The Hot Corner (31 page)

He might as well have taken a sledgehammer to my chest. “I don’t know what I thought, but it’s not what I found.”

“No.” Brad stood. “What you found was a man who was incapable of loving anyone but you. Did that make you feel good? Powerful? Or were you just waiting for me to run off with the next beautiful woman that came my way, proving you were right?”

I rubbed at my chest, hoping it would let me breathe better. It hurt, and I winced. “At first I was, but as time went by I just felt like we were right, and it didn’t matter what happened in the past.”

He laughed bitterly. “Didn’t matter? It didn’t matter that you didn’t trust me and you walked away when I needed you the most? That didn’t matter?”

I stood and reached for him but he jerked away from my touch. “Of course that matters,” I said. “I didn’t know, Brad. If I’d known, I would have been there.”

“Even though I was a cheating prick?”

“You weren’t. You aren’t. When I said it didn’t matter, I meant even if you
had
cheated on me then, I’d still want us now. I still love you, and I would have forgiven you if that was the case.”

“So you’re the saint who could forgive me anything, while I’m the jerk who can’t look past the fact that you lied to me and didn’t have faith in us.”

“I’m no saint. Far from it. But . . . are you saying you can’t forgive me? I understand if you—”

“Don’t.” He held up his hand. “Don’t be understanding now. I can’t deal with it. I can’t deal with any of this.” He glanced around the room and picked up the framed photo of us that sat on the coffee table. “You looked at me like that, but you didn’t believe in me.”

“I love you. I didn’t want to, but I do.”

Brad nodded, setting down the picture gently. “That’s just it, isn’t it? I love you, but right now I don’t know if I want to.”

I felt like a bolt of lightning shot me in the chest, pain moving through every end of my body. “What are you saying?”

“I need to get out of here for a while.”

“Brad.” I took a step toward him, but he backed away.

“I have to go.” He turned and left without another word.

I let the tears fall then, as I picked up the photo he’d just held and clutched it to me. For the second time in my life, I’d pushed away the man I loved. Strike two sure felt a lot like strike three. I was out.

Chapter 26

Each second that ticked by was interminable. I didn’t know what to do. I thought about leaving, since it was his place, technically, and I doubted he’d want me there when he returned. He had to come back at some point, right? He needed clothes, and all his things were here. Unless he went back to Malibu.

Three hours. He’d been gone for three hours. It was late on the east coast, but I was tempted to call my mom. Or Bec. Or both. But what could they say that Brad hadn’t already? I’d done this. Me. I didn’t need to hear them confirm that.

I thought about going back to the hotel. I thought about calling him, but I doubted he’d answer. He needed time and I needed to respect that, even though time felt like the enemy. Seven years felt like more than enough time apart to me, but since it was my fault, I could hardly blame him for needing his own time to wrap his head around what I’d done.

How could I have assumed he’d cheat on me? I
knew
him. I’d never been closer to anyone before or since. Until now, of course, until the same man maneuvered his way back into my life. Falling for him again had been so damn easy, despite that I’d tried to fight it every step of the way. If only he hadn’t seen me on television. If only I hadn’t come.

But I wasn’t sorry for that. I’d needed to know what a fool I was, how I’d thrown away the best thing that ever happened to me based on a few seconds of what I thought I saw. Brad was right. I was an ass.

I scrubbed at my face, which I knew was blotchy from all the crying I’d been doing since he walked out. My head hurt. I thought about taking some medicine and lying down. In Brad’s room, or the guest room? Or the hotel? God, this was hard. I needed him to come back and tell me to get the hell out, that he didn’t want to see me ever again. Or, better, to forgive me, to let me make it up to him, or to try, at least.

No sooner had I finished that thought than I heard keys in the door. My whole body jerked and I stood. Thank God. He was back. The front door began to open and I started speaking even before he stepped foot inside.

“Brad, I’m so sorry. Please, let me—” The door pushed open all the way to reveal one very beautiful blond woman. “Pam.” I didn’t know whether to be relieved, disappointed, or scared. She’d warned me that if I hurt him, she’d come after me. Well, I’d done my worst and I’d take hers if I had to. I deserved it.

She shut the door and strode into the room like a tiger stalking its prey. She stopped in the doorway, crossing her arms over her perky breasts, and cocked her head to the side to look at me expectantly. She was wearing gray pajama pants and a light blue T-shirt—not the glamorous Pam I was used to seeing. Perhaps she didn’t want to get my blood on her designer duds.

“If you’re here to kick my ass, go ahead. But first, tell me if he’s okay.”

Pam looked me over for several seconds. “I haven’t decided yet. You look like shit.”

“Is he okay?”

“How do you think he is? He just found out the woman he loves thought so little of him she assumed he was cheating on her and didn’t have the balls to tell him what was really going on when she broke his heart. He’s hurting.”

“Where is he? I need to go to him.”

She crossed the room and dropped gracefully onto the couch Brad had been sitting on not so long ago. “He’s at my place.” Of course he was. “And before you jump to the wrong conclusion, he isn’t looking to warm my bed, though it would serve you right if he was.”

I winced and sank back into the uncomfortable chair. “Maybe I deserve that, but not from you.”

Pam shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not. We’ll see.”

At least she wasn’t throwing punches, yet. “Did he send you here to kick me out? I thought about leaving—”

“Is that your standard MO?” Pam asked, her voice rising. “The going gets tough and you run away? Because if that’s the case, I’ll help you pack your bags and you can get on the next plane out of town. You’re not worthy of Brad if you’re not willing to stay and fight for him. You didn’t last time, and what has that gotten either one of you?”

A whole fat lot of nothing. Empty nights with random women for him, lonely nights with the wrong guy for me.

“I don’t want to go. I don’t want to be without him. But if he hates me—”

“He’s never been able to hate you. He doesn’t hate you now. He’s upset and confused, but he doesn’t hate you.”

Relief swamped me. “What did he say?”

She rolled her eyes. “Are we in junior high? He gave me a play by play. Hell, Dani, I never had a true relationship with the guy, but even I knew he’d never cheat on a woman, least of all you. How could you?”

“I don’t know. At the time it just made perfect sense to me, that Brad would move on, or fall for someone else. There were always girls around, just waiting for him to come to his senses and dump me. You should have seen them. And I handled it. Or I thought I did.”

“Apparently not. Come to his senses and dump you? Why would you think that?”

“I don’t think it was a conscious thought. It was something I came to after we broke up. Like, of course he’d find someone better. Lots of someones. He could have any girl he wanted.”

“He wanted you. He wants you. He’s had every woman he’s desired and then some, but it’s you he fell for. Twice.”

“I know. And I didn’t deserve him either time.”

She sighed and shifted, curling her legs underneath her. “Maybe not. Most certainly not if you’re just going to leave again.”

“What am I supposed to do? Squat in his home until he comes back and has to face me? Plant myself outside the locker room at the stadium? Go to your place and beg him to listen? He’d have me arrested for stalking.”

Pam laughed. “So dramatic. You should get into acting.” I glared at her and she shrugged. “What? It’s true. You’ll stay here for a few days. He’ll stay at my place while you figure out a way to make it right.”

Hope bloomed in my heart but I squished it before I could let myself believe it. “How do I fix it? I can’t go back in time and take it all back. I’d give anything to do that, but it’s just not possible.”

She rested her chin in her hands, her elbows on her knees. “First, you decide if you want to fight for him. Because I mean it. If you’re just going to give up, do it now. He doesn’t need to see you walk away again.”

“Technically, he didn’t see it the first time.” At the thunderous look on her face, I hurried on. “I don’t want to give up. I want Brad. I’ll fight for him, but I don’t know what to do.”

“Show him you love him. I don’t have the answers any more than you do, but I know that if you walk away again, it could ruin him forever. I’ve known Brad a long time, and I’ve never seen him the way he is with you. I want that for him, permanently. He deserves happiness. That seems to equate to being with you. I honestly don’t know who he’ll be if you leave again. It scares me to think about it.”

I knew what she meant. I didn’t think I’d be able to handle it if he reverted back to his old ways, if I saw him in magazines with new women every week. Not knowing the part I’d played in it the first time and the part I’d be playing again.

“I couldn’t handle it,” I admitted. “Seeing him with all those women, knowing if I hadn’t been a colossal idiot that we’d be together instead. It would kill me.”

“So tell him that. Tell him that just because you fucked up seven years ago doesn’t mean he needs to fuck it up now. Haven’t you both wasted enough time?”

“God, yes, but he deserves time to deal with it and hate me for what I did. I didn’t trust him, not really, despite that I said I did. That’s huge to him. You know what I found out when I came here?”

Pam smiled. “Other than that I’m awesome?”

That actually got a small laugh out of me. “Yes, other than that.”

“What?”

“That the trait most people associate with him, one of the first things they say about him, is that he’s loyal. And I
knew
that. I saw it every day. Brad would go to the mat for his teammates and his friends. He helped the center fielder pass calculus. He loaned the catcher his car so he could visit his mom in the hospital. He didn’t even think of leaving the team when agents started to circle. How could I have forgotten that when I saw someone else in his arms, even hearing him say he loved her? He would never do that to me. Even if he did fall in love with someone else, he wouldn’t have laid a hand on her until he told me the truth. I hate that I didn’t see it. I hate that I didn’t listen to my mother when she tried to tell me that. I knew what I saw, and when he didn’t tell me about Bailey, that damned him in my eyes and I ended it. I was a fool.”

Pam sighed. “Don’t make me defend you when I’m supposed to be mad at you.”

I looked at her in surprise. “What? Why would you defend me?”

“Well, not defend as much as understand. You were a kid. And if I saw what you’d seen and heard, I’m sure I would have assumed the worst as well. Of course, I would have ripped her hair out and punched him in the eye, but we all have our ways of coping. You just picked the wrong one. Had the timing been better, Brad would have come to you and you two would have hashed it out and made it right. And he’d have forgiven you for assuming the worst. I’m sure of it.”

So was I. “That’s what makes it worse. Had one little thing been different, where would we be now? Had I just walked up and confronted them, I’d have looked like a giant jackass, but we’d have been fine in the end. Had Brad’s dad not been sick, he’d have gotten on that plane and confronted me. The reason I ran is because I knew I didn’t have the strength to end it in person, to be told it was over. It took everything I had just to do it over the phone. I guess I’m a coward.”

“Hey, don’t talk about my best friend’s girl like that.” She gave me a half smile. “We all have our insecurities.” When I shot her a look, she grinned. “Even me. One of the tabs ran a picture of Maxwell with his wife the other day, with the word ‘Reconciling?’ as the headline. Do you think that didn’t devastate me?”

“What did you do?”

“I called him. Turned out the picture was an old one, which is a damn good thing because they were smiling and all over one another. And they’re not reconciling, but they are in some kind of counseling. A last ditch effort dreamed up by his publicist to show he fought to keep his marriage. He says he’s done, but . . .” She shrugged. “He plays the media game in a way I don’t. I don’t see the point in putting on a show for the public. Maybe he’s telling the truth. Maybe he’s not. All I can do is go on with my life and see if I mean as much to him as he claims.” Pam’s voice was smooth but I saw the way her mouth tightened.

“It hurts you.”

“Very much. Falling for a man like Max . . . well, I don’t think it’s much different from what you feel about Brad. Everybody wants him, and what’s worse for me is that he’s already had that one true love, enough to marry her. At least Brad’s never loved anyone else.”

“When I thought he did, it nearly killed me.”