The Hammett Hex (26 page)

His mother stepped forward. “You forget yourself, Josh. It's just a bit of mistaken identity.”

Gram said. “Well, now I am confused, Jessica dear. Were you trying to visit the Himmelfarbs? Because they both died, you know, and I didn't think you'd ever even met them. Your mother would have been to that house as a child, wouldn't you, Clara?”

“Not that I remember. My memory's not what it used to be.”

Gloria said, “Well, mine is as good as it ever was, and I know that I've seen this young lady go into my neighbor's empty house. I assumed she was a real estate agent. Where is the baby now?”

“There is no baby,” Jessica snapped.

Gram said, “Gloria, my friend, please have some champagne or tea and a sandwich. We'll get all this confusion sorted out.”

“Well, I'm not used to being spoken to in that tone,” Gloria said. “Very unsettling, Jean.”

“Yes, I'm a bit surprised to see that there's a bit of an issue with manners and these young people.”

Janet stepped forward. “The children are just tired because they've been, um, hiking around the coast. They're very sorry for their tone. Aren't you, Jessica and Josh?”

I felt goose bumps rise on my arms. Smiley turned to me and we exchanged knowing glances. Gram, Gloria and Nancy managed to keep straight faces throughout.
That's quite a talent
, I thought. Zoya's wide silver eyes were like slits by now. Gram shot her a look and said, “Another round of champagne, Zoya. We all need to . . .
What
is it the young people say? Chill?”

I smothered a snicker.

It was almost time for my big number. Stealthily I made my way out the back and around through the neighbor's yards to the corner and then hurried along the sidewalk. I approached the front veranda, crouching down without being visible through either the bay or the turret windows. I rang the doorbell and took a deep breath.

Zoya seemed to enjoy pretending to prevent me from joining the group in the parlor. “
Nyet! Nyet!
Go avay! Not velcome!” She gave me a couple of shoves to make her point. I gave her a dirty look and pushed my way in.

“Gram!” I shouted. “You must listen to me. Nothing was Tyler's fault. The attacks were set up by—” I stopped and stared at Jessica and Josh. “Sierra? Michael? What are you doing here?”

“Leave at once,” Janet said, standing to block me from Gram. Jessica stood behind her and said, “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Yes. I know you from across the street.”

“You so do not!” Jessica said.

“And you never even saw me,” said Josh.

Gotcha.

“What did he say?” Gram said, leaning forward.

Nancy pursed her lips and said, “Perhaps you should hold off on the will a bit, Jean. Just until we figure out what's going on.”

Gloria said, “I'd like to know too. But you see, I'm not the only person who recognizes this young woman.”

“This is all ridiculous,” Janet said. “This girl is trying to cause trouble because she's after your money, Auntie Jean. Would you like me to call the police? You don't have to let her in your house. If you ask her to leave and she doesn't, it's against the law, you know.”

“I'll show her to the door,” Clara said grimly.

Tyler's voice took them by surprise. “While we're
showing things, why don't I show her these photos of two ladies who were staying at La Perla when we had our troubles.”

“How did he get in here?” Janet yelped.

Tyler strode across the room and thrust my phone into Gram's waiting hands. Nancy got up and stood behind her to get a look.

Gram said, “But that's you, Janet, and you too, Clara. Why is your hair gray? Are you wearing wigs? Or are you wearing wigs now?”

Clara went to snatch the phone from Gram. Not a good move. Zoya was between them with Gram's cane in her hands, the metal bird handle aimed at Clara's temple.

“This is an outrage,” Clara huffed. “Auntie Jean, you must tell these people to leave. We are your family. They are trying to—get away from me with that thing!”

Zoya must have lunged.

Smiley said, “Don't stop now, Gram. You'll find a photo of your so-called nieces still in disguise on the cable car on the trip where Jordan was pushed and almost killed.”

I said, “And didn't you say that Clara gave you the name of the hotel where we stayed? The same hotel where our rooms were trashed and I was pushed down the stairs. Those were violent attacks, and yet look who was right there.”

Gram's narrowed. “I told you that my grandson would be staying there and so you took it upon yourselves to attack him and his—”

Janet said, “That's enough. We're leaving and you'll be hearing from our lawyer. This is an outrage.”

Tyler said, “The police will want to talk to you all. These are serious offenses, felonies, and will almost certainly lead to jail time.”

Jessica began to wail. “It's not my fault. It's Aunt Janet! She came up with the idea. She made us do it. She said we'd make
a lot of money and the old lady probably wouldn't live long after”—Jessica's shaky finger pointed at Gram—“all the fuss!”

Josh yelled, “That's a lie, you witch. It was you that decided to break into that house and pretend to be friends with her.” He pointed at me as his mother said, “Shut up, Josh. You too, Jessica. Stop talking right now.”

Jessica chose instead to scream at Josh. “Oh yeah, you doofus. It was your idea to kidnap the dog. You said that would really set her off.”

Tyler barely managed to stop Zoya before she reached Josh with the cane. I stayed out of the way. Didn't want to get in the middle.

Clare said, “We will have the police investigate you people. We'll tell them.”

Uncle Kev chose that moment to pop his head in through the door. “That's great because they're on their way.”

Janet forced her way past Gloria and Tyler and even the seething Zoya. “Come. We're leaving.”

I said, “They'll be particularly interested in your using a false name at La Perla and I think they can probably tie you to the black Prius that tried to hit us on our way home from the restaurant on our second night.”

“You can't prove a thing,” Janet said. She was pretty good with the haughty looks. “We're leaving.”

“We can certainly prove that Jessica and Josh were both in the Himmelfarb house. Gloria can confirm it and we have evidence with DNA and fingerprints from your vantage point on the second floor. You should be more careful with your coffee cups, cousins.”

Jessica shrieked, “I told you the trash was gone, you idiot. Now we'll all go to jail.”

Josh bellowed back, “No, you're the idiot, not me.”

Nancy Mitchell shook her head. “This is beyond belief. Jean, my friend, you've had a very close call.”

Uncle Kev said, “That's why we have it all on tape. Nice confession. You're both doofuses.”

I shook my head and suggested that Kev zip his lip.

Janet and Clara pushed their way from the room. “Let's go,” Clara bellowed. “They can't stop four of us, and if that crazy Russian woman hurts anyone, she will be going to jail, and better yet, she'll be deported back to whatever hellhole she came from.”

I whirled to look at Zoya, who turned almost transparent and slumped against the table. Tyler and I barely caught her in time. Janet and Clara headed for the front door while Jessica and Josh, pushing and slapping at each other, raced toward the back.

Nobody was expecting Gus and the boys. One per perpetrator. Soon all our fleeing felons were squirming under a surprising amount of weight.

Officer Martinez stepped through the front door, looked at the wriggling bodies, listened to the shrill protests and said, “Well, this has been interesting. I hate to think I missed some other good stuff too.”

Kev unzipped his lip long enough to say, “You'll like the video, Officer. Hope you brought lots of cuffs with you.”

Tyler and I took Officer Martinez aside as her backup team walked the four pathetic would-be heirs to the waiting squad cars.

He said, “And you'll find some more evidence in the cameras that we planted in the ninth-floor suite at La Perla. We couldn't go back to get them, but after the attacks, we wanted to be sure. They'll be date stamped and I think you'll find the shooters who were after Jordan. Then you can tie them all together.”

“And we won't have to worry about the chain of evidence,” she said. “Unlike your coffee cups and trash that you're not sure how you came to have. Listen to them. They
can't wait to turn on each other. I'd say we've got 'em. Let's see if the cousins will turn on the thugs.”

I said, “The shooters may have been hired professionals. They had that look.”

She nodded. “That's what I thought when you sent the photo you shot through the hotel door peephole, but it was too distorted to ID them. We'll keep at it. But at least you guys can relax and enjoy the rest of your holiday without worrying now. And I just want to say, if I'd listened to you, Jordan, and tracked down Jessica, she might have cracked under the strain earlier, saving a lot of trouble.”

I shrugged. “We were grateful that you believed us about everything.”

Smiley said, “Amen to that.” As awful as the hired professionals were, I think he was relieved the attacks had nothing to do with his hidden photo album.

It ain't over 'til it's over.

—The Kelly Rules

O
FFICER MARTINEZ WAS
in a very good mood when we spoke to her the next time. Apparently, Jessica and Josh were so happy to implicate each other and each other's mothers that they'd spilled all.

“The plan was to scare Tyler and you away, by various attacks. The dognapping was a last minute addition to stress Mrs. Huddy. It was sort of goofy, but they had cooked up this conspiracy to get their mitts on the Huddy money. They were convinced they were entitled to it, and if Mrs. Huddy had a heart attack from the stress of everything that went on, that was just tough.”

Tyler shook his head.

I said, “What about the other guys?”

“Nothing yet. We've been digging and they look a bit like a pair of low-level mobsters. But we don't have proof and all four relatives keep insisting they know nothing. We can't shake them, and believe me, they were easily shaken on all the other stuff: The Prius attack was Janet. We have proof of rental. The cable car was Clara. Your photos helped there.
Too bad you didn't report those. The break-in across the street and dognapping were Jessica and Josh. But no one will admit to the violent home invasion or either incident at the hotel.”

“I don't think it was any of them. I'm pretty sure they're connected.”

“We've been all over that, and we believe they're mob goons, but old guys, who should be retiring in Vegas by now. No one's seen them around for years. They're connected all right, but not to your gang of four.”

“Any names come up?”

“Some guy named Les ‘the Bat' Blatt was supposed to run them back in the day.”

Uh-oh. “Still alive, though. Keep us posted.”

“Sure thing. They may have had you mixed up with someone else.”

“Let's hope,” Tyler said.

I had a funny feeling in my stomach.

*   *   *

“HERE.” KEV HANDED
me a parcel. It was a book wrapped in plain brown paper, with a simple twine bow. Inside was the
Red Harvest
that Farley Tso had promised me.

“How did you get this?” Don't get me wrong. I was ecstatic that I wasn't going to face the wrath of Vera for having lost her money plus “failure to acquire,” as she would put it, the
Red Harvest.

“I don't think you want to know, Jordie.” Of course I didn't
want
to know. I needed to know for my own peace of mind. “I think you had better tell me anyway.”

“Don't be mad.”

“Don't be mad” was never followed by anything good. “You don't have to worry about Blatt's guys anymore. They're, uh, taken care of.”

What?
I gulped. “Kevin, no!”

“Not me, you know I couldn't ever, um, take care of things like that. It was Seamus. I sent him a message, said we needed his help. Don't ask me how, Jordie, I don't want to lie to ya.” He shifted uncomfortably under my horrified gaze. “He wasn't gonna let you get hurt, even though he never met you, you're family. He risked everything coming back here, dealing with those guys and then making it look like the thugs ran off with the diamonds. That Blatt's not gonna keep looking for you. Now he'll be looking for them.”

“I feel sick.” Another two people whose lives ended because I was just doing my job.

“I don't know why, Jordie. These were really bad guys. They never got to you, but they got to poor old Farley Tso and they got to the manager at the hotel. Seamus found out they threatened his wife and kids—and the guys in that restaurant. People were really scared of Blatt's thugs. There are a lotta other people in California that are pushing up daisies thanks to them. They would have killed you without blinkin'.”

I guess I didn't have to feel entirely awful about the missing goons. But I was still conflicted.

“Where's Seamus now?” But I already knew he was in the wind.

“Halfway back to nowhere.” I could see a sadness creep into Uncle Kev's bright eyes. He truly missed his brother, and that was obviously a bond that would never die. I was lucky enough to have the same bond with Kev and Mick and Lucky and even with Seamus. I pulled Kev's jean-jacket-clad body to me and gave him a bear hug.

“What's that for?”

“For being you, Kev.” He seemed to accept that and hugged me back.

*   *   *

THE MOONLIGHT GLITTERED
on San Francisco Bay. We glittered a bit ourselves. I was wearing my red dress
again and my cute little dress boots. I'd been warned that the air on the bay would be chilly, so I had artfully arranged a pair of pashminas from Gram's collection around my neck and shoulders. Under the pashminas I wore the necklace from Farley's shop. I thought I'd wear it just one time. I had a twinge about poor Farley and what had happened to him.

But this was a night to celebrate. It was our last evening in San Francisco after seven days of incredible and unexpected adventures. Gram had chartered a party boat for us to have what she called a “belated celebration” of our engagement and the ousting of the reptile cousins. Once again there was champagne, but this time Tyler and I were able to enjoy it.

In my small evening bag, I had an old-fashioned telegram from Vera.

Understand congratulations in order STOP Don't dawdle STOP Bring Red Harvest STOP VVA

Nothing had changed, except that I now had to repay the money I'd borrowed for my replacement phone. I'd gotten off lightly.

Officer Martinez had been able to join us, although that had involved getting permission from up the line. She was in her civvies and looked amazing in a slinky black dress and four-inch silver heels. Her hair was long and loosely curled and her large silver hoop earrings suited her, as did her silver arm party.

Although it wouldn't have been my first choice for our champagne party, Gram had catered Chinese food for the event, following, I believe, a suggestion from Uncle Kev, who was in everyone's good books except mine. He would have been in Tyler's very bad books if he knew everything there was to know.

Nancy Mitchell had joined us as had Gloria Zeller. Ana
Maria had claimed a night school commitment, but maybe she was just too shy to come.

We all enjoyed the floating festivities and the Chinese food was perfect, as it turned out. I loved the little take-out boxes that you could eat right out of. Even Zoya and Asta seemed to be having a good time over sweet and sour chicken balls
.

My wish for a three-flavor gelato cake had also been honored. While everyone was clinking glasses and chatting pleasantly about whether double chocolate, hazelnut or pistachio was the perfect flavor, I slipped away and sent a group text to Tiff and Lance.

Haven't chatted in a while, thought I would give you guys a “ring.”
I snapped a picture of my gorgeous heirloom citrine and sent it along with the text.

Lance was first to reply.
OMG!!! Congratulations, Jordan. Officer Smiley has great taste in jewelry AND women. I am only entirely jealous.
And then, of course, a winky face.

This was topped by Tiff's response.
I hope you realize I can only support this union under the following conditions. 1. I get to be the maid of honor, and 2. We get to go to Vegas for your bachelorette party.

Wedding bell and bride emojis were followed by a dozen martini glasses to let me know she was happy about it.

I knew she would be; any doubts in either of their minds would have been put aside when I decided to say “yes,” because that's what friends do. And I had some great ones. As I wandered back to the party, I wondered if there could be a librarian of honor in a wedding party and also if I could give Vegas a miss.

I sat down near Gram and commented, “Zoya seems a bit more relaxed.”

“The poor girl. I know she can be a bit difficult but I am very fond of her. I suppose I should explain. She was here as a so-called Russian bride for a man in his fifties, and she found herself in a terribly abusive relationship with no
one to turn to. She was fleeing from him and happened to come across me when I'd fallen in the street while shopping. She took a big chance to stop and help me. And I took a chance to help her. I gave her a home and she has given me a comfortable life. It's good for both of us.”

“What happened to him? Did she ever see him again?”

She shook her head. “He spotted her again not long after and chased her right through heavy traffic. She got across, but he didn't.”

“What a shame,” I murmured. “You're sure?”

“We both made the trip to the morgue. You can never be too careful.”

“Words to live by.” But of course, I hadn't been living by them.

I turned as there was a roar of laughter as Gus and the boys traded stories with Uncle Kev. Nancy Mitchell was able to throw in a few of her own. And Gloria said that she regretted being so respectable all her life.

Everyone toasted our engagement. I showed off my citrine ring. And Smiley showed off his Guy Noir Bobblehead, my engagement gift to him, which he was equally proud of.

I enjoyed wearing the diamond necklace, just one time before I mailed it back anonymously to whoever I found were Laurie Leff's rightful heirs. No one would ever think it was real, except me. Wherever he was, Uncle Seamus might enjoy that idea.

We had survived our adventure stronger than when we'd begun. We would continue to survive and we might even thrive. But like the great Dashiell Hammett, I would reserve the right to have my little secrets.

Smiley and I raised our glasses and said in stereo, “To us. Whatever that brings with it.”