The Grace In Darkness (19 page)

I didn
’
t back down.
“
You have no idea what I
’
m capable of. Don
’
t underestimate me, J.D. It
’
ll be one of the worst mistakes you
’
ll ever make!
”

“
I
’
ll take my chances. I
’
ll take that stupid girl and hide her so far away from you that you
’
ll spend the rest of your miserable life looking for her. She thinks it
’
s dark where she lives now… She has no idea. I
’
ll be her worst nightmare in the darkest parts of her world, and she
’
ll have you to thank for that,
son!”

I couldn
’
t control it and I probably wouldn
’
t have if I could. I never welcomed the sound of bone hitting bone the way I did when I slammed into J.D. He didn
’
t expect it, and he stumbled back against his desk, holding his nose. When he looked at me, his eyes were full of anger and murder.

“
You ever threaten Araya again, I swear to God I will kill you! And I am
not
your son!
”

I turned and walked toward the door.

“
Ryland!
”
J.D. roared.
“
Ryland!
”

His voice echoed off the walls.

I didn
’
t stop. I didn
’
t look back, and I didn
’
t think twice about the man I was walking away from. I had one more stop before I left this place for good.

The minute I stepped into his tiny box of an office, his eyes went wide with fear and he tried to back up in his chair as I rounded the desk to hover over him. I was inches from his red, puffy face, and I wrapped my fingers around his collar, bringing him forward.

“
I know it was you. You think it
’
s fun being his puppy dog? He tells you to fetch and you do? Let me give you a piece of advice. When you no longer serve a purpose, he will not hesitate to put you down. Remember that. And if you ever go around her again, I won
’
t hesitate either.
”

I shoved him back in his chair and walked out. The minute I stepped outside, I stopped and took a deep breath.

So this was what freedom tasted like.

“
C
areless,
”
I said lightly.
“
Cara…
I
’
m sorry. It
’
s a habit I
’
m trying to break,
”
I said, referring to her name.

“
It
’
s okay.
”

“
I didn
’
t... Are you...?
”
And then I panicked.
“
Is Ryland okay?
”

“
No, he
’
s fine,
”
she rushed out, and I inhaled.
“
I
’
m sorry. I know. I probably should have called first...
”
She took in my appearance, and I realized I was still wrapped in a sheet.
“
But I was afraid... Well, I was afraid you might not want to see me, which you
’
d have every right.
”

“
Of course I
’
d want to see you, Careless.
”

Careless was the last person, well, one of the last people I expected to see here right now. I hadn
’
t seen or heard from her since the dinner at her parents
’
house. Careless had been my first friend since the accident, and despite what she
’
d done, I knew she was a good person.

Like everyone else, she was human and she made a mistake. I wanted very badly to believe she
’
d done it for no other reason than she
’
d been backed into a corner. Our first instinct is to fight to survive and by any means possible.

“
Oh, I
’
m sorry,
”
I said when I realized we were just standing there.
“
Come in.
”

I moved back, pulling the door with me, so she could come in. She walked into the bright room and I could see her looking around.

“
Sorry it
’
s so bright. It helps me see where I
’
m going better.
”

Every window in the small apartment was open and the room was lit by the high morning sun.

“
It
’
s fine. It
’
s actually nice. I didn
’
t realize how dark it is at home until now.
”

“
Sit down. I
’
m going to get dressed. Do you want anything to drink? I have water or tea.
”
I offered as
I went into my room to put on a shirt and a pair of shorts.

“
No, I
’
m fine,
”
she said, sitting on the couch.

“
Okay.
”
Coming back into the living room, I sat on the chair and pulled my legs up to my chest.
“
How are you, Cara?
”

I could tell she was nervous and unsure, and I tried to put her at ease with the easy stuff first. I knew she wasn
’
t here just too to catch up on the last few months.

“
I
’
ve been better. How are you?
”

Well, as of today...
“
I
’
ve been better.
”
I smiled softly at her.

“
I
’
m so sorry, Araya. I know this is late in coming and I should have told you that night. I was an idiot. I let J.D. get the best of me and your... well, Nina, she couldn
’
t have possibly picked a better time to... I should have never gone along with it, but I was desperate and I couldn
’
t see an end in sight.

“
J.D. had just told me I couldn
’
t go to art school, and I know that sounds like a horrible reason to mess with someone else
’
s life the way I did, but I was so angry with him. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to get back at him for taking away something I
’
d worked so hard for. Nina was there and she offered to buy me a cup of coffee, and one thing led to another, and an hour later I was shaking her hand. If I could take that day back, I would in a heartbeat, Araya.
“

“
I wouldn
’
t,
”
I said.

“
What?
”
she asked, shocked.

I looked down at my hands.
“
I won
’
t lie and say it didn
’
t hurt, a lot, but I don
’
t hate you for it, Cara. I can
’
t find it in myself to.
”

“
But why? You should. You have every right to. What I did was... unforgiveable.
”

“
I know the person who agreed to Nina
’
s plan wasn
’
t the person who became my friend. You were in a bad place and Nina took full advantage of that.
But
... it
’
s because of what happened that I got the chance to get to know you and Ryland and even Sebastian, and I wouldn
’
t want to change that for anything. Of course I wish it had been another way, but it wasn
’
t. So I can either hate you or I can see the bigger picture, and that
’
s what I gained out of this mess.
”

She smirked.
“
I expected a lot of things from today. I expected you to yell and scream and hate me. I didn
’
t expect you to be so... compassionate.
”

“
We live and we learn, right?
”

“
Growing up in the Dare house makes you ruthless, Araya. It fucks with your head until the lines between right and wrong are so damn blurry you don
’
t know what you
’
re looking at anymore, and yet with everything that
’
s been thrown at you, you still find the good in a situation.
”

“
I may not have had it easy the last four and half years, Cara, but your sentence has been longer than mine. Everyone deserves a second chance.
”

I can hear Cara
’
s sad smile when she says,
“
I wish Ryland looked at it that way, but I guess he
’
s had it a lot worse than I have. He hates me and I
’
m scared to death he
’
ll never forgive me.
”

“
I
’
m sure in time he will, Cara.
”

I didn
’
t know if Ryland wanted anyone to know he
’
d been here last night, and I didn
’
t want to tell Cara just yet.

“
I
’
m not, Araya. He
’
s so different since you left.
”

I frowned.
“
What do you mean?
”

“
He
’
s so hateful. He
’
s not nearly as bad as J.D., but if anyone had doubts they were related, they don
’
t now.
”

Her words made my stomach twist. He had mentioned it last night, but Cara made it sound worse.

“
He
’
s been fighting at The Underground with Sebastian.
”

“
What? How long has he been doing that?
”
The twisting in my gut grew to a dull ache.

“
The last couple of weeks... after he got into a fight at work with one of J.D.
’
s assistants.
”

“
Why
’
d he fight with him?
”

“
No one knows. There wasn
’
t anyone around until after the fight broke out.
”
She hesitated.
“
We work with J.D. now.
”

“
What? You work there?
”

“
After you left, Ryland made a deal with J.D. that if he came to work with him for a year, J.D. would tell him where you were. So he did. I started working there to help Ryland find you, only Ryland didn
’
t want or need my help. He found you on his own.
”

“
Why is he still working there, then?
”

Ryland hadn
’
t told me
why
he worked there, and I felt guilty for putting him in that position.
“
I don
’
t know. He said you didn
’
t want to come back, and he probably knows J.D. will do something if he found out.
”

I felt sad that he
’
d thought I wouldn
’
t have chosen him.
“
What do you mean J.D. would do something?
”

“
J.D. doesn
’
t like to lose.
”

Bile crept up my throat.

“
What about school?
”

“
I only work part time.
”

“
And Ryland?
”

“
He stopped going.
”

“
And J.D.
’
s okay with that? He just let him quit?
”

“
J.D. doesn
’
t care. He wants Ryland to be his puppet and he wants him where he can keep an eye on him.
”

“
What
’
s wrong with him?
”

“
My guess is he was dropped way too many times as a baby.
”

I laughed despite the seriousness of our conversation. I felt overwhelmed by everything Cara had laid out on the table. I was angry and sad and felt incredibly guilty over everything Ryland was going through. It was all my fault. I left him, thinking I was doing the right thing for both of us, but all I
’
d done was make things so much worse for him.

“
Ryland doesn
’
t know I came to see you, but I was hoping you could talk to him. He
’
ll listen to you. Have you heard from him at all?
”
Cara asked cautiously.

“
Yes, but it was very brief and not about any of this.
”

“
He needs you, Araya.
”

“
Do me a favor, Cara.
”

“
Anything.
”

“
Quit. Please don
’
t stay there. Get as far away from J.D. as you can, okay?
”