriguing appellation ‘Chickpea’. The Greek essayist and biographer Plutarch states that it was given irreverently. Perhaps, as with the Roman orator Cicero, he was so named because he had a chickpea-shaped wart at the end of his nose.

Ptolemy X the Son of a Bitch

d.88 BC

Ptolemy X was dubbed ‘Kokke’, an epithet that in polite circles might be translated as ‘Son of a Bitch’. The bitch in question was the obstreperous Cleopatra III, with whom he briefly ruled before having her assassinated.

Ptolemy XI Alexander II

d.80 BC

This Ptolemy, also known as Alexander II, ruled Egypt for only a few days and thus did not have time to acquire a nickname, pejorative or otherwise.

Ptolemy XII the Flute Player

c.112–51 BC

Unimpressed by his desire to be recognized as a god, the Egyptians dubbed their king Auletes’ in reference to his delight in accompanying choruses on the flute, the favourite instrument of the goddess Isis.