The Governor's Sons (20 page)

“Why, indeed he is,” Esther said.
 
The baby screamed loudly.
 
“And he’s got quite a voice; vocal—just like his father.
 
Of course, being a Negro, that mouth’ll get him in trouble one day.”

“Oh, Mama,” Seletha stood straight and began swaying the baby back and forth, “shame on you.
 
I’m gonna go find Ash.
 
He’ll swell up with pride once he sees this precious little boy.”

Esther sighed.
 
“I don’t know how prideful he’ll be, brown as that child is.”
  

The same thought had crossed Seletha’s mind but she didn’t say anything.

“Well,” Esther raised her eyebrows as she commenced knitting again, “I suppose,
dark
as Catherine is, he wasn’t expecting anything close to lily white.”

“Mama,” Seletha said, “Ash loves Catherine, and this is his baby.
 
He’ll love the child no matter what.”
 
As she strode from the house, Seletha hoped this would prove true.

****

Ash paced back and forth by the oak trees a good distance from the front door.
 
Earlier, he’d moved far enough away not to hear Kitty’s screams.
 
He stood still for a moment and glanced up at the clear blue sky.
 
When he looked toward the house, it was just in time to see Seletha approaching with a bundle in her arms.

Ash jogged toward her as she yelled, “It’s a boy!”

He laughed.
 
“Was there ever any doubt it wouldn’t be?”
 
When Ash caught up to her, he eagerly peeked inside the blanket.

“Meet your son, Ash.” Seletha smiled, gazing down at the infant.
 
“This is Harland, Harland Kroth.”
 
The child had stopped crying, but his eyes were opened wide observing his surroundings.

“He looks like a little Indian doll,” Ash said.
 
For a short while he only stared in amazement at the baby he’d helped to create.
 
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more beautiful baby!
 
Heck! I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful, period!”

Seletha leaned toward Ash.
 
“Hold him.”

“But—I—I’ve never held a baby.”

“There’s a first time for everything.
 
Go ahead, Ash.
 
I know you’re not afraid.”
 
Seletha moved the baby toward his arms.

Hesitantly, Ash took the infant.
 
“He’s so small,” Ash said, stiffly gripping Harland for fear he’d slip through his grasp.

“All babies are small, Ash.
  
But as far as babies go, he’s pretty big, especially being early like he was.
 
He’s over seven pounds.”

“Look at those eyes,” Ash said in wonderment, as Harland’s locked into his.
 
“They’re just like big black marbles.”

“See how he’s studying you, Ash.
 
It’s like he knows you.”

“Maybe he knows my voice,” Ash smiled, “from all my visits with Kitty.
 
And look at his hair!
 
There’s so much of it.”

Seletha smoothed her fingers over the baby’s glossy black locks.
 
“Feels like silk.
 
And that pretty brown skin looks good enough to eat—just like toffee.”
 
Seletha paused for a moment.
  
“Ash—even though he doesn’t look like white—you’ll love him just the same—won’t you?”

Ash took his eyes from Harland and looked at Seletha.
 
“Seletha, I’ll love him no matter what.”
 
She seemed to heave a sigh of relief.
 
“What?
 
Did you think--”

“No, Ash—it’s just that…it doesn’t matter what I thought.
 
But—for someone who’s never held a baby, you’re doing just fine.”

“I know what you were thinking—and you don’t need to worry.
 
I hope our next baby’s just as beautiful.”
 
While cradling Harland, Ash had relaxed some.
 
“You know,” he smiled, “holding him’s not as hard as I thought.”

A few minutes later, Heath slowly approached them.

Ash tilted the baby carefully in his brother’s direction.
 
“My baby’s something, isn’t he, Heath?”

“Yeah,” Heath said softly.

His brother looked pale, Ash thought, and distressed.

“Ash—give him to Seletha for a while.
 
We—we need to talk.”

Where was the congratulatory pat on the back? Ash wondered.
 
And why didn’t Heath look happy?
 
Something didn’t seem right.
 
But nothing could be wrong, Ash told himself.
 

After Ash gave the baby to Seletha, Heath told her to go back to the house.
 
He said Dr. Farmer needed to see her about something.
 
Ash noticed Seletha’s grim expression as she turned to go, and she didn’t ask any questions before she left.

Feeling uneasy, Ash said, “When can I see Kitty?”

Heath lowered his eyes for a long moment, then looked straight at his brother.
 
“Ash—Kitty didn’t—”

“What, she didn’t ask for me?
 
She—she must’ve been exhausted.
 
I bet she fell asleep as soon as the baby came.”
 
He paused, trying to suppress the welling dread he felt inside.
 
“That’s what happened—right?”

Heath put his hand firmly on Ash’s shoulder.
 
“Ash--Kitty didn’t make it.”

“What?”

“She died.”
 
Heath had tears in his eyes.
 
“Ash—I’m sorry.”
 
Almost choking on his words, Heath continued saying, “We couldn’t save her.
 
She hemorrhaged—bled out.
 
We—we couldn’t stop the bleeding.
 
Ash—I can’t tell you how sorry I am.
 
I feel like I failed you—I couldn’t do anything to save her.
 
I tried—but I couldn’t.”

For several moments, Ash couldn’t speak.
 
He only looked at Heath, then finally shook his head and said, “No.
 
No.
 
That can’t be…you’re wrong.”
 
Refusing to believe his brother, Ash quickly walked back to the house.

When he forcefully strode past the parlor on his way to Kitty’s bedroom, he ignored the warnings of Dr. Farmer, Seletha, and Esther, not to go there.
 
Seletha, the sprightliest of the three, placed the baby in her mother’s arms, then ran to stop him.
 
But Ash firmly shoved her out of the way once he reached the room.

He opened the door.
 
A pink satin bathrobe covered her.
 
He’d given it to her only weeks ago so she’d feel beautiful.
 
It shouldn’t be over her face, Ash thought.
 
She wouldn’t be able to breathe.
 
As he gently lifted the robe, the entire garment slowly slid to the floor.
 
Kitty looked as though she lay sleeping.

Ash tried to rouse her.
 
“Kitty,” he shook her shoulder but she didn’t stir.
 
She was warm, and moved like a rag doll.
 
Kitty wasn’t dead, he attempted to convince himself.
 
Weren’t dead people supposed to be stiff and cold?
 
He shook her harder, and harder still, yet nothing happened.
 
Softly, Ash said, “Kitty, you can’t be…”

The sobbing seemed to well up from nowhere, but took hold of him like he’d been slammed into a brick wall.
 
Ash found himself on his knees next to the bed holding her and weeping into her breasts.
 
The realization hit hard as he slowly pulled himself away from her smelling the heavy metallic stench of iron.
 
His eyes moved from her face to her torso.
 
Her white nightgown was splotched with large patches of pink and red, but most of the blood was concentrated below her waist.
 
There was so much of it that the white sheets and lower part of her gown had turned crimson.
 
Looking down, Ash saw even more blood on the hardwood floor.

It didn’t take long for the nausea to set in.
 
With a hand over his mouth, he ran from her room to the back door of the kitchen.
 
He reached the backyard just in time to vomit.
 
Moments later, Seletha brought him a handkerchief and some water.
 
He drank the entire glass.

“Ash,” she said softly, taking his glass, “we’ve called her family.
 
And we—we’ve—called the undertaker.
 
He’ll be out in a little while--to take her away.”

Ash nodded.

“I took this from her finger.”
 
Seletha handed him Kitty’s engagement ring.
 

The screen door creaked open.
 
From the corner of his eye, Ash could see Heath on the back steps, but Ash ignored him.

“Now, Ash,” Seletha patted his arm, “you let me know if you need anything, alright?”
 
When he didn’t respond, Seletha gently squeezed his arm and walked away.

Ash gazed down at Kitty’s ring.
 
The sun reflected brilliance of the diamond shone brightly, until clouds rolled by and blocked the sun.
 
Then its radiance diminished.

He placed the ring in his shirt pocket, then dropped his gaze to the ground.
 
“Why, Lord?” Ash said softly.
 
His eyes again welled with tears.
 
“Why did You take her from me?
 
How am I supposed to raise a child without a wife?”
 
Ash closed his eyes tightly and tried to stifle a sob.
 
“I—I
can’t
raise him now.
 
There’s no possible way I
can
.”
 
He inhaled deeply.
 
“It—it just wasn’t supposed to be like this.
 
God—how am I supposed to go on?”

Ash heard his brother’s footsteps, then his voice.
 
“Ash, are you—are you all right?”

Ash looked up, meeting Heath’s eyes.
 
“No, damn it! I’m not all right!”
 
When Ash began to cry, Heath held him tightly.
 
“I wanted her to keep the baby,” he sobbed, “but I didn’t want her to die.”
 
Ash clung to his brother as the tears poured out, but seconds later, pulled himself away, embarrassed by falling apart.
 
“Thanks--for being here,” he muttered.
 
For the first time Ash noticed how much blood was splattered on Heath’s clothes.

“That’s what a brother’s for.”

“Heath—I—I can’t go on.”

“Ash, life goes on, and you have to go with it.”

“But—I can’t.
 
Not without her.”

“You have to.
 
You don’t have a choice.
 
And she’d want you to.”

Ash thought about the promise he’d made to Kitty.
 
She said she’d give up everything for him if he promised to make a difference for her race.
 
Now he had a son who needed him to make good on that promise for a better life.
 
“Yeah, she’d want that.
 
And my baby needs me to.
 
But Heath,” his voice broke as he tried to hold back more sobs “all this—it’s just not fair.”

“Sometimes--life isn’t.

“Ash.” Heath knocked at his brother’s bedroom. “Are you about ready?”
 
After receiving no response, Heath cracked open the door.

Ash wore a solid black suit and stood leaning against his dresser.

“Ash, why don’t you--”

“Heath,” Ash didn’t look at him, “I can’t.”

“What?”

“I—I--can’t go to the visitation.”

“But Ash—you have to go.”

“I know—I’m trying—but I can’t…”

“Ash--”

“Heath—I just need to be alone, okay?”

Heath hesitated for a few seconds.
 
“If you need me, call.
 
I’m here for you.”

“Thanks,” Ash said, as his brother closed the door.

****

Louis waited in the living room by the bar, holding a tumbler.
  
He’d just finished his second scotch when Heath walked in and sat down.

“Is Ash ready?” Louis asked.

“He’s—he’s trying to be.”

“Yeah.”
 
Louis poured himself a third drink.
 
“Well—I’ll be in the car.”
 
After quickly downing the scotch, Louis left the house by the front door.
 
He walked down the red brick steps, overwhelmed by the same sorrow he’d carried since hearing of Kitty’s death nearly a week ago.

Louis could only imagine the pain of losing a child, and Catherine had been such a sweet girl. Although having an affair with a Negro woman wasn’t uncommon for a white man, it certainly wasn’t talked about.
 
But Ash had crossed the line by falling in love, and because of that, Ash hadn’t been the same since Catherine had died.