The Immortals (17 page)

“You’re going to just walk up to the museum and ask to speak to their paleodontist on a Saturday afternoon?” he asked. “Okay, I’m sure that’ll work.”

Selene frowned. “I’ll
make
them let me in.”

“Threats? Sure. Curators usually respond to threats.”

Selene snarled, grabbed the teetering pile of books off Theo’s desk, and stuffed them into her own large backpack.

“You don’t have to—that’s going to be really heavy!”

But she was already out the door, angry at Theo for slowing her down—but even angrier at herself for her unwillingness to leave him behind.

“So you’re not a fan of Alexander Hamilton. What about Roosevelt?” Theo couldn’t resist asking as they pounded up the steps of the American Museum of Natural History under the watchful gaze of the former president’s equestrian statue. Selene maintained the same grim expression she’d had since they left Columbia, but Theo reasoned that if he was going to lose his job, he might as well have some fun.

“Teddy? Him I liked.”

They’d taken a cab to the museum to save time. He’d spent the trip with Hippolyta’s drool cascading down his neck and her paws digging into his crotch. When they’d arrived, Selene tied the dog to a lamppost in front of the museum. Most of Hippolyta’s hair, on the other hand, came with them, embedded in his corduroy blazer.

“You a fan of progressive politics?” Theo asked hopefully. “He’s just about the only Republican since Lincoln that I admire.”

“Politics?” She shrugged. “He liked National Parks. So do I.”

Theo’d never been one for outdoorsy vacations (unless they
involved ancient ruins, of course), but he caught himself imagining hiking past Old Faithful with someone like Selene at his side. Not a bad way to spend summer vacation.

“Mostly, though, I liked him because he was a great hunter,” Selene added over her shoulder. “Like me.”

Smile banished, Theo followed her mutely into the grand marble rotunda, hoping she was referring to hunting down criminals, not animals, but fairly certain she wasn’t. He had no problem picturing the tall, graceful woman traipsing through some upstate forest and bringing down deer. It made him a little uneasy just thinking about it. He’d never been friends with someone who hunted before. Although he wasn’t sure if he could quite consider Selene DiSilva a
friend
. Mostly, she seemed to want to get rid of him.

Theo approached a bored-looking security guard.

“I’m here to see Dr. Gabriela Jimenez. She works in the Anthropology Department.”

The woman shifted ponderously in her chair, as if reaching for the phone were immensely difficult.

“And you are?”

“Theodore Schultz.”

Her eyes grew round. Sure enough, the woman had read about him already.

“Just tell her we’re here,” Selene said, staring down the guard.

“Humph.” The woman covered her mouth with her hand as she spoke into the telephone. “It’s the guy they keep talking about…
Schultz
,” she hissed audibly. “For Dr. Jimenez.”

“I’m a colleague of hers,” Theo added lamely.

“She’ll meet you on the west side of the rotunda,” the guard said finally, putting down the phone and handing them a pair of security passes. “Near North American Mammals.” Theo heard her mutter something to a co-worker as he turned away. Selene spun back, planted both hands on the desk, and leaned forward as if she might leap right over it.

“Don’t go gossiping about something you know nothing about.”

“Lord have mercy, I—”

“If you do, I’ll shoot you, skin you, and stuff you. You’ll fit right into the Hall of Human Origins, somewhere between Turkana Boy and the Cro-Magnons.”

Theo waved his hands in a placating gesture. “Hey, Bruce Banner! No need to Hulk out. You’re going to get us kicked out.” After a last scowl at the security guard, Selene backed off. “You don’t need to defend me, you know,” he added as they hurried toward the exhibit halls.

“Because you’re doing such a fine job of it yourself?”

Theo found himself grinning, flattered by her defensiveness on his behalf.

Gabriela emerged from the elevator bank. He gave her a quick hug. “I know it’s a Saturday and all, so thanks, Gabi.”

“For you, Theodear, anything.” She flashed him a ready smile. “Besides, half the staff is here, still freaking out about the theft. It’s been a hellish two days, but nothing compared to your week.” She grabbed Theo’s hand and squeezed.

Theo stepped aside to introduce his “friend” Selene and watched Gabriela’s eyes widen as they traveled up her six-foot frame. Next to the pale, slender woman, Gabriela looked like a miniature Mayan fertility goddess.

She tapped the elevator call button and leaned her backside against the wall, folding her arms across her chest. “A lot’s happened since you got yourself arrested this morning.” She ushered them into the car, slipped her access key into a slot, and pressed the button for the staff-only sixth floor.

“Oh yeah? Find anything else missing from the collection?”

Her jaw fell open. “How did you know?”

“Well, we have something that might belong to the museum.” He could feel Selene stiffen beside him. “But, Gabriela, you
have
to promise not to ask where we got it, okay? None of your usual relentless pestering.”

She frowned. “Since when are
you
all secretive?” She glanced at Selene and then back at Theo, her eyebrows raised. As usual, her expression lacked all subtlety.

“Since I found myself the hapless victim of the criminal justice system.” The doors slid open and they exited into a long, cramped hallway of research offices. “Selene?”

Stony faced, Selene pulled the huge tooth from her bag.

“Whoa! How did you—right, right. No questions. Very cloak and dagger. Fine. Well, I have no idea if that’s the right tooth or not, but it sure looks promising. They’ve been flipping out all day.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that something besides the snake had been taken?”

“We didn’t know until they started the complete inventory this morning. I was going to tell you, but then I heard about your little run-in with the cops. I figured you had enough on your mind. Besides, I was waiting for the security guards to scan through all the surveillance footage from Thursday night to see if they came up with anything.”

“And did they?”

“
Oh
yeah. Crazy stuff. But first, speaking of crazy, let’s return that specimen to the tusk guy before he goes any more
loco.
You know there’s a whole Tusk Vault in the attic? Freaky, right?” She leaned in conspiratorially. “No one ever sees the guy who runs it except at mandatory staff meetings. He hangs out up there with the teeth all day.” She wiggled her fingers in spooky delight. “Be forewarned, he might bite.”

“Wait—I finally get to enter the Holy of Holies? I thought I was only allowed into your offices in the Anthropology Department. Otherwise I need a whole application and special permission.”

“I think returning stolen property to the museum entitles you to a little leeway, right?” Rules had never meant a whole lot to
Gabriela when justice was at stake. That was something else she and Theo had in common.

As they sauntered through the corridors, Gabriela looped her arm around Theo’s waist and tucked her head beneath his shoulder. Theo could hear Selene’s impatient breathing behind them, but there was no use trying to hurry Gabriela. They would get there when they got there.

“You going to be okay,
chico
?”

Theo pressed a brief kiss into the mass of curls piled high on her head. “I’ll be fine. The whole ‘hunting down bad guys’ thing is actually sort of thrilling. And thanks for sticking with me, Gabi. I’m glad you don’t believe everything you read online.”

Gabriela gave him a quick peck on the part of his chest closest to her face. “What’s up with Ms. DiSilva?” she whispered. “She’s not your type.”

“I have a type?”

“Brainy, short, and overly emotional. Why else would we have become friends?”

Theo laughed, keenly aware of Selene walking behind them. He could feel her eyes on the back of his head. Gabriela was always—erroneously—convinced of her complete discretion. He had little doubt Selene could hear every word.

“I was right about the Met robberies, by the way,” he said, trying to distract his friend from discussions of his love life. “They’re related. We think the guys who robbed both museums are the same ones who killed Helen. And now they’re gathering sacred objects for a Mystery Cult ritual.” Gabriela pulled a face. “Okay, I admit it seems a bit extreme. You’d think they’d just use a vase or a tooth that wasn’t under lock and key at one of the world’s most secure institutions.”

“Well, no.
If
what you’re saying about a cult is true,” she considered, “and I assume it probably is, since you’re the most brilliant man I know—even though you sound totally nuts—the
rest of it makes perfect sense.” Theo gave her a quick grateful squeeze. It didn’t hurt to be reminded that, despite Bill Webb’s disdain, he was damn good at his job. “Native Americans come to the museum all the time. We give them access to tribal artifacts and they actually perform rituals right here on site. They say the artifacts are more powerful than anything still belonging to the tribe. So, if your cult is serious, then it stands to reason they’d go to whatever lengths necessary to procure the authentic sacred objects.”

Theo turned around to give Selene a thumbs-up. It felt good to be vindicated. Her lips twisted a little in what he assumed was acknowledgment.

“How did Helen get mixed up in all this?” Gabriela asked.

“We don’t know yet, but we did find out that she actually
believed
in the Greco-Roman gods.”

“You mean not just like a ‘wouldn’t it be cool if…’ kind of thing?”

“More like an ‘I should give them offerings in the secret shrine in my office’ kind of thing.”

“Whoa! Took your theories one step too far, huh? I always knew she was a nutjob.”

“You were berating me just yesterday for messing things up with her!”

“That’s just ’cause I like ragging on you. You always said Helen was a little…
intense
. Guess you were right.”

“Are we there yet?” Selene interrupted.

Blithely, Gabriela started the tour. “Here’s the Mammals Department.” She waved her hand at the closed doors as they passed. “They call that room the ‘alcoholics’ because it’s filled with huge vats of animal specimens preserved in 150-proof grain alcohol. And I don’t mean just weasels and mice. I mean
gorillas
and
giraffes
. Like whole ones. Skinned. The skins, they keep in that room,” she said as they passed another door. “I mean, I think it’s all revolting, but I guess we do have a collection of
Maori shrunken heads in the anthro vaults, so who’s to say?” Theo had to smile. He knew she was trying to gross out Selene, but Gabriela had no idea who she was dealing with. After hearing her description of the snake-bedecked hospital room, Theo knew Selene had nerves of steel. “Supposedly,” Gabriela went on, “they’ve got a blanket made from the skins of forty platypuses. Or would that be
platypi
? No idea, not my thing.”

“Platypuses is correct,” said Theo. “If it were Latin, we’d say
platypi
, but it’s actually a third declension in Greek. The plural should really be
platypodes
, if you want to get technical—”

“We don’t,
querido
.” She led them up a narrow, steep staircase to the attic floor. “Here we go, up to the really fun stuff.” The ceiling was low, the lighting dim, and the hallway exceptionally narrow and twisted. Labels on the doors read, “Hippo Room,” “Elephant Room,” “Pig Room.” Finally, they came to a small, unmarked door. “The Tusk Vault,” she whispered.

Gabriela knocked loudly.

No answer.

Selene gave a frustrated snort. “He’s probably gone home. It took us long enough to get here.”

“Patience,
chica
. The guy basically lives here.” Again, the loud whisper: “He’s probably just extracting himself from some elephant jaw. Goes in there to get his kicks.”

“Sorry,” said Theo to Selene. “Gabriela gets
her
kicks from studying human cultures—she doesn’t get why anyone would study animals instead. She’s a bit dismissive of the natural sciences.”

Gabriela shot him a hurt look. “I like animals. Live ones. Cute fluffy kittens. Polar bear cubs. It’s all the stuffed ones around here that give me the creeps.”

“And the Pueblo dioramas don’t? All those topless mannequins pounding maize?”

“At least they didn’t stuff actual
corpses
. Although honestly, knowing the nineteenth-century naturalists’ complete disdain for indigenous peoples, I’m surprised they didn’t. They certainly—”

Gabriela’s diatribe was cut off by the slowly opening door.

“
Hola
, Gregory.”

The small Asian man before them blinked through his glasses. From the state of his dusty suit, he’d been crawling through closets and under cabinets all day. A lint ball clung to the scanty stubble of his chin.

“I’ve brought you visitors. Guys, this is Dr. Gregory Kim.”

Not budging, the researcher frowned angrily, his gaze skipping over them as it would over anything still wearing flesh.
Gabriela was right,
thought Theo.
This guy reminds me of that kid in third grade who gave the class an hour-long lecture on whale behavior, without even asking for extra credit. Even the teacher thought he was weird.
He deliberately ignored the memory of a similar lecture he himself had given in middle school on the correlation between Achilles and Han Solo. That time, the teacher had been thrilled—but his friends mocked him for the next year and a half.

“I’m very busy, Dr. Jimenez,” Kim said tightly. “I need to double-check each specimen shelf to make sure nothing else has been illegally procured from the collection. This is the worst possible time to allow visitors anywhere near the vault.”

“You’re taking this very hard, Greg,” Gabriela said with a hint of wickedness in her condolatory smile. “Every tooth is like a baby to you, huh?”

Theo was about to step in before Gabriela could torture the poor man any further, but Selene beat him to it. “We’re with law enforcement.” She pulled a faded leather wallet from her back pocket and flipped it open, flashing a tarnished badge briefly before Kim’s face.

Gabriela leaned toward Theo, her question clear in her narrowed eyes. He silenced her with an emphatic shake of his head, trying to look unfazed. Surely impersonating a police officer was a felony.
Then again, this is why I teamed up with Selene in the first place,
he reminded himself.
Because she’ll do the things I wouldn’t dream of.