The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (37 page)

Bear in mind that as your partner approaches orgasm, she’ll probably appreciate it if you maintain a steady stimulation up to and through her orgasm. Many women need consistent, reliable stimulation to put them “over the top,” and if you test-drive a brand-new tongue stroke right before she’s about to come, it may not go over too well.

I like cunnilingus because it calls on me to be more subtle and adventurous in determining where the locations of pleasure could be for my lover. The searching and ingesting quality is very exciting—especially if she comes.

You may have read or heard mysterious warnings that you can actually kill a woman during cunnilingus by blowing too forcefully into her vagina. In fact, there is medical literature describing cases in which oral sex has resulted in potentially fatal air embolisms. However, in every one of these unusual cases, there had been some damage to the uterine wall that allowed air to pass from the uterus into the bloodstream—for instance, the woman’s uterine lining was disrupted by an IUD or (in the majority of cases) she was pregnant. During pregnancy, the placenta produces enzymes that eat away part of the uterine wall, creating a pool of blood between the placenta and uterine wall. Therefore, an air embolism could result if a forceful blast of air makes its way through the cervix, beneath the edge of the placenta, and into the bloodstream. These embolisms have, on occasion, proven fatal. However, they are exceedingly rare events. If you are going down on a pregnant partner, please rest assured that, as one doctor we spoke with put it, “It would take a lot of air and a lot of force. Plain oral sex and ‘Whoops, I accidentally breathed on her!’ wouldn’t be a problem.”

Positions

Experiment with different positions to see which are most comfortable and pleasurable for the two of you. You may enjoy simply lying between your partner’s legs, facing her vagina, while she lies on her back—this position also allows you to reach her upper body with your hands. You can try kneeling on the floor between her legs while she lies back on the bed (or the sofa or the kitchen table) or stands over you. Or you can lie on your back while your partner straddles your face—she’ll be free to move her pelvis and control the rhythm of movement. This straddling position is popular both with those women whose arousal is enhanced by watching their partner perform oral sex and those cunnilinguists who enjoy the sensation of being surrounded by their partner’s vulva:

I love having my lover sit over my face, feeling her lose control.

In any event, there are more possible positions for cunnilingus than we could ever name—you’re limited only by your imagination.

My fondest oral sex memory is of the time I made my girlfriend go down on me while I was standing in a phone booth in our hotel lobby. No one passing by could see her kneeling between my legs, but I must have looked like I was having the most exciting phone call of my life!

Enhancers

There’s truly no limit to the variations you can come up with when you’re eye-level with your partner’s vulva. Your hands are free to wield a dildo on your partner and/or on yourself. You can slip a finger in her vagina or anus, or both. Women who find their orgasms are more intense when the vagina is full may particularly enjoy having a dildo inserted during oral sex.

My fantasy involves having my partner give me oral sex while his penis is inside me—but that seems impossible. My partner surprised me once by inserting a vibrator in my vagina and his fingers in my anus while licking my clitoris. This gave me one of the most memorable orgasms I’ve had, and I think this is as close to my fantasy as I will be able to get.

Try playing a vibrator across her labia while you suck on her clitoris. Or hold a battery vibrator against the underside of your tongue while you’re licking, thus transforming your mouth into a sex toy. If that last idea makes your teeth hurt to even think about, bear in mind that sound creates vibration, so you can create a similar, slightly less dramatic effect by humming and purring while you lick. An innovative oral sex toy is a harness designed to strap over the head and hold a dildo over the wearer’s mouth or over the wearer’s chin. Anyone willing to transform themselves into a cross between a sex toy and a unicorn is rewarded with a whole new perspective on penetrating their partner.

Before we leave this topic, we should admit to a bit of a bias. We like to think that every woman and every lover of women should experience the pleasure of cunnilingus. That women’s genitals are more hidden than men’s has led to an exaggerated sense of mystery and, in some cases, a certain fear and disgust toward what’s “down there” between a woman’s legs. When you go down on a woman, you’re bringing all your senses to bear on an appreciation and admiration of her genitals. When you invite someone to go down on you, you’re affirming that your entire body is worthy of tender attention.

I’m a huge fan of cunnilingus. Sometimes it takes a while for me to really let go and get into it, but wow! It’s so cool to feel like someone’s worshipping my cunt.

Fellatio

The word “fellatio” derives from the Latin verb
fellare,
“to suck.” Where would our sex vocabulary be without Latin? However, “sucking” barely begins to describe the pleasurable possibilities of going down on a man. Take your cues from your partner’s body language, and respect that different men will have different preferences when it comes to oral stimulation. Find out whether your partner prefers firm or gentle pressure, attention lavished on the head of his penis or the base, a vacuum-style suck or a rhythmic flicking of the tongue. Of course, your partner might be perfectly happy with a variety of approaches:

I love fellatio, from teasing licks to deep sucking.

My favorite kind of orgasm these days is squatting over another man’s face and having him kiss and chew my nuts with his snorting nose tickling my asshole.

The one rule of thumb that you can safely apply to most men is: no teeth. Do make sure not to scrape your teeth across your partner’s genitals, as this could be quite antierotic. If your partner happens to enjoy a little nibbling on his penis, he’ll probably let you know.

What I don’t like is if I’m sore, or a woman nicks me with her teeth or uses too much pressure.

Techniques

Generally speaking, there’s more to giving head than bobbing your mouth up and down over the shaft of the penis. Of course, you can simply open your mouth and let it be a passive receptacle for a thrusting penis. There’s even a specific term for this technique,
irrumation,
but this kind of fellatio is not as popular—or as fun for the fellator—as that in which the sucking partner is in charge of the action. As with cunnilingus, your best bet is to put your mouth to work on those areas of greatest sensitivity: namely the glans, or head, of the penis; the coronal ridge around the base of the glans; and the raphe, which is the seam running down the underside of the penis. With the exception of the raphe, the shaft of the penis is not particularly sensitive, so licking away at the shaft as though it were a popsicle won’t necessarily generate a great deal of sensation. Instead, concentrate on working your mouth around the glans and coronal ridge—you can wrap your hand around the shaft as a sort of continuation of your mouth. Your partner may enjoy your sucking the head of his penis while stroking up and down on the shaft.

She would move very slowly, taking me in her mouth and using very soft, light touches with her lips and tongue. What I liked best about her technique, besides the slow and deliberate use of her mouth, was that she always kept her hand on my body, stroking the lower part of my shaft. As I got closer to orgasm, she would pick up a steady rhythm, moving her whole head up and down in a long then short, slow then fast, milking motion.

Fellatio

I run a fingertip lightly around the rim of the glans or brush very gently across the tip—this always results in signs of ecstasy and a satisfying wetness. I push my tongue into the slit at the tip of his glans and swirl it round the head. When he’s close to coming I just suck him as the final trigger.

One technique I very much enjoy is when my partner opens her mouth and, with her hand on the base of my shaft, rapidly shakes or wiggles my cock about in her mouth. It makes a wonderful sound, which I find exciting.

Positions

Frequently, a man will lie on his back to receive oral sex while his partner lies, crouches, or kneels between his legs. If you’re sucking your partner’s penis while facing his head, you’ll be able to rub your chest against his penis and scrotum and to reach your hands up to stroke his body. If you’re facing his feet, you’ll be at a better angle to take more of his penis in your mouth, though you won’t be as well-positioned to lick the sensitive underside of his penis. You may want to kneel on the floor to suck his penis while he stands or lies back on a bed. Or you may prefer to lie on your back with your head well supported by pillows while your partner kneels over you, straddles your face, and penetrates your mouth from above. Basically, any position in which you both feel comfortable is a good position.

With one woman, we would gaze into each other’s eyes when we were doing one another. I found that really mesmerizing and erotic. I think it can be easy to lose eye contact during oral sex, but she would lie down on her back and have me straddle her. This is a great position for fellatio and prostate massage.

Enhancers

In your attentiveness to your partner’s penis, don’t forget the rest of his body. You can reach a hand up to play with his nipples, or massage his butt and thighs while you suck. Many men enjoy anal stimulation—with a tongue, finger, dildo, or vibrating butt plug—as an accompaniment to oral sex.

Gentle prostate simulation complements cocksucking. I like to have my nipples bitten and sucked. Simple thumbing of my anal opening is nice.

You may want to hold a vibrator against your partner’s perineum, or you may want to play with a vibrator yourself. There’s no law that says only one of you at a time is entitled to sexual stimulation. Many heterosexual couples enjoy incorporating breast play into fellatio—tit-fucking is a popular alternative to intercourse, and it can easily be combined with oral sex.

I used a vibrator once while performing fellatio—it was great! It’s the only toy experience I’ve had with a partner.

I like fellatio if it’s preceded by my partner alternately fucking my breasts and then my mouth while doing a lot of sex talk. When he’s at the point of coming, I like him to take control of his cock with one hand and move my head with the other. This frees up my hands so I can start rubbing my breasts and touching myself so that we can come together.

Giving head provides you with a great opportunity to explore your partner’s genitals. You can massage his perineum with your fingers, gather his scrotum together using your hand as a cock ring, lick or mouth his testicles, and otherwise lavish attention on his entire genitals. As with cunnilingus, fellatio allows you an intimate view of your partner’s arousal and an almost unparalleled sense of control over his sexual pleasure.

Actually performing fellatio on my partner is one of the most wonderful pleasures. I’ve gotten it down to such an art of sweet torture, ending in an outrageous orgasm for him and an inability for him to move for the next thirty minutes or so. The most recent time, I almost came just from going down on him.

What I like about fellatio is feeling the slow approach to orgasm. Often I’m just lying there, maybe moving slowly, just feeling the nerve stimulation building and building and knowing it’s going to keep building until I come.

Deep Throat

This is the term commonly used for the technique of taking an entire penis into your mouth and throat. What this technique lacks in finesse—you won’t be able to lick, suck, or do anything more than hold your lips around his shaft—it makes up for in terms of impressing your lovers. Relaxation and positioning are both key to performing this technique. Either you have to be kneeling over your partner’s penis facing his feet, so that your mouth and throat will be at the right angle to accommodate a whole penis, or you should be lying on your back with your head off the side of a bed so that your mouth and throat are in a line. Basically, you’ll be taking his penis all the way into your throat, which means you need to work on relaxing your gag reflex. Keep your hand at the base of his penis with the understanding that you can push the penis out of your mouth in a hurry without any hard feelings between you. Gagging is a natural response to having any object blocking your throat. Practice and trust will make it easier to relax this reflex. Of course, you can be an excellent fellator without ever swallowing more than a couple of inches of penis.