The Grasp of Nighttide (27 page)

He shook his head and tried to continue. Alice was afraid that he would be able to persuade her into going back with him, which she wanted to, but couldn’t now. 

“Lance is with whom I belong.” Alice stated trying to assure him in the words as much as she could. 

“I get that. I just need to fulfil the promises I made to you.” 

“That I will meet Lance?” Alice recalled faintly of the day she was drunk. 

“The other?” 

“The song,” Alice looked sharply at him as he took out his phone. 

A recording emerged from the phone. It was Alice’s voice. 

“You were, you are, you shall always be, 

My love, for eternity, 

Moments with you I cherish the most, 

I can’t imagine myself without you, 

On my own, I can’t possibly do, 

We’ll stay together like the sea and coast. 

Whatever may come our way 

Together we have to stay, 

To our love let’s raise a toast. 

I love you Lance!!!” 

“This was made by you, Rave, and that is why Google didn’t know it,” Derek said, pocketing his phone while Alice simply stared at him in confusion. 

“I hadn’t told you my name was Rave. How do you know?” Alice took a step back. “And who are… you?”

“I can explain.” 

“Stay away.” Rave panicked. 

“I am...” he took a step towards her. 

“I said do not come any further. Who are you and what do you want?” 

“I am Lance.” He stated flatly. 

For a moment Alice’s whole world was lost. Her mouth hung open. Nothing made sense. Derek... Lance? Whoever he was, he still stood there expecting a reaction. Alice decided to give him one. 

She slowly advanced closer to him. “You lied to me all this time?”

“I hardly ever lied to you. I just hid the truth.”

Hell, what difference does that make?
Alice thought
. It is equal to lying.

“You played with my feelings?” 

“Alice, I can explain. I can explain everything,” he said. “It was a promise to your Mom.” 

“What? She told you to cheat on me?” 

“You need to hear me out. I did this because…” his words were cut short as Alice delivered a hard slap across his face. 

“That is for what you 
did
,” she said, going outside. She was through with the tricks, with the lies, with everyone holding her back from knowing the truth, like she was some little girl who would not be able to handle knowing who she was, what happened to her. Lance, Derek, Veronica, everyone. She was quite suddenly done with all of them.

Anna was waiting out in her car. Derek had told her that he could handle it but she knew he wasn’t up to it. He didn’t even rehearse of what he was going to say too well. Alice would be angry for sure. Her eyes scanned every person walking in and out of the hotel for either Alice or Derek.

“Are you giving the necklace back,” Bell plunged the diamond necklace in front of Anna. Its sparkle bedazzled her for a moment and again brought her back to the moment Steph gave it to her. Steph had said that she wanted her to have it because she thought Anna was the one for Derek. And when Anna tried to return it this morning, Derek wanted her to keep it. 

Bell shook the necklace and it reminded her that she needed to answer.

“No.” 

“Why do you have to do anything with this matter?”

“Not your business, Bell.” 

“This is boring,” she lowered and raised the window. 

“I did not ask you to come with me.” 

“I wanted to be sure that you don’t do anything stupid,” Bell continued doing it, not looking at her. 

“Why the hell would you think that?” 

She turned towards Anna with those stern light eyes of hers. “Because love is stupid. Duh!” 

Anna sighed and looked back outside. She had missed Alice stepping out of the hotel, but she caught her storming away. 

“Stay in the car,” she ordered Bell. 

“Why don’t I come?” Bell asked. 

“Just do what I say,” she snapped. 

“Alice!” she called. “Alice. Hey, wait up.” 

It was kind of hard for Anna to believe it was Alice. She looked very different from anytime Anna saw her. She looked beautiful, but her face was ruining it. Anger was fuming from her face and Anna suspected she didn’t even realize she was crying. But Alice’s look softened once she saw her. 

“Anna,” she said surprised. 

“Are you mad at Derek?” 

“Mad? And don’t you know his name isn’t Derek?” 

“Yeah I do. Actually Derek is his nickname.” Anna tried to not leave any gap between her sentences. “I too never knew his name was Lance until I studied with him in high school.” 

“He cheated me, played with me... and you.” 

“No, he didn’t and if you would give him a moment to explain you wouldn’t say that. Before you lost your memory you were a suicidal…”

“Suicidal?” Alice interrupted. 

“Yes,” Anna quickly continued, not giving her more time to talk until she completed what she wanted to say. Derek must’ve not rehearsed well, but Anna memorized the explanation well. “You were trying to kill yourself the night Derek saved you. The doctors said as you had already lost your memory, it was better you started a life void of any details of the past, before letting you in on everything. It was for your safety, your treatment. That was what he was trying to do.” Anna tried to gather breath to continue. 

Alice stood there confused. “But you… you love him.” 

“Yeah but his happiness is with you Alice. He loves you. He called me one day and sent your picture and said to take care of you. I tried, but you weren’t too comfortable with me. Then, when Derek recovered and was about to come here, he was scared that you would recognize him. I had sensed that you weren’t comfortable with complete stranger guys and had told him that if you didn’t recognize his pictures, to pose as my boyfriend when he got here,” she paused feeling guilty. “I knew that would work but still I partly said that because I felt I would have some time to spend with Derek. And his initial plan was to just make your world better- not refuel your love story- that got me more hopeful. But I got to say I’m happy for you two seriously.” 

“But…” 

Anna raised a finger. “Would you be happy if Lance wasn’t Derek?” 

Alice kept quiet. 

“Derek is a good person. Anyone could fall in love with him, even if he didn’t have money.” Anna stated. “Hope there is another one of him out there for me.”

“I…” 

“…And another thing. He is more shaken up after Steph’s death. I guess you need to give him some time to clarify what questions you have.”

Alice blankly stood there, looking back at the hotel. 

“What are you waiting for? Go already!” Anna sternly pointed to the entrance. 

Anna made sure Alice was back inside before returning to the car. She smiled despite the fact she had lost her chance with Derek. Anna genuinely felt so happy after a long time of sadness and doubt- that she twirled and saw Bell keeping a keen watch from the window. Bell was gaping- certain that Anna lost her sanity.

Bell had turned violent when she had learnt that Derek wanted her help for Alice. It took very long periods for Anna to get back up from breakups. She had hooked up with many guys for brief durations after Trey, and though she knew she had futures with none of them she was left hurt. Some guys wanted her as eye candy and some for the inherited bank balance. Only Trey and Derek were the guys who had ever appreciated her for what she was. Anna would cry days after breakups even if she knew the breakup was a good thing- because it was another failure to have found a good man. When Derek had returned she guessed God had given her another chance and she tried her best- to make him hers- as he had told her seriously that he was leaving Alice. Her friend Jenny approved of her intentions. But this was outrageous for Bell. She knew this wasn’t going to work. She had tried to keep Anna away from him, but Anna never listened. And today her sister was there in the car for her, ready to console and take care of Anna.

“So? Done?” Bell fished out a Hershey bar from her purse. 

“Yup,” Anna fastened her seatbelt before taking it. 

“You okay?”

Anna saw Bell ready to pull out the new box of tissues from her purse. “Never felt better,” Anna smiled at her. 

“Can you forget Derek?” 

“I’m ready to move on Bell. I’m glad I could help Derek and Alice, I am really.” 

“I’m proud you got through this,” she said hugging Anna and literally throwing her purse on the back seat. “You remember mom’s favorite quote right?” 

“Things which happen are for a reason. Things which don’t are for a reason too,” Anna recalled. 

“Believe that. There are better things out there for you,” Bell said in her teacher voice, but it came a little bit too excited. “By the way I loved the last part out there when you ordered Alice to get herself back inside. You look good when you act bossy” 

 Anna laughed. “Let’s spend sometime today. What do you want to do?” 

“Let’s hit Denver.” 

Before Anna could start the car her phone rang- displaying the name Trey. Anna could feel a tear slip from her eye. It was a year of no contact, after four years of the relationship and he had called her at a time like this- when she thought at last she could get over her past.

“Helloo.” 

“Anna?” 

“Trey? Uh Hi. How are you?” 

“Doing well. Can’t complain. So coming to meet me?” 

“Meet you?” Anna asked sarcastically. “Why would I?” 

“Yeah.” He paused. “I’m sorry for a lot of things, for how things ended. But you must know my love for you is still there. I’m kind of ashamed for letting an amazing person like you go. I need to talk to you; I want us to have another chance. That is if you allow that chance.” 

Anna didn’t know what to say. 

Bell snatched the phone. “Trey you called a moment too soon. I had to still tell Anna about you.” 

That was the last thing Anna expected her to say. “You what?” 

“He contacted me two weeks ago asking me about you.” Then she remembered the call. “Talk to you later Trey. I’ll talk to Anna.” 

“You were talking to him?” 

“Yeah I was and he was so genuinely sorry. He even mentioned he is doing great at work and stuff…He wanted to see you. With Derek still going on in your mind I thought to keep it low until this…” she gestured outside. “And even if I brought his name up earlier Jenny would be quick to dismiss Trey, as she favored Derek more.” She held Anna’s arm. “I knew Derek would not accept you. He never even mentioned it. He never loved you.” 

“So you threw me to Trey?” Anna felt betrayed. 

“I wouldn’t say throw.” Bell said. “I’d rather say I have scheduled a meet.”

Anna smiled to herself recalling how good she felt with Trey. He loved her, he protected her, cared for her in ways more than a friend.  “I think you are right… He says he loves me.. I think I can give this another shot. I kinda love him still.” 

“Things which happen are for a reason. Things which don’t are for a reason too.” Bell said. “Now step on it. Denver here we come. Woohoo!”

As he sat on the edge of the bed, Derek looked at the ring- the same one that was supposed to be on Alice’s finger long ago. He failed today, not being able to handle the situation. Even if he could explain, he wouldn’t know where to start. Maybe when Veronica sent him a picture of her with Anna. It was perhaps the most beautiful coincidence that happened to him because he could track her down.

Actually he hadn’t come with the intention of reviving their love. He loved her and knew that Veronica was right- if he wanted to keep her safe- he had to keep the past hidden, every aspect of it. Veronica also mentioned that Alice had a memory with her that said his name- Lance. But he was lucky that only select people in his life ever knew that his real name was Lance. Rave never even knew he had another name- Derek. She knew he had another name- kept by his father- but then the conversation had shifted to lunch and she forgot to probe further. Moreover, no one from school was in Castle Pines, except Anna.

*****

LANCE’S E-DIARY

9 May

I was so screwed up yesterday. The medication had surely gotten to me, that I actually needed time to recognize Anna from the picture Veronica sent. It was her alright and I called her. She didn’t pick up at first and my heart sank. But later when I had almost dozed off, her call came. Her way of talking is still the same. The way she says ‘hellloo.' LOL that brought back a lot of memories of me mocking her.

She says the girl’s name is Alice, and that she’s her neighbor. I’ll have to get used to the name- ‘Alice’. I don’t want Anna to know her real name too just in case.

I tried to walk but stumbled in just a step. That was the first time I’ve cried of physical pain as far as I remember. The accident has set me back. But at least Rave... er... Alice is safe. I need to cook up a story for mom and dad. And I can call Franny and ask her to help Rave a bit, and get her a job. Rave was always fascinated with books, and always wanted to visit her store since I told her. She will like Franny’s store very much.

12 May

Off the call with Anna. She says that Alice is still the same- reluctant to make her life better. I’m not sure if Anna can do this. I might be able to become a friend. I’ll not get too involved. After I make sure that she will do fine, I will leave. Oh, I can’t even use my name. Veronica said she has something that proves she loves ‘Lance’ and if she thinks hard enough she might recognize me. But that’s alright I can use my other name Derek, and luckily the people there know me well by that name- thanks to dad. The doctors say I have to spend two or three months at the hospital at least before I can get discharged.

12 August

I am discharged and at dads place. The names ‘Derek’ and ‘Lance’ are all over the house. The new maid wondered if I had a twin brother whose name is ‘Lance’. LOL. Mom and dad will never get along in calling me by ‘one’ name.

I want to rush to Colorado, but there are still medications and check-ups I got to follow and mom isn’t letting me go anywhere until next month. This is the first time mom is actually caring for me. The accident has scared the hell out of the both of them. The fear of losing me. Anna agrees with them and insists me to stay until I’m totally fine. There is not a minute I wonder how Rave is. Anna tries to keep me updated twice a day.

Sometimes things get out of control with my parents- okay many a times. And days are about to get rougher here. Dad is getting married to a teacher- Nina- and mom is trying to ruin it. I secretly wish she can this time because this Nina is after dad’s money, I’m sure of it. I tried to talk to dad about that, but he wouldn’t listen. I doubt he’d stop the wedding anyway because of not wanting to give in to mom. My parents are such kids.

11 September

Finally at Castle Pines. I was right there in the park. Right in front of her! I stood for a few minutes and she didn’t look at me, I wondered if she was looking at anything at all, like in a trance. I grew so nervous that I grabbed a newspaper lying near the tree and held it before my face. Ideas of how to approach her raced in my mind but before I came to a conclusion, she came to me. She asked for a pen. It was the best time to talk to her; I could give her the Parker pen in my pocket and even offer her a ride home. But no. No, Lance is way stupid! I don’t know why I was so nervous, but I was so scared that I could barely open my mouth. I thought it to be best to wait until she left.

Then after some more minutes passed by, she got hurt. That’s when I couldn’t stand it. She could think whatever she wanted to, but I had to help her. As I approached her though, she ran away.

I fell to the ground and cried silently, the tears mixing with the drops of rain on my face. I'd seen Rave after months of waiting. Finally seen her in person. It was a total relief to see her fine. Just that I could no more declare that she was mine. I wanted to run up to her and kiss her; I considered it while she was still in my sight. Reality is hard to swallow. So much had changed in a matter of months. Mr. Paul, dad’s old friend, walked up slowly to me and said, “I can see you feel for that girl, don’t worry everything will be alright okay?”

With that I left and arrived at Anna’s. She was extremely happy to see me and already has made plans for my birthday. Here I am at my flat- actually one of dad’s gift to me, Anna has texted saying to come over after an hour.

Woah! I didn’t see that coming! Anna wanted me to wear a stupid outfit, for losing to her in a bet. The next thing I know is that Rave... I mean Alice is at the door!

My fingers are having a hard time to type. I’m peeking from Anna’s room and there she is downstairs. My love, my reason to live, my everything, right with me on my birthday!

I need to change and look great.

Alice did not recognize me and so I was playing along being a stranger. It was hard though to not call her Rave. I had practiced with Franny and Anna, calling her Alice since months- but meeting her in person, I feel like I am going to call her Rave any moment and mess up. No wonder why Steph called me DL. I was Lance at school and Derek at home and one day she was fed up and decided to call me DL. Got to work on calling her Alice.

Anna was the one who got Alice to meet me today. I seriously owe her. I’m so happy that I don’t think I can sleep at all tonight.

Happy Birthday Lance. Lol.

12 September

I met Alice at Franny’s bookstore today. As much as I wanted to forget my memories of her, I couldn’t. Before we officially gave a name to our relationship months ago, it was the only place we would meet at- bookstores, where I would gain insight into popular novels from her. Today, even though I knew about ‘The Shining’- Rave had told me a lot about that book- I couldn’t say a thing. I couldn’t think of anything else except for how she looked. The emptiness inside her would finish her if she didn’t try to make her life better, Rashi was right about that.

It was scary to think how that had once happened to me, how I was all alone with so many questions and no one to talk to. I wanted to kill myself. I would have if not for Rave.

I wanted to shake her and say- “Rave look at me, I’m with you. You aren’t alone in this. I love you.” At that moment I wanted to break my promise to Veronica, but I left for her safety.

Now Rave is in the same situation like I was and the lost feeling is radiating from her. Veronica might have thought that this was best for Rave. But I know what she is going through and I’m going to do all I can to help her cope. She will be happy and alright. I’ll make sure of it.

14 September

I woke up and went out for a jog. At the café I was in, I heard about last night’s accident. My supposed jog turned to be a quick dash as I came back home. I don’t know what to do except for making this lame dairy entry. Unless… Could I call Veronica? I mean she should know. Shit! I guess I left my phone at the café. Damn!

Meeting Rave was awkward, maybe more because she told the truth of her memory problem. The desperation and emptiness in her eyes made it so much more difficult for me to conceal the truth. It must’ve been so hard for her and she had been remarkably brave to have got so far. I tried looking for whatever memory she had kept of me, but didn’t see it. Later Anna showed up as my girlfriend and dropped me off at Steph’s. There are still a few cracks between me and Steph that can be felt but I shall erase them soon.

Carl called me by to see if the Vespa needed something more. I stood staring at it. It was Rave’s alright. The initials-RW-Rave Wilson was still on the seat. I kept my hand on it- Rave had taken me out on it so many times I remember the first time I was hesitant to sit. Always being surrounded by cars and expensive stuff- even at the time I was broke and detached from my parents- travelling at the back of a Vespa was odd. But my opinion changed as I started to enjoy it. Then one day she taught me to ride, later at times she'd let me ride. The very same Vespa. She had always wanted some modifications but her mom wouldn’t let her she’d say. I decided it could use some sparkle.

15 September

It is a relief that there were no accidents yesterday. Maybe it was a one-time thing. The demon hasn’t returned.

I tried to look through her closet again- in case it was one of my letters or a gift she had kept but didn’t get a clue. The only interesting thing I found was her lingerie- I went through the box to see if there was something hidden! Shame on me lol. And also her bikini (wink) I never saw her in one and imagining her in it is making me go crazy. Wonder what Veronica meant by ‘a memory that says Lance’.

She learnt to ride fairly quick and that was no surprise given she knew before. All went out fine until we reached Ron’s store. He hugged her. At first I ignored it, thinking it was just a gesture, but then I saw Alice struggling under his grip. I couldn’t stand it. Alice was baffled that I intervened but I think I handled it casually.

16 September

It’s time to get ready to return to New York. Alice kissed me yesterday and I’m sure she has feelings for me. I can’t hide my identity from her longer if this went on. I can’t unite with her. This is getting difficult. So I’m going away. I know it might leave you heartbroken but I don’t mean to give up on you. I can never. I will try to get someone fill this place of mine. I will always look after you and love you and

Franny called and said there has been another accident last night. Alice.

I’m entering this while Alice is on my bed. All those nights I wished she would be with me and today… she is. But tonight I’m nothing more than a friend. I mean... I think she won’t push me away if I get romantic but I don’t want her to regret it tomorrow. That won’t happen if I tell her the truth though.

I called Veronica, just listening if she had something to say about her further plan and if Etsy Monroe was meeting Rave, not letting Veronica in on the truth that I am with Rave already. She told me that she’s going to let Rave back into my life and that I must take care of her. I think I’ll leave the explaining part to Veronica. My secret can stay safe a little longer.

18 September

I pull out my phone and check Steph’s picture. It was the only recent picture I had of us together- at the hotel. It is so hard to believe that she is gone. A rich old man came to the funeral and said Steph was the angel of his life. She had helped him win the lottery and let him keep the amount. That part clicked, Steph had said her dad was always able to win the lottery. The Grasp.

I wanted her to do me a favor so I could try helping Alice, but it wasn’t happening now. Her dad had left her the book of Grasp, which was put away. If I could only go through it with a bit of Steph’s help, there could be a way out. At least a way of Steph to control the situation so Rave could be free. I had told Veronica that she could help me to get Rave out of the mess. Steph was a ‘Summoner’ -and that gave me some hope that she could help get rid of the
problem
altogether. But now I’m back on square one. And worse I’ve lost the family who ever cared a lot about me. Rosalie and now Steph. I’m all alone and helpless. Wish Steph would’ve told me all this, I could save her from this fate. I hope you both rest in peace Steph and Veronica.

I’m on Rave’s couch. I’ve planned a day at a hotel. Rave found the parcel I’d gave Carl to drop off here. Well, it is proposal day and I’m badly shaken up. Rehearse Lance.

19 September

I need to tell her the truth. I’m leaving for the hotel. It’s now or never.

*****

Derek didn’t know what he had to enter in his diary now. Did he even want to enter anything? Maybe he could type-
she slapped me for being a jerk
.

Just then his phone rang. It was Carl. “Hey bro. Did you pop the question already?”

“No. She got angry when she got to know I’m Lance.”

“Shit! She said that she loves you yesterday.”

“Yeah!”

“I told you that it was wrong to keep the secret for so long. You had to bring it up soon after she met Veronica. Rave just freaked out, she’ll be alright.”