The Goodbye Girl (Red Market Series Book 2) (28 page)

Through death and forbidden love comes life.

I've felt different
since being here in Spain with Caesar. Since he has accepted this love, we exist in our own quiet paradise. Floating between the realities of the outer world of what's deemed acceptable and what our normal is, we have fallen in tune with our little melody. It isn't sweet like other songs that are sung. It started out early; full of tragedy and despair. Through it all, we survived it to make our love matter. Our love story will be etched in time with scars and blood, murder and mayhem, but despite all of that, there is a simple tenderness that settles itself deeply in both of our hearts. It's devout, true, and meaningful. That simplicity took years to develop, and much heartache and loss for both of us to accept.

Love. True, unyielding fucking love.

Nine months have passed since living freely. It's not just me, either. Caesar has disbarred the judgements of both society and the ones that were pressured upon him as a child. Eventually, as time passed, they became both his nemesis and his sanity, though a complete puzzle of the mind, it's just how it worked for him. He had to find his way to peace. In doing that, he needed to accept the only kind of love that wasn't forced; one that he never had to say goodbye to.

Me.

I don't look at him any other way besides the man that I love. His black hair that is dusted with gray is unruly, just like before and when he's nervous, he runs his strong hands through it to tame his anxiety. It's sexy as hell. The dark stubble that used to cover his jaw is sparse, now covered with scars from the fires of the goodbye he wanted to greet. The only thing that stopped him was the fleck of hope that laid underneath the crazy. Me; his Mi Amor. The brown-eyed lost girl who used to be a lamb in the fierce world.

I was fucked by it. Torn apart by the nasty that surrounded me. Siphoned from any decency, I clung onto a sliver of hope as the man with dark eyes and hair haunted my dreams. Little did I realize back then, he would be my salvation both physically and mentally, and I would be the same for him.

His marred hands love me softly, easing the horror away with each feather-light touch. The battles that we fought are over, but the results of them will always be present. We will forever wear the effects on our skin, imperfect to those that would take no time to judge the way we live, look, and love. His beauty is rough. He's untamed and dark. There are times he doesn't say much because the silence was his only friend for years. Sometimes little things set him off when he can't control the madness that still lingers, but I love those parts of him too.

Things will be changing for us soon. Caesar is working on some last minute details on the new clinic launching in Turkey next month, and I'm lying on top of our bed, cuddled by the down comforter beneath my naked skin. The sunlight shines in, peeking between the dark curtains, making me smile as little pains jab in my belly.

This is the first time Caesar won't be present when a new clinic opens. He has put all of his time, love, and faith into his life here, with me in Spain. He’s put Hugo in charge of its opening, and I have confidence he will do an amazing job like his brother. Any day now, our lives will be blessed with another. Caesar and I are granted another chance at life. We will pave the way for something better for our little one. There will be nothing but love and hope in her future. I will do everything in my power to shield her from sorrow. Life for her will be much different than the life I’ve led.

I've had cramping for several days, which the doctor said was normal. I have received top notch medical care since finding out I was pregnant seven months ago. Initially, I was terrified that Caesar wouldn't want me anymore. How would he tolerate a baby’s cry when my whisper sets his demons alight? Would this toss his balance aside and regress to the existence that surrounded him so heavily before?

No. He was overjoyed. He kissed me like his life depended on it, bending down to my belly and talking to our baby in Spanish as tears marked his scarred face. My heart opened up to a different passage, one that led to motherhood. A new journey that Caesar and I would travel together.

Being eighteen along with life's experiences, Caesar told the doctor that he was concerned with how my body would handle the stress of the pregnancy. My doctor isn't privy to our relationship, well, whatever you want to call it. Every test was done to check the well-being of the baby, including an amniocentesis to check for genetic abnormalities. The baby is one hundred percent healthy. Caesar said it wouldn't matter to him, because she was made out of love, but worry consumed that part of my heart that was opened when Caesar dropped to his knees and hugged my tummy.

But there is no reason to be worried because she is healthy. She is perfect. She is mine and I will love her like I never got to be loved. I will protect her like I never was. I am soon to be a mother, any day now, and Caesar a father.

We are a family. My story was never supposed to end like this. I always thought I would die next to a dumpster like my mother, but here I sit, rubbing my swollen belly as small contractions tighten across my stomach. I smile through the pain, because this beautiful hope is something that I won't ever let go of.

Eighteen un-medicated
hours later, Lourdes Maria Salguero was born at 6 pounds 10 ounces and 19 inches long. Caesar didn't leave my side. He held my hand and breathed through the pain with me. He whispered in my ear as I screamed through the piercing agony that stretched through me, but I knew that a life we created out of love would be a result, and I could do it. I was stronger than the pain. I never let it win before. That kind of pain was different. It was special and significant. It was erasing the old pain and replacing it with meaningful life.

Like Caesar, I was saying goodbye to my old life and hello to my new one. As I hugged my newborn daughter to my chest and nursed her to my breast, Caesar nuzzled his sweaty face in the crook of my neck, kissing me with tenderness and care.

“Mi Amor. You are the fiercest lion I know. I love you.”

I smile as I play with Lourdes’ black curls, watching her lips suckle the milk from my breast.

“And you, paquita, will never be a lamb. You come from the strongest lions, but you will never be given a reason to use your teeth. Mami and Papi will do everything to keep you safe.”

It's now that I accept my life in its own perfection.

Friday nights dream,

On Saturday told,

Is sure to come true,

Be it ever so old.

Tangled in sheets
with bed hair, her bare breasts open to me and the filtered sunlight from the window highlighting her face, she quietly rubs the medicated lotion into my burn scars, returning some flexibility to my painful joints. Her hair tickles my skin as she leans over me to reach them all. Cigarette smoke clouds the air and the sunlight dances in it, making a swirling work of art above me. I watch it disappear before I exhale another, the silence is blissful and Lettie’s touch makes me want to doze back to sleep. I know that work is waiting for me and it won’t stay quiet forever. I just need a few more moments of this heavenly silence before the day takes over and it’s all forgotten again. She settles down next to me, takes my cigarette and inhales it deeply, blowing out a cloud of smoke to mingle with mine. Handing it back, she turns around, kissing me with more love than my heart can hold. When she lays down again, I kiss her forehead and sit up to face my day. After a long shower and the white noise of water to calm my soul, I dress in my work clothes and struggle with my shoes and socks before I slip in the hearing aids that have become our salvation. Sometimes the loud noise makes me tired, but the consequences of hearing a whisper hold so much more weight now. There are days my head pounds from the constant racket in my ears, but my sanity stays intact and I won’t hurt those I love.

Those
, it is so strange to have people around me and actually want them there, I don’t run from them or hide away. I am happy, a foreign emotion for someone who spent their whole life angry or enraged. The calmness that Lettie and now Lourdes have brought to my life is beautiful. They have become the silence I sought after every day, I look forward to seeing them when my work is done. My work is never done, people don’t ever stop getting sick or needing parts, but I saving lives no matter how we do it is rewarding. I know that I would do anything, pay any amount of money, to keep my family safe and healthy. No price would be too much to protect them. I straighten my tie in the mirror and run my hands through my wet hair again so it is out of my eyes.

I hear my daughter cry, the sound piercing my ears at a volume so loud I cannot be affected. The shrill screams make me squeeze my eyes closed and wince at the violent vibrations in my ears, but I love the sound. It is the sound of dreams come to life. The noise of the two women in this house is everything I was prepared to live without, a family. Walking back into the bedroom, my two girls are now cuddled together in the bed, the morning light shining in making them look like angels illuminated. I walk over to the edge of the bed and kiss the little one’s head.

“Goodbye, Girl.” One last kiss. “I will see you later.” 

I take the hearing aids out once I am at work, only my family are saved from the demons, I need them underneath it all to make things work. I have to be a ruthless monster to justify my actions.

Ashleigh lives in South Africa with her husband, two little girls and a zoo of pets. She is slightly obsessed with serial killer shows on TV and loathes purple sweets with a passion.

She likes to write the darker side of love and her characters are not very often the “nice guys” we expect in romance.

When not in her cave writing the next twisted story she can be found travelling her beautiful country and wrangling her two young girls.

About the Author, Mary E. Palmerin

Mary E. Palmerin is the international bestselling author of the Monster Series, Redeeming Rhys, and The Goodbye Man. She currently resides in Indiana with her husband and two small boys. She enjoys writing raw, taboo tales that strike various emotions in her readers. When she isn't busy writing, she usually has her nose in a good book. Mary loves spending time with her family and friends, cooking, art, tattoos, red wine, traveling, and anything that makes her laugh. She believes in living life by the mantra, carpe diem! You can follow her website at authormarypalmerin.com as well as on Facebook at Facebook.com/succumbingtoscarsandsorrow. She also tries to keep her Twitter page up @MP_writer 8! Mary loves to hear from her readers!