The Heartbreak Cafe (8 page)

‘
Yes, but ‘the lot of you’ are my friends. At least before you
all moved to the country and started playing happy families.’ She
was trying her utmost not to sound bitter or insensitive but she
couldn’t help it. Clearly they weren’t worried about being
insensitive towards her.

Deirdre
sighed into the phone, ‘Look Jess, we are still your friends, but
you can imagine how it is …’

‘
Well I honestly can’t, so why don’t you tell me?’ Jess had no
idea why she was being so petulant with Deirdre, this wasn’t her
fault, although her friend seemed to only be perpetuating her
earlier theory about how breeders and non-breeders shouldn’t
mix.

‘
Look Jess, think about it – I suppose it’s about the interest
level really. Emer and Dave’s would have been full of kids toys,
nappies and screaming children and if I didn’t have kids it
wouldn’t sound remotely like fun to me. It’s like last week when
she and I were in Dublin shopping and were laughing about how these
days we spend most of our time in kid’s stores and …’ Deirdre cut
herself off, too late, realising her slip.

But Jess
picked up on it immediately and felt a fresh wave of betrayal. ‘You
and Emer were here in Dublin…?’

Deirdre
sounded chastened. ‘We were going to ask if you wanted to meet up
but –’

‘
Hey don’t worry about it,” she said quickly, but again this
hurt. There was a time when she and the girls did everything
together – in fact Jess had originally introduced Deirdre and Emer
to one another but since they’d moved to Lakeview it seemed the two
women had paired off and left her behind. Now, even when they did
come back for a visit or a shopping trip they couldn’t be bothered
including her.

‘
Honestly, we just didn’t think you’d be interested. And we
know how much you love the whole trying on shoes and personal
shopper stuff …’ Her sentence trailed off as if to suggest to this
kind of thing would be way too tiresome. ‘Of course, we had the
kids with us too, and when you’re not used to it, it can be a bit
manic so …’

Listening
to her friend’s words, Jess wondered when exactly the friendship
had become ‘we’ and ‘you’. But of course she knew when, and more
importantly why. She was being ostracized because, unlike Deirdre
and Emer, she hadn’t utilized her ovaries, and wasn’t part of the
cosy little club they now shared.

Yet,
she’d never neglected her friends and wouldn’t dream of leaving
them out of her plans, and whenever she and Brian had a party she
always invited everyone, regardless of their family
circumstances.

Oh my
goodness, she thought, remembering something, the girls and their
husbands hadn’t come to any of her and Brian’s dinner parties
recently; did they feel they were past a childless couple’s petty
little interests?

‘
So I guess this is why you and Emer don’t come and visit us
anymore either,’ she said quietly.

‘
What? No, we always try to come if we can, and if we can’t,
it’s only because we can’t find a babysitter. Come on, Jess, please
don’t be like this.’

‘
I’m sorry …I just don’t understand why …’ By now, Jess felt
wrong-footed and upset, and worried she would end up saying
something she regretted, she issued a quick apology to Deirdre and
told her she would call her later.

The
reality of what was happening with her friendship with the girls
was making her vulnerable and uneasy, and feeling unaccountably
lonely, Jess lay back on the bed and closed her eyes, trying not to
fret about it.

Hours
later, she sat up and blinked through the early evening darkness. A
noise from downstairs had woken her up. Brian was home.

‘
Jess honey, are you here?’ She heard his footsteps on the
stairs.

‘
In here.’

The
bedroom door opened and her husband entered and Jess couldn’t
resist a smile. Although obviously tired from the flight, he still
looked handsome as always. He was tall, well over six-foot, with
dark hair with deep brown eyes. And tired or not, those sharp eyes
missed nothing.

‘
Hi gorgeous,’ he began, but then frowned when he saw her sad
face and mussed-up hair. ‘Hey, what’s wrong? Are you not feeling
well?’

‘
No, I’m fine,’ she lied, not wanting to ruin his homecoming.
She stood up and went to embrace him. ‘How was
Singapore?’

Seeing
her expression, he cocked his head to the side. ‘Doesn’t look like
fine to me. What’s happened?’

His
concern merely served to bring on a fresh wave of dismay, and
through fits and starts, Jess once again unleashed the story of
everything that had happened. Brian listened patiently, allowing
her to get it all out.

‘
I just can’t believe it. And now that I think of it, it’s been
happening for a while too. Brian, I never thought we’d be outcasts
just because we don’t have kids. I mean, soon they won’t want to
talk to us at all, won’t want us around them in case we … infect
them with our shallowness!’

Brian
seemed to be trying to keep a straight face. ‘Always so
melodramatic,’ he teased. . ‘Look, you need to try and look at this
from a practical point of view, instead of letting that crazy
imagination of yours go off on wild tangents as usual.’

Jess
looked at him. He was always teasing her about her supposedly vivid
imagination and yes, perhaps she did have a tendency to overreach
sometimes, but such a trait wasn’t always a bad thing, not to
mention pretty much essential in her line of work. Anyway, in this
case her imagination wasn’t running away with her. Her friends were
ostracising her, plain and simple, and things would only get worse
surely?

Brian was
smiling as if reading her mind. ‘Don’t even go there. OK, so what
Emer did with the party was a bit foolish but she probably didn’t
mean any harm by it, and I’m sure you’ll all make up in the end.’
He chuckled as he leaned down and nuzzled her neck. ‘I’m sure it’s
all just a silly misunderstanding.’

But Jess
wasn’t so easily convinced. ‘How could I misunderstand being
purposely lied to about a party? And being deliberately left out of
their shopping trip while they probably had a great time poking fun
at me and my stupid little shoe fetishes,’ she added, remembering
Deirdre’s comments earlier. ‘They think my life is silly and
pointless, and now they’re alienating me, and Brian, it can only be
because we don’t have kids.’

Brian
sighed. ‘Well, have you even considered that it might be less about
alienating you, and more about them not wanting to wreck your head?
Kids can be painful after all.’

Jess
looked at him. She hadn’t really thought it might be a case of the
girls trying to save her from noise or hassle. And it wasn’t as if
she ever minded that kind of thing anyway; she enjoyed being around
their children.

‘
Do you really think that’s all it is?’

‘
Of course. What else could it be?’

‘
Well, what I already said – about us not being able to join
in.’

‘
If that is the case, then more fool them,’ Brian grinned.
‘Honestly Jess, I really do think you’re blowing all of this out of
proportion. So Emer left you out of her mommy party – what do you
care?’

But Jess
did care, that was the crux of the problem. She cared deeply about
her friendship and she was very worried that this was only the
beginning.

‘
Anyway, try and think about the benefits of not having kids,’
Brian went on chuckling. ‘You and I have so much freedom just as a
couple, whereas the likes of Deirdre and Kevin can’t even go out to
McDonald’s for a milkshake without bringing in the National Guard.’
Brian kissed her and smiled. ‘Plus, you still have an incredibly
sexy body minus stretch marks and C-section scars,’ he added
tickling her, and Jess gradually began to feel a weight
lift.

He was
right; they could do whatever they wanted, hop on last-minute
flights to Paris or New York, take off on round-the-world cruises
at the drop of a hat, and quaff champagne at glamorous parties
without a care in the world.

Not that
she and Brian did do many of those things, but the important thing
was that they could…

Feeling
much better, she put her arms around her husband and kissed him,
and when they pulled apart he looked at her. ‘Look, sounds to me
like you’ve had a weird weekend, so I think you need to get over it
by going out somewhere nice tonight with your lovely hubby.’ His
eyes twinkled. ‘And the only thing you need to think about is what
cocktail you should order.’

Jess
smiled, she did like the idea of going out with Brian later and
forgetting all about what had happened. Trust him to put it all
into perspective and help remind her of just how fabulous a life
she led. She had a fantastic job, gorgeous house, beautiful
clothes, and a loving husband. Truly, she was very fortunate and
she shouldn’t allow an incident like that get the better of
her.

Brian was
right; her imagination had run away with her, this probably was
just a silly misunderstanding, and she and the girls would no doubt
get over it.

‘
Come on then,’ he said, holding out his hand to help her off
the bed. ‘Let’s go and get a couple of margaritas.’

And much
later that night, as she and her husband shared more than just ‘a
couple’ of margaritas and spent much of their time laughing and
chatting like they always did, Jess wondered what on earth she had
been worrying about. Her life was wonderful and she had everything
to be grateful for. So why on earth waste time stressing about what
she didn’t have?

Ruth
worried the entire way to Dublin. During the first flight from L.A.
to New York she suffered through a hangover and a low level panic
that pulsated in her stomach. Chloe had arranged for the morning
after pill without asking any questions and had packed it in her
carry-on bag, along with a pregnancy test kit that she said ‘should
set your mind at ease later’. Ruth had taken the pill while waiting
for the flight to board at LAX and hoped against hope that it would
do the job.

Now, as
she walked through Kennedy airport, heading towards the gate for
the connecting Aer Lingus flight to Dublin, she turned her cell
phone back on and saw that she had voicemail waiting. She punched
in her code and listened. When she heard the voice, her stomach
clenched.

‘
Ruth, babe it’s me, Troy. Hey, how did you get out of the
hotel room so fast?’ her co-star asked. ‘You were gone before I
woke up.’ There was a pause; as if he was searching for something
to say. ‘Hey, just wanted to say that I had a great time last night
and well … I hope we’re cool. We were both pretty hammered, I guess
… Anyway, I’d like to see you again. I know you’ll be gone for a
bit but … hey, maybe just call me when you get this?’

Oh, she
thought to herself. What did all that mean? At first, it sounded
like a message left by someone who really wanted to cover his ass,
but then he’d asked to see her again. On a date, or just for more
sex? She shook her head and wondered if he carried any of the same
worries that she did right now. Unlikely  he was a man after all
and a split condom wouldn’t be an issue for him, wouldn’t have
potentially career-changing consequences.

She
thought of her painstakingly maintained size zero body, pictured
stretch marks developing on her toned stomach and winced. It
couldn’t happen, could it? Life really couldn’t be that
cruel.

She
briefly remembered reading something about the age at which women
were supposed to have a decline in fertility  age thirty she
thought, so maybe for once, her age would work in her favour?
Regardless that everyone in Hollywood believed she was
twenty-five.

When Ruth
reached her gate, she saw that the flight was already boarding.
Good, she wouldn’t have to wait around. She just wanted to try and
put all this behind her, and while she wasn’t as excited to be
returning to Ireland now, she felt that the distance between her
and that stupid mistake from last night was exactly what she
needed, even if that distance was just miles.

Now,
cruising at thirty thousand feet over the Atlantic, Ruth put the
sleep mask over her eyes and tried to relax. But try as she might,
she just couldn’t get last night out of her mind. She briefly
thought through her options. Okay, if (and it was a big ‘if’ at
this point) she was pregnant, it could still be a secret. She would
be in Ireland for the next few months; so she could always pop over
to London to get it dealt with. No one would have to
know

But no,
even though it was the obvious solution to what could potentially
be a career-wrecking problem, Ruth found it difficult to even
consider that. While she knew that she could not allow her
glittering career to come falling down around her ankles, she would
also not allow herself to do such a thing. There had to be another
way. She would figure this out, in the same way she had always
figured things out. She hadn’t become a Hollywood star through lack
of determination or know-how after all.

The
flight landed in Dublin early the following morning Irish-time.
However, the fact that Ruth was still operating on Pacific Time
immediately made her worry about the bags she knew had formed under
her eyes. A good excuse as any to wear her sunglasses, despite the
grey mist that was visible through the window.