The Governor's Daughter (Winds of Change Book 1) (28 page)

He had not changed, but his manner eased. A warm…knowing smile greeted her. The whole of her body tensed. She should have never agreed to see him alone. He had only to look at her to have her trembling. She had fooled herself that he no longer had an effect upon her.

“They are beautiful children, Cathryn. You have made Philip proud,” he said closing the door behind her. “Lucy Elizabeth and Charles Philip. It will please the duchess that you named them as Philip requested. Though it seems you call the boy Philip. You couldn’t bring yourself to call him Charles?”

He did not move, but stared at her in the most disturbing manner. Oh, can I not express some rational thought around him! She needed to compose herself.

“I promised Philip and kept to my word. I gave him none that I would call his son by that name.”

“It matters little. You have done a tremendous job with your children, Cathryn. I feared you would have lost the babe after all you went through, but to deliver two…simply amazing.”

“It was Juriah. I had to get back to her.”

“Did you not trust me?”

“You asked too much. His Grace threatened to take my child away from me.” Cathryn frowned. Gradually it softened into a bittersweet smile. “I can’t return to England. His Grace will still try to take them from me. They are all I have. England holds only painful memories for me.”

“Even me?” he asked. He reached under her chin and brought it up to look into his eyes.

“None more so than you, Jake,” she whispered. Silent tears began to fall. She tried to back away from him, but he wouldn’t release her. “I have never felt so desolate, alone, than the day you left me.”

“I wish I could take that hurt away. I want to explain my actions,” he said in a soft voice. “Philip told me you refused to read my letter after you discovered he had kept it from you.”

“What good would it have done? I was his wife,” she said defensively, but caught herself with the utterance. Angry, she had said her thought out loud. How could she have been so disloyal to Philip? “Don’t start this, Jake! I loved Philip. He loved me.”

“I want you only to understand. It was not your fault, but mine. You were right that day you exploded at me. I was the only one to blame. I should never have sent a letter. I should have gone to you, taken you to my home, and then dealt with everything.

“But I had so much pride. I couldn’t let you know how bad financially my uncle had been. I had been trying desperately to get him on his right foot. Already, all my salary went to him and my mother. Moreover, I blamed myself for your predicament with Lyttleton. When you needed me the most, I fell into a pit of self-pity that I couldn’t even protect you. I saw the need within your eyes, pleading with me, and all I could feel was guilt for what you had endured.”

He caressed her cheek. She shivered, trying desperately to maintain her emotions, knowing it was not wise to relax her distrusting vigil. Yet, she saw a need within him to dispel the demon that haunted him.

“After we left you at Trafford, Philip and I had long talks in London, he about marrying Anne and I about you. Looking back, I should have picked up on his feelings toward you. The day I had prepared to go back for you, Mother sent me an urgent message to return. My uncle’s health was failing, and the estate was almost in foreclosure.

“Philip offered to return to Trafford. He had broken his engagement and needed to escape. He said he would be my ambassador to you and carry my letter.” His voice trailed off. It took a moment for him to continue. “I had thought it a good course of action. I am not going to relive that hell. I need you to know only that I came back for you…upon bended knees begging for forgiveness.”

“Jake, I don’t…” She could feel a soft warmth replace the anger and the hurt. How could she let go of that anger?

“Don’t turn from me now, Cathryn. There is much that has happened, but this know—I failed you once, I refuse to do so again. Don’t fight returning to England. Return with me. Take the children and return with me.”

His lips came down upon hers. She was swept back into his arms, as passion once more reignited. He whispered, “I’ve never stopped loving you, Cathryn.”

“I don’t know, Jake. So much has happened. I want to believe…” Her voice faded. She couldn’t think when he was so close. Suddenly, she remembered. She stepped back. “It has been you fighting with me about my money, Jake. Are you the reason why?”

“It was Philip who placed the restrictions. He felt you would try to return to your home. Can you not understand he wanted you within England with his children?”

“Why try to keep my money from me, though, Jake?”

“Why?” he asked, his frustration held within his voice. “To bring you back to England, Cathryn. To bring you back.”

Jake frowned, realizing she had to be convinced of his good intentions. “Listen to me, please, Cathryn. This ploy, asking for intervention, will only be prolonged. They will argue about this for a time…time that you do not have. Why are you being so stubborn?”

“What do you want from me? I cannot return to England and let my children be stolen from me. Money means little. I will stay here…with the twins.”

“I know it would be hard with all that you have gone through to leave. Do you not know I realize that you have lived a sedate existence? Hiding to protect your children, not knowing another way? I want to give you another way, Cathryn. One that will lead to happiness.”

“Happiness. I know of none without my children.”

“Marry me, Cathryn,” he declared. “No one could touch you or your children. Eversleigh would lose any battle trying to get you declared unfit whether I’m in England or not. Listen, please, Cathryn, I wish I could do this in another manner, but we don’t have time.”

Cathryn stared at him. He had come so prepared on every turn. She was so confused. He took her back in his arms. Hesitantly her trembling lips parted and yielded to his passionate kiss.

“You told me once to tell you I didn’t love you, rather than I would let you go loving you. Now I’m declaring how much I still do love you, Cathryn. I have fought hard for this moment. I know what I’m fighting for. Tell me you don’t still love me and I’ll leave. I will do what I can to protect you and your children, but I’ll leave you to live your life.”

The whole of her body crumbled inside. The wall she had built around her heart cracked. She fought back the urge to fling herself into his arms and declare her love…she had already done so in the throes of passion.

She pulled away slightly and tried to put her reeling thoughts in order. She had too much to lose. But she wanted nothing more than to be loved by him, she never had.

“Can you tell me you don’t love me?” he asked.

In a matter of minutes, he had stripped away the barrier, baring the vulnerable emotions she had hidden so well for so long. No, she couldn’t let him. There had been so much strife between them. Say the words. Leave him. Steady your heart.

Cathryn turned her back to him and walked to the door. With her hand on the handle, she paused without turning around. She whispered, “I don’t know much at the moment, Jake, but I could never tell you that.”

Her hand turned the handle, but from behind an arm barred her progress, pushing the door tightly shut. He turned her to him. They stared at each other for a moment in suspended time.

His head came down and a breathless moan escaped from her as his mouth captured hers. Her awareness shattered with the realization her heart longed for him. He was a part of her she could not deny.

He branded her with kisses on her lips, on her cheeks, her eyelids; his tongue lighting a fervor within her. She returned his kisses, brushing her lips on his cheek. His face turned and his mouth was again on hers tasting her, hungering with desire both shared. And suddenly a kiss wasn’t enough.

Cathryn heard the click of a key in the door and he drew her into his arms again. She wasn’t even aware how they edged back to the bed. His hands were upon her. She made no protest. Gone was the urgency he had taken her only an hour before…he slowed, relishing every moment.

Unhurriedly, he untied the laces of her gown and undid the buttons of his clothing until nothing separated him from his desire. She stood before him unashamed. His eyes soaked in the sight and laid her down on the bed.

With each touch, she sensed in him a need to touch every part of her. She quivered beneath his questing search. Her breathing turned shallow and rapid while her heart thudded wildly. His ragged whisper came against her lips as he rose above her and lowered his hips between her thighs. They joined in a slow, lingering bond. Bodies joined as one, he poured himself into her.

A devastating shock of pleasure streaked through her. Then another and another. Finally the whole of her body and essence rose with a more intense sensation, reaching into her very soul with his possession of her. The waves of pleasure washed over her, binding their heaving bodies in total consummation.

Sweat glistened on their bodies as they lay entwined in the afterglow of their love. Slowly the realization swept through her, she couldn’t deny her feelings any longer. She had surrendered herself to Jake, body and soul. She submitted totally to him with a love that had never died, only been denied.

For some time, Jake held her. His hands caressed her shoulders. Her emotions and body were sated.

He turned her to him. His fingers etched over her face. Her hand grasped his and he kissed it. She looked up at him. She saw his lips curled upward and recognized the fleeting smile of satisfaction.

“I have no time to dither. Listen carefully, my love. I’m going to send a messenger here. He is a lad of fourteen. He comes from a Loyalist family, one that was destroyed upon one of the Indian raids. His name is Maddy Johnson. He will show up on your steps, hungry and in search of work. Hire him, but upon my soul don’t tell anyone who he is. His life would be endangered. This isn’t a game, my love.”

She heard it in his voice; saw it in his eyes. Jake was deadly serious. “Jake, I’ll do whatever you want, but I won’t hurt Sumner.”

“Cathryn, I’m not out to hurt Sumner. I’m trying to bring you home. Your home, Cathryn. You said your home is here, but it isn’t true. Your home is with me. Your children are British and need grow up on English soil. I have letters to give you. I want you to read them when you question whether you need to stay. Sumner can well take care of himself. I don’t doubt he well loves you, but don’t confuse love with control.” She turned silent.

“Don’t be forlorn. Yesterday at this time, we were lost in all this confusion. Hold to my love and we will prevail.”

Her hand reached up to his face. “I…” She stuttered, unable to place the words she wanted so badly to say. “I had pushed back all, believing it for the best. I never dreamed you would come as you have, Jake. I want you to know…I don’t ever want to feel that I’ve betrayed Philip, but God help me. The reason I didn’t read your letter when Philip offered was because…”

He shook his head. “You don’t have to say it.”

“Yes, I do. I want you to understand. I couldn’t read it. You were right. I would have taken you back without question. I couldn’t have Philip know that. It was too late…” Her voice faded.

“He knew, Cathryn. Read your letters.” He brought her back into his arms. “Now, you understand me clearly, my love. You are mine and nothing is going to keep us apart. I’ll return. Upon that you have my word.”

Rain began to fall after the envoy departed. Cathryn thought Sumner would have immediately sought her out. She was wrong. Without explanation, he rode into Charles Town. Moreover, Mary had locked herself in her room and refused to come out.

Jake had been right. The barrier Sumner had erected around his loved ones had crumbled. The cruel outside world had invaded Elm Bluff.

Cathryn helped Juriah and immersed herself in overseeing the housekeeping needed after hosting guests. It kept the guilt from gnawing at her. She only hoped Sumner would forgive her for the decision she made. She feared he would not.

Her two little hellions had finally succumbed to their afternoon naps. Their routine had been greatly disturbed. Cathryn had paid dearly. She had battled a constant stream of temper tantrums from the pair.

Her patience worn, she reached the bottom of the staircase when the door opened. William walked into the foyer.

“William, I wasn’t expecting you.”

He looked disheveled as if he hadn’t slept in days. His clothes were wrinkled; his eyes reddened with dark circles underneath. His hair was drawn back in a queue, but he wore no hat or gloves.

“Cathryn, we need to speak. I need to know if you have turned your back on me.”

“Of course, not,” Cathryn sighed. “I was going into the kitchen to check on dinner. Please wait in the drawing room. I will bring you some refreshments and then we will talk.”

He caught her arm roughly. “No, Cathryn, I have the need to talk with you without delay!”

Slowly she raised her gaze to meet his eyes which burned at her. The distinct smell of liquor assaulted her.

“Pray, release me, William.”

She twisted her arm away. His nostrils flared with indignation. He did not relent and raged on. “It has come to my attention that you intend on abandoning me. You have no more use for me?”

He was in no state to discuss the matter. She stepped back. “I believe you need to leave.”

“Not before you tell me. You are done with me now you have what you want. Tell me!”

“For Heaven’s sake, William, keep your voice down. The children are sleeping,” she said in a low, firm voice.

“What is the matter with you?”

“Matter with me? I don’t know.” He shrugged and spread his hands wide. “You have dashed my hopes…my dear… my hopes of being more than a friend. By God, Cathryn, you led me on!”

She slapped him hard across his cheek. “Leave now. I will not be disrespected in my own home.”

Suddenly, a wave of pity swept through her, for no other reason that she couldn’t give to him what he wanted. He looked as if he was about to cry…as if someone had ripped his heart out…that someone would be her.

“Oh, William, do not be like this. I want to talk and explain. Let us go into the drawing room so the whole of the house will not hear.”

He shook his head and refused to move. Stuttering, he said, “Before the British invaded your home…we… were…we—”

“We kissed, William. You have to know how happy I was. You were part of that happiness. You have been a dear friend—”

“Stop! Stop this charade, Cathryn! You have to have known how I feel. How I felt well before you departed to England. I know well I’m married. It is a sham at best, but married just the same. I had hoped that you felt as I. I have been so frustrated with my marriage…but that too is your fault. If you had not left, I would never have been in this loveless marriage.

“Do you know since she lost the babe, she has not let me touch her? A baby that couldn’t have possibly been mine…but your brother’s!”

She shivered at the raw crudeness of his words. “I’m sorry, William, truly I am, but I cannot offer you anything but friendship. Think…where would any relationship lead? Nothing is going to change the fact you are married.”

“It’s not how you felt when I held you in my arms. I felt you wanted more. You wanted me…until he showed up.”

“William, please, think. What if we did get caught up in the celebration, what you want of me then…to become your mistress or cast me aside? Either way we could no longer be friends”

“I would never have thought of you in that manner.”

“You know well people have already talked because we are good friends, but in truth, William, it is better to keep it as it is.”

“You are backtracking rather well, but I know how you received me until that damn British officer showed up.” He withdrew back from her. “Is he your lover?”

She thought for a moment of denying everything, but she was certain he could see the truth in her face. “I’m tired, William, and unable to come up with a clever response. I will not lie. Is this what you truly want…the truth?”

“By God, yes!” He could stand no more. He berated her. “Tacy told me that in England it was thought you were to marry that man before your husband married you. It is all so confusing, Cathryn. What happened in England?” He paused for a moment. “Did you take him back, Cathryn?”

She made no effort to deny it. She said simply, “Yes, William, I did.”

His eyes narrowed and stepped toward her. This was a William she did not know. She felt his hatred…toward her? She recoiled.

“You know I did, or you wouldn’t be acting in this manner. Do you want to hear that I love Jake? Yes, I love him. He will give me the protection from Eversleigh that I need.”

William threw his head back and laughed, a hysterical laugh. “How is he going to do that? Do you not realize that Sumner is never going to let you leave? He needs you…your money. It wasn’t just I working hard to release the ties to your money.”

“Why would you say all of this, William? Why are you being so cruel? Sumner has shielded me with the love that only family can give…he has protected the twins and myself. You do not know me at all if you think I care about the money. Sumner can have whatever he wants. He knows that.”

“From you, yes. From a husband, that will be a different story.” He taunted her, his eyes wide and glazed. “Do you know that I have striven for years to be the perfect son, perfect gentleman? Where did it get me? A wife I abhor. A woman I can never have. I’m a poor pitiful fool.”

“You need to collect yourself, William. Think about what you are saying. If you expect me to feel sorry for you, I don’t. You have more than most. I have never thought of you other than the gentleman you are. You have been my best friend when I needed it most.”

“Don’t. I don’t want your sympathy I see in your eyes.” His voice was flat and angry. “I have the answers I sought. I wish you well in your venture. Don’t expect me to be around when everything falls apart. I’m done with you…I’m done with being the perfect gentleman.”

Cathryn looked at him for a long moment. She said nothing. There was nothing more to say.

At the door, he turned back to her. “Don’t try to communicate with me, Cathryn. Our friendship is no more. We are on two different sides and should remain so.”

She watched him walk out and slammed the door …with unquestioned finality.

* * * *

William’s words hung over Cathryn like the fog after a rain. She told herself it was for the best. She could never give him what he wanted. She would miss his company, but soon she would be with Jake. She clung to that thought.

Wearily, she sought sanctuary in her room. Her emotions had been drained. It was time. She made her way to the top drawer of her dresser. She held the letters in her hands for the time, and then opened the first one.

My dearest Cathryn,

There are no words can express my joy at the news of my grandchildren. How desolate I felt since Philip passed away. I have lived with a sadness compounded by the fact that you disappeared because of the action of my husband. Never have I been so despondent and unhappy. The endless days when I could not find the strength to leave my bed. The anger at my husband who drove you away. I could not bring myself to talk to him for over a year.

In that time, I discovered I needed to forgive. I forgave my husband because I believe he is genuinely sorrowful. I beg you to forgive me…us.

I do not make excuses for his actions, only reasons. Charles is a man who has never admitted he feels emotion. His world encompassed his son…he loved Philip dearly. Now that you have your own, you can understand that there is nothing you will not do for your child. But when there is nothing you can do, only sit back and watch, there is not a worse feeling in the world. He lashed out at the only could, which happened to be you. Inexcusable. He has paid for his behavior. He pains as much as I or more, knowing if anything happens to you or the children he will be responsible.

Cathryn, I know why you ran. I understand. But now, I ask, no plead, for you to return. From all I understand, Philip placed his trust in Jake, placing him as guardian to the children. You must realize all Jake has done in his effort to bring you home. Jake has promised me he will find you and return with both you and the children.

Twins—oh, Cathryn, I couldn’t believe when I heard! Jake says, a boy and a girl. He does not know their names, but it doesn’t matter as long as they are healthy and well. I long to see them and would love to hold each. In honesty, all that I ask is that they are on English soil. I worry so with all I have heard about the nasty war.

I know your heart, Cathryn. You made Philip so happy and content. I will forever be in your debt for such. Now, please forgive us and come back. Please, Cathryn, bring my grandchildren to me.

I promise if you don’t want my husband around the children, I will make certain. I promise you I will keep to your wishes, but, please, Cathryn, come back.

With love and thought,

Sabrina Eversleigh

Cathryn cried. How she longed for Her Grace to see and hold her grandchildren! She had never had a desire to keep them from Her Grace, only a desire to protect her children from her husband. But soon, she thought, the duchess would be able to see her grandchildren!

The other letter, Cathryn held tight within her hand. She had no doubt what lay within Philip’s hand, proclaiming his love for her, their child, but also a plea for forgiveness. She knew before she read.

She could see his face so clearly…handsome and smiling. She didn’t know how much time passed before she gained enough courage to read the letter. She tore the end off and pulled out the paper.

* * * *

Well over a month passed without word from Jake Irritation swelled within Cathryn, for Sumner had accepted a mission for the militia. He had been gone for over three weeks.

Sumner infuriated her to no end by his steadfastly refusal to discuss her situation. She had not told him William’s words, only that of his anger toward her now. It would serve no purpose. She gave no weight to William’s accusation.

Sumner had worked tirelessly on the plantation from dawn to dusk. He asked her for nothing. The money that had been set aside had to be coming to an end if the plantation was faltering, but Cathryn suspected the plantation was in adequate shape, better than most of the surrounding area.

No, it was more. She could well read her brother better than anyone. Mary had withdrawn into her own world. Try as she might, Cathryn couldn’t bring her back. Mary wasn’t responding to the children, which caused Cathryn to come to one conclusion—Sumner.

Where had he gone? Oh, how she needed to talk with him…force him into a discussion. Things couldn’t go on as they were. Juriah claimed she had no knowledge of where he was and Cathryn believed her. He had left no instructions for the plantation. She needed to find him.

By noon day, Cathryn was out in the garden with the twins. Under the shade of the old oaks, she was weeding; they were digging. She had only begun thinking of what to feed the little ones when a sudden noise disturbed their peace.

Through the heavy August air came the clear sound of horses’ hooves, thudding along the gravel. Cathryn heard Israel shout out it was the patriot militia.

Cathryn grabbed hold of the two’s hands and raced around the house. It had to be Sumner. She turned the corner with Lucy complaining because she was dragged so. Philip, she had no control of because he had run ahead of them both because he heard the horses.

“Charles Philip, stay where you are!” she cried. He paid no heed. By the time she had a good grasp upon Lucy, Philip stood beside Israel.

Quite out of breath, Cathryn wiped the sweat from her brow and caught her breath. “Colonel Percy, do you have need of assistance?”

She had no need for him to answer. It was clear the men had done battle. Dirt and sweat clung to the men’s bodies. The distinct smell of blood overwhelmed her. There were injured in wagons, men swaying on their mounts. Moreover, dead bodies flung over horses’ backs.

“Careen! Juriah!” she cried. Already, Juriah scurried down the steps. Cathryn stared up at the colonel. “Sumner? Pray don’t—”

Colonel Percy shook his head. “No, none are Sumner, lady—” He caught himself, unsure what to call her. “We have had a scrimmage not far from here.”

Cathryn nodded. She turned swiftly, catching sight of Careen with Tacy in the doorway. She cried aloud. “For goodness sakes! Come and retrieve the children. They have no business here!”