The Honor Trilogy: Books One, Two, and Three of the Honor Trilogy (8 page)

Still hunkered down on the lunchroom floor, I see Tamlin heading my way. I force myself to get up and quiet the streams of fire burning through my bones.

“What was Shelby’s problem?” She asks, a little late for rescuing me. “I’m sorry. I just realized it was you she was fighting with. I usually stay out of those things. I’m so sorry, Hon.”

“It’s fine. Shelby? That’s her name?” I ask, sitting back down at my table. I rub my forearms, trying to alleviate the pain that still resonates after Shelby touched me.

Tamlin laughs and sits down across on the bench across from me. “Yeah. What was that all about?”

“I have no idea. I guess she just chose me to hate.” I take a double look at Tamlin. “What the heck did you do to your hair now?”

“What? You don’t like pink? Anyway, who could hate you? You’re so sweet. Plus you barely speak to anyone…you’re always keeping to yourself.”

“Because I’m a freak.” I laugh. Tamlin chuckles with me, not realizing that I really am a freak. “I think Shelby’s really sick or something.” I whisper.

Tam scrunches her face up. “What? You’re crazy. What makes you say that?”

I want so badly to tell Tamlin. I hate keeping this to myself, but I know Ethan wants me to keep quiet about it. “Just a hunch I guess.” The time to tell Tamlin about my
empathic
abilities is not now. “Like an intuition…or something.”

Tamlin continues knitting her eyebrows, probably deciding for herself, finally, that I am indeed a freak. “Don’t give her a second thought, Hon. She’s a bully.”

I only nod. She
is
a bully…but why? Bullies always have a reason for bullying. Low self-esteem, bad family life, a terminal illness. I do believe that whatever it is that I felt when Shelby touched me is fatal…and is the catalyst for her bullying. Down deep in my bones, I know it. Down deep in my bones, I feel it.

                                                                  ***

Hurrying to Mom’s car in the lot, Storm catches me, just as he had this morning. “I was serious y’know, Honor,” he remarks, despite my attempt to ignore him by opening my car door and getting in. “They are after y’all. I told you that earlier. I wasn’t lying.” He blocks me from shutting my door by standing in front of it.

“Storm, if you’re so concerned about Ethan, why do you treat him the way you do?”

By the startled look on his face, he is surprised by my comment, but his words come out icy cold, “Just warnin’ the wimp.” Though Storm appears to want to say something else, he turns on his heel and walks away.

After spending some time having tea with my mom, I lock myself in my room for the rest of the night to wait for Ethan and do homework.  I still feel guilty not telling Mom about my abilities, but it just never feels like the right time. I don’t think she’d believe it anyway. Paranormal stuff is just fictional, not real life drama in her only daughter’s life. The whole idea of my empathic nature reaching beyond the normal is still an uncomfortable thought. That I have the power to heal is even scarier – a big responsibility, I am sure. Healing my mother was easy. Who wouldn’t save their own mother if given the choice?

Though I can’t stop thinking that something is wrong with bully cheerleader Shelby, she is in pain and I have the power to take that away. But at what cost to me? Several years off my life? I’d already shortened it saving my mom and Tamlin. What if there are others to come? How do I choose who to heal and who to let fate decide its course? That type of decision goes far beyond my scope of reasoning for sure. Who am I to play God?

I now understand why Ethan and his brothers live alone, with nary a neighbor. It isn’t just the pain they are escaping. It’s the unfair burden of weighing life against life – a worthy existence versus an expendable one. How can a mere human decide that?

It is all too much and now my head pounds from over-thinking this. Figuring out how to live this way is something I need to do quickly. But with a headache this huge, today is not that day.

My homework is far from complete, because my thoughts keep wandering back to Ethan and his poor brother to Shelby and whatever she is suffering from to Storm and the whole mystery that surrounds him. How can I possibly concentrate on my algebra and chemistry homework? Not that it matters, because seconds later I see Ethan sitting on the tree limb outside my window.

“Ethan,” I scold, while lifting the window jam. “You could use the front door you know. It’s not even dark yet.”

He gracefully hops into my room in all his gorgeous glory. “I know,” he shrugs, pulling me in for a hug and a kiss. “But I told you I’d meet you at your window…and I never break my word.” He winks.

At least he’s smiling. “Did you pick up your brother Hunter?” We mosey over to my bed where we sit crossed-leg, facing each other – Ethan leaning against the headboard, me, at the foot of the bed.

“Yeah. He and my uncle are at my apartment. Sorry about that fight with Storm before…he just…I can’t figure him out, that’s all. And…with Summer and all...”

I playfully tap him on the leg. “You don’t need to explain.” Ethan pulls me close and I turn to sit between his legs. My back against his chest, his chin on my head, I let him hold me, knowing he needs it as much as I do.

“So was everyone talking about how Storm kicked my ass today?”

“Actually…” I let a sideways glance prelude my own ass-beating tale. “They were discussing another fight that happened right after you left.”

“What? Who?”

“Umm…me.”

He pushes me away just enough to turn me and look me in the eyes. “Honor, who did you get in a fight with?”

“That little cheerleader who’s been harassing…”

“Honor.” Ethan interrupts. “I asked you to stay away from her.”

“Yes you did. Do you think
I
approached
her
?” I ask, a little annoyed at the tone he takes with me.

“No. I guess not. But tell me…what happened? Did she hurt you?”

“Well, she did kick my butt, but no, I wasn’t really hurt…not the way you think.”

“Oh, Honor.” He sighs. “She touched you long enough, didn’t she?”

“You know?”

Ethan glides his hand down my back, catching his fingers in my hair.

“That’s why you wanted me to stay away from her?”

“Yes, sweetheart, she’s sick. It’s terminal.”

“How do you know?”

“I’ve been an empath all my life. You get to know the different levels of pain. Like Miss James, for instance; I almost felt her tumor in my own brain.”

“Then can’t you warn Shelby?”

“The little bitch?”

“Yeah.”

“Listen, Hon, I know your inclinations are to help her, but you can’t.” He grabs my face with both his hands. “I want you around for a while. I want to watch you grow old. You’ll take a lot of time off your own life if you do.”

“But…my mom…I saved her.”

“Exactly. That’s already knocked years off. Babe, listen. Shelby is it? She’s sick. It’s her bones. I think it’s cancer. It has to be. She’s
gotta know…her pain is intense. You know it, you feel it…just like I do.”

“But maybe she doesn’t know. We can warn her. Tell her to see a doctor or something, like you did for Miss James.”

“How do you think that’ll turn out, Honor? She can’t stand you. She’s gonna let you tell her she’s dying?”

“I have to try, Ethan.”

“Run away with me.”

“What? Where’d that come from?”

Ethan pulls me onto his lap again. “We can live somewhere remote. Alone. Then you won’t have to worry about Shelby’s pain…or anyone else’s.”

His shoulder is strong, I think, as I lean my head on it. “I didn’t even graduate high school yet. I want to go to college and…I don’t want to leave my parents.”

His head nods above mine. “I know that. Just wishing…I guess.”

“I can’t just let her live like that, Ethan.” Tears well up in my eyes and I can’t stop them. “When she touched me, it was
so
bad. Like a hundred times worse than I ever felt anything.”

“Why do you care? She’s not even nice to you.”

“Maybe that’s why though. Maybe she’s nasty because she hurts so much. I can take away her pain, Ethan. How can I choose not to?”

“You are not God, Honor.” Ethan is adamant. “You can’t save everyone; not without killing yourself.”

We are at a stale-mate, and nothing we say right now is going to change that. Not tonight.

“Listen, babe. Let’s forget Shelby tonight.” Ethan pats his hand on the bed next to him.

Anxious and apprehensive at the same time, I crawl off his lap and sit next to him as close as possible to Ethan without actually sitting back down
on
his lap. He drapes his arm around me, turns my face toward him and with his fingers makes little butterfly tingles along my cheek. My breathing picks up its pace along with my heartbeat. Ethan tilts my head towards his and presses his lips to mine. His hand on the back of my neck sweeps through my hair, sending a feeling of warm liquid trickling through my veins. He holds me closer, deepening his kiss. I open up just a bit to allow his tongue to invade my mouth. It feels silky and warm. Kissing Ethan wakes up every nerve ending in my body, while turning me to putty at the same time.

As his tongue circles mine, I get lost in his embrace. And though he is the first person who has ever kissed me, I cannot help but wonder if we’re going to take it any further right now. I don’t want him to stop, but in the back of my mind I begin to worry that we might go further than we should. I continue to melt in his kiss and stop thinking at all.

Ethan’s hand slips under my t-shirt, and it feels hot on my back. Softly he caresses my skin with his fingertips, skimming over my bra strap as he does. Soon he starts playfully snapping the back of my bra. His flirting makes me smile while he’s kissing me.

With one hand still on my back, his other hand cups the back of my neck again, and he gently slides me down on the bed. Ethan is now lying next to me with one of his legs draped over both of mine. His mouth is still on mine, his tongue still probing inside. Ethan’s hand slides down the front of my shirt, stopping over my bra. It feels like nothing I’ve ever felt before. The stroke of his hand sends an unfamiliar sensation right to the pit of my belly.

“Oh, Honor,” Ethan rasps. “I love kissing you.”

“
Mmm.” I’m so aroused I can barely talk.

He slips his hand
under
my shirt now but
over
my bra. Though this feels
amazing
, I gently squeeze his forearm and pull his hand away. “Eeth,” I whisper, turning from his kiss.

“Too fast?” he whispers back, kissing me on the tip of the nose.

“A little.” I wrap my arms around his neck. “I’m sorry.”

“Hon, please, it’s okay. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” he says, rolling me on top of him.

“Well…I
want
to…I just…not yet. Not today.”

“Did you think we were going to
do it
today?” He chuckles. “I don’t move
that
fast, babe.” He squeezes me and rolls on top of me. His lips meet mine again, and he slips his tongue back inside my mouth.

After several more minutes of making out on my bed, Ethan lifts off of me, yanks me up and says, “C’mon. Let me take you to the diner. I’ve worked up an appetite.”

“Ethan.” I stop him. “You didn’t even tell me what you found out about your brother. Don’t you wanna talk about that?”

“
No.Not really,” he sighs. “I haven’t found out anything yet. Hunter and my uncle are at my apartment and…we just don’t know where to start. My uncle’s making some phone calls. So…c’mon, I’m hungry.”

We get in Ethan’s Mercedes and head up Weldon Road to the Jefferson Diner. I’m all excited, because I’ve never gone there with friends, only my parents. I’m a seventeen year-old geek, but I feel cool going there with
my boyfriend.
But nervous as hell.

I notice Ethan’s hand on the steering wheel. At first, I think he is tapping his fingers to the beat of the Neon Trees song playing on the radio, but at closer inspection, I notice his fingers are shaking just a bit. Maybe he’s just as nervous as I am going out together. This
is
kind of like our first date. Thinking about this makes my stomach even more of a mess, because now it occurs to me that I have to eat in front of him. It seems different than just eating in the cafeteria at lunch time. What if I get food stuck in my teeth? Crap, I wish I hadn’t thought of that.

“Hon,
whatchya thinkin’ about?” Ethan asks. His voice sounds smooth and easy, not at all jumpy or jittery like I feel.

“Nothing. Just listening to the music.” I lie, trying to sound calmer than I am.

“Oh. You nervous?”

“What? No. Why would I be?”

“’Cause it’s our first time out together.” He puts his hand on my thigh and gives it a little squeeze. “I’m a little nervous.”