The Grasp of Nighttide (10 page)

“How have you planned to save her now? She doesn’t even remember. You said she’ll be safe, away from us, from the demon. She doesn’t know the danger. We have to get her back.”

“It’s... back…” She stammered. “Rave...”

Realizing she was still on the call, she cleared her throat. Lance had learned Rave’s location, but she hoped that he would keep his promise for Rave’s sake. “Don’t worry. I’ll think of something. We’ll keep watch to see if this happens again before drawing any conclusions. Please, don’t go to her. It will just cause problems, and I take it you remember your promise, Lance. I’ll talk to you later.”

Veronica sat still and expressionless for a long time. She called work and quit. She knew what she had to do. If the threat continued, which she knew might happen sooner or later, Rave would need to know everything as soon as possible.

Veronica opened the cupboard and took out notebooks from the drawer. She made sure there were 1, 2, 3…5 of them, sequentially numbered. She took a fresh book and sat down to write.

On the first page she wrote−
Rave. Your memory is with me.

Lance’s e-diary 

21 February 2010 

I don’t know if I will be keeping up with this diary, but I need to get my thoughts written down. I hope that writing in here will help me sort through and figure out what has been happening to me. It was dark out last night. I got soaked in the rain knowing that it would the last time I ever experienced it. I had my gun in my hand, and pointed to my forehead. I remember that the winds tried their best to carry the gun away from me but failed. There was no one to see me shoot myself, not an ant on the floor or a bird in the sky. 

Okay, okay, I give up. I can’t go on with such detail, it is truly stupid. I am sort of against committing to diaries and yes, this is the first time I’m doing so but there are things I want to record. 

The truth is, I feel wonderful to be alive today, and I wouldn’t be if not for a phone call. Yesterday I was totally set to end my life. There was just one thing I had to do before dying: tell mom. I dialed her new number and had to strain to hear the ringing. 8 rings and then the call lifted. No one spoke at first. I thought she was in-between work even at that hour but I couldn’t call her again. I went on saying that I’m dead inside and I am going to end my life. 

The voice on the other side barely rose above a whisper, “I don’t suppose your life is worse than mine.” 

Whoa that was absurd. A female voice, not mom but whoever it was, was better than her. I blurted out in anger if she knew anything about my life and she fired the same back at me. That got me to unintentionally tell her my problem and she listened without disturbing. Then she talked me out of it which I know mom never could’ve done. Well, first mom would panic and start pleading (the usual stuff) which I wouldn’t hear even half way through. But Rave didn’t do that. Right, that is her name. Rave. 

Today I sent her a text, she replied. Conversation continued for hours. I really like this girl. I’m pressing her to send me a picture, because she isn’t on social networks. She was hesitant at first. I do want to look at the girl I like. Like? Wait I think she just sent me... In one word- beautiful.

22 March 

Rave and I didn’t take long to confess our love. I knew she is the one for me. I’m still unemployed and that really let me take the plunge without thinking about it. Ha! The only time not having a job has helped me. Life is on the right track. She comes to meet me every day and hurries back before Mrs. Wilson returns from work. 

The past month has been a ride for me. Learning to cook, reading novels, picking up lines from movies to tell Rave. A man certainly goes a long way to impress his girl. I wanted to do more but without a job or money, relying on just my savings to get through- it could be said that Lance is so broke that he couldn't offer his girl any gift besides thrift store ones. It could be the joke of the decade. I can't manage for longer, I need a job. My parents would fix me up with one, if I asked. 

There is something very fishy with the way Rave talks about herself. I don’t know everything about her though she knows all about me. She hardly mentions anything of the past like it is forbidden- just saying that she wants to live in the moment. Sometimes she even cries saying that we can never unite, and that being with her is inviting danger, but there is a kind of helplessness I see in her eyes. She wants me, she loves me but something holds her back. What danger can it be? I’m certain her family aren’t from the underworld but she isn’t ready to open up completely yet. Years of sorrow reflect from her and I have decided I shall give her all the time she needs. She loves me and that is enough for me to know for now. 

I’m the first guy in her life she says. I wish I could say the same but I can say that she is the last girl in my life. She met my parents too. Mom, who had been skeptical meeting my ex-girlfriends actually liked Rave. She has made her way in my family. Wonder when she will introduce me to Veronica. 

27 March 

Today Veronica has a day off, so I just received this text- ‘Can’t meet you, day at home with mom. Love you Lance. Take care’. I am impatient, want to meet her right this instant. I can’t go though, because I’ve promised that I won’t until she says so. She didn’t even tell me exactly where she lived. But her address wasn’t hard to find out for me- which I did. I should know where she lives in case of emergency right? LOL. I feel no short of being Romeo. Romeo in love... Lance in love. 

28 March 

She didn’t meet me nor talked. Just one text saying that her mom came to know about us and that her phone will be taken and she won’t be able to text or call. I don’t know why her mom has a problem with her having relationship with me before even knowing me. She is twenty now, not a 13 year old little girl. Rave has the liberty to make decisions on her own. But I’ve decided not to bring that issue up. Maybe Veronica just wants the right guy for Rave. I thought I’d propose to her at a hotel, but tonight I will do it in front of her mom. I have to go to her home whether she likes it or not; this is an emergency. With the ring in my pocket, I’m leaving. Her answer shall make or break me. I can’t live without you Rave… I love you. 

1 April 

I can’t forget what happened that night........ 

All was dark and painful. Very painful. I could hear faint cries. Mom, dad too. I became a little aware of what was happening. The lights stung my eyes as I was being rushed into the hospital. The accident kept replaying in my mind, striking a bolt of pain in my already hurt head. My eyes struggled to keep up with the scenario but still they were in search of the girl who was in it with me when it happened. Rave. I am pretty sure that I managed to croak out her name a few times. “Rave.” “You will be alright Lance”, dad said. My eyes were fixed on mom and I could see her smile at dad. The very word Lance had brought that smile; even in my state I knew it too well. Then they just kept looking down at me with that same look of fear and despair. That’s what I remember most of all, that look. It told me more about how I was actually doing than any of their “It’s going to be OK” lies. 

My mind trailed back to darkness. The pain just grew worse each moment. All that I remember is that I wanted to be dead instead like I wanted to be before. I wandered aimlessly in my mind for a way out. I staggered as pain jolted through again. That is when I saw it, a white light. My suffering would be over. When it was a step away, a thud hollered in the dark world. Way behind, Rave was on her knees, head bent. I ran to get her. I just kept on running, ignoring the pain which felt like so many knives stabbing me. And I didn’t turn to see the light again.

I must have been in and out since, but now I am awake and just fine enough to try to put what happened down here. In bad shape for sure- horrible shape to be exact- but alive. Dad said the doctors couldn’t assure my life back then and for a while it looked like I was not going to make it, but then I did get through. A miracle saved me. Rave. I know it. 

The first thing I considered when I gained total consciousness was that it was morning because sunlight was flooding the ward. I closed my eyes before observing other stuff and strained hard to hear finger snaps. Rave would’ve almost broken her finger doing that. But all I could hear was the familiar sound of my dad snoring lightly from the corner. Maybe she was home; I was hoping she wasn’t hurt much. 

I called out to dad once. 

I have to hand it to him, he may have been asleep, but he was by my side in an instant. 

He was repeatedly asking how I felt, but I had a more important thing to ask.-“How is Rave?” 

Dad ignored the question and said that I’d been unconscious for over a day now. He said he has to call mom first and went out. He has disappeared for over 3 hours now…Thank God someone brought my iPad, it sucks here.

The first thing that occurred to me when mom and dad came back was that Rave wasn’t alright. They were very quiet and I kept quiet too because I was shit scared. 

“She is gone”, the dreaded words came from mom. 

I couldn’t believe that. I saved her from the van. As I pushed her, I saw that her head hit the tree before she fell down the slope. She couldn’t be dead. I am alive and she is my life. She had to be alive.

Dad sat at my side, saying it was a case of internal bleeding. 

I thought I had nothing to do here then. I belonged where Rave was. Earth. Heaven. Hell. It doesn’t matter. I was still medicated heavily, but ripped the IVs and needles from my arm. I shouted as mom and dad tried to calm me. I picked up the glass of water with the intention of injuring myself to the extent I couldn’t recover, but as I raised it, I felt a needle prick me. One of the orderlies must have jabbed me with a tranquilizer, I don’t remember now. I just know that I must have slept deeply again. 

Later, I only semi-consciously heard a few conversations half of which I forgot. The only one I remember is mom saying that this isn’t some kind of Romeo and Juliet play. Life didn’t end with someone else’s life and similar things. Dad tried to calm her. They wouldn’t understand. 

When my eyes opened at God know what time, Mrs. Wilson sat beside my bed. She was real sad and I thought she might be the only one who knew the anguish I was feeling. . After all, her daughter was gone. I had been there to ask Rave for marriage and assure Veronica that I was the right one for her. I tried to save her daughter, but obviously it wasn’t enough otherwise why was I alive and she wasn’t? This pain hurt deep inside, way more than any physical pain and I was determined to end it once and for all. 

“You saved her even though you heard our conversation.” she said. “You deserve to know the truth. I was wrong about you.”

Rave wasn’t dead. For a brief moment I thought that the drugs were still clouding my mind. Rave was alive? A concussion and large memory loss? I almost got up to go meet her, but she flatly refused. But in reality I couldn't yet sit on my own anyway. She wanted Rave to be safe and said it was better she start a new life, void of memories. I wanted Rave to be safe too. Mrs. Wilson made me promise that I wouldn’t drag her back to the past; my love had to be sacrificed for her safety. I promised that I would remain a mystery to her. Lance would be wiped off the pages of her life. Lance, whose life itself was Rave.

So as I wrap up what happened today, this is the last feeling I must record- I got my wish, I am alive while Rave is too, but the cost is agonizing.

2 April 

The pain isn't going away. Doctors say it is pretty serious and I might end up with lifelong effects. I was almost out of the van's way that night. The van was far away at first and I rushed to push Rave. Before I knew it, it was so close and I had only the time to nearly escape- well my right leg was a second slower to get out of the way. Thanks to the 'fast and furious speed', just the touch on my leg sent me flying and almost got me killed. And now here I am useless as I could get- in pain, in regret of not having Rave with me. 

4 April 

Still spending most of the day sleeping. At least I don't regret the sleeping part. I’m with Rave in most of my dreams. Riding, laughing, and loving each other- both of us happy and with each other. The best part is that I don't feel those moments are false at the time. But at night- like now- I am awake, holding the ring I was about to give Rave that day. Mom held onto it and handed it over to me. Before, looking at this ring gave me certainty of a future with Rave but now it is no more than a dream, a hope. At least I pray that she is safe… Wherever she is. 

5 April 

I love you Rave. I can't live without you Rave. I love you Rave. I can't live without you. I miss you so badly. I love you Rave, and I know baby, that you love me too. 

The doctor said, I've progressed remarkably and probably I will be able to recover fully- though it would still take some months and come at the cost of good exercise and medicine. You heard that Rave? I will be alright soon, and I know the time will come when we will be reunited for good. Please take care of yourself until then. 

8 April

I don’t know when I can be up and about. It totally sucks here doing nothing. Doctors say I’ll have to work on my recovery and can’t say when I can leave. Veronica said she’d spy on Rave for another week. I’ve asked to get her picture. 

I don’t know how Rave is managing. She might’ve already blended in with the crowd, wherever she is. There is nothing about her to dislike. What would she be doing right now? Taking a stroll? Having dinner with someone? A guy? I don’t blame her if she is with a guy, even if it has only been a week, she might not even remember me. But I still hope things will be alright and Veronica takes back her promise. Until then, if she falls in love with anyone else I pray that I won’t be alive to see that day. I won't be able to bear it. If God won't grant me the death wish if the time comes, I'll try it again- to do it myself. Veronica has finally sent the picture… 

It is disappointing that it isn’t outdoors; I was hoping to see a landmark to know at least where she is. But no, it was taken in an ordinary grocery store. Rave is wearing a black T-shirt with a butterfly cut near the shoulder. She is no different than I last saw her, just more pale and dull and thin. And I guess that stood out more with the beautiful blonde who appears to be talking to her.