The Honeywood Files (27 page)

BRASH TO SPINLOVE

Dear Mr. Spinlove, 7.1.26.

I have received your further communication anent Riddoppo. I can only once again asseverate that the blemishes indicated by Mr. Bloggs are of insignificant importance and that the painting satisfies the anticipations of the person most vitally concerned who is paying for it, and who I apprehend to be not precisely Mr. Grigblay nor my architect, but, to be brief, myself alone.

The lettering on the doors is esteemed by us as a distinct advance in the improvement of the house, and you will be gratified when I intimate to you that we agree that the parti-coloured variegations of tints originally proposed would not have provided the refined appearance now obtaining. Will you be so obliging as to have the door of the chamber apartment now lettered “Salmon” altered to “Strawberry,” as the connected association is unpleasantly distasteful to Lady Brash.

We are proposing to arrange to move in our furniture on the 22nd inst. prox.

Believe me,

Yours sincerely,

Brash is evidently pleased with the house. We may detect in his letter a note of bland, proprietary self-congratulation.

SPINLOVE TO GRIGBLAY

Dear Mr. Grigblay, 8.1.26.

Sir Leslie Brash wishes the painting with Riddoppo completed as he does not consider the defects of any importance. He proposes to move in furniture on the 22nd. Will that be possible? I enclose a list of matters which need attention.

Will you please have the door now lettered “Salmon” altered to “Raspberry.”

Yours faithfully,

Spinlove has made a slip here.

GRIGBLAY TO SPINLOVE

Dear Sir, 8.1.26.

Our foreman has checked measurements and says Mr. Potch is right for glass area. Your figures are correct clear of window-frames. The iron casements stand in B in. full. Mr. Potch’s dimensions are also right for area of room but he has measured above skirtings. Our foreman suggests why not fill in recess with cupboard fixture so as to reduce floor area.

Yours faithfully,

It is to be noted that in most right designs—if not entirely in all—the size of casements is a unit of the elevations which cannot be varied, and that the minimum of one-tenth of floor area for windows gives an excessive amount of light to some rooms with some aspects, if aesthetic judgment rather than hygienic theory is the guide. The consequences are that to obtain a good disposition of windows in the elevation and an adequate, but not excessive, window area to rooms is a matter which particularly exercises the ingenuity of the designer. The bedroom in question was properly lighted by a range of three casements, but the moving of the partition has increased the floor area up to, or over, the maximum size allowed by the by-laws in respect of these three casements. If a fourth casement is added it will be likely to play “Old Harry” with the elevation and to over-light the room, and as the only way of arranging four casements will probably be to take the window out, remake it with new head and cill and recentre it in the elevation, the breaking down and making good of brickwork is likely to show up on the elevation for some time. Though everyone else may soon forget the ungainly room and never notice the botched elevation, Spinlove will remember his regrets to the end of his life. Potch does not know this and would not understand if it were explained to him; the annoyance, humiliation and cost to his rival and the man who employs him, is his aim.

SPINLOVE TO POTCH

Dear Sir, 9.1.26.

I find that your measures of windows are taken to the glass line, and of floors to walls above skirtings.

My measures are taken to the line of the frames as this, in my experience, is customary, and I claim that the floor area is properly measured up to skirtings and not above them.

Even if you insist on the window area being estimated as the area of actual glass, the floor area, measured to skirtings, is still only two-thirds of one square foot more than ten times that of windows and, I submit, so small a discrepancy depending on an unusually exacting computation of window area, does not justify the withholding of the certificate. The addition of another casement is an extremely awkward matter and will ruin the elevation and is surely a scarcely reasonable demand?

The owner wishes to move in on the 22nd, so time is short. I hope, therefore, that with these explanations before you, you will feel able to draw the certificate.

Yours faithfully,

This is a quite foolish letter. Spinlove seems to be so distressed at the prospect of having to mutilate his elevation and spoil the room that he is reduced to begging for mercy, which, as he must know, is perfectly useless. A man like Potch reacts only to impulses of greed or funk and, as Spinlove is incapable of “working it,” he must fight.

Spinlove’s measure of window area is 14 ft.: Potch’s 12. The difference represents only ½ in. on face of each frame, but involves a floor area of 11 2/3 ft.

SPINLOVE TO BRASH

Dear Sir Leslie Brash, 11.1.26.

I was speaking to Mr. Grigblay on the telephone to-day and I fear it will not be possible for you to move in on the 22nd nor, indeed, this month. As you know, there are a good many odds and ends remaining to be done and the painting of various cupboard fittings Lady Brash has ordered have yet to be finished, and I do not think you ought to fix a date much before February 12. I am also sorry to say that the Local Authority has refused certificate of occupation on the grounds that the window in bedroom No. 5 is not big enough, but I am hoping to get this matter settled quite shortly.

Yours faithfully,

POTCH TO SPINLOVE

Sir, 12.1.26.

You should not have made the window too small if you did not care for the trouble of altering it larger. My Council cannot change its by-laws to suit a.r.i.b.a.s and if time is short you would be better correcting your mistakes than wasting more of it writing letters instead.

I am obliged to you for pointing out what my duties are, but it would be better if you spent your time some other way as it happens I have had more chance of learning it than what young London office architects have.

I am, Sir,

Yours faithfully,

Spinlove’s letter produces an insult from the Potch mechanism as surely as his penny would a bit of chocolate out of an automatic machine.

The Model By-laws which Local Authorities are at liberty to select from and “adopt” at will speak of “floor area” and “area of windows clear of frames.” Spinlove has either been misled by a bluff on the part of Potch and overlooked this last definition, or the words “clear of frames” may possibly have been omitted from the Marlford District Council’s version. In the latter event Spinlove would get his measurements upheld by appeal to the local Government Board.

SPINLOVE TO GRIGBLAY

Dear Sir, 15.1.26.

I cannot reduce floor area by putting cupboard fixture in recess as this is wanted to take Lady Brash’s wardrobe.

I enclose detail of a small casement window. This, as you will see, is to go over the lavatory basin and will come very nearly central between the ranges of adjoining casements. I am sorry to have to order the work, but the Surveyor insists.

Yours faithfully,

BRASH TO SPINLOVE

Dear Mr. Spinlove, 14.1.26.

I really must asseverate my protestation at the successive procrastinations anent completion. Permit me to remind you that the builders contracted for eventual occupation on or before December 11th last year; I was then informed I might arrange to take up residence shortly after Xmas, and subsequently the 22nd was the extended date fixed. I am now informed that the middle of next February prox. is the anticipated day, and am given to apprehend that this date may eventually be eliminated and so on infinitum (
sic
), which is, as you will agree—if you will permit me to express myself so—a most preposterous succession of prevarications and procrastinations.

In addition to these delays and postponements, for which I apprehend the contractor is responsible, you now inform me that the necessary certificate entitling me to occupy the house is not forthcoming because, forsooth, you have made one of the windows too small! Are we ever going to get into the house at all?—that I apprehend to be a question to which it is now incumbent on me to request a definite assurance. Why is the window not large enough? I apprehend that to be a matter on which I was entitled to rely upon your judicial discretion.

Yours sincerely,

Our sympathies may well be with Brash’s impatience, though not with his grievance, which is unreasonable. He and Lady Brash have, in fact, been accountable for greater delays than they complain of; but for one reason or another there always are delays, and Grigblay, all circumstances considered, has done well not to be more behindhand than he is.

(CONFIDENTIAL) GRIGBLAY TO SPINLOVE

Sir, 17.1.26.

I noticed your correspondence with Mr. Potch in the office and have seen your detail of little port-hole makeweight. I fancy it goes against the grain for I know something of the way architects feel, so I take the liberty to let you know that Mr. Potch is not so particular with his own building nor yet with that of some others, and I can drop him a hint that will make that certificate come by special messenger. If you do not care for that—and I would rather not start any mix up with Mr. Potch—why not brad a bit of ovolo down on the floor against the skirting just to make it easy for the poor housemaid to sweep the dust out of the corners and not tire her pretty self? ½ in. wide would bring the floor area down to limit and leave a bit over for good manners. No trouble to take up again before the family move in.

With apologies for troubling you but thought you might like to do it.

Yours faithfully,

SPINLOVE TO BRASH

Dear Sir Leslie Brash, 19.1.26.

The 22nd was named by you. I said “before the end of the month,” and were it not for the many fittings which have been ordered only after the house is on the point of completion, there would be no reason why you should not move in this month.

You must permit me to excuse myself. The window of bedroom No. 5 was big enough for the room as I planned it, but the room was made too big for the window when, by your orders, the partition was moved. The grounds for the Council’s objection are trivial and since I last wrote I have succeeded, I think, in arranging matters and there will be no delay on this account .

Yours sincerely,

Spinlove has certainly advanced in discretion and force; his early diffidence and shyness, and consequent indecision and impulse to be plausible and to explain and justify himself, have in great part disappeared. The reason is, no doubt, that he now knows the person he has to deal with and feels himself master of the position now that his knowledge of past history, rather than his judgment in making new, is involved.

SPINLOVE TO GRIGBLAY

Dear Mr. Grigblay, 18.1.26.

I am much obliged for your letter. Will you please have the skirting fillet fixed as you suggest and return my detail No. 49.

Yours very truly,

SPINLOVE TO POTCH

Sir, 22.1.26.

I write to notify you that lighting of bedroom No. 5 at Honeywood has now been amended to comply with the by-laws, and to apply for certificate of occupation.

Yours faithfully,

(CONFIDENTIAL) GRIGBLAY TO SPINLOVE

Sir, 28.1.26.

I went down to Honeywood to-day to have a look round and you may tell Sir Leslie Brash the house will be ready for him on February 10th, unless he orders other work to keep himself out of it. The road etc. will take a couple of weeks to finish and had better stand till the old gentleman has got his furniture in. I’ve seen something of the mess these heavy lorries can make of a new road and this one is none too heavily bottomed. Bloggs will be clearing up next week.

While I was down there Mr. Potch paid us a friendly call. He ran to bedroom No. 5 as if he’d buried a bone there, and I followed and found him huffing and blowing his nose; but I soon stopped his nonsense and we shall get the certificate in a day or two.

Riddoppo super is beginning to act up and I shall be glad to be out. Potch went away with a bit of it on his behind end, but I don’t know where he got it for the surface is dry and firm though it does not look to be so underneath, for in places it is beginning to ride up over itself, and it is hanging from the bottoms of doors again for all it was cut away once, and a bead of it laying along top of skirtings. There is one place where furnace flue goes up kitchen wall, where it is beginning to craze like a really fine old picture. In my opinion it will all have to come off again, unless it’s kept on to prevent the house catching fire, but it can’t be burnt off, because it’s fireproof, and it can’t be pickled off because it’s acid proof, so there you are! It is a pity the makers, who had such a lot to say about laying it on, didn’t spare a word or two about getting it off. Apologizing for troubling you but thought best to tell you.

Yours truly,

GRIGBLAY TO SPINLOVE

Dear Sir, 31.1.26.

We have received certificate of occupation from the District Council’s Surveyor.

We note that your client wishes to move in on the 8th, instead of the 10th as arranged, and we think there will be no objection to this.

We enclose rough approximate statement of account and shall be glad of your final certificate. The detailed statement will follow in due course.

Yours faithfully,

Grigblay is entitled to a certificate for the whole value of the work less 5 percent, on completion
.

HONEYWOOD GRANGE
,

MARLFORD
,

KENT

Tel
.: forgetmenot 178.

Postal Address
: thaddington.

Station
: wedgfield junc.: 4 m.

(Taxi 5s.)

My dear Mr. Spinlove, 13.2.26.