The Guild of Fallen Clowns (9 page)

“Dale! Stop that talk. Church is more than
that and you know it,” Cheryl said.

“Oh right, you also go because you want to
pass your policy down to your kids and hope they don’t need
it.”

“Dale!”

“Sorry, Cheryl, but you know how I feel
about it. It doesn’t mean I don’t believe in God. I just don’t
think he cares where I am when I talk to him. I go for the kids. It
gives them a solid foundation and belief in God. As long as they
believe, I really don’t care if they go or not when they get
older.”

Cheryl looked back at Alan and said, “We
would love to have you join us tomorrow. And if you want to go
after that, we would be happy to go with you as long as you
want.”

“Cool!” Dale said. “If you decided to go
every week, you can sit in for me.”

“Let’s just plan on tomorrow for now,” Alan
said. “I’ll meet you there."

Saint Helen’s parking lot was nearly full
when Alan arrived. They had agreed to meet in front of the church
so they could go in together. From his parking spot, Alan could see
he arrived before them.

The church was next door to the grammar
school both Alan and Dale attended as children. Although it had
been many years since he saw any of his old classmates, he didn’t
want to risk being recognized as parishioners passed him on the way
into the church. This wasn’t a day to reminisce or answer those
awkward questions about where he’d been and what brought him back
to church. His purpose for this day was to find the strength to
cast the demons from his life. Specifically, Peepers and whatever
thing he saw at Krauss House. Socializing wasn’t on his agenda.

As he looked ahead to the church steps, his
car began to rock back and forth. A quick look in the rearview
mirror solved the mystery. Dale was parked behind him and held the
family back so he could mess with his big brother.

Alan stepped out of his car and only offered
Dale a smirk for his efforts. The twins instinctively ran to their
Uncle Boogy, each claiming a leg to hug.

“What are you doing waiting in the car,
Boogy? I thought we were going to meet at the steps,” Dale
said.

“That’s right. When I saw you guys at the
steps, I was going to meet you there.”

“Fair enough.”

The group walked toward the church and
Cheryl told them to go on in. She would meet them inside. The four
walked into the church and found a pew with space for five in the
rear next to the center isle.

“I see Cheryl still has her problem,” Alan
whispered to Dale.

“Yup, she’s still uncomfortable in crowded
places. It’s a wonder I can get her to come to church at all.
She’ll be out of here after the homily.”

“I guess we all have our fears,” Alan
replied.

“I think you got mine and those of a few
other people,” Dale muttered below his breath.

Midway through the mass, Father Harris moved
out from the altar to a podium to the left of the center isle and
recited from Deuteronomy 31:6:,

Do manfully and be of good heart: fear not,
nor be ye dismayed at their sight: for the Lord thy God he himself
is thy leader, and will not leave thee nor forsake thee.

Then he began his homily.

This is one of many biblical references to
fear as it relates to faith in God. Luke 8:50 breaks it down
further: Fear not; believe only.

Sounds simple doesn't it? Fear not; believe
only. Let's think about this for a minute. What does it mean to
fear not, believe only? What if we reverse the order to read,
believe only and fear not? Believe in God and you have nothing to
fear. Again, this sounds so simple. With God on our side, why do so
many of us live with fear? Believe in him and he will not forsake
you.

I realize this sounds good in theory, but as
humans we are designed to use fear as a protective mechanism. It’s
our way of recognizing and staying out of danger. So why would God
instruct us to fear not?

What we need to understand is that God isn’t
expecting us to blindly walk naked into the jungle with your arms
tied behind your back. He wants you to protect the gift of life
that he gave you, but he also wants you to know that this life, no
matter how important it may feel to you, is just a spec in time
compared to your future in his kingdom. Our existence on earth is
very short. Sooner or later all of us will die. There's no point in
living in fear of the inevitable end of this life when God is
waiting for us on the other side.

The fear of death is a destructive fear. As
I said, it's inevitable. We should do our best to stay out of harms
way, but at some point in time it will catch up to us. We will all
experience it, and reunite in God's kingdom.

There are many other destructive fears we
have that distract us from living life to our fullest. Now, I don't
want to single anyone out by listing a few examples of fears and
phobia's some of you may be living with, but I do want you to think
about your own lives and ask yourselves if destructive fear
paralyzes you from living a full life. If the answer is yes, please
remember these four simple words: Fear not; believe only.

As father Harris continued speaking, Alan
reached into his pocket and pulled out a pen. He wrote:
fear
not; believe only,
in the palm of his hand.

This day was more difficult than usual for
Cheryl. She stepped outside five minutes before the homily began.
Alan silently wondered if she would have benefitted from this
particular sermon. It might have helped with her phobia.

The kids grew restless and Dale decided to
make an early exit. He whispered, “Don’t be a stranger,” before the
three quietly exited the church.

Alan didn’t follow. Instead, he waited in
the pew. The mass ended and parishioners quickly exited the
building in a frenzied rush to beat the traffic. As the last
elderly couple left, he sat staring down at the words scribbled on
his palm.

Lost in concentration, he didn’t notice the
sound of approaching footsteps until they stopped beside him.
Father Harris stood watching him from the center isle.

“I’m happy to see you back in church, Alan.
It’s been a long time.”

Not interested in giving excuses, Alan
asked, “How do you know if it’s a destructive fear?”

Father Harris moved into the pew and sat
beside him.

“What’s troubling you, Alan?”

“How do I know my fears aren’t justified?
Some people might think those fears can’t hurt me, but how do I
know for sure?” he asked without answering the priest’s
question.

Father Harris paused, as if sensing Alan’s
reluctance to share the specifics of his concern. “What were you
looking at in your hand?” he asked.

Alan opened his hand, revealing the
scribbled words.

Father Harris reached for Alan’s hand and
placed his thumb over the first two words. “There’s your answer,
Alan.”

Alan looked down at the words:
believe
only
.

“When the answer isn’t always clear, believe
only.”

“Believe only,” Alan whispered. The priest
nodded and released his hand.

*****

The carnival opened three hours before Alan
was scheduled to work. Throughout his drive, his thoughts were
fixated on the words, “
believe only
.” Would those words help
him confront Peepers and cast the spirit from his life? He knew
there was only one way to find out. He had to return to the
Labyrinth and command the spirit to leave him alone. He had to face
his fear and believe there was a higher power on his side,
protecting him from such dark entities.

The answer was clear, but how would he go
about its execution? His previous encounter took place before the
carnival opened. It was daytime and the spooky parts of the
Labyrinth weren’t turned on. He would have to wait until the
visitors were gone. Peepers surely wouldn’t make himself visible to
him with guests passing through the Labyrinth’s chambers. However,
this meant that it would be later, when it was dark outside. Facing
his fear of ghosts was one thing, but doing it in the darkness of
night, on the ghost’s home field, would be a significant test of
his ability to simply
believe
in his plan.

Oblivious to his surroundings as he walked
the distance from his car in the lot to his work zone outside the
Labyrinth, his mind struggled with the unsettling dilemma. Looking
at the building, he wondered how it would appear after eight hours
of pent-up anxiety, void of people and in the dark of night. He
knew he had to face Peepers again, but he also knew it would be
easier in the light of day.

In typical Alan fashion, he found a
temporary solution to his problem. He would put it off. He wasn’t
scheduled to work the next day, but maybe he could show up before
the place opened, as he did on his last visit to the Labyrinth.

This plan was better, but whenever Alan got
on a roll, justifying reasons to put off unpleasant situations, he
could talk himself out of just about anything. Since he wasn’t
scheduled the next day, they wouldn’t recognize him without his
clown costume. They might not let him through the gates before the
place opened to the public. And if he showed up dressed as Boogy on
a day he wasn’t scheduled, it would be awkward and somewhat
embarrassing. They might think he had a screw loose. A better plan
would be to put it off until Wednesday, when he was scheduled to
start first thing in the morning. And, who knew, by then, Peepers
might get the hint and just leave him alone. If so, he wouldn’t
have to go in at all. Maybe that was Father Harris’s hidden message
all along. He could just believe, and the problem would go
away.

There it was. The answer to his problem was
to believe that avoiding it would make it go away. Father Harris
was right. Suddenly his renewed belief in God washed his fears
away; in its place was a euphoric sense of calm, from what must
have been an invisible army of newly assigned angels instructed to
keep God’s most recent returning soul safe from the dark forces
lurking in the shadows of the Haunted Labyrinth of Mirrors. He felt
as though he experienced the sensation people described when they
claimed to be born again. He was at peace.

A tug on the back of his shirt snapped Alan
out of his heavenly trance. For a second, he forgot where he was,
surrounded by hordes of children and their parents, expecting Boogy
the Clown to entertain them. He reached into his pocket for a
balloon and turned to put a smile on tugging child’s face.
Stretching the balloon, he started into his routine.

“And what’s your favorite animal, little—”
The choice between boy and girl would come when he saw the child’s
face. Only this time, the choice wasn’t that simple. A gasp was all
that escaped as his expression turned desperate.

“Geno!” Alan stammered.

Geno looked around, then guided Alan’s
stunned body a few steps back to a more private spot away from the
crowd.

“Alan, Peepers wants to finish the
conversation. He wants to see you tonight, after we close.”

What’s happening?
Alan thought.
Where are my angels? What happened to believe only? This isn’t
how it’s supposed to be. I went to church.

“Did you hear me, Alan? Peepers needs to see
you after closing,” Geno repeated.

“But—” Alan uttered. His brain was stuck,
trying to find answers.

Geno grabbed his arms and gave him a good
shake. “Tonight, you must come tonight!”

Alan finally caught up. However, he wasn’t
prepared to go from never facing Peepers again to seeing him that
night.

“I can’t do it tonight, Geno. How about
Wednesday morning—before we open?”

“No, Alan. It can’t wait that long.”

“Okay, what if I show up before opening
tomorrow morning? I’m not scheduled, but there’s no reason why I
can’t come earl—”

“Alan!” Geno grunted. “What is it? Are you
afraid? Don’t you get it? Peepers is here to help you with that.
There’s nothing to worry about, but it must be tonight.”

With all of his efforts to stall used up,
Alan agreed to do his best.

Geno didn’t appear convinced, but
nonetheless, he accepted Alan’s commitment and returned to the
Labyrinth.

A gang of five thuggish-looking teenage boys
entered the Labyrinth. The smallest of them stood out as their
Napoleonic leader as he ordered and shoved the others out of his
way so he could lead the pack through the maze.

Geno approached from behind as the last boy
stepped inside. He whispered something to the ticket taker before
walking around the side of the building to the back entrance. The
ticket taker raised his hand to the next group in line and told
them they would have to wait a few minutes because there were too
many people inside.

The obnoxious crew whooped and hollered
their way along the first section of the Labyrinth, a long and
narrow corridor of mirrors. It was dark, but nothing happened along
the inner entrance. The corridor darkened as the door behind them
closed.

The leader was the first to stop, trapped
inside the passageway at both ends. Mesmerized by their own
reflections, the remaining boys didn’t notice the blocked path. The
resulting momentum of the lemmings pressed them like sardines into
their pint-sized shepherd.

“Get the fuck off me, you idiots!” he yelled
from beneath the pile.

As the last one backed off, the leader
searched for an escape. His mindless followers waited for
instructions.

“What the fuck is this?” he said.

“It’s the Haunted Labyrinth of Mirrors,”
another answered.

“I know it’s the fucking Haunted Labyrinth
of Mirrors, you dumb fuck. But this is just a hallway to fucking
nowhere. Where’s the fucking exit?”

As if this was the command they waited for,
the heads of the four boys turned at once in all directions,
looking for the escape.