The Inheritance of Loss (46 page)

Up above, the mountains stretched—

Below, they dropped straight down, as in a nightmare, all the way to the Teesta.

"Go, will you?!
Bhago,
"
a man said, pointing now with his rifle.

Biju turned.

"But give us your wallet and remove your shoes before you go."

He turned around again.

"His belt is also nice," said another of the men, eyeing the leather. "Such nice clothes you get in America. The quality is very good."

Biju handed over his wallet. He took off his belt.

"You’re forgetting your shoes."

He took them off. Under fake soles were his savings.

"Your jacket." And when his denim jacket was off, they decided even his jeans and T-shirt were desirable.

Biju began to quake, and fumbling, tripping, he took off the last items of clothing, stood in his white underpants.

By this time, dogs from all over the
busti
had arrived galloping. They were battered and balding from fights and disease, but they, like their masters, had the air of outlaws. They surrounded Biju with gangster swagger, tails curved up over them like flags, growling and barking.

Children and women peered from the shadows.

"Let me go," he begged.

One of the men, laughing wildly, pulled a nightgown off a hedge where it was drying. "No, no, don’t give that to him," squealed a toothless crone, clearly the owner of the garment. "Let him have it, we’ll buy you another. He’s come from America. How can he go and see his family naked?"

They laughed.

And Biju ran—

He ran into the jungle chased by the dogs, who also seemed in on the joke, grinning and snapping.

Finally, when Biju had passed what the dogs deemed their line of control, they tired of
him and wandered back.

Darkness fell and he sat right in the middle of
the path—without his baggage, without his savings, worst of all, without his pride. Back from America with far less than he’d ever had.

He put on the nightgown. It had large, faded pink flowers and yellow, puffy sleeves, ruffles at the neck and hem. It must have been carefully picked from a pile at the bazaar.

________

Why had he left? Why had he left? He’d been a fool. He thought of Harish-Harry—"Go for a rest and then return." Mr. Kakkar, the travel agent, who had warned him—"My friend, I am telling you, you are making a big mistake."

He thought of Saeed Saeed.

One last time, Biju had run into him.

"Biju, man, I see this girl, Lutfi’s sister, she is visiting from Zanzibar, and the MINUTE I see her, I say to Lutfi, ‘I think she is the ONE, man.’"

"You’re already married."

"But in four years I get my green card and . .
.fsshht. . .
out of there. . . . I get divorced and I marry for real. Now we are only going to have a ceremony in the mosque. . . . This girl. . . she is. . . ."

Biju waited.

Saeed exploded with amazement: "SO. . . ."

Biju waited.

"CLEAN!! She smell. . . SO NICE! And size fourteen. BEST SIZE!"

Saeed showed him with his hands apart what a sweet handful his second wife was.

"But when I meet her, I don’t even touch her. Not even like this—" He stuck out his finger like a coy snail from a shell. "I behave myself. We will buy a house in New Jersey. I’m taking a course in airplane maintenance."

________

Biju sat there in terror of what he’d done, of being alone in the forest, and of the men coming after him again. He couldn’t stop thinking of all that he’d bought and lost. Of the money he’d hidden under fake soles in his shoes. Of his wallet.

Suddenly, he felt an old throbbing of the knee that he had hurt slipping on Harish-Harry’s floor.

Fifty-three

At Cho Oyu, the frogs were croaking in the jhora,
in the bed of spinach, and high in the water tank above the trees. Late into the night, the cook made his way through the nightshade and knocked on the judge’s door.

"What is it?" asked the judge.

The cook opened the door wrapped in such a haze of alcohol, it watered his own eyes like an onion. After his stop at Thapa’s Canteen and all the drinking he’d done there, he’d returned to his own supply of
chhang
and imbibed that as well.

"If I have been disobedient," he slurred, approaching the foot of the judge’s bed with unfocused eyes, "beat me."

"What?" said the judge, sitting up in bed and switching on the light, drunk himself. He on whiskey.

"What?"

"I’m a bad man," cried the cook, "I’m a bad man, beat me, sahib, punish me."

How dare he—

How dare he lose Mutt how dare he not find her how dare he presume to come and disturb the judge—

"
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING????!!!
" the judge yelled.

"Sahib, beat me—

"If it will make you feel better," said the judge, "all right."

"I’m a wicked man, a weak man. I’d be better dead than alive."

The judge got out of bed. In bed he was heavy; standing he was light. He had to keep moving. . . . If he didn’t extend himself into action, he would fall. He smacked the cook over the head with his slipper. "If this is what you want!"

Then the cook fell at his feet, clasping one of them and weeping for mercy.

"I’m a bad man, forgive me, forgive me. . . ."

"Leave," said the judge, repulsed, trying to wrench his foot free. "
Leave.
"

The cook would not. He held tighter. He wept and slobbered on it. Slime came from his nose, tears from his eyes.

The judge began to beat him harder and harder to get him to let go. He kicked out and hit.

"Sahib. I drink. I’m a bad man. Beat me. Beat me."

Smacking him, beating him, beating him—

"I’ve been bad," the cook said, "I’ve been drinking I ate the same rice as you not the servant’s rice but the Dehradun rice I ate the meat and lied I ate out of the same pot I stole liquor from the army I made
chhang
I did the accounts differently for years I have cheated you in the accounts each and every day my money was dirty it was false sometimes I kicked Mutt I didn’t take her for walks just sat by the side of the road smoked a bidi and came home I’m a bad man I watched out for nobody and nothing but myself—
Beat me!
"

The surge of anger was familiar to the judge.

He said, "You filth, you hypocrite. If you want punishment I’ll give it to you!"

"Yes," wept the cook, "that is right. It’s your duty to discipline me. It’s as it should be."

________

Sai came rushing from her room, hearing the thuds. "What is happening??? Stop.

Stop it immediately. Stop it!" she screamed, "Stop it!"

"Let him," the cook said. "Let him. He wants to
kill me. Let
him
kill me.

What is my life? It’s nothing. Better that it’s gone. It’s useless to everyone. It’s useless to you and to me. Kill me! Maybe that will give you satisfaction. It will give me satisfaction. Go on!"

"I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!"

"
Kill me.
"

"
I’ll kill you.
"

________

The cook didn’t mention his son . . . he had none . . . he’d never had one . . . it was just his hope writing to him . . . Biju was nonexistent. . . .

________

The judge was beating with all the force of his sagging, puckering flesh, flecks of saliva flying from his slack muscled mouth, and his chin wobbled uncontrollably.

Yet that arm, from which the flesh hung already dead, came down, bringing the slipper upon the cook’s head.

________

"There’s something filthy going on," Sai wept and covered her ears, her eyes.

"Don’t you know? Can’t you tell? Something filthy is going on."

But they didn’t stop.

________

She fled outside. Stood in the rich humus dark in her white cotton pajamas and felt the empty burden of the day, her own small heart, her disgust at the cook, at his pleading, her hatred of the judge, her pitiful selfish sadness, her pitiful selfish pointless love. . . .

The sound followed her, though, the muffled thuds and cries of the men inside, of the judge beating the cook. Could it really be for Mutt’s sake . . . ?

And Mutt? Where was Mutt?

Sold to a family that couldn’t love her in a village beyond Kurseong, an ordinary family, paying hard for modernity, receiving a sham. They wouldn’t care for Mutt. She was just a concept. They were striving toward an idea of something, toward what it meant to have a fancy dog. She disappointed them just as modern life did, and they tied her to a tree, kicked her . . .

Sai thought of crossing the
jhora
and escaping to Uncle Potty—

Who would be thinking of Father Booty—

Wobbling across the bridge, through the bamboo, with a wheel of cheese fastened to the backseat of his bicycle.

One day soon, the GNLF men would arrive again—

Don’t mind me, love—just shut the door behind you when you leave, don’t want the rowdies getting you—

When Uncle Potty woke, he would realize he’d signed away his property and Father Booty’s, as well, to new owners. . . .

________

And Mrs. Sen—she would knit the sweater that Rajiv Gandhi would never wear and that Lola and Noni said would not have matched his Kashmiri pundit, peaches ‘n’ cream complexion anyway. His destiny would be interwoven with a female Tamil Tiger in more intimate fashion than anything Mrs. Sen with her yellow sweater could have dreamed of.

And Lola and Noni would commit annual massacres at this time of year with Baygon, mosquito coils, and swatters. Every two years Lola would visit London, come back with Knorr soup packets and Marks and Spencer underwear. Pixie would marry an Englishman and Lola would almost die with delight. "Everyone in England wants an Indian girl these days!"

And Gyan? Where was Gyan? Sai didn’t know that he missed her—

________

She stood in the dark and it began to rain as it so often did on an August night.

The electricity went off, as always, and the televisions frizzed and the BBC was diced by storm. Lantern light came on in homes. Plunk, ping, piddle, drips fell into the pots and pans placed under leaks—

Sai stood in the wet. The rain boxed the leaves, fell in jubilant dunglike plops into the
jhora.
The rain slapped, anthem-singing frogs exulted in their millions, from the Teesta up to Cho Oyu, high into the Deolo and Singalila Mountains. Drowned the sound of the judge hitting the cook.

________

"What is this all about?" asked Sai, but her mouth couldn’t address her ear in the tumult; her heart lying in pieces, didn’t seem able to address her mind; her mind couldn’t talk to her heart. "Shame on myself. . ." she said. . . . Who was she . . .

she with her self-importance, her demand for happiness, yelling it at fate, at the deaf heavens, screaming for her joy to be brought forth . . . ?

How dare. . . . How dare you not. . . ?

Why shouldn’t I have . . .?. . . How dare. . . . I deserve. . . . Her small greedy soul. . . . Her tantrums and fits. . . . Her mean tears. . . . Her crying, enough for all the sadness in the world, was only for herself. Life wasn’t single in its purpose . . . or even in its direction. . . . The simplicity of what she’d been taught wouldn’t hold. Never again could she think there was but one narrative and that this narrative belonged only to herself, that she might create her own tiny happiness and live safely within it.

________

But what would happen at Cho Oyu?

The cook would hobble back to his quarter—

The judge would return to his room—

All night it would rain. It would continue, off and on, on and off, with a savagery matched only by the ferocity with which the earth responded to the onslaught. Uncivilized voluptuous green would be unleashed; the town would slide down the hill. Slowly, painstakingly, like ants, men would make their paths and civilization and their wars once again, only to have it wash away again. . . .

________

The new morning would hatch, black or blue, clear or smothered. Breakfast, lunch. The judge would sit at his chessboard, and at 4:30, without thinking, from mere habit, he would open his mouth and say, as he always said, "Panna Lal, bring the tea."

And always there would have to be something sweet and something salty—

Sai stood there—

She thought of her father and the space program. She thought of all the
National Geographics,
and books she had read. Of the judge’s journey, of the cook’s journey, of Biju’s. Of the globe twirling on its axis.

And she felt a glimmer of strength. Of resolve. She must leave.

________

The congress of hopeful frogs continued to sing, even as a weak whiskey light showed in the east as the rain slowed.

Behind Sai, Cho Oyu was still full of shadow. She could no longer hear the men inside. The judge lay exhausted in his bed. The cook sat hunched in the kitchen, his face still in the grip of a nightmare.

Sai, dizzy from lack of sleep, turned to go inside. But then, just as she did, she became conscious of a tiny dot of a figure laboring up the slope through the clouds that were still sunk in the valley. She stopped to look.

The dot vanished into the trees, reappeared, vanished again, came around the bend in the mountain. It made a pink and yellow patch of color slowly growing bigger—striving through bushy detonations of wild cardamom—

Gyan? she thought with a burst of hope. A message: I will love you after all.

Someone who had found Mutt? Right here. . . . She’s right here, alive and well! Plumper than ever!