The Housewife Assassin's Handbook (23 page)

Carl is halfway down the block before he stops short and turns to make sure that I’m there following him.

Of course I am.

Then he ducks into the high-fenced alley that runs between Maple and Acacia.

There he waits for me to run into his arms.

I don’t know if the dampness on my cheeks is my tears or his fervent kisses. He holds me as if he never wants to let go of me.

There is no way I’d let him.

I don’t know if I’m crying for joy, or in sorrow, for the hell I imagine he’s been through.

Maybe my tears are for the grief that hollowed out my heart long ago.

When, finally, our lips and hands and hearts are still, he knows what I have to ask him:

“Why, Carl? Why haven’t you contacted me before now?”

As if my heart weren’t already shattered to pieces, his tortured sigh pulverizes it into a fine dust. “I was compromised, Donna. For your protection, and our children’s, I had to play dead.”

“It was when I picked up your cell phone that night, wasn’t it? That man with the strange accent asked for you—”

He winces. “Yes. But please, sweetheart, don’t blame yourself. It was just as much my fault. If I’d turned off my cell… Well, we can’t relive the past.”

The tears flowing down my face speak for me: If only we could.

Carl wipes them away with his kisses. “I thought that as long I was dead, you and the kids were safe”—the light in his eyes fades in an abyss of jealousy—“I guess I never figured I’d be … replaced.”

Is the guilt in my heart reflected on my face?

Yes. This is why he turns away from me. “That son of a bitch!” He slams his hand against the fence, scaring the Conover’s dog two doors away, which howls in protest.

I wish I could howl, too. But no, I can’t.

Instead I lie.

It is the only way in which his quest—and mine—is worth it.

“Carl, I—it’s not what you think. We haven’t … we haven’t been intimate. Ryan asked me to pretend he was you, in order to reel in the Quorum once and for all. If they presume you’re alive—”

“How brilliant of Ryan to use my family as bait,” Carl snarls.

He feels betrayed—by Ryan, yes; but by me, too.

“You know I would have never agreed to Ryan’s plan had I known you were alive! And he would never have suggested it. All you had to do was send us a message! Any kind at all.” My heart is racing because I am so angry…

At myself. And yes, at Carl, too. “Why didn’t you? Don’t you know me well enough to realize that I’m the one person on Earth you could have trusted?”

“I tried, once. Late one night, I came to the house.” His laugh is laced with bitterness. “I was greeted with  a bullet. Caught it in the leg.”

“That … was you? I thought it was—well, I though it was the Quorum.”

He shrugs. “I took off because I thought you might have already called the police, too.”

The police? But of course he can’t run to them. No one can know he’s alive but me, because he was burned.

It’s why he can’t come home to me.

We stand there for what seems like an eternity before he answers me, “As long as I was out of your life, you were safe. But now that the Quorum has infiltrated anyway—”

“Yes, I know. We’re honing in on them—” 

He stares at me. “What do you mean, ‘we’?”

“Well—” Okay, how do I break the news to him gently? “—you see, I work for Acme now. I wanted to find your killers. Joining the good guys was the best way to do it.”

Before he can protest, I add, “We’ve eliminated all but a handful of possible—”

I can’t understand why he’s laughing at me. All these years, all my hard work—all my heartache—

And he finds that funny?

No, not really. He takes my face between his palms so that he can look me in the eye, so that I make no mistake how grave our situation is:

“You sweet, trusting fool! You let the Quorum move in with you! Jack Craig is its leader.” 

Chapter 16

Lie Like a Rug

People judge you by your rugs, which is why it is important to choose the right one for every room, and to take great care of them. 

Wool is preferred, with a high knot count. Persian rugs are known for their beauty, and for maintaining their value. 

Baking soda is the green way to clean, and it deodorizes as well. Add white vinegar, which removes mildew and odors and many kinds of stains.

Heaven forfend someone should soil or permanently stain this important attribute to fine living! However, if a rug is ruined, it can be recycled: as the inauspicious disposal conveyance for the culprit’s body . . .

As the breath leaves me, Carl catches me in his arms.

He covers my mouth with his hand in order to silence my wounded scream, my incoherent rant.

Finally, when my anger is spent, when my heart is beating normally again, I murmur, “What about Ryan? Is he in on it, too?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know—not yet, anyway. One thing’s for sure: besides Jack, there may be another mole inside of Acme, so be careful. After I found the car bomb, I didn’t know who to trust. Up until now, that policy has served me well.”

Up until now.

Is he wondering if he’s made a mistake, coming in from the cold—to me? I cling to him, as if doing so will prove that this notion is dead wrong.

Dead is the operative word here.

“Whether he is or isn’t, I’m not taking any chances now.” He takes my hand in his and stares down at it, before bringing it to his lips to kiss it, oh so gently. “I’m renting a house as ‘Mac Archer.’ I’m a block over, on Locust Street. Number four-one-five.”

“Ah, yes. The man with the workaholic wife.”

His frown deepens. “Yeah, apparently she’s on the job 24/7.” 

I flinch at his jibe. I hope he never finds out I’m sleeping with the boss.

“Listen, Donna, I want you and the kids to get out of here, as soon as possible. What the Quorum is planning will be devastating.”

“What do you know about it?”

“Only that it’s a nanobomb. And it will be ignited at some big public event, soon: less than two weeks. Tens of thousands will be exposed to it, and die instantly. Even more will be contaminated with biotoxins—” He shakes his head sadly. “I love you too much to lose you again.”

But he won’t.

Not this time.

“I can kill him, you know,” I say. “He trusts me. It would be so easy.”

A ghost of a smile haunts his lips. Still, he shakes his head. “I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re kidding me, right? That asshole drives you into hiding, ruins our lives, upsets our children, and me! I—”

Carl’s smile disappears altogether. “What about you?”

I feel my blush creeping all the way up to the crown of my head. “I … I don’t like being betrayed.”

“I don’t like it, either.” The accusation in his voice makes me want to cry. “But you’re right. I have no one to blame but myself.”

“Then it’s settled. I’ll take care of it.” My heart sinks as I steel myself at the thought of killing the man I thought I loved.

The man with whom I betrayed Carl.

“No, Donna. I can’t let you do it. At least, not just yet. First off, if you eliminate him too soon, they’ll send someone else to finish the job. Also, if Ryan is in on it, you’ll be a suspect, and the Quorum will put you on the top of its hit list.”

“Ha! I’m already on it.”

He glances at me sharply. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve had a couple of murder attempts on my life. Not only that, they’ve tried to break into the house.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that.” The light goes out of his eyes. “I’ll take care of it.”

“Aren’t you doing enough to take them down?” Gently I stroke the face I’ve missed for so long. “They’re searching for something they think you left behind. And for the life of me, I don’t know what that is. What are they looking for, Carl?”

He shrugs. “You don’t want to know. But don’t worry, I kept it with me. I would never put you and our children at risk that way.”

“I knew it.” Still, I love hearing him say it. For the first time since he went rogue, I feel safe and protected.

My Carl has come home to me.

“Donna, Jack Craig has to stay alive until we find out how and when the bomb is to be planted. Understand?”

It’s my turn to shrug. All of a sudden I can’t stand the thought of having Jack near me.

Of having him touch me.

"But since we don’t know who else is Quorum, you can’t let on that you know about him, and certainly no one must know about me.” His smile is faint. “But don’t worry. The minute we get what we’re looking for, he’s all yours.” 

All mine.

There was a time when I thought Jack was my future, my salvation.

In a way, I guess he still is.

“I’ve got to get back,” I whisper.

He ignores that. Instead his eyes drink me in, as if I am his emotional oasis. He pauses, though, when he gets to my neck. “Your locket: I never thought you’d take it off.”

I sigh. “When you died … it reminded me that I’d never see you again; that you’d never have the chance to hold Trisha in your arms. Don’t worry, it’s in a safe place.”

“Wear it the next time we meet, okay?” He smiles. “Can you slip away tomorrow?”

“Now that you’re back, nothing can keep me from your side. You know that.” I grasp Carl’s hand. I still can’t believe that my hand doesn’t go right through him, that he isn’t a mirage.

But no, he is very, very real. His lips tell me so, as does the way he pulls me toward him. There, up against me, he’s rock hard. I would let him take me right here, right now, and think nothing of it, because I miss him so much.

I want him so badly.

I want to know that he still loves me, too.

And I pray that this time, he’ll never let me go. 

Chapter 17

Pest Control

Ants are the scourge of housewives. To kill them at their source—the anthill where they live—soak cigar tobacco in water overnight. Strain the tobacco out of the water, because you’ll need to pour the water into the anthill, which is toxic to ants. Then sprinkle baby powder onto the ant’s trail, all the way to the hole where they enter your house. That hole can be plugged with white glue.

Bigger pests—the human kind—need a different kind of extermination. Set up a trip wire that opens a trap door to a concrete anteroom in your basement. A decaying body can’t be detected through cement…

“Hey, why did you disappear during the middle of the party?” Jack’s question sounds innocent enough.

I give him a big smile and a wink as I slip into the bed, beside him.

The crowd had thinned out by the time I left with Carl. That was fine by me. To my mind, it seemed as if everyone had been here long enough.

The party is over, in more ways than one.

“I thought I saw a suspicious car, but it was nothing at all.”

“Funny, I thought I saw you walk out after someone. I didn’t recognize him.” Although I’m not facing Jack—it hurts me to look at him—I can feel his eyes scrutinizing me from behind. “Was it one of our suspects?”

“As a matter of fact, yes: Mac Archer. But we can cross him off the list. Turns out he and his wife, Lynette, are the real deal. She is overseas with Dentists Without Borders. She’s a hygienist. And he is caring for a bedridden mother.”

“You walked him home? So, you met the mom?”

I hesitate only a second. “Yes. It’s a sad situation, really.”

Jack says nothing, but he is frowning.

“What’s the matter?” I hope I don’t sound too anxious.

 “If I’d had to bet on it … ah, never mind.” He closes his eyes as he shrugs. “The suspect list just got a lot smaller, is all.” He tosses off the cover. Underneath it, he is naked.

And erect.

He wants me.

He leans down to give me a kiss, but I dodge it. To cover up, I stretch and yawn. Before I move away from him, I force a smile onto my lips. “I’m just anxious about this mission.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” But he doesn’t. He is disappointed.

Well, now that I know the truth about him, I am, too.

“Oh, by the way, I met Aunt Phyllis,” Jack says, almost too casually.

My mouth drops open. After seeing Carl, I’d forgotten all about her. “Oh my goodness! How did that happen?”