The Heartbreak Cafe (23 page)

‘
I think it’s pretty good.’ Charlie commented but there was
mirth in his voice. ‘Particularly the bit about you being a
‘go-getter’ and ‘always destined for bigger things.’

‘
Translate; too-big-for-her-boots stuck-up cow,’ Ruth said
acerbically.

‘
Come on, I think all in all Trish did a good job. And she’s a
journalist, so of course she’s going to bring her own … slant to
things,’ he chuckled, choosing his words carefully.

‘
Does she still have a crush on you then?’ Ruth asked
drolly.

‘
Come on Ruth; it’s been a long time since our school
days.’

She
looked at him. ‘That’s not an answer.’

‘
What more of an answer do you want? Anyway, let’s not change
the subject. As I said, I was unfair to you before and I wanted to
make up for it. Coffee?’ He was making himself at home, opening the
kitchen cupboard doors like he did it everyday. Which of course he
practically did back when they were together.

She
pointed to the edge of the counter. ‘They’ve got a cafetiere
now.’

He paused
for a moment and then shook his head from side to side, the
beginnings of a smile on his face. ‘You really are used to being
waited on hand and foot, aren’t you? You expect me to make us both
coffee too?’

‘
Oh cripes, sorry.’ Ruth truly hadn’t intended on him making
the coffee; she wasn’t that bad a hostess, but her mind was still
preoccupied with not only the interview, but what she’d learned
that morning. ‘I’ll do it.’

‘
Good. After coming all the way up here to apologise, the least
a guy could expect is a decent cup of coffee. Seeing as he clearly
isn’t going to get a pardon.’

‘
What?’ Ruth said distractedly.

‘
Ruth what is wrong with you? I know I acted like an ass that
day but don’t tell me you’re still going to hold a
grudge?’

Ruth bit
her lip; she really didn’t know what he wanted from her. ‘OK fine
then, you’re forgiven,’ she said haughtily.

Charlie’s
eyebrows shot up. ‘Well thank you so much for accepting my
apology.’ He said each word pointedly as if bringing it to her
attention that she’d never apologised for her behaviour in the
past.

It
worked. ‘Look, I’m sorry too – sorry for what I did …back then. I
know I should have handled it better, and shouldn’t have … run out
like that.’

‘
I think that could just about be described as an
understatement.’

Bloody
hell she didn’t need to deal with this right now, with these
thoughts, feelings from her past… Goodness knows she had enough on
her mind at the moment without throwing all this older stuff into
the mix.

She
plopped down in a nearby chair and sighed. ‘Look, I realise what I
did was wrong, especially with how we were but it was all such a
long time ago. I mean, really, would you have actually wanted to
marry me?’ She was surprised how she’d made that sound, almost as
though she herself believed she wasn’t worthy.

He
blinked. ‘I don’t think I would have asked if I didn’t.’

‘
Well, for what it’s worth, I really am truly sorry for causing
all of that. I know it was horrible at the time, and yes perhaps I
don’t blame you for saying you didn’t want anything more to do with
me. But really, you wouldn’t have wanted my life, the way it is
now.’

‘
The way it is now …what does that mean?’

Ruth had
no idea why she had phrased it that way. After all, she was living
the dream life wasn’t she? The result of all those years’ hard
work?

She shook
her head. ‘Ah don’t mind me; I’m just a little stressed out lately,
all that media stuff, you know.’

‘
I can imagine.’

Despite
his earlier teasing, Charlie took over making the coffee. As he
stood up, suddenly Ruth was aware of how much smaller the room felt
with him in it. She couldn’t deny he looked great and had really
kept himself in good shape over the years. She started to wonder if
he still looked just as good with his clothes off, but then caught
herself, realising she shouldn’t be thinking like that, especially
now. She put her head in her hands and massaged her
temples.

‘
Hey, are you all right?’ She noticed the change in his voice
and she looked up as he placed a couple of coffee mugs on the table
between them. The concern on his face was so real and familiar that
guilt flooded through her. She felt terrible that she had been the
one to cause this lovely man so much pain. I truly am a rotten
person, she thought, before bursting into tears.

‘
I’m sorry but it’s just so horrible; everything is horrible,”
she sniffed, as Charlie stared at her, bewildered. “I’ve just made
so many mistakes Charlie … I made them with you … made them with my
career … with everything. Why can’t I just make good choices,
sensible choices?’

He moved
his chair closer to hers and put a comforting hand on her arm. ‘Hey
come on, don’t cry, it’s OK. All right so it might not have looked
like it before, but honestly, I’ve long forgiven you for what
happened, and the choice you made.’ He paused and she looked at
him.

‘
It’s not just that though,’ she sobbed. ‘I’ve been messing
things up my whole life. I messed it up with you, and now have
probably messed up my career, everything!’ She was crying openly
now. ‘I can’t trust myself to do anything without making
mistakes.’

‘
Well, I’m not sure what you’re talking about but maybe they
aren’t mistakes at all. Maybe it’s just that the path to the place
you’re supposed to be is longer?’

Ruth
smiled a little and wiped her eyes. ‘That’s like something you’d
hear in LA.’

‘
Well maybe I would have been cut out for the place after all,’
he grinned but his eyes were sad, and she saw a flicker of
something in them that brought back a memory; it was the way he
used to look at her. She didn’t know what to say. ‘But for the
record Ruth, I would have welcomed any path my life took, so long
as it was with you.’

‘
What?’ she whispered, feeling something flutter in her
stomach.

He
shrugged. ‘I knew you wanted to be a star and had bigger ideas and
dreams than just Lakeview. I would have gone anywhere you wanted
Ruth, but you never gave me the chance.’

‘
Charlie …’

‘
I would have done anything. Then, when I heard you were coming
home, I must admit that I tried to make myself feel angry. I wanted
to hate you,’ he laughed shortly. ‘And believe me I’ve tried to do
that for a long time, but Ruth, I also wanted to see
you.’

‘
You did? But you were so furious …’

‘
Of course I was furious, the last time I saw you, you left me
holding an engagement ring. But after left, I realised that I’d
just have to move on with my life. There was a side of me that was
kind of hoping you’d get in touch and maybe ask me to come over
there and see you, but then the years went by and nothing
happened.’

Ruth had
no idea – no clue that he’d felt that way. She’d always believed
that he was content to stay in Lakeview, that he’d intended for
them to settle down and spend the rest of their lives there as a
regular couple. Never for a second did she think Charlie would have
come with her to LA. Would it have been different if he had, she
couldn’t help wonder now?

Charlie
was still talking. ‘So before you arrived, while I had prepared
myself for bumping into you sometime, I hadn’t prepared myself for
all that stuff in the newspapers, pictures of you with that … guy.’
At the mention of Troy, Ruth felt her heart harden – for more
reasons than one.

‘
I didn’t want to look at them, because I had my own memories
of you…’

There was
a very long and heavy silence for a while but then, and Ruth wasn’t
sure how it happened, but suddenly his mouth was on hers and he was
kissing her with an intensity that made her heart feel like it was
going to stop.

He cupped
her face tightly in his hands, and instinctively she threw her arms
around his neck. She was amazed at how familiar he felt, how easily
the old feelings came rushing back; it was incredible. It almost
felt like discovering exactly what had been missing from her life.
Maybe he was right; maybe the path to where she was supposed to be
just took longer, and had many detours. Maybe she and Charlie were
supposed to be together and they could really make it work this
time.

Then
something tapped at the back of Ruth’s brain, and she quickly
pulled away.

‘
I’m sorry,’ she gasped, standing back and putting a hand to
her mouth.

Charlie
stared at her, his expression unfathomable.

‘
It’s just that …this is a really bad time for
…this.’

He was
staring at the floor. ‘I understand.’

‘
No – you don’t.’ She stepped forward, reaching for him but he
stood up.

‘
I think I do.’ His tone was cold. ‘You’re sorry for what
happened before, but it was a long time ago and you’ve moved on. I
get it.’

‘
No Charlie, you really don’t,’ Ruth said, tears brimming in
her eyes again. She had to tell him; needed to tell someone. Never
mind that the circumstances were crazy, and that given what had
just happened, he was possibly the last person in the world who’d
be able to sympathise. ‘Remember those mistakes I was talking about
earlier?’ She took a deep breath as he met her gaze. ‘Well, I
actually left out the mother of them all...’

‘
You’re pregnant?’ he gasped in disbelief when she’d finished
telling him the whole sorry story.

Ruth felt
like crying. Her life was going to go down in the Guinness Book of
World Records as ‘Worst Life Ever.’

‘
I just found out this morning,’ she told him
gently.

‘
You mean before I got here?’

‘
Yes.’

‘
Unbelieveable! So who’s the … father?’ It was the obvious
question but he looked as though he was steeling himself to ask it.
Ruth eyes were downcast, her expression guilty. ‘Him? The Valentine
guy, seriously?’ He ran his hands through his hair.

‘
It was an accident – obviously,’ Ruth defended. ‘It wasn’t
supposed to happen.’

‘
Well I should hope not, otherwise you must have to do some
crazy things to make it in Hollywood these days.’ Then seeing her
hurt expression, his tone softened. ‘Ruth, it’s starting to feel
like everything is an accident with you.’

‘
You and me both,’ she said, her bottom lip
trembling.

‘
And you just found out this morning,’ he repeated. ‘Yet you
let me kiss you, and you kissed me back …’ She knew by his tone
that it found it disturbing and he was right; it was
awful.

‘
I know but for a minute there, I sort of … forgot.’

Charlie
was dubious. ‘You just ‘forgot’ you were pregnant?’

‘
Yes! Look I didn’t expect to see you, let alone find that I
still…’ She shook her head, not wanting to go down that road. There
was no point. ‘Charlie, I’ve had a really bad morning, first I find
this out, then I tell Troy and tells me to stuff it and –
’

‘
He told you to what?’ Charlie’s eyes narrowed.

Ruth
explained how the conversation with the father of her baby had not
gone well. ‘I’m still not sure why I even told him but I really
felt it would be the right thing to do.’

‘
It was the right thing to do, but maybe not so soon. You
should have given yourself time to think about it
first.’

He was
right of course, but that was Charlie, always the sensible
one.

‘
So he immediately assumed I would have an abortion which made
me so mad, so I told him to go to hell that I was going to have it
anyway – even though I hadn’t actually decided anything at that
stage.’

‘
And are you?’ he asked. ‘Going to have the baby, I
mean.’

Ruth
sighed. ‘It’s not ideal, especially with the business I’m in
…’

‘
I can imagine.’ His eyes moved to her midriff and she knew he
was trying to imagine what pregnancy would do to her body. Ruth had
tried to imagine that too but couldn’t. And the truth was that
despite what she’d said to Troy, she still wasn’t one hundred
percent sure how to deal with this. OK, so she could perhaps
sacrifice a few months of her career to have the baby if needs be –
but what about afterwards? She couldn’t realistically continue her
acting career as a single mum with a baby in tow, could she? ‘And
what does he think about you keeping it?’ Charlie asked
then.

‘
He wasn’t happy about it but there’s not a whole lot he can do
about it.’

‘
But he’s going to support you surely?’ Such things were clear
in Charlie Mellon’s straight-as-a-die world.

Ruth
shook her head. ‘He told me I wouldn’t get a dime. Not that I want
anything from the stupid ass but…’

Charlie
looked horrified. He stood up and started to pace back and forth,
which made her feel uneasy. Still it was sort of a relief to have
someone to talk to about this, someone who was able to discuss the
matter and take it seriously. But she couldn’t help wondering how
different things would be if it had been Charlie’s and not Troy’s
baby she was carrying.