The Great Jackalope Stampede (26 page)

“What was that, Veronica?” Deborah’s focus lasered onto Ronnie. “You know better than to mutter after all of the money your father and I spent trying to correct that overbite of yours.”

Their father had had nothing to do with what Kate and Claire had for years jokingly called the Beautification of Veronica Morgan refurbishment project. Ronnie had been their mother’s Frankenstein’s creation. Their father had given up long ago on saving his oldest from Deborah’s clutches, focusing instead on protecting Claire and Kate from receiving the lobotomies and neck bolts.

Ronnie opened her mouth to say something, or maybe to spew a lungful of flesh-eating scarab beetles.

“It’s not worth it,” Claire told her sister before Ronnie lost control and caused mass destruction.

Deborah’s glare bounced back and forth between the two of them, reminding Claire of one of those cat wall clocks with the bulbous eyeballs. Tick tock, tick tock.

“You can’t trust teenage girls, Ruby,” she turned her clock eyes back on Ruby. “They have one thing on their minds—making babies.”

Making babies? Ha! Claire wished she could go back to the time when having sex was … wait! Claire looked closer at the slip of paper in Ruby’s hand. Her vision tunneled. “Can I see that, Ruby?” She reached for the paper.

Behind Ruby, Gramps and his merry men rolled up in the golf cart he used to tool around the park. “What in the heck is going on?” He asked his wife. “We could hear you two yelling clear back at Manny’s camper.”

“Yuccaville called to complain about the racket,” Chester added.

He grunted when Manny jabbed him in the ribs. “
Cállate idiota.
”

Deborah sniffed. “Ruby is upset because she found out that my sixteen-year-old stepsister appears to be having sex.”

“What!” Gramps turned on Jess, his face reflecting disbelief and then disappointment.

“It happens to the best of us,” Manny consoled, patting Gramps on the shoulder.

“Those teenage hormones are hell bent for leather.” Chester puffed on his cigar, shaking his head. “I remember my first time. She insisted on me strapping on this—”

“That’s enough, you two.” Ruby cut in, silencing the two troublemakers with one glare.

“Ah, Jessica,” Gramps struggled to push to his crutches. “What were you thinking?”

“She was thinking about getting pregnant,” Deborah said.

“No, I’m not!”

Deborah continued, her soap-box tall and sturdy. “I saw this documentary last month about teenage girls being too lazy to go out and get jobs, so they get pregnant and spend the next eighteen years living off the government, abusing the system.”

“Remind me, Mother,” Ronnie said. “What was your job for the last thirty-five years?”

“I had three children to raise, Veronica. And I wasn’t living off welfare.”

“That’s been your excuse for not going out and getting a job since I was conceived.”

“And what was your excuse, Veronica?” Deborah threw back. “Your resume isn’t exactly overflowing with legitimate employment for the last five years.”

“You’re the one who—”

Claire grabbed Ronnie’s arm and yanked her sister back to her side. “Get out of the ring,” she told her, “this isn’t your fight. Not tonight.”

Ronnie growled but submitted, kicking at the gravel instead of their mother.

“Ruby,” Claire still held out her other hand. “Please let me see that piece of paper.”

Ruby shoved it into Claire’s palm, huffing yet. Her eyes darted around, as if she were looking for a neck to snap. Deborah would be wise to keep her trap shut.

As Claire tried to read the piece of paper in the growing darkness, a pair of headlights splashed across the small crowd, a familiar engine growl crossing the bridge toward them.

They all looked over as Kate skidded to a stop and practically fell out the door. “What’s going on? Is Henry missing again?”

Henry barked his greeting to his second favorite person in the world. He raced over to lick Kate’s fingers, like so many other testosterone-filled suckers had over the years.

Before Kate shut off the headlights, Claire held up the piece of paper and read the evidence being used to sentence Jess to a severe tongue-lashing.

“What’s wrong?” Kate stood frozen in the open car door. “Why are you all standing out here? You’re not waiting for me, are you? Did Arlene call you?”

“Call us about what, Katie?” Ronnie asked.

“Jessica bought a pregnancy test,” Deborah tattled to Kate.

“A test?” Kate’s voice fluttered. Her hand flew to her chest as she fell back against the door jamb. “Oh, God, no!”

Claire glared across at her.
Overreact much?
“You trying out for a soap opera role over there?”

“Bite me, Claire.” Kate bent over to catch her breath or maybe get a closer look at her shoes, Claire wasn’t sure which.

“Your sister has the receipt for the test in her hand,” Deborah added.

Claire was going to cram said receipt down her mother’s throat if Deborah did not shut her flap soon.

“Mom, Harley,” Jessica said, sniffing. “I … I swear it’s not mine.”

“It was in
your
book, Jessica,” Ruby reminded her. “If it’s not yours, why are there little flowers doodled on it?”

Gramps cleared his throat, his knowing look aimed at Claire. Chester and Manny were taking their cue from him, all three of them had her locked in their sights.

Claire sighed.
Son of a bitch.
So much for waiting for Mac to talk about this. She lowered the receipt. “Ruby, Jess is telling the truth.”

“She is?” Kate’s voice sounding strangled still. “How do you know?”

“Yeah, how can you tell?” Ronnie peeked over Claire’s shoulder at the receipt.

Gramps gave Claire an encouraging nod.

She squeezed Ruby’s forearm, drawing the woman’s gaze. “This receipt belongs to me. I’m the one who bought the pregnancy test.”

“You bought a pregnancy test for a teenager?” Deborah guffawed. “Did you buy her a case of beer and a pack of cigarettes while you were at it?”

“No,” Claire answered her mother, but her eyes stayed locked on Ruby’s. “I bought the test for me. I may be preg …”
Gurg!
She could not get the word to pass over her tongue. “I’m late.”

“You’re pregnant?” Kate asked. “I thought you were on the—”

“I don’t know, Kate.” Claire did not want to discuss aloud in front of everyone in her family the worries that had been clanging around inside of her head for a week. Well, everyone but Natalie. Where was her cousin anyway? This whole mess was her fault for buying that damned test.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Deborah bit out each word. So much for her being happy about being a grandmother. Oh, well, her cookies were always too dry, anyway.

“She hasn’t taken the test yet,” Natalie said, coming out the General Store’s screen door with a candy bar in her hand.

There she was. Excellent. Now this warm and fuzzy moment felt complete. Call Hallmark, someone needed to take notes.

“What are you waiting for?” Ronnie asked.

My period to quit playing hide and seek.
“The right moment.”

“Wow! Claire’s gonna have a baby.” Jess’s focus bounced back and forth between Claire’s stomach and her face.

“Or not,” Claire said.

“I bet your belly is gonna get huge.”

“Jessica, that’s rude.” Ruby patted Claire’s arm. “You should have told me. I never would have let you up on that roof if I’d known.”

“We don’t know that I am pregnant yet.” Why did everyone keep forgetting that fact?

“Take the test, you big chicken and we will.” Natalie polished off the candy bar in one bite.

“Don’t you have some bags to pack, mouth?”

“I’m not leaving until Sunday. Things are too entertaining down here to rush back to an empty house.”

“Mac is going to be a dad.” Jessica smiled wistfully, still adding limbs to her family tree.

“The baby is MacDonald’s, right?” Deborah asked.

This time it was Ronnie holding onto Claire to keep her from launching at their mother.

“What?” Deborah exaggerated a cowering stance. “You’ve never been one for sitting still long, Claire, and he does travel an awful lot.”

“Back and forth to a day job, Mother,” Kate shut her car door and joined her sisters. “Not overseas to a ten-year war.”

“If you say so, Kathryn. I still think Claire should have played hard to get.” Deborah nodded, as if agreeing with herself on the matter. “Now he’s never going to make her an honest woman.”

“I’m still standing right here in front of you, Mother.”

Chester snorted. “Who wants Claire honest? I certainly don’t. She won’t be any fun anymore.”

“
Es verdad
,” Manny confirmed. “I love the trouble that follows her around. It’s what makes her beautiful brown eyes sparkle.”

“Why will she have to get honest if she’s married?” Jess asked Ruby.

“Who says I’m not honest now?”

“What do you know about Mac, Mother?” Kate’s tone had gone up a note, now stronger than before, Claire’s virtue seeming to be her new cause all of a sudden. “He’s kind and sweet and smart and handsome and strong and yet gentle and very supportive most days and has a good amount of money and—”

“Are we still talking about Mac?” Ronnie asked.

Kate glanced down, brushing something off her black work shirt. She cleared her throat and raised her chin again. “Of course we are. Who else would we be talking about when Claire is having his baby?”

“We don’t know that I’m pregnant everyone, remember?”

“Why don’t you go take the test now?” Gramps asked. “Then we can stop speculating about this kid and move onto the next step.”

“Planning the baby party,” Chester agreed with a grin. “Let’s keep it co-ed. I vote for bikini mud wrestling.”

“No, no, no,
hombre
. You don’t have mud wrestling at a baby shower. We’ll save that for Mac’s bachelor party.” Manny wiggled his thick eyebrows at his fellow old coot.

“Where’s that pregnancy test kit?” Chester asked. “Let’s get things rolling.”

“How do you test for pregnancy with a kit?” Jess asked. “The ones in the store have white sticks on the box.”

“What are you doing even looking at those, Jessica Lynn?” Ruby grabbed her daughter and pulled her into a hug, dropping a kiss on her head. “How about I explain some of this stuff to you another night when we’re alone?”

“Sure, but can I watch Claire take the test?”

“No!” Ruby and Claire said at the same time.

“Whatever.” She pulled out of her mom’s arms. “I might as well go inside and finish reading my book then.”

“Good idea.” Ruby looked around. “We all should go inside and leave Claire be for the time. She’ll tell us when she knows for certain one way or another.”

Thank you
, she mouthed to Ruby.

The old boys grumbled on their way past Claire and her sisters, Manny pausing long enough to pat Claire on the head. “Let me be the godfather,
por favor
. Stinky Shorts is way too hairy for the job.”

Deborah looked at her watch, then frowned toward the road to town.

“Let’s go, Deborah,” Gramps said. “Give your daughters a break for a while and play some Euchre with us.”

“For your information, Dad, I have a date tonight.”

“With whom?”

“Jessica’s father. He’s picking me up and taking me out for a nice evening.”

“And some hot love?” Manny asked.

Deborah sniffed. “No, Manuel. Unlike my daughters, I am not that type of girl.”

Ronnie coughed out a
bullshit
.

“I heard that, Veronica.”

“Dad’s not coming here tonight,” Jessica said, her hand on the screen door handle.

“Yes, he is,” Deborah countered.

“No, he’s got a date.”

“With me.”

“I don’t think so.”

“You’re mistaken, then.”

“Nuh uh. I met her this morning.”

“What do you mean, kid?” Gramps asked. “Met who?”

“Dad’s new girlfriend.”

Ruby frowned down at her daughter. “New girlfriend?”

“Yeah, that’s how she introduced herself when she came out of his bathroom in her bra and underwear.”

Deborah gasped out a breath. Everyone else seemed to be holding theirs.

Jess continued, oblivious of the blow she had struck. “She showed me this fancy diamond ring on her right hand that she said her last boyfriend gave to her. She even let me try it on. It reminded me of the ring Ronnie is wearing in her wedding picture with her old husband. You know, that picture you guys put on your dresser when Claire called to say she was coming, too?”

Deborah screeched, silencing Jess. “You’re a lying little—”

“No!” Jess returned to the defensive, high pitched tone she had been using with her mom. “I swear, I’m not. Her name is Mindy Lou Hair-something. They met at Butch’s bar. Do you know who she is, Kate?”

“Ohhh,” Deborah let out another shriek before Kate could answer.

Claire winced.

“Men are all rotten, stinking, cheating bastards.”

Ah, misty water-colored memories. Her mother’s outburst took Claire back to her high school years when she used to listen to her parents fight from the other side of her bedroom door.

Ronnie let out several squeaks of laughter. When Claire gaped at her, Ronnie covered her mouth and turned her back toward the crash scene, her shoulders shaking. What was so damned funny? Claire hit Kate with a questioning glance. Kate shrugged back.

“Jess,” Ruby grabbed the cordless phone off the porch from where Claire had left it and pulled open the screen door. “Go inside.” She shoved her daughter in, not giving the girl a chance to buck. “Harley, come on.” She held out her hand toward her husband, who crutched inside after Jess faster than Claire had seen him move in days. Ruby waved Chester and Manny to follow.

Manny hesitated. “Deborah,” he reached for her hand.

Deborah jerked away. “No! Don’t touch me.” She spun on her high heel and slammed past Ruby, bumping her back a step.

Claire could hear her mother’s shoes clonking across the General Store floor, probably heading toward her bedroom where she would hide until she had regenerated and could return to her cool, calm, bitchy self again.