The Hornbeam Tree (28 page)

‘I know what’s happening between you and Laurie is none of my business,’ she said gently, ‘and I’m not about to embarrass you by trying to make it so, I just want to say this: she’s obviously still finding it very hard to come to terms with what you did. It was a terrible shock, and probably hurt her even more deeply than you fully realize. You’re getting a taste of it now, but I don’t think it’s revenge she’s after. I think it’s much more complicated than that, and a part of it will be about who she feels secure with – and he hasn’t let her down the way you did.’ She put a hand on his chest and smiled. ‘I know it’s going to be devastating
thinking
of her with another man, but instead of trying to force her to give him up and stay with you, I would suggest that you make sure she knows she’s loved, then give her some space to work out what she really wants. It could take you a lot closer to forgiveness than you think. No promises, that’s just my opinion, and it goes without saying, if there’s anything I can do you know where I am.’

He continued to look at her, absorbing her words, and seeing a woman who was a shadow of the one he’d known and admired for so long, yet somehow seemed to be burning brighter than ever. ‘How did I ever let you get away?’ he said softly.

A roguish twinkle stole into her eyes, signalling an end to the seriousness. ‘Oh, I’m still hooked,’ she warned, ‘but before you let it go to your head, my weirdy old hormones have got my libido whirling around all over the place these days, and I’m afraid any old trousers will do.’

As he laughed, a disgusted voice shot from behind, ‘Mum! You are just
so
embarrassing!’

‘Oh God, I forgot you were still here,’ Katie groaned. ‘I’m sorry, OK?’ And to Elliot, ‘You’re not allowed to be human if you’re a mother.’

Elliot turned to Molly. ‘I could be going your way, if you’d like a lift?’ he offered.

Molly’s eyes rounded. ‘Is the Porsche yours?’

‘Pff, transparent as air,’ Katie scoffed, ‘at least I play a bit harder to get.’

‘Maybe that’s where you go wrong,’ Molly retorted, planting a kiss on her cheek.

Katie’s eyes were wide as she watched them waltz off towards the gate. ‘Did you hear that?’ she said to Michelle, going back inside. ‘That waspy
little
zinger she just shafted me with could have come straight out of your low-voltage repartee.’

‘Correction,’ Michelle said mildly, ‘straight out of yours, which is where we all get it from. Now, we’ve got work to do, and since you’re far better at this kind of research than I am, why don’t you take over the controls?’

Katie was about to sit down at the computer when she suddenly changed her mind. ‘No,’ she said, decisively. ‘I’ve been doing that ever since you got here, keeping myself in the spotlight, always running the show as though I’m the only one with make-up and a script. I think it’s time you came out of the wings to share the stage, because, crushing as it might be to someone of my dazzling talent, your part in the finale is going to be far more relevant than my own.’

Michelle was looking at her with a mix of wry amusement and affection. ‘You don’t half talk a lot of twaddle sometimes,’ she commented.

Katie was unabashed. ‘No, I’m standing aside,’ she insisted, still warming to her theme. ‘You’re in charge now and I’m happy to fade off into the background so everyone knows who the real star is.’

Michelle cocked an eyebrow, but said no more, for Katie could be as theatrical or as generously intentioned as she liked, it just simply wasn’t going to happen that she’d stand aside and let someone else take over. It wasn’t in her nature, never had been, and never would be, nor would Michelle ever want it to be.

Chapter Twelve

AFTER PUTTING THE
phone down to Katie, Laurie had decided that the only way she could hope to think straight was to take herself out of the hotel and lose herself in the countryside, where there would be no phones, and no temptation to call either Elliot or Nick, while she tried to sort out the dreadful mess she was in.

She’d started out walking down through the village to an old stone bridge that crossed the river and yielded to a footpath the other side that crept in a dry, cracked strip through the reeds and bushes along the bank. After a while she climbed a stile and followed the slope of the path, away from the river, up into a meadow, where it unravelled like a ribbon into the tempting depths of a wood beyond. She found it colder amongst the trees, but somehow more restful. The way the sunlight played on the leaves and streamed in misty bands across the pathway filled her with a sense of timelessness and beauty that gradually began to loosen her tension and allow some calm to return to the frantic racing
of
her mind. But it still wasn’t easy to face the questions that needed to be answered when even to form them was painful, and the prospect of how much hurt she could cause all three of them was as daunting as the thought of facing Elliot again.

It should have been so straightforward, for in her heart she knew she’d never loved anyone the way she loved him, nor could she imagine her life without him, but perhaps it wasn’t about imagining, perhaps it was about accepting that life was unfolding the way it was now to show her that the time for them was drawing to an end. Even to think it was making her panicky again, and want to hold on even tighter, but in a steadier, more rational part of her mind she knew that was the natural instinct for anyone who felt about to fall. But what if letting go was the right thing to do? She’d found it impossible when he’d left her for Andraya, she’d held on so tight then that the pain and fear had become like a living force inside her, possessing her, and pushing her so relentlessly and mercilessly towards the edge that if Nick hadn’t been there, she dreaded to think now what she might have done.

She remembered only too well how long Elliot had made her wait before he’d discuss why he’d left her, the terrible agony of self-doubt he’d put her through before he’d finally confronted his actions. And even then he hadn’t told her about Andraya. He’d said he couldn’t marry her because he didn’t love her the way she deserved to be loved. The truth about Andraya hadn’t come out until later.

In the end, dazed with grief and devastated by
rejection
, she’d seduced Nick while barely knowing what she was doing. He’d tried to resist, afraid of how deeply she might regret it later, but she’d so desperately needed the closeness, as well as the reassurance that someone could want her the same way Elliot wanted Andraya, that he’d finally given in. It had been beautiful and tender, he’d given everything of himself, despite knowing that for her it was only a partial escape, because even then she’d hardly been able to get Elliot and Andraya out of her mind. And it was no different now. The very thought of them together filled her with so much pain and jealousy that she had to instantly close it down. She wanted to think only of Nick, to make love with him and know that his passion burned with the same strength as her own, and that when he was with her he was there completely, not torn between her and a woman who was so exotically sensuous and exciting that it could only be a matter of time before Elliot went back to her.

She walked on and on, across fields and meadows, over stiles, through more woods, until eventually she rejoined the river, a long way from where she’d started. She stood for a long time staring into the bubbling, swirling current, feeling her thoughts moving with it, rising and turning, falling and moving on, until finally she found the courage to admit that in spite of everything she was telling herself about Nick, it still didn’t change the way she felt about Elliot. No matter that he’d betrayed her so cruelly, or that he’d let her down in so many ways, the love they shared was still there in her heart. However damaged and changed it was, until everything was resolved between them
she
had to accept that it simply wasn’t fair to carry on using Nick in this way.

When she finally returned to the hotel she went straight to her room, picked up the phone and dialled Nick’s number. He answered on the third ring, and even though he was half way to London, he agreed to turn round and come back.

As she waited she considered trying to call Elliot again, but decided against it, for right now she wouldn’t know what to say. She wondered where he was, how much thought he was giving to this morning, and how he was dealing with the hurt. Knowing him as she did, it was easy to imagine him blocking it out by immersing himself in Tom’s story, indeed he’d already demonstrated it this morning, when he’d asked Nick to call him. Had they spoken yet, she wondered.

It was just after five thirty when she saw Nick’s car pulling up below her window, next to the market cross. As she watched him get out her insides were folding into a chaos of nerves, though, for the moment at least, her mind seemed calm, and her resolve more or less intact. She’d rehearsed what she was going to say, even though she knew it would probably all come out differently, because she had no idea how he was going to react, or even how she was going to feel when it came time for him to leave. Right now she truly didn’t think she’d be able to let him go, so she tried just to focus on the few minutes ahead, because how she greeted him would, she believed, set the tone for how she handled everything else.

When the knock came she closed her eyes and tried to ignore the hammering of her heart. Maybe
they
should have met in the bar, or somewhere else completely, far away from the hotel and the intimacy they’d shared in this room, but it was too late now, and finally steeling herself she went to open the door.

He said nothing as he looked at her, and as she looked back her heart turned inside out, for his expression told her that he already knew what she was going to say, but he’d come anyway, driven all this way back to hear her tell him it was over, when he could so easily have put it off, or made her tell him on the phone. She took a breath, maybe to invite him in, or maybe just to say hello, she wasn’t entirely sure, she only knew that all her words had gone, and that she was moving into his arms because it was the only place in the world she wanted to be.

The door closed behind them and their embrace grew deeper and ever more needful, as though the fear of parting was drawing them tighter together. They made love with more tenderness than they had before, never taking their eyes from each other as their bodies moved rhythmically together, allowing them to feel each sensation as exquisitely as if it were the first. There was no urgency, only an intensity that seemed to flow between them with as much ease as the physical part of their pleasure. Their climax was a long and deeply sensuous time in coming, building with excruciating power to a point where neither of them could hold back any more. Only then did he kiss her again, catching her cries in his mouth, while the full force of his release cascaded into the tightly pulsing depths of her very being.

Neither of them moved to break the embrace,
they
simply lay together, bound in each other’s arms, kissing, holding on tight and feeling every last moment of the love they had shared. She pushed her hands into his hair, and over his back, kept her legs wrapped around him and his penis inside her. He whispered softly that he loved her and put his mouth to hers again, as though to stop her responding.

She gazed up into his eyes and saw her own feelings reflected there. ‘I don’t understand what’s happening,’ she whispered, ‘I just know I can’t let you go.’

‘Ssh,’ he whispered, as tears rose in her eyes.

As they kissed again he rolled carefully on to his back, parting their bodies, but taking her with him so that she was still in his arms.

‘What are you thinking?’ she asked, winding her fingers through the dark hair on his chest.

He smiled and in the end said, ‘Crazy thoughts of having you all to myself.’

‘Why crazy?’

He glanced down at her, but didn’t answer, only kissed the top of her head.

‘It’s not a good time to be making any promises,’ she said, ‘but …’

‘Then don’t make any,’ he broke in softly. ‘Let’s just accept that this is how we feel, and whatever needs to be done will be done when the time is right. It doesn’t have to be now.’

Her heart filled up with emotion, and turning her face to his she said, ‘I feel as though I’m using you, and that’s not fair when …’

‘Hey,’ he said with a smile, ‘do I look like I’m complaining?’

‘No, but …’

‘Laurie, we’ll get through this,’ he told her gently. ‘I’m going to make it as easy for you as I can, and if that means having to wait, or only being able to see you in secret, then I’d rather that than not see you at all.’

Her eyes closed as she swallowed the lump that had risen in her throat. ‘Elliot knows now,’ she said, ‘so there’s no reason for it to be secret.’

‘Have you spoken to him since this morning?’

‘No. I don’t know what I’m going to say … I don’t even want to think about it …’ She sighed unsteadily and turned her face into his neck.

‘I picked up his message,’ he told her, stroking her hair. ‘He wants me to do some digging around in New York while I’m there.’

She drew back. ‘You’re going to New York?’

‘Tomorrow,’ he answered. ‘I guess I didn’t tell you, but is that surprising when we never seem to give ourselves much time to talk?’

‘I want that to change,’ she said earnestly. ‘I want to know everything about you.’

‘You pretty much already do,’ he smiled.

‘Not true, but tell me why you’re going to New York.’

‘I’m taking Julia back,’ he answered, referring to his thirteen-year-old daughter. ‘She’s been over here on a school trip, so she’s staying with me tonight, before I take her back to her mother.’

‘So where is she now?’

‘With my cousin, the one who has the house above my apartment.’ Lifting an arm so he could see his watch, he said, ‘I was on my way there when you called, so I’ll have to be leaving soon.’

Feeling an almost overpowering urge to try and stop him, she fought it back by reminding herself that she’d have plenty of time to see him in the coming weeks, while he probably didn’t know when he was going to see his daughter again. Even so, she hated the thought of him leaving her here now.