The Heart Whisperer (45 page)

Claire flushed. ‘He cares about you more than he's ever cared about anyone.'

Kelly nodded. ‘Right! Did he send you here to tell me that?'

‘My dad sent me. He's having a party for Nick this afternoon. He wanted to invite you.'

‘I'm busy today. Why don't you invite Oonagh Clancy instead?' Kelly started to close the door. ‘I hear she's always ready to party.'

‘Surprise!' a little dark-haired girl Nick had never seen called when he opened the door. The living room was full of people. Nick looked at them, baffled. There was Ray Devine, whom he loathed. The physiotherapist, who loathed him. His dad, his sister, a woman in a purple, sparkly dress and the little girl who, for some reason, was holding Devine's hand. What had happened?

‘Make a wish!' The woman in the purple dress shoved a plate of brownies with a half-dozen flaming candles under his nose. Nick wished that they'd all just disappear so he could pull down the blind and watch TV, which is how he'd been planning to spend his birthday.

‘What the hell were you thinking?' he asked, when he finally managed to corner Claire by the window.

‘I'm as surprised as you are. This was Dad's idea.'

They looked over at the old man, who was talking to the woman in the purple dress. He was making such an effort to seem relaxed and at ease that it was almost painful to watch.

‘He saw all that stuff about you and Oonagh Clancy in the paper,' Claire whispered. ‘He wanted to help.'

‘Well, he's helped to make this the worst birthday ever,' Nick said miserably.

‘Oh,' Claire raised an eyebrow, ‘I wouldn't compete with me in the worst birthday stakes if I were you.'

‘Sorry!' Nick winced.

‘Listen.' She tugged at her locket. His mother used to do that too, when she was nervous, zip it back and forth on the gold chain. ‘I'm not going to say “Happy Birthday”, because I know it
isn't. But you'll get through it, Nick. Look what you've already survived.'

Ray sat down in his old spot on the brown corduroy sofa and listened to Willow talking to the South African girl, who was Claire's dad's physio.

‘I like your rabbit,' the physio was saying. ‘What's his name?'

‘Bowie.'

‘Like the knife?' The girl had no idea who David Bowie was, Ray realised.

‘Like the man,' Willow said. ‘David Bowie. Ray's friend.'

‘Who's Ray?'

Willow pointed at him. ‘He used to be a singer,' Ray heard her whisper, ‘but now he has inferiority cornflakes.'

‘What?'

‘My mummy says they're what you get when you're not famous any more.'

‘Hello, Raymond.' Ray flinched. Eilish always enjoyed calling him by his full name, just to wind him up. ‘And who is this beautiful creature?'

‘This is Willow and she'd like a brownie.'

Eilish slid one on to a plate. Willow took a polite bite. ‘It tastes too dark,' she whispered to Ray.

Claire's dad cleared his throat. ‘Would she like a Jaffa Cake instead? I've got some in the kitchen.' Eilish, slightly offended, went off to get them.

‘Oh!' Willow elbowed Ray in the knee. ‘We nearly forgot the
present
!' She'd insisted on buying one. The six-year-old's birthday party etiquette was very clear. You couldn't arrive at a party without a gift. Ray dug around in his jacket pocket and handed it over.

‘You have to come with me,' Willow said, ‘in case I'm too shy.'

Claire's brother was sitting in the armchair by the window staring miserably at a cake slice as if he was thinking of ending it all. All that jaunty, American ‘have a nice day' bounce was gone out of him. He looked almost human, Ray thought.

Willow tapped his arm and handed him the small package. ‘Happy Birthday!' she said, then scurried back to Ray's side.

‘Thank you.' Nick looked flustered.

‘You're supposed to open it,' she prompted.

This wasn't as easy as it sounded. Old Beaky Lennon in the shop had lent Willow a roll of Sellotape and she'd used most of it. Nick managed to tear a hole in the paper and pulled the key ring out through it.

It had a big yellow plastic disc with ‘Dad' printed on it. Ray had tried to explain to Willow that Claire's brother wasn't a dad but yellow was her favourite colour so she'd insisted on buying it anyway.

Nick looked up at the loathsome Devine to see if this was some kind of cruel joke but he had turned away and the little dark-haired girl was beaming at him.

‘This is awesome!' He took out his own key chain and used the point of the cake knife to slide his keys off then slotted them on to the new ring. The office key, the car key, the key to his dad's place. The last key was the one to his house, the key to his old life with Kelly. He stared at it.

‘You put them all on,' the little girl explained, ‘so they don't get lost.'

‘I might not need this one.'

‘You have to put it on, just in case.' She looked around. ‘Is this your party?' He nodded. ‘Are you going to have a man who makes balloon animals or a piñata?'

Nick tried to think of something to say but he hadn't had much contact with children since Claire. He picked up a Jaffa Cake. ‘Full moon!' He took a bite, ‘Half-moon.' He popped the rest into his mouth.

‘I know what comes next!' the little girl laughed. ‘Totally clips.'

When Nick went into the kitchen to get a glass of water, the woman in the purple dress was washing out Tupperware boxes at the sink. She extended a soapy hand. ‘I'm Eilish.' She handed him a tea towel. ‘Don't tell Claire but I think you're brilliant on the telly.'

‘Not any more.' Nick began to dry one of the boxes.

‘Why's that?'

‘You don't buy the papers?'

‘I do.' Eilish lifted her hand out of the soapy water, made a circle with her thumb and forefinger and blew a bubble. ‘I just don't buy the bullshit that's printed in them. Can I ask you something?'

He sighed, ‘No, “I did not have sex with that woman”.'

‘I was going to ask you why you're letting the media tear you to pieces? Why don't you fight back?'

‘I don't do confrontation.'

Eilish shook her head. ‘Did nobody ever tell you that if you don't get pissed off you get pissed on?'

Ray looked around the room. ‘A party at your dad's. Jesus! What's next? Are my parents going to waltz in, hug me and tell me that they always loved me?'

‘I wish they would,' Claire said. She was avoiding his eyes.

‘How do you feel?'

Claire could still feel the sharp ache she got in her chest when the light went out of Dog's eyes. The flare of electricity that had run through her body when Shane kissed her. And the clarity that had filled her head when she had woken from her dream. A few months ago, she would have told Ray about all of this but now she just smiled. ‘How do I feel? Through a series of nerve endings at the tips of my fingers.' That was what he always used to say, when they were young.

Ray tossed a peanut into the air and caught it in his mouth. ‘Have you seen Willow working the room?' He grinned. ‘She's charming the pants off everyone.'

‘And you're not doing the same to Miss Cape Town?'

Ray tossed another peanut and missed it. ‘Too young.'

Claire gave him a sceptical look.

‘She doesn't even know who David Bowie is. You were always on at me to go out with women of my own age. Maybe you were right.'

Claire retrieved the peanut from under the TV. ‘I don't know whether I'm more amazed by the fact that you're considering
seeing women the same age as you or that you're considering seeing the same woman more than once.'

‘Listen, Claire.' Suddenly Ray felt as awkward as he'd been the first time he was here on that rainy afternoon nearly twenty years ago. ‘I know you probably need more time-stroke-space, but if you ever want to hang-out-stroke-go-for-a-road-trip-stroke-have-a-Perfect-Day any time just come upstairs.'

‘Thanks, but I'm probably going to find my own place now that Dog is gone.'

He shook his head. ‘You don't have to do that.'

‘But I want to.'

‘Don't rush anything. Let's talk about it. I've got to go now. I promised I'd have Willow back to Ash by six. Hey, I've got a new one for you. It's too carnivorous for Willow. “Every time you go away”,' he sang, ‘ “you take a piece of meat with you”.'

‘Ha ha!'

‘Always so stingy with the “ha's”.' Ray sighed. ‘But I'm going to let you off because you invited us to a party.' He tried to catch her eye. ‘Thank you. I couldn't have done this without you.'

He watched Claire chatting to Willow while she helped her into her coat and put Bowie into her backpack. She was good with kids, he thought. She was a natural.

‘I was expecting the Addams Family.' Eilish was washing the plates. ‘I got the Brady Bunch. I'm confused.'

Claire opened the back door and tossed some nuts on to the grass for the birds.

‘It just goes to show that parking machines are on to something when they say that “Change is possible”. Look at your family. Look at me and Pete.' Eilish turned to look at Claire over her shoulder. ‘Sorry I won't be coming back to acting, Claire. I hope you're not too upset.'

A year ago, Claire would have been devastated. But now the idea of being out there on her own didn't faze her at all. Her job on
The Spaniard
was over but she'd just keep going to auditions until she got something else. It would work out. She smiled at Eilish. ‘You'll be doing something you love with someone you love. I'm delighted.'

Eilish pulled the last plate out of the sink. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present this prestigious award to Claire Dillon for her outstanding performance in,' she did a quick calculation, ‘
Nine and Half Months!
'

Claire took the dripping plate. ‘I don't know about that but I'll always treasure this.'

‘I'm serious.' Eilish leaned over and touched her cheek with a soapy finger. ‘If Holly turns out to be half the woman you are, I'll be the happiest mother in the world.'

‘What about the “wold”?' Claire began to dry the plate.

‘That too.'

Claire offered her dad her arm.

‘I'm fine,' he said. She watched him limping slowly down the hall. He wasn't fine, not yet, but he was determined to get better. She could see it in his eyes.

‘That was a good thing you did for Nick, Dad,' she said, when he'd lowered himself into his chair in the surgery.

‘I kept looking at that little girl of Ray's and thinking how small you were when Maura died.' He put his hand on her arm lightly. ‘She would have been so proud of you.'

Claire's friend had left one of her Tupperware boxes on the worktop. When Nick opened the cupboard under the sink to tidy it away, the little plastic anatomical doll fell out.

He picked it up and shook the organs out into his palm, the way his mother used to. He'd judged her because her life had been out of control but that was unfair. He thought of the weeks he'd lost when he moved back into this house in the fog of the old man's painkillers. He was more like his mother than he realised. Not just because he had fallen apart when things got bad but because they'd both tried, in different ways, to heal other people and neither of them had been able to heal themselves.

He fitted the tiny plastic organs back into the doll one by one. The burgundy liver, the plum-coloured kidneys, the brown appendix. The pink heart with its yellow valves and blue arteries slotted in last, with a soft click.

‘Nothing much going on this month, I'm afraid,' the technician's voice was sympathetic. Kelly stared up at the ceiling instead of at the ultrasound screen. There was a missing tile above her and she could see a tangle of tubes and pipes in the crawl space. Under the surface, everything was a mess, she thought, tiredly. So much energy went into hiding it.

The technician gave the wand one last swoop. ‘Wait! There is one follicle here.' She clicked on it. ‘Seventeen millimetres. It's a little small,' she smiled, ‘but I've known it to happen!'

Ray tucked the CD into Willow's rabbit backpack.

‘What's that?' She tried to see over her shoulder.

‘It's a song I wrote for you. But I promise I won't get inferiority cornflakes if you don't like it.'

She nodded.

‘OK.'

He put his finger on the bell and waited one last moment before he rang it. Ash answered the door immediately. ‘Hey,' she said to Willow. ‘Did you have a good time?'

‘We watched
Shrek
and we went to a party. Do we have Jaffa Cakes?'

‘Ask Grandma.' Willow started to run down the hall. ‘Hey! Aren't you going to say goodbye to Ray?'

She walked back. ‘Bye, Ray.' He bent down and she gave him a quick hug. Her face was cold and she smelled of crayons, chocolate and fabric softener. Ray had to force himself to open his arms and let her go. The ears on her rabbit backpack bounced as she ran down the hall again and then she was gone.

‘Don't be a stranger,' Ash said. ‘You can come and see us in London any time.'

‘I will,' Ray lied, then he put his hands in his pockets and walked away.

‘Gorgeous dress! Special occasion?' the girl with peroxide hair shouted over the roar of the hairdryer.

‘My husband's birthday.' Kelly stared down at the magazine in her lap.

The girl blasted her fringe with hot air. ‘Get him something nice?'

‘I have no idea what he wants.'

‘Talk to me about it,' the hairdresser said. ‘Men are impossible, aren't they?'

Kelly asked the barman for a Tequila Sunrise. That was her drink back in the day. She'd tell her mom she was studying over at Jennifer's. They'd get high in Jennifer's brother's bedroom and then they'd all pile into his car and drive across the border to Canada to go to a club.