The Iceman Cometh (19 page)

With a pitiful defiance
.

My life is not ruined!

HICKEY

Ignoring this
—
with a kidding grin
.

But I’ll bet when you admit the truth to yourself, you’ll confess you were pretty sick of her hating you for getting drunk. I’ll bet you were really damned relieved when she gave you such a good excuse.
JIMMY
stares at him strickenly
.
HICKEY
pats him on the back again
—

with sincere sympathy
.

I know how it is, Jimmy. I—

He stops abruptly and for a second he seems to lose his self-assurance and become confused
.

LARRY

Seizing on this with vindictive relish
.

Ha! So that’s what happened to you, is it? Your iceman joke finally came home to roost, did it?

He grins tauntingly
.

You should have remembered there’s truth in the old superstition that you’d better look out what you call because in the end it comes to you!

HICKEY

Himself again
—
grins to
LARRY
kiddingly
.

Is that a fact, Larry? Well, well! Then you’d better watch out how you keep calling for that old Big Sleep!

LARRY
starts and for a second looks superstitiously frightened. Abruptly
HICKEY
changes to his jovial, bustling, master-of ceremonies manner
. But what are we waiting for, boys and girls? Let’s start the party rolling!

He shouts to the bar
.

Hey, Chuck and Rocky! Bring on the big surprise! Governor, you sit at the head of the table here.

He makes
HARRY
sit down on the chair at the end of the table, right
.

To
MARGIE
and
PEARL
.

Come on, girls, sit down.

They sit side by side on
JIMMY
’s
right
.
HICKEY
bustles down to the left end of table
.

I’ll sit here at the foot.

He sits, with
CORA
on his left and
JOE
on her left
.
ROCKY
and
CHUCK
appear from the bar, each bearing a big tray laden with schooners of champagne which they start shoving in front of each member of the party
.

ROCKY

With forced cheeriness
.

Real champagne, bums! Cheer up! What is dis, a funeral? Jees, mixin’ champagne wid Harry’s redeye will knock yuh paralyzed! Ain’t yuh never satisfied?

He and
CHUCK
finish serving out the schooners, grab the last two themselves and sit down in the two vacant chairs remaining near the middle of the table. As they do so
,
HICKEY
rises, a schooner in his hand
.

HICKEY

Rapping on the table for order when there is nothing but a dead silence
.

Order! Order, Ladies and Gents!

He catches
LARRY’S
eyes on the glass in his hand
.

Yes, Larry, I’m going to drink with you this time. To prove I’m not teetotal because I’m afraid booze would make me spill my secrets, as you think.

LARRY
looks sheepish
.
HICKEY
chuckles and goes on
.

No, I gave you the simple truth about that. I don’t need booze or anything else any more. But I want to be sociable and propose a toast in honor of our old friend, Harry, and drink it with you.

His eyes fix on
HUGO
,
who is out again, his head on his plate
—
To
CHUCK
,
who is on
HUGO’S
left
.

Wake up our demon bomb-tosser, Chuck. We don’t want corpses at this feast.

CHUCK

Gives
HUGO
a
shake
.

Hey, Hugo, come up for air! Don’t yuh see de champagne?

HUGO
blinks around and giggles foolishly
.

HUGO

Ve vill eat birthday cake and trink champagne beneath the villow tree!

He grabs his schooner and takes a greedy gulp
—
then sets it back on the table with a grimace of distance
—
in a strange, arrogantly disdainful tone, as if he were rebuking a butler
.

Dis vine is unfit to trink. It has not properly been iced.

HICKEY

Amusedly
.

Always a high-toned swell at heart, eh, Hugo? God help us poor bums if you’d ever get to telling us where to get off! You’d have been drinking our blood beneath those willow trees!

He chuckles
.
HUGO
shrinks back in his chair, blinking at him, but
HICKEY
is now looking up the table at
HOPE.
He starts his toast, and as he goes on he becomes more moved and obviously sincere
.

Here’s the toast, Ladies and Gents! Here’s to Harry Hope, who’s been a friend in need to every one of us! Here’s to the old Governor, the best sport and the kindest, biggest-hearted guy in the world! Here’s wishing you all the luck there is, Harry, and long life and happiness! Come on, everybody! To Harry! Bottoms up!

They have all caught his sincerity with eager relief. They raise their schooners with an enthusiastic chorus of
“
Here’s how, Harry!
” “
Here
’s
luck, Harry!
”
etc., and gulp half the wine down
,
HICKEY
leading them in this
.

HOPE

Deeply moved
—
his voice husky
.

Bejees, thanks, all of you. Bejees, Hickey, you old son of a bitch, that’s white of you! Bejees, I know you meant it, too.

HICKEY

Moved
.

Of course I meant it, Harry, old friend! And I mean it when I say I hope today will be the biggest day in your life, and in the lives of everyone here, the beginning of a new life of peace and contentment where no pipe dream can ever nag at you again. Here’s to that, Harry!

He drains the remainder of his drink, but this time he drinks a
lo
ne. In an instant the attitude of everyone has reverted to uneasy, suspicious defensiveness
.

ROCKY

Growls
.

Aw, forget dat bughouse line of bull for a minute, can’t yuh?

HICKEY

Sitting down
—
good-naturedly
.

You’re right, Rocky, I’m talking too much. It’s Harry we want to hear from. Come on, Harry!

He pounds his schooner on the table
.

Speech! Speech!

They try to recapture their momentary enthusiasm, rap their schooners on the table, call
“
Speech
,”
but there is a hollow ring in it
.
HOPE
gets to his feet reluctantly, with a forced smile, a smoldering resentment beginning to show in his manner
.

HOPE

Lamely
.

Bejees, I’m no good at speeches. All I can say is thanks to everybody again for remembering me on my birthday.

Bitterness coming out
.

Only don’t think because I’m sixty I’ll be a bigger damned fool easy mark than ever! No, bejees! Like Hickey says, it’s going to be a new day! This dump has got to be run like other dumps, so I can make some money and not just split even. People has got to pay what they owe me! I’m not running a damned orphan asylum for bums and crooks! Nor a God-damned hooker shanty, either! Nor an Old Men’s Home for lousy Anarchist tramps that ought to be in jail! I’m sick of being played for a sucker!

They stare at him with stunned, bewildered hurt. He goes on in a sort of furious desperation, as if he hated himself for every word he said, and yet couldn’t stop
.

And don’t think you’re kidding me right now, either! I know damned well you’re giving me the laugh behind my back, thinking to yourselves, The old, lying, pipe-dreaming faker, we’ve heard his bull about taking a walk around the ward for years, he’ll never make it! He’s yellow, he ain’t got the guts, he’s scared he’ll find out—

He glares around at them almost with hatred
.

But I’ll show you, bejees!

He glares at
HICKEY
.

I’ll show you, too, you son of a bitch of a frying-pan-peddling bastard!

HICKEY

Heartily encouraging
.

That’s the stuff, Harry! Of course you’ll try to show me! That’s what I want you to do!

HARRY
glances at him with helpless dread
—
then drops his eyes and looks furtively around the table. All at once he becomes miserably contrite
.

HOPE

His voice catching
.

Listen, all of you! Bejees, forgive me. I lost my temper! I ain’t feeling well! I got a hell of a grouch on! Bejees, you know you’re all as welcome here as the flowers in May!

They look at him with eager forgiveness
.
ROCKY
is
the first one who can voice it
.

ROCKY

Aw, sure, Boss, you’re always aces wid us, see?

HICKEY

Rises to his feet again. He addresses them now with the simple, convincing sincerity of one making a confession of which he is genuinely ashamed
.

Listen, everybody! I know you are sick of my gabbing, but I think this is the spot where I owe it to you to do a little explaining and apologize for some of the rough stuff I’ve had to pull on you. I know how it must look to you. As if I was a damned busybody who was not only interfering in your private business, but even sicking some of you on to nag at each other. Well, I have to admit that’s true, and I’m damned sorry about it. But it simply had to be done! You must believe that! You know old Hickey. I was never one to start trouble. But this time I had to—for your own good! I had to make you help me with each other. I saw I couldn’t do what I was after alone. Not in the time at my disposal. I knew when I came here I wouldn’t be able to stay with you long. I’m slated to leave on a trip. I saw I’d have to hustle and use every means I could.

With a joking boastfulness
.

Why, if I had enough time, I’d get a lot of sport out of selling my line of salvation to each of you all by my lonesome. Like it was fun in the old days, when I traveled house to house, to convince some dame, who was sicking the dog on me, her house wouldn’t be properly furnished unless she bought another wash boiler. And I could do it with you, all right. I know every one of you, inside and out, by heart. I may have been drunk when I’ve been here before, but old
HICKEY
could never be so drunk he didn’t have to see through people. I mean, everyone except himself. And, finally, he had to see through himself, too.

He pauses. They stare at him, bitter, uneasy and fascinated. His manner changes to deep earnestness
.

But here’s the point to get. I swear I’d never act like I have if I wasn’t absolutely sure it will be worth it to you in the end, after you’re rid of the damned guilt that makes you lie to yourselves you’re something you’re not, and the remorse that nags at you and makes you hide behind lousy pipe dreams about tomorrow. You’ll be in a today where there is no yesterday or tomorrow to worry you. You won’t give a damn what you are any more. I wouldn’t say this unless I knew, Brothers and Sisters. This peace is real! It’s a fact! I know! Because I’ve got it! Here! Now! Right in front of you! You see the difference in me! You remember how I used to be! Even when I had two quarts of rotgut under my belt and joked and sang “Sweet Adeline,” I still felt like a guilty skunk. But you can all see that I don’t give a damn about anything now. And I promise you, by the time this day is over, I’ll have every one of you feeling the same way!

He pauses. They stare at him fascinatedly. He adds with a grin
.

I guess that’ll be about all from me, boys and girls—for the present. So let’s get on with the party.

He starts to sit down
.

LARRY

Sharply
.

Wait!

Insistently
—
with a sneer
.

I think it would help us poor pipe-dreaming sinners along the saw-dust trail to salvation if you told us now what it was happened to you that converted you to this great peace you’ve found.

More and more with a deliberate, provocative taunting
.

I notice you didn’t deny it when I asked you about the iceman. Did this great revelation of the evil habit of dreaming about tomorrow come to you after you found your wife was sick of you?

While he is speaking the faces of the gang have lighted up vindictively
,
as if all at once they saw a chance to revenge themselves. As he finishes, a chorus of sneering taunts begins, punctuated by nasty, jeering laughter
.