The Heroes of Olympus: The Demigod Diaries (13 page)

The Maenads giggled and danced and pushed each other around. Several fell off the rocks and landed hard on the ground. That didn’t seem to bother them. They just got up and kept frolicking.

Piper nudged Leo in the ribs. “Um, Lord Dionysus, what are you doing?”

“Everything’s cool.” Leo looked at his friends like,
Everything’s really, really not cool.
“The Maenads are my attendants. I love these guys.”

The Maenads cheered and twirled around him. Several produced goblets from thin air and began to chug…whatever was inside.

The girl in red looked uncertainly at Piper and Jason. “Lord Dionysus, are these two sacrifices for the party? Should we rip them to pieces?”

“No, no!” Leo said. “Great offer, but, um, you know, maybe we should start small. With, like, introductions.”

The girl narrowed her eyes. “Surely you remember me, my lord. I am Babette.”

“Um, right!” Leo said. “Babette! Of course.”

“And these are Buffy, Muffy, Bambi, Candy—” Babette rattled off a bunch more names that all kind of blended together. Leo glanced at Piper, wondering if this was some sort of Aphrodite joke. These nymphs could’ve totally fit in with Piper’s cabin. But Piper looked like she was trying not to scream. That might’ve been because two of the Maenads were running their hands over Jason’s shoulders and giggling.

Babette stepped closer to Leo. She smelled like pine needles. Her curly dark hair spilled over her shoulders and freckles splashed across her nose. A wreath of coral snakes writhed across her forehead.

Nature spirits usually had a greenish tinge to their skin from chlorophyll, but these Maenads looked like their blood was cherry Kool-Aid. Their eyes were severely bloodshot. Their lips were redder than normal. Their skin was webbed with bright capillaries.

“An interesting form you’ve chosen, my lord.” Babette inspected Leo’s face and hair. “Youthful. Cute, I suppose. Yet…somewhat scrawny and short.”

“Scrawny and short?” Leo bit back a few choice replies. “Well, you know. I was going for
cute
, mostly.”

The other Maenads circled Leo, smiling and humming. Under normal circumstances, being surrounded by hot girls would’ve been
totally
okay with Leo, but not this time. He couldn’t forget how the Maenads’ teeth and nails had grown just before they tore the drakon to shreds.

“So, my lord.” Babette ran her fingers down Leo’s arm. “Where have you been? We’ve searched for so long!”

“Where have I—?” Leo thought furiously. He knew Dionysus used to work as the director of Camp Half-Blood before Leo’s time. Then the god had been recalled to Mount Olympus to help deal with the giants. But where did Dionysus hang out these days? Leo had no idea. “Oh, you know. I’ve been doing, um, wine stuff. Yeah. Red wine. White wine. All those other kinds of wine. Love that wine. I’ve been so busy working—”

“Work!” Muffy the Maenad shrieked, pressing her hands over her ears.

“Work!” Buffy wiped her tongue as if trying to scrub away the horrible word.

The other Maenads dropped their goblets and ran in circles, yelling, “Work! Sacrilege! Kill work!” Some began to grow long claws. Other slammed their heads against the boulders, which seemed to hurt the boulders more than their heads.

“He means partying!” Piper shouted. “Partying! Lord Dionysus has been busy partying all over the world.”

Slowly, the Maenads began to calm down.

“Party?” Bambi asked cautiously.

“Party!” Candy sighed with relief.

“Yeah!” Leo wiped the sweat off his hands. He shot Piper a grateful look. “Ha-ha. Partying. Right. I’ve been
so
busy partying.”

Babette kept smiling, but not in such a friendly way. She fixed her gaze on Piper. “Who is this one, my lord? A recruit for the Maenads, perhaps?”

“Oh,” Leo said. “She’s my, uh, party planner.”

“Party!” yelled another Maenad, possibly Trixie.

“What a shame.” Babette’s fingernails began to grow. “We can’t allow mortals to witness our sacred revels.”

“But I
could
be a recruit!” Piper said quickly. “Do you guys have a website? Or a list of requirements? Er, do you have to be drunk all the time?”

“Drunk!” Babette said. “Don’t be silly. We’re underage Maenads. We haven’t graduated to wine yet. What would our parents think?”

“You have
parents
?” Jason shrugged the Maenads’ hands off his shoulders.

“Not drunk!” Candy yelled. She turned in a dizzy circle and fell down, spilling white frothy liquid from her goblet.

Jason cleared his throat. “So…what are you guys drinking if it isn’t wine?”

Babette laughed. “The beverage of the season! Behold the power of the thyrsus rod!”

She slammed her pinecone staff against the ground and a white geyser bubbled up. “Eggnog!”

Maenads rushed forward to fill their goblets.

“Merry Christmas!” one yelled.

“Party!” another said.

“Kill everything!” said a third.

Piper took a step back. “You’re…drunk on eggnog?”

“Whee!” Buffy sloshed her eggnog and gave Leo a frothy grin. “Kill things! With a sprinkle of nutmeg!”

Leo decided never to drink eggnog again.

“But enough talk, my lord,” Babette said. “You’ve been naughty, keeping yourself hidden! You changed your e-mail and phone number. One might think the great Dionysus was trying to avoid his Maenads!”

Jason removed another girl’s hands from his shoulders. “Can’t imagine why the great Dionysus would do that.”

Babette sized up Jason. “This one is a sacrifice, obviously. We should start the festivities by ripping him apart. The party planner girl can prove herself by helping us!”

“Or,” Leo said, “we could start with some appetizers. Crispy Cheese ’n’ Wieners. Taquitos. Maybe some chips and queso. And…wait, I know! We need a table to put them on.”

Babette’s smile wavered. The snakes hissed around her pinecone staff. “A table?”

“Cheese ’n’ Wieners?” Trixie added hopefully.

“Yeah, a table!” Leo snapped his fingers and pointed toward the end of the clearing. “You know what—I think I saw one walking that way. Why don’t you guys wait here, and drink some eggnog or whatever, and my friends and I will go get the table. We’ll be right back!”

He started to leave, but two of the Maenads pushed him back. The push didn’t seem exactly playful.

Babette’s eyes turned an even deeper red. “Why is my lord Dionysus so interested in furniture? Where is your leopard? And your wine cup?”

Leo gulped. “Yeah. Wine cup. Silly me.” He reached into his tool bag. He prayed it would produce a wine cup for him, but that wasn’t exactly a tool. He grabbed something, pulled it out, and found himself holding a lug wrench.

“Hey, look at that,” he said weakly. “There’s some godly magic right there, huh? What’s a party without…a lug wrench?”

The Maenads stared at him. Some frowned. Others were cross-eyed from the eggnog.

Jason stepped to his side. “Hey, um, Dionysus…maybe we should talk. Like, in private. You know…about party stuff.”

“We’ll be right back!” Piper announced. “Just wait here, you guys. Okay?”

Her voice was almost electric with charmspeak, but the Maenads didn’t appear moved.

“No, you will stay.” Babette’s eyes bored into Leo’s. “You do not act like Dionysus. Those who fail to honor the god, those who
dare
to work instead of partying—they must be ripped apart. And anyone who dares to impersonate the god, he must die even more painfully.”

“Wine!” Leo yelped. “Did I mention how much I love wine?”

Babette didn’t look convinced. “If you are the god of parties, you will know the order of our revelries. Prove it! Lead us!”

Leo felt trapped. He’d once been stuck in a cave on top of Pikes Peak, surrounded by a pack of werewolves. Another time he’d been stuck in an abandoned factory with a family of evil Cyclopes. But this—standing in an open clearing with a dozen pretty girls—was
much
worse.

“Sure!” His voice squeaked. “Revelries. So we start with the Hokey Pokey—”

Trixie snarled. “No, my lord. The Hokey Pokey is
second
.”

“Right,” Leo said. “First is the limbo contest,
then
the Hokey Pokey. Then, um, pin the tail on the donkey—”

“Wrong!” Babette’s eyes turned completely red. The Kool-Aid darkened in her veins, making a web of red lines like ivy under her skin. “Last chance, and I’ll even give you a hint. We begin by singing the Bacchanalian Jingle. You
do
remember it, don’t you?”

Leo’s tongue felt like sandpaper.

Piper put her hand on his arm. “Of course he remembers it.” Her eyes said,
Run.

Jason’s knuckles turned white on the hilt of his sword.

Leo hated singing. He cleared his throat and started warbling the first thing that came into his head—something he’d watched online while he worked on the
Argo II
.

After a few lines, Candy hissed. “That is not the Bacchanalian Jingle! That is the theme song for
Psych
!”

“Kill the unbelievers!” Babette screamed.

Leo knew an exit cue when he heard one.

He pulled a reliable trick. From his tool belt, he grabbed a flask of oil and splashed it in an arc in front of him, dousing the Maenads. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, but he reminded himself these girls weren’t human. They were nature spirits bent on ripping him apart. He summoned fire into his hands and set the oil ablaze.

A wall of flames engulfed the nymphs. Jason and Piper did a one-eighty and ran. Leo was right behind them.

He expected to hear screaming from the Maenads. Instead, he heard laughter. He glanced back and saw the Maenads dancing through the flames in their bare feet. Their dresses were smoldering, but the Maenads didn’t seem to care. They leaped through the fire like they were playing in a sprinkler.

“Thank you, unbeliever!” Babette laughed. “Our frenzy makes us immune to fire, but it does tickle! Trixie, send the unbelievers a thank-you gift!”

Trixie skipped over to the pile of boulders. She grasped a rock the size of a refrigerator and lifted it over her head.

“Run!” Piper said.

“We
are
running!” Jason picked up the speed.

“Run better!” Leo shouted.

They reached the edge of the clearing when a shadow passed overhead.

“Veer left!” Leo yelled.

They dove into the trees as the boulder slammed next to them with a jaw-rattling
thud
, missing Leo by a few inches. They skidded down a ravine until Leo lost his footing. He plowed into Jason and Piper so they ended up rolling downhill like a demigod snowball. They crashed into Brooke’s stream at the bottom, helped each other up, and stumbled deeper into the woods. Behind them, Leo heard the Maenads laughing and shouting, urging Leo to come back so they could rip him to shreds.

For some reason, Leo wasn’t tempted.

Jason pulled them behind a massive oak tree, where they stood gasping for breath. Piper’s elbow was scraped up pretty badly. Jason’s left pants leg had ripped almost completely off, so it looked like his leg was wearing a denim cape. Somehow, they’d all made it down the hill without killing themselves with their own weapons, which was a miracle.

“How do we beat them?” Jason demanded. “They’re immune to fire. They’re superstrong.”

“We can’t kill them,” Piper said.

“There has to be a way,” Leo said.

“No. We
can’t
kill them,” Piper said. “Anyone who kills a Maenad is cursed by Dionysus. Haven’t you read the old stories? People who kill his followers go crazy or get morphed into animals or…well, bad stuff.”

“Worse than letting the Maenads rip us to shreds?” Jason asked.

Piper didn’t answer. Her face was so clammy, Leo decided not to ask for details.

“That’s just great,” Jason said. “So we have to stop them without killing them. Anyone got a really big piece of flypaper?”

“We’re outnumbered four to one,” Piper said. “Plus…” She grabbed Leo’s wrist and checked his watch. “We have twenty minutes until Bunker Nine explodes.”

“It’s impossible,” Jason summed up.

“We’re dead,” Piper agreed.

But Leo’s mind was spinning into overdrive. He did his best work when things were impossible.

Stopping the Maenads without killing them…Bunker 9…
flypaper
. An idea came together like one of his crazy contraptions, all the gears and pistons clicking into place perfectly.

“I’ve got it,” he said. “Jason, you’ll have to find Buford. You know which way he went. Circle back and find him, then bring him to the bunker, quick! Once you’re far enough from the Maenads, maybe you can control the winds again. Then you can fly.”

Jason frowned. “What about you two?”

“We’re going to lead the Maenads out of your way,” Leo said, “straight to Bunker Nine.”

Piper coughed. “Excuse me, but isn’t Bunker Nine about to
explode
?”

“Yes, but if I can get the Maenads inside, I have a way to take care of them.”

Jason looked skeptical. “Even if you can, I’ll still have to find Buford and get the syncopator back to you in twenty minutes, or you, Piper, and a dozen crazy nymphs will blow up.”

“Trust me,” Leo said. “And it’s nineteen minutes now.”