The Great Cat Caper (8 page)

H
ey, Veelie.” Dad called after supper while she and Bill were cleaning up from Mexican takeout. No baked potatoes. Yayness, as Sunny would say.

“Hey, Dad, the coolest thing happened today. With our project. Sunny’s cat purred when she took it out of the trap. So tomorrow—my cat! I just know it.”

“That’s great, honey.”

He didn’t sound like he was paying attention.

“I’ve got a big favor to ask of you, honey,” her dad said. “I need you to come this weekend—now—for our weekend instead of next weekend.”

A rumble of angry words sounded in her head. “Why?”

“The boys won a soccer award, and our family needs to be together when they receive it.”

Our family. That wasn’t
our
family. That was
his
family.

“I can’t, Dad. I just said that tomorrow is the day I’m sure the curious kitten will let me hold it. This is my school project.”

She heard an impatient sound on the other end of the line. “Vee, your project is cats. Dumpster cats. I think your little brothers are more important.”

“But, Dad, it’s movie night here.” Even though it would be just her and Bill tonight. Mom had already headed for bed after dinner. “Our family thing.”

“Vee, how often do I ask you to do something for me?”

If she thought about it, she could come up with a list. But she was getting mad. “So if I come this weekend, I don’t have to come next weekend?”

“Veelie, honey, you can come both weekends if your mother will let you. You know I always want to see you.”

Especially if the soccer team needed somebody to hold jackets and cut oranges.

“Fine.” She bit the words out. “When are you picking me up?”

A crash sounded in the background. Vee waited for him to yell at the Twin Terrors. Instead, unbelievably, Dad laughed. “Your brothers are so crazy,” he said. “I’ll be by in about forty-five minutes. Make sure you’re ready. Wait for me out front, okay?”

“Anything you want, Dad.” Vee punched off the phone. When she turned around, she realized Bill was standing there. He looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“I didn’t know whether I should leave and be distracting or stay and be quiet,” he said. “So you think your curious kitten will let you hold him?”

“I guess I won’t find out till Monday now,” Vee snapped. Bill’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry, Bill. I can’t be here for movie night tonight. I have to go pack.” She stomped up the stairs, threw a few clothes in her gym bag, and stomped into her mother’s room.

“Dad says I have to go this weekend because the Twin Terrors are getting some stupid award,” she said to her mother’s sleeping body and stomped out to the front steps. Belatedly, she thought about checking her e-mail, but a stomping exit meant she couldn’t go back into the house. In fact, if her mother hadn’t been asleep, she would have been busted on the stomping. Oh yes, this weekend was shaping up to be a real
beetle-y
one.

As usual, Dad’s forty-five minutes was an hour. When his SUV pulled into the driveway, Vee stood. Her dad motioned from the window. “C’mon, Vee. We’re taking the boys out to dinner to celebrate.”

“I already ate.” Vee crossed to the passenger side and opened the door, but didn’t get in.

“What?” he said. “I thought we were done with this. You can sacrifice Dumpster cats for your brothers. They are part of your family now. Get in.”

“I’m not getting in,” she said and sucked in a breath. Her bravery or stupidity nearly paralyzed her.

Her dad flung his head back against the tall headrest. His tone, when he spoke, was like he was talking to a small, angry child. “Okay, Vee, what is it you want to talk about that is so important and has to be discussed”—his voice was increasing in volume—”
right now
?”

“I’ll come this weekend,” she said, standing straight. “And have a good attitude and smile all weekend.”

“Where’s the ‘but’?” her father asked.

“I’ll come, but you have to show up at the senior center at 3 p.m. on Monday to watch me work with the curious kitten and see our project. Meet Frank and Nadine. At least
act
interested.”

Her dad sat quietly, staring out the front of the windshield. He turned to her, and his voice was warm like it used to be when she and he used to watch Saturday morning shows together. “Yes, Vee. I will come see your cat—”

“Kitten.”

“Kitten. Monday at 3 p.m. in the senior center.”

Vee climbed into the SUV and shut the door gently.

O
n Monday, Vee told herself to forget the previous weekend. Today was the day the curious kitten—and maybe his brother, too—would let Vee pick them up and take them out of the cage. Dad was coming to watch. That was all that was important.

“Hey, Squadders,” she sang out. Esther, Aneta, and Sunny were clustered around Momma Cat who was sitting on the table, feet tucked underneath her body. Aneta had changed out of her school uniform into a knit shirt and capris and sandals. Vee wondered how late in the year she’d be wearing those sandals. Sunny had her usual T-shirt but had added a very ratty pair of jeans instead of the shorts she’d worn all summer. Esther had new nail polish—a different color on each finger—and was wearing long earrings that looked like they were made of feathers. Once she had joined them, Vee confirmed they were feathers. Turquoise feathers with beads.

Hermann walked in, carrying a tall carpeted pole with several shelves on it and a solid base. One section was wrapped in rope. “A kot needs a kot perch. I make it for you. I come to vatch you tame the kot.” He set it in the corner.

Hermann made something for our project?
Vee shot a look at the girls. They looked between the pole and Hermann and back again.

Sunny, of course, had to know. “Why are you nice to us all of a sudden?” she asked, folding her arms.

Hermann shuffled his feet, embarrassment all over his lined face. Glancing toward the door, he whispered, “Dot Cat Woman, she told me if I do not help you, she vould come to my house every day to cook my dinner.” He shuddered. “Every day.” Another low whisper. “My house. Every day dot voman vould come.”

The girls, wide-eyed until the confession was finished, began to giggle. He drew himself up. “Every day she say. She vould, too. I can cook my own dinner.” He settled into a chair, folded his arms, and acted like he wasn’t a bit interested in what was going on.

No matter
how
Hermann had become the cats’ friend, the cat perch would be a great addition as the cats grew tamer. Now they would have something to tell Mrs. Sissy when she asked—again—how much senior involvement the girls were receiving. Other than Hermann and the Cat Woman, not much. The girls didn’t know why, although they had already put up signs asking for volunteers.

“Cool earrings,” she said to Esther, to calm her own nervousness.

Esther grinned and shook her head. “I like how the feathers tickle my face. Watch.” She bent her head forward and wagged her head back and forth.

Before Vee could notice whether they did, Momma Cat twitched her head toward Esther, shot out a paw, and snagged the feather.

“Ow!” Esther shrieked, leaning forward farther to prevent the earring from pulling.

“Momma Cat! Let it gooooo.” Sunny gently took the cat’s paw and disengaged the nails from the feather. Esther leaped back as soon as she was free. Momma Cat began to wash her face, but she kept an eye on those earrings.

Esther’s face was crimson. Would it mean an explosion? Would Esther decide to dump the project? Vee hurried to Momma Cat’s defense.

“You know it was just the movement. I think she was—” She didn’t get to finish because Esther was laughing. And laughing. And holding her stomach.

“Oh, you guys,” she finally gasped. “That paw was so fast. Before I could jerk back, she’d grabbed it. It was like a blur!”

Through their laughter suspended, they heard a rusty, creaky sound like an old gate. It came from Hermann’s direction. The old man was slapping his knee and chortling.

“Dot kot is de fastest kot I see!” he fell against the chair.

“Stop laughing,” Vee ordered the girls fiercely, concerned Hermann might actually die laughing, but that only set them off again.

Sunny giggled. “It was a whapp attack,” she said, her chuckles rolling to full-blown Sunny laughter.

More creaks and wheezing from Hermann.

Whapp attack
sent Esther off again, this time with Aneta and Vee joining in. They laughed until Momma Cat got weirded out and looked like she might jump off the table. Then they pressed their hand over their mouths. Sunny stroked the cat to soothe her.

“Are we ready?” Vee nodded her head in the direction of the trap cages. “I know today’s the day.”
Where is Dad?
“You guys go first. My dad is coming, and I want him to see me take out the curious kitten.”

It only took a few minutes for both Esther and Aneta to attempt and fail with their cats. The cats loudly proclaimed their refusal. Both girls got a little teary. Frank, who had arrived during Aneta’s approach and denial, shook his head.

Vee kept an eye on the door and her watch. It was 3:20 p.m.

“Don’t say it yet, Frank,” Esther pleaded, a husky tone creeping into her voice. She sniffed. “I just have to keep trying.”

The curious kitten and Vee regarded each other as Vee approached the cage. Dad wasn’t coming. She would do this by herself.

“Mitts, doctor?” Sunny said, sounding like a nurse in the operating room. Vee held up her hands, and Sunny slid on the oven mitts.

“Mitts, doctor,” she replied, her face serious.

“Approach the door, and Godspeed to you.” Sunny stepped to the side and raised the door.

The curious kitten and his brother watched the oven mitts enter the trap cage. The brother hustled back to his place and hissed. The curious kitten came forward and sniffed the mitts, whiskers forward. Vee held her breath. The kitten took another step into the mitts.

Today is the day, today is the day
, ran the joy in Vee’s mind.

“Caaaats!” A human scream, as horrible as any of the cat shrieks, rolled into and around the room. Hermann fell off his chair. The curious kitten’s eyes blazed wide, and he retreated. Desperately, she plunged the mitts farther in to catch him, and that set off the brother who hauled forth the most uncatlike screeches and yowls. Vee removed the mitts and turned. Aneta and Esther helped Hermann up.

“
Who
was that?” Vee cried, stamping her foot, pulling off the mitts, and throwing them on the table. The doorway was empty. Vee ran toward the door and peered both ways in the hall. Nobody. Nothing but the heavy smell of mouthwash.

“I’m telling you there’s a woman who smells like mouthwash who …” Her voice trailed off. Who did what? Vee didn’t have any proof.

Frank made the girls walk down to the lake and back before they all headed for home. When they came back, breathless, he said, “You girls can’t take this so hard. It was probably someone who was upset about something else.” He locked the Cat Room. Vee watched him carefully.

Aneta sighed. “I have been dreaming about my cat.” Making a face, she sighed again. “He yowls in my dreams, too.”

Hmph. In
Vee’s
dreams, her Dad would actually show up.

W
hy hadn’t Dad shown up? Vee made it home with ten minutes to spare before Math Man darkened the door. She grabbed a stick of string cheese from the fridge and walked out through the breezeway to stick her head in Bill’s garage and tell him she was home. She hoped tutoring went better than the cat work had. She was feeling pretty discouraged. The mayor was expecting something wonderful, and all they had was Momma Cat. It was a good thing
Everything Animal
had never responded. What would they film? Momma Cat whapping Esther’s earrings? Vee talking about the mystery of the mouthwash lady?

Thinking of the show made her think of her e-mail, so she moved over to the computer on the rolling desk in the kitchen. While it booted, she poured a glass of grape juice and then sat in front of the computer. Why wouldn’t the curious kitten be tamed? She’d pretty much given up on the brother. He had never ever been interested in the humans, other than to use them for developing his vocal cords.

She clicked into her e-mail, took a swallow of juice, and looked at her in-box. The next second, grape juice sprayed on the computer screen.

On the way home from school the next day, Vee ran. Ran as hard and as fast as she could. Everything was wrong. Math class was wrong. Dad was wrong, Mom working so much was wrong, the curious kitten was wrong,
Everything Animal
‘s e-mail saying they were coming on
Friday
was wrong.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
As she reached her house, thumped up the front steps, and inserted her key in the lock, she knew there could not
possibly
be a sixth-grade year that was
worse
than hers was turning out to be.

Lying in her bed after a peanut butter and honey sandwich and a string cheese, Vee stared at the swirls on her ceiling. Storm clouds. That’s what they were. Or oven mitts chasing snarling kittens.

A light tap sounded on the door.
Go away.
She knew it had to be Bill. There had been yet another note from Mom on the kitchen island about an appointment. Pretty soon there wouldn’t be any houses left for sale in Oakton. They’d have to move so Mom could work on the rest of the state of Oregon.

“Go away.”

“Okay. Just checking,” came the muffled voice on the other side of the door. “’Cause if you
were
here, you wouldn’t be at the senior center with the S.A.V.E. Squad taming cats.”

The Squad! She had completely forgotten! How could she? Heavier and heavier pressed the weight. Math class, math tutoring, bonding with the Twin Terrors, Dad’s not understanding and not showing up, the looming retest.

She flung herself back on the bed and began pounding her fists on the comforter. “
Beetle! Beetle! Beetle-y! BEEEEEEEEEETTTTTLLLLLLEEEE!
I’m just a sixth grader. I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!” It felt so good to pound her fists and yell that she began pounding her heels, too. The bed began to jiggle. “Too much, too much!” she said, shouting in beat to the jiggle of the bed. Dad should see her now. He would never want her to bond with the Twin Terrors.

Suddenly the door burst open, and Bill was in the room. Vee sat up. “You’re not supposed to come in without—” The rest of what she had prepared to shout died on her lips. For Bill had leaped lightly to the end of her footboard. It creaked alarmingly. Bill shouted, “To the rescue, it’s Soooooo-per Bill!”

“Super” Bill wore a bright orange pasta strainer on his head, a garbage bag cut open for his head and arms, and was brandishing long, long tongs he used when he barbecued. “She yells ‘Beeeetle,’ “—he howled out her interjection even better than she had, she thought admiringly, drawing her knees up to a cross-legged position to gape up at him. Bill seemed like Gulliver in the land of whoever those little people were—“and Super Bill comes to help.” Continually trying to keep his balance on the narrow edge, he flailed his arms. “He—has the”—wobble, wobble, flail, flail—“Helmet of Hardiness so no insult from Go Away Girl can permeate him.”

Permeate.
Cool word. She’d have to look that one up. A bubble of giggle was beating through the ick, and any moment she just might laugh. Maybe. It had been a very long string of ick.

Gesturing to his garbage bag, Super Bill turned sideways to better balance himself. It wasn’t much better. He still looked like he was going down. “And the Toga of Tears should she need to cry!” He wobbled mightily. “And the Tongs of Removal of all ick!” Then, with a wild yell, he fell backward off her bed.

A prickly sensation burned at the back of her eyes as she bounced to the end and peered over. “That’s gotta hurt,” she said.

“Yeah,” Bill gasped, stiffly rolling to his side and then to a cross-legged position. He gushed out a breath. “So. Is the Go Away Girl going to meet her friends?”

Vee immediately retreated to the middle of her bed. “No.”

She heard the groans and sighs as Bill crawled to the end of the bed. “Will the Go Away Girl tell Super Bill about the ick? He is prepared,” he said, brandishing the tongs.

Humans were weird, Vee decided later after she had dumped Dad’s desertion, the
Everything Animal
e-mail, how to tell the girls, and math in general on Super Bill. She donned the Helmet of Hardiness, cried on the Toga of Tears, and danced around poking the Tongs of Removal into pillows Bill provided. So weird. How could she cry and laugh at the same time and feel so much better?