Authors: Amanda Carpenter
Dee felt stunned, bewildered. 'But why? Why can't we go somewhere
else for a while? Why do we have to go back home?' She stared at
him, feeling that odd barrier from the morning, getting the strangest
feeling that he wasn't telling her something, but she still couldn't
pinpoint what it was. 'I don't understand.'
Mike straightened in his seat and stared out into the golden day. 'You
said to me not too long ago that what you needed most was time to
think, to decide what you were going to do. Have you made a
decision?'
She hesitated, feeling swamped with uncertainty, puzzlement and the
desire to tell him just how she really felt about him. But it was too
new to her, too early for that, and she was silent a moment. Then,
reluctantly, 'No, I haven't.'
His jaw hardened. 'Well, what I'm going to do is buy you that time
you need.' Silence, and he muttered something under his breath,
something quick and stern sounding, and very strange. Dee suspected
that he hadn't really meant her to hear it, but she had very good
hearing and she picked it up in spite of the softness with which it was
spoken. 'I'm going to buy you all the time in the world.'
And she couldn't understand its gist, just as she couldn't understand
the element of inexplicability to his behaviour, but since she had
forced the issue so far, she didn't want to ask him anything else just
yet.
He started the car again, pulled out into the barren stretch of highway
and silence reigned for a long, long time in the confines of the car.
And she sank back into her seat and puzzled at the many unexplained
and unexplainable mysteries in her life.
They stopped soon to stretch their legs and to get a cold drink, and by
then she had simply given up on her endless speculating and just
concentrated on each moment. Life had begun to take on an element
of unreality for her, for the events in the past four days had become
too much to handle. Her emotions had been yanked all out of whack,
and her whole schedule had been overturned, and now she had to
reconstruct something new for herself. She was quite afraid, because
she had settled into a comforting groove. She had known where she
would be staying the next week, and she had begun to make plans and
have hopes and dreams of the simple, every day sort: planning next
week's menu according to her budget; the television specials she had
looked forward to; whether she could afford that blue dress on display
that she'd been eyeing for several days. Now she didn't know what to
expect, or where she would next lay her head. It bewildered her so
much that she had to simply shut down and cope with only
non-essential, commonplace things.
It was strange, too, how she caught herself looking around for Mike
and making sure that he was near. She'd never really done that before
except when she had been a young child and had been too young to
explore without her parents. She found that she was trying to reassure
herself of his presence and support, and in a way this angered her, for
she had become quite proud of her self-sufficiency early in life. She
began to withdraw in little ways, and not in any particular way that he
would especially notice, but he gradually stopped making general
conversation as he sensed her silent mood.
Dee became increasingly grim as they neared the familiar,
once-loved area she knew so well, the spring air of northern Ohio
giving way to a more balmy warmth and greenery. She was conscious
of Mike's flickered, questioning glances, but was in no mood to tell
him of the strange feelings that were bombarding her. She felt that she
was travelling further and further into a strange darkness that invaded
her brain and hampered her thought processes. No matter where she
turned her head, she saw darkness, in spite of the fact that the sun was
benignly shining and the birds were blithely singing in chirrupy
spurts. And the darkness that she saw and felt was an unreasoning
dread. She was suddenly able to understand why her later memories
of Kentucky were dark and misted over with a heavy veil. It was a
cloud of remembered unhappiness.
She dozed fitfully, then she sank into a murky sleep that caught at her
blood and forced it to slug slowly through her veins, and someone
was really chasing her this time, and it wasn't Mike but an unknown
menacing stranger, and she tried to run and run, but she was so
hampered by her lifeless limbs that she couldn't get anywhere. 'I can't
move,' she whimpered, and jerked with fright as she felt a warm hand
descend on to her quaking shoulder, and she was caught, trapped,
mired down in mud. She knew a terrible sinking feeling as she
realised that she was caught for good. She would never get away or be
free again . . . 'Trapped! I'm trapped!' she sobbed dryly, and was
pulled into wakefulness by insistent hands.
Opening her eyes, she stared hugely up into Mike's concerned face.
Then awareness and reality hit her and she straightened with a groan.
They had pulled into a parking lot in the middle of an apartment
complex, stylish, modern, and well maintained. Shoving a quick,
slightly shaking hand through her hair, Dee muttered, not looking at
Mike, 'Sorry. I was having a bad dream.' One hand left, but he rubbed
at her collarbone with his other hand, thumb rotating gently.
'Are you sure you're all right?' His head was bent to her and he
suddenly seemed too near, so she sat forward and found her shoes.
She'd slipped them off earlier, and one was stuck under the car seat.
'I'm fine. It was a foolish dream, but then dreams always seem that
way when you're awake and out of them.' She sent a slanting, wry
glance up at him, a twisted smile on her lips. 'But when you're caught
in them, they're as real as the edge of a knife that can slip and prick
you if you aren't careful ... I always thought that getting stuck in a
nasty, sticky mud would be horrible, and I always dream of it, or
getting caught and mired down some way. Filthy thought!'
Her shoes slipped on, she straightened and looked about her with
interest, then sent a questioning gaze to the still figure beside her.
He smiled at her, easily, but the hand that had stayed on her shoulder
tightened as if he had felt the keen edge of the knife she had
described. Then he was pointing out a group of windows that was his
apartment, warning her that since he hadn't been back for a while, the
place would be a mess.
Dee's mood lightened and she laughed at him as they struggled to get
everything from the car into the building. He had been quite right: the
place was a wreck, with an unlived-in air about the rooms and a layer
of dust that was settled on the furniture not covered up, and a few
boxes lying around, stacked to the brim with things that he swore he'd
stored. She teased him unmercifully as they set about cleaning up the
roomy place. The furniture was good, she discovered, and the few
ornaments around were tasteful and both looked and felt expensive.
She admired Mike's huge record collection as he dusted off cabinets,
and peered at all his books with approval and interest. He had
disappeared to the bedrooms to make them up and to check the
kitchen and heating.
After tidying up the place, they set off to buy groceries, and in spite of
Dee's voiceless apprehensions and darkening perspective, they had an
uproarious time, skating a shopping cart dangerously through the
aisles and making each other laugh helplessly. Dee ran into an older
woman's cart and was treated with a hostile, disapproving stare, and
Mike accidentally knocked over a stack of cereal boxes when she
startled him by zooming around a corner unexpectedly.
Back at the apartment, they put away the food companionably, and
she asked him curiously, 'Whatever are you going to do about Judith
and Howard? You called them and told them you were coming back
with me. What will happen when you don't show up with me, as
promised?'
Mike bent and stuck his head into the refrigerator as he arranged the
perishables neatly on the shelves. 'I called them later and told them
that you'd gotten away, and that there would be a delay while I
located you again.' The words echoed oddly in the small confines of
the humming cubicle, and he backed out to shut it finally, only then
glancing at her still body.
Dee asked quietly, feeling strange, 'When did you do that?'
He smiled at her cheerfully. 'When you were in the bathroom taking a
shower this morning. It ought to give us both a lot of time to think,
don't you agree? They're well aware of how slippery a fish you can
be, when you choose to get away.'
She nodded, absently, her eyes vaguely puzzled, and the sudden
descent of his hand on her bottom jerked her out of her thoughts with
a small shriek. 'What was that for?' she exclaimed indignantly, trying
in vain to slap him back.
He laughed down in her face, it was to get you started on my supper,
slave,' he growled, and she made a rebellious face.
'I don't make suppers, or do windows, or clean bathrooms, or wash
dishes . . .' she ticked off the items on her fingers, haughtily. Mike
looked extremely indignant.
'And to think I spent all that money on a worthless slave! What in the
world
do
you do?'
The peep she gave him from under her lashes was quite
mischievously provocative. 'I could become quite a good massuese,'
she replied, contemplatively, and he immediately appeared appeased.
'Well then,
that's
all right. But how are we going to live?'
She twinkled at him, 'T.V. dinners?' and had to laugh at his
involuntary groan. Then she became brisk. 'No, no, I'll fix us
something to eat, since you drove all day! Go on, get out, get out!
Relax in the living room, for heaven's sake!' She shooed him out and
he left, only after giving her a laughing, tickling, hard kiss to which
she responded gladly.
She spent a busy hour in the kitchen, clanging pans around cheerfully,
having successfully shaken her dark mood from earlier. She whisked
around, setting the table for two and washing up the dirty dishes as
she went, and eventually she went into the living room to fetch Mike
to the table. Walking softly on her toes in a natural, athlete's walk that
proclaimed her to the knowledgeable as a sprinter, she moved swiftly
into the other room.
As she entered it, she slowed and stared through the semi-darkness of
the curtained room at the slumped form on the couch, and stopped
silently to stare at Mike, concerned. He had his head in both hands,
his fingers tangled in what could only be an attitude of grief, or
sadness. Dee looked at his hands, remembering fleetingly, with
tenderness, how her hands had tangled in his hair in almost the exact
same way—was it only this morning? 'Mike?' It came out soft. 'Are
you okay?'
His head jerked up at her voice, and he was off of the couch and
walking her way, normal, casual. 'Of course. I'm about ready to chew
on the furniture, I'm so hungry,' he teased, grinning at her.
She didn't return the smile, her eyes troubled. 'Are you sure nothing's
bothering you?' The change in him was astounding; one moment he
appeared to be extremely depressed, and the next he was so
completely normal that she sensed even more strongly that something
was wrong.
'Not-'a blessed thing,' he said cheerfully, then he rubbed at his eyes
with thumb and forefinger. 'I think I did too much driving lately, and
my eyes are bothering me, but other than that and the fact that I might
die in the next few minutes from starvation—why, I'm just fine.'
Her eyes slowly crinkled at him and she had to chuckle. 'All right, I
get your drift! Come on, it's ready and waiting for you.'
Throughout that evening, as they watched television and played
checkers, Mike was indeed so ordinary and calm, and quite cheerful,
that she gradually began to believe that what she had seen earlier had
been mostly her imagination. She enjoyed herself that evening, more
than she had for a long time. He could make her laugh hysterically
with his keen, dry wit and humorous, biting comments, and he could
force her to concentrate more than anyone else could, driving her
mind to quicker and keener decisions. He forced her to make snap
decisions at the checker board, and she blundered terribly on the first
game, flustered by his demands. But the second win came a bit harder
for him, for she was beginning to meet his demands, and she had