The Invasion of Adam (Tork and Adam Book 2) (6 page)

“What look?”

Tork went cross-eyed and stuck his tongue out. Adam laughed, but it led to more pathetic crying, until he knew he looked awful. Yet Tork kept kissing him, and it didn’t seem to matter as much as it used to.

“Don’t send them the results, Adam. You’re a man now, not a child. If they don’t trust you with your own life, they don’t deserve you. Our parents don’t own us. My own dad…” He stopped.

“But then they might not pay my fees. I won’t have any money. And they are my parents. They’re not horrible, it’s just that I’m—you know—not the son they probably wanted.” He shrugged.

“I have no money either, but I am starting college in January. There are loans for the fees—we can get jobs too. You don’t have to feel like this. You don’t need their money. Maybe then they will find out more about the real Adam. How can they know you if you don’t tell them?”

Adam leaned back and looked at Tork, knowing he was right. Plenty of his mates had jobs and shared rooms to save money. He was always lending them money he never saw again, buying them drinks and gifts. “But money is all I have,” he whispered, knowing he sounded utterly pathetic.

Tork pulled him so close their noses touched. “Not true, not true, not true,” he said fiercely. “Last year when I was at the bottom, it was you who saved me. It was Mike too, and other things. But mainly, it was you. Adam Dryden, you are strong and brave, kind and thoughtful. Don’t think I don’t notice all the little things you do for me, because I do.”

Adam grabbed him back, blinking hard.

“Hey, what do you mean—you’re starting college in January? You got accepted?”

“Yes. I got the letter today. Your boyfriend is coming after your butt, Adam. You better pass these exams, because I told you. I am not going out with a dropout.”

Adam pushed him hard against the bed. “You’re coming to college?” he shouted.

“Yes. Different department to yours, but…yes.”

“But that’s fucking awesome! We need to celebrate, with…with champagne and a posh dinner!”

“We are poor, remember? I can make us gruel and tea, though. How does that sound?”

Adam held him down and kissed Tork until they were both breathless. “Does this mean you’ll come to the Summer Ball dance with me?”

“I don’t think so, Adam. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I could. Going to meetings and lectures will be hard enough.”

Adam knew he was right. He pushed away the disappointment, hoping it didn’t show on his face. “Yeah, it’s OK. So, you’re gonna move to the college residential halls?”

Tork shook his head, and Adam watched the familiar cloud of anxiety fall.

“I don’t know yet. Anna is helping me sort all that out. She said I can stay here for a while, to see how it goes.”

“Oh. Great!”

Tork stroked his cheek. “Sorry. I know I’m not the boyfriend you want.”

“Don’t say that! Of course you are. I was just thinking about you getting to college, that’s all. It’s a long way from here.”

But Tork just smiled, and Adam felt like shit.

“So, about this gruel?” he said. “I’m starving.” He wondered if gruel was some kind of exotic stew. Tork’s room always smelt of spices. “It’s not cat curry, is it?”

Tork sniggered.

* * *

Paper Heart, Paper Heart,

Who has sent me love?

Is he broken,

is he bright?

Give me a sign

And he’ll be mine.

Noah Homes

* * *

“How does it usually work?” he asked Mike, not really wanting to hear the answer but knowing he had to.

“Well, depends. I could give you his address and leave it to you, or if you want, I can contact him for you.”

Tork nodded and thought how easy it all sounded. “OK. Give me the details, and I will write to him. Maybe he doesn’t want to see me? I just don’t know.”

“Just one piece of advice, son. Don’t go alone the first time, eh? It can be hard—much harder than you expect. Have someone with you, in case it’s all too much.” Mike smiled at him meaningfully. “And Tork? Plan a nice treat for after. In case it doesn’t go as you’d like.”

Tork nodded. “Good idea, Mike. I will. Adam gets his results today so we will be celebrating anyway.” His hands didn’t even shake as he took the paper, but he was aware of Mike’s watchful eyes. “Thank you, Mike. Thank you, again.”

“That’s OK. I don’t need any thanks. Just seeing you back on your feet will get me through the next year. I just…” Mike stopped, and chewed his lip.

“Go on,” Tork said, his heart beginning to hammer. Always he thought there would be a splinter—a ‘but’ that would come crashing down from space, taking away and smashing.

“Nothing, nothing, don’t look so worried. It’s just that I would hate for you to take a step backwards after meeting up with your dad, son. I’ve seen it happen so many times. Family…well. Blood is not always thicker than water, eh? Some people are best left.”

“For sure,” Tork said, thinking of the letters he never showed his mum.

His fault.

“You make sure you talk it through with your therapist and Adam, OK? And prepare yourself, just in case it doesn’t go as planned. Promise me?”

“Yes. I promise,” Tork said.

“You’ve told Adam?”

“Yes. A bit. Not much. Just that we lost touch.”

As Tork left with the papers in his hand, he knew he had to do it that day, before he lost his nerve. If he did it quickly, he could be back in time for Adam’s exam results.

* * *

On the hour bus ride, it did not seem so hard. Tork had many memories, mostly good ones, of his childhood—of holidays, homework, Christmas, eating family meals with his parents and going to school every day, happy.

The letters.

They were a happy family, of that he was sure. His parents loved one another, and they loved him. But all the time, there it was. Bubbling away beneath the surface, waiting to come flying through the air and land on all their lives.

Everything was temporary, Tork knew that now. Some days, when he was with Adam, he forgot. Watching Adam’s face when they made love, he forgot.

But it was always there.

He wanted to be normal now. Every day, he got a little better. But he knew that it was always lurking, and only he could stop it. Every time he cut himself, it came back to this, and he hated it.

It went round and round his head, but finding the house was easy. Now all he had to do was knock on the door and watch it open.

* * *

He did not see his dad standing there, ashen and upset.

All he saw was the years after—Mum’s bitterness, his own cruel words to Dad, the empty bottles Mum tried to hide…

She drank and drank, and Tork tried to keep it all together against the world, and for a long time, it looked like he’d managed—at least that was how it appeared to the rest of the world. He calmly changed the telephone number and threw away the letters.

And he started cutting.

But he was calm. On the surface, he was calm.

Until Mum died. Probably an accident, they said. Tablets and alcohol together, so lethal.

But then the calm ended.

Still, Tork did not see his dad there on the doorstep, trying to hold him as the tears streamed and the lost years stood between them.

What he saw was the cork that exploded out, and the chaos of him losing touch, losing grip, losing everything.

He walked away. He just walked, and then he ran.

He banged.

“Tork?”

He waited hopefully for the banter. He loved this so much. Didn’t matter how shit things seemed, coming here to visit Tork made everything better. It was everything.

But today, it was all wrong. He’d already known that. These days, Tork always called him. Three times every day, throughout the summer, to check on his revision and ask him what he wanted for tea. After every exam.

And today, his exam results arrived, and no Tork, and that was very, very, bad. Mike had sounded worried when he rang. “Adam, I might not have said the right things to Tork. He looked a little strange as he left.”

But all Adam really knew was Tork had left the shelter at ten a.m., and there had been no contact since. Tork’s phone was switched off. At first, he thought it was probably nothing, but by now Adam knew when something was wrong. He’d already been to the garage, but no one there.

They never spoke about it, but they both knew that Tork still went there and Adam followed. There were things about Tork he’d never be able to work out.

Like the cuts.

Whenever they were naked, he secretly checked for new marks on Tork’s beautiful body. He didn’t understand, only that it happened every so often and usually coincided with Tork disappearing off to the garages.

He tried again.

“Please, Tork, let me in. If you don’t let me in, I’m coming in the window like Superman.”

Adam heard a loud
miaow
.

He raced across to the main building and headed towards a woman, who looked like she might be in charge. “Hi there,” he said in his best posh voice. “I don’t suppose you could let me into Tork’s room, could you? I want to cook him a surprise dinner and lay the table.”

She smiled at him. “Oh, you’re Tork’s friend? Well, he’s supposed to check with me first.”

“But he doesn’t know. It’s a surprise.” Adam tried hard to keep his voice even, but inside he was shouting and pulling her hair to hurry up.

“OK then, but bring it back.”

Adam nodded a million times, while she went to get the spare key, and then ran back. His shaky hands struggled with the key, but eventually he fell in the room. Dickens ran to him meowing.

“Tork? Where the fuck are you?”

Instinct made him head for the bathroom. Adam was stronger than he looked, but nothing could have prepared him for what he found.

“Oh, shit. What have you done?” He crouched down on the floor beside Tork, who was just a ball with knees and his green head sticking out the top. “Just—just stay there. I’m calling an ambulance.”

That brought Tork back from wherever he’d gone. He looked up, so white, Adam instinctively reached out to stroke his cheek. “Whatever it is, we can make it right. I’ll—I’ll fix it, I promise.”

Tork smiled and leaned into Adam’s hand. “You can’t, but I’m so pleased to see you.”

Adam was sobbing. He should be the strong one now, but all he wanted was for Tork to tell him what to do. He rubbed his forehead so brutally it hurt.

“It’s OK, I’m sorry. It’s over now. I couldn’t stop the craving, but it’s over now. Adam?”

“I need to call an ambulance. I’m a shit boyfriend, but I can do that.”

“You’re my perfect boyfriend. Just help me up. I’m OK now.”

Somehow they cleaned up and washed Tork’s arm. The cut was, after all, not very big, but seeing it there on Tork’s arm made Adam tremble all over.

“Why did you do it? I’ve seen the cuts before, but I don’t get it. Why would you hurt yourself like that?”

Adam realised he was shouting and crying, and in a far worse state than Tork. He tried to stop and focused on helping Tork wrap his arm in bandages, but all he could think was Tork was hurt and unhappy, and maybe he’d end up back on the streets and it was all over.

Tork led them both to the sofa. “Just, come here,” he said. “We need to both calm down.”

There were so many things Adam wanted to know, but would he make it worse by asking? He didn’t know. This was so far out of his comfort zone, even almost a year after starting work at the shelter. So he said nothing.

“Adam, I don’t know how to explain, but I am so sorry you saw that. I will understand if you don’t want to see me anymore,” Tork said quietly, and the room swayed a little as Adam tried to not cry again.

“Of course I wanna see you! I just—don’t get it.” He sighed miserably.

“I used to do it a lot. Now, only when I can’t see any other way to stop the walls closing in on me, from everything falling down on my head.”

“But doesn’t it hurt?”

“Yes, it does. It never used to. But I need to feel a pain that I can understand.”

“You want to kill yourself?” Adam’s voice wobbled.

“No, no. I do it because I want to live. It helps me keep going.”

Half of Adam’s brain heard what Tork said, but the other half swiftly skimmed through all the people he’d met at the shelter. He desperately searched for anything that might help, but all he found was an image of his mum hugging him after he fell over.

“Shall I make you some soup?” Adam suggested. “It might warm you up a bit.”

“Soup?”

“Yeah, sorry, that’s utter crap. Bollocks! What I meant was, you’re not on your own anymore, Tork. I’m trying to—you know—to be in your shoes.” He finished helplessly. He was so rubbish at this.

“Ah, soup! Yes, let’s have some soup. That is just what I need. You always know what I need.”

Adam squeezed him so hard. “Buy why all this today? You’ve been so much better.”

“I went to see my dad.”

* * *

They washed the soup bowls and spoons and went to bed, cuddling close together.

“It went badly?” Adam asked, watching Tork’s light oval eyes and wondering how anyone could not want to be around him. What the fuck had his dad done?

“Not badly exactly. We did not speak. I didn’t speak. He may have spoken, but I just shouted.”

“So what did he do to make you so mad? I mean—so angry. I didn’t mean…you know.” Adam felt his face flushing. Tork smiled and kissed him.

“He was a great dad. He was kind and clever, always got time to read to me. I had a lovely childhood. Every week, he would stick up these silly rules in our kitchen. Always worthy and good, but funny rules, too, like ‘never step on aliens’. I worshipped him. I tried to live those fucking rules, every day. I still try.”

Tork’s voice began to change, and Adam felt himself beginning to tense all over again. This was going to be bad, he just knew it.

“It was such a shock to see him, Adam. Please stop rubbing your forehead.”

Adam pulled his hand away and took Tork’s.