THE GREAT PRETENDER (28 page)

Spreading his long legs, Reggie rested his elbows on his knees. His heartbeat quickened. He had no idea what was going to happen next, and that scared him to death. “Tracy, believe me when I say I don’t want to hurt you. But I’m beginning to see that I’ve done so much damage to us by hiding my mistakes. So I’ve decided to throw my cards on the table and hope we can work through it. Can you do the same? Because if you can, then it’ll make it a lot easier for me to say what I have to say.”

Tracy stood. She looked at him and trembled. “You’re scaring me.”

Reaching for her hand, he pulled her back to the bench. “You wanna go back to the room and finish this?”

She shook her head vehemently. “No, no. We’ve already established that there have been other people, right?” When he nodded, she continued, “So if the affairs are over, what else could there be?”

Suddenly, Reginald became aware of where they were—Central Park, on a bench, having the most detrimental conversation of their lives. For a moment, he considered staying quiet about Denise.
But how can I now?

How could he just go on pretending he didn’t have another child? One who he wanted to care for and help raise? No, it all had to come out now. He had thought the guilt would end completely when he came back home for good, but only now did he realize how wrong he’d been.

Apparently annoyed and frightened by his ominous silence, Tracy rose once again. “Reggie, we’re never going to leave this park if you don’t say what you need to say.” Her demanding tone belied the fear in her eyes. “Just say it. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it.”

He looked her directly in the eyes, while his own filled with regret. “There’s more than just Renee, Tracy. There’s also Denise.”

Tracy inhaled sharply. “I suspected that, too, you know. I suspected that there was probably more than one woman.”

Encouraged by fear, he considered twisting the truth, allowing her to believe that Denise was just another woman. However, his next words were forced out by a desperate need to be free of the burdens of the last six years. “Denise is not another woman. She’s my daughter—a child I have with Renee.”

“
What?
” The question was uttered so quietly, neither of them was quite sure she’d made a sound.

He couldn’t look at her then, so he focused on a sleek white limousine pulling into the Plaza across the street. He saw Tracy in his peripheral view. She was frozen.

“You…
you have another child
?
Another daughter?
” Fresh tears pooled into her eyes. She slumped down to the bench. “Denise.”

He turned to face her. Her head was bent, and she appeared to be staring at the leaves beneath her feet. “Tracy, I don’t know what else to say, except it doesn’t change anything for me as far as you and I are concerned. Of course, I want her to be a part of my life, and maybe one day you and the girls can accept her, too, but I would never force the issue.”

Tracy raised her head and looked at Reginald. She saw tears in his eyes, sparkling in the glare of the bright park lights. “How old is this daughter?”

“She’s six,” he said.

Tracy’s eyes closed.

“She’ll be seven in March.”

“
Six years
, Reginald? You’ve had another child for six years and you never squeaked a word?” After a pause, she said, “Well, why should you have? You weren’t home enough for it to make any difference to us, I guess.”

“Tracy, that’s not fair.” Reginald’s voice hardened. “I’m not the only one that’s guilty here. You were just lucky enough not to get pregnant with your lover’s baby.” Reggie paused, apparently reining in his anger. “God, my blood boils knowing you were in some other man’s bed.”

Franklin’s name rang in Tracy’s head. A bell of shame. Guilt hit her like a ton of bricks then, causing her body to begin wracking with sobs, as though trying to shake off a shameful cloak.

How could she tell him that the other man’s bed was Frank’s?
Could
she tell him? The shaking intensified as she imagined his reaction.

Reginald resisted an overwhelming urge to reach for her, to comfort her as her body shook. He’d known she would be devastated. “Trace, talk to me. Let it out. We can talk through this. Just tell me what’s going on in your head right now. What’re you thinking? You said before that we could deal with anything, remember? Is that still true?”

Minutes went by and neither spoke. Finally drying her tears, Tracy rose from the bench and put both hands on her head. “I think we’ve had all the brutal honesty we can stand for one evening, don’t you? I have a headache now. Let’s go back.” She turned toward the street.

“Screw the damn headache!” Reginald practically yelled. The power in his voice brought her to a halt. “This is our
life
we’re talking about, Tracy! Our lives together. You can’t just get up and walk away now. No. No, we’re not leaving here until we know exactly where we stand!”

“Reggie, lower your voice. People are staring,” she said, returning to the bench.

Dropping his voice slightly, Reggie said, “I don’t care about those people, Tracy. All I care about right now is you and my girls and our family.
Our future.
”

Tracy looked at him. “All three of your girls?”

“Yes, damn it, all
three
of them! No, I can’t deny that it was wrong to create this situation, but damn it, Tracy, we either deal with it now or we’ll be calling it quits later.”

“What do you want from me right now, Reggie? I can’t even think straight. What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to say that we can work this out.
I love you, Tracy
—you know that. I don’t want to lose my wife. You and Olivia and Valerie
are
my life. I want you to tell me that we can get past all these mistakes—the mistakes that we’ve
both
made—and start making a better life together. And I want you to mean it.”

Tracy’s conscience urged her to lay her own bad hand on the table.
Tell him now. Tell him that it was Franklin.

But she couldn’t. She didn’t dare.

Later, she would question herself as to whether it would’ve made a difference if she had confessed it then, right there under the New York City skies. But she just could not bring herself to say the words:
I had an affair with Frank.

So the opportunity passed.

Miami, Florida

J
ustine had just replaced the receiver after having a satisfying conversation with her attorney, when the phone rang almost immediately.
Roger couldn’t have gotten the news that quickly,
she thought, glancing at the caller ID. It was the gate.

She moved to the stereo and adjusted the volume. It was always kept blaring to fuel her with energy, no matter where she was in the house. It was an expression of freedom for Justine, a way to celebrate her new life, her independence.

When she opened the front door a few minutes later, she was totally unprepared for Tracy’s distressed state. Seating her on the sofa in the living room, she took in her friend’s appearance. Her lovely face was void of makeup, her usually full and bouncy hair was roped into a chignon at the back of her nape, and her eyes were puffy from crying. “Tracy, honey, what’s going on?” Justine asked, though she was sure she already knew.

“Justine, I had nowhere else to go. I’m sorry,” she said, as Justine drew Kleenex from a gold ceramic box nearby and passed it to her. “I just had to get out of the house, and this was the first place I thought it’d be safe to come to.”

“Oh, honey, don’t apologize! If anyone knows about needing just the right person to talk to, it’s me. Now, take your time and tell me what’s happened.”

“I’m overreacting, I know I am, but the guilt is overwhelming me…” Tracy hesitated. “After all that’s happened, I guess it should have crossed my mind, but it never did—I swear it
never
did, not even once!” She stuck her forefinger up for emphasis.

“Tracy, I think I already know what this is about.” When Tracy frowned in confusion, Justine continued, “I know about the woman…And the little—”

“What do you mean,
you know
? How could you?” Realization dawned on Tracy then.
Roger.
Of course. “Reggie must’ve told Roger.” When Justine nodded, Tracy said, “How long have you known?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I’ve known for years. But Roger
swore
me to secrecy, and I just thought it best to stay out of it as well. After all, who wants to be responsible for ruining a family? But when you asked about Brent Stone, I figured it was meant for you to find out that way…I guess you don’t really need his services now, though, huh?”

Tracy was nodding her head. “I decided to go ahead with it. He called to inform me that he was ready to make his report and I was about to tell him to cancel it, but then I thought, Why not find out about this woman? Why not? I mean, for the last
ten years
, she’s had as much of a life with my husband as I have, hasn’t she? Curiosity got the best of me, so I’m meeting him later today. Besides, he’d already completed the job, and I’d have to pay him regardless.”

“Well, tell me what happened. What brought this about?” Justine slid down to the floor and hugged one of the cushions from the sofa.

“New York,” sighed Tracy. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go there again and not remember this awful time. We went to New York to visit my sister and do some shopping. Things had been really tense between us because of that phone call from…
her
. So I guess it was too much for him to bear, and he confessed…He confessed everything…He just told me straight out…” Her voice trailed off.

“Isn’t that something? I never would’ve figured Reginald Brooks for the confession type.”

“Well, I know him pretty well. And I know that when something’s really needling him, it doesn’t take long before it erupts, like lava. I guess this just started bothering him. And it erupted in Central Park, and let me tell you, Justine, the thought of him having another child with another woman…” Tracy gulped the lump in her throat. “It’s just…eating me up inside. And I can only imagine what it’s gonna do to Valerie and…” She broke into fresh tears.

Justine moved to the couch and put her arms around Tracy. “Oh, Trace. I know it must hurt. I know.”

Tracy wiped savagely at her face. “But that’s not even the worst of it.
Guilt.
I feel like a criminal! I…” she faltered, seeming hesitant to continue.

Justine sensed that if she offered too much comfort, it would open a floodgate and send Tracy over the edge. So she returned to her seat on the carpet, giving her friend some space. “It’s okay, honey, take your time. Would you like something to drink?”

“No, no. Thank you,” said Tracy. “I can’t eat, I can’t drink, I can’t sleep. I can’t do anything. It’s been hell, pure hell.” After a pause, she continued, “I have all this guilt inside because I had an affair, too. I was—” She broke off, unable to continue. When she finally spoke again, she said, “It’s so difficult to admit that to anyone, especially now, when I’m carrying it like a heavy, corrosive sin.”

Justine remained silent, not judging, but waiting patiently for Tracy to continue. She would not press her. She knew it was best to allow her to speak at her own pace.

“I had an affair,” Tracy continued. “He assumed it, and I didn’t deny it.”

“Tracy, it’s not the end of the world. I can understand how you could’ve turned to another man. Perhaps you were even entitled, you know? I mean, Reginald was gone an awful lot. Don’t let it weigh you down too much. It’s time to think about picking up the pieces and mending the wounds in the family now.”

“I was entitled you say? Really?” asked Tracy dubiously. “Did you ever cheat on Roger?”

“No. But I’m not you, and you’re not me. We’re different people. Different women with different needs at different times.”

Tracy looked at Justine. Did she know what kind of mending it would take to fix the fact that she had had a four-year relationship with her husband’s oldest and closest friend? Pride kept
those words
safely lodged in Tracy’s throat.

“Well, we’re trying. I told Reggie in New York that we could work through it, and he thinks that all my tears and heartache are because of the existence of that little girl.”