The Irresistible Bundle (135 page)

"Rafe mentioned that he's taught others" Greg absently mentions. He palms his tented pants instantly making me tense. He better not get any bright ideas about releasing his pent-up desire with my Tesoro. She's
mine
.

"Would you be interested in doing private shows in a room like this?" Valentino inquires. He's forever in business mode always identifying a golden opportunity and quickly jumping on it.

"We could put a glass wall as the barrier" Nicholas thinks out loud brainstorming with the guys. It's fascinating watching their thought processes. Leticia quietly dresses herself. Usually she'd be right in the mix but I'm sure she's still recovering from the experience.

"I prefer to do something like this" he motions between the small group and Leticia. "No sex involved but the subject enjoys herself."

The guys nod as their wheels keep spinning. "I don't want him teaching just anyone" Nicholas states to the room. It doesn't feel like he's really addressing anyone in particular. "They have to put in a request and it's not part of the regular membership dues."

"What about the VIPs" Marco inquires.

"Let's see what kind of interest it generates first." Valentino offers.

"Diego says he wants to be Rafe's first student" Griffin raises his hand like we're in fucking school or something.

"I figured that could be a great way to see how Rafe teaches and how it translates to the student" Greg interjects.

"Diego" Valentino quietly chastises. I know what he wants to say just by saying my name but I don't want to hear it. I've been missing a vital piece to our puzzle; something that can connect me and Desirae irrevocably... And I've found it.

"She needs this. I need this." I fervently whisper. Greg opens his trap but Nicholas quickly shuts that down.

The guys all stare at me but I refuse to be cowed. In the last hour of watching Leticia it's all come together. Desirae needs something from me that no one else has been able to give her. She needs to be able to trust implicitly. She needs to be able to let go while remaining vulnerable. She doesn't need to experience pain or fear. She needs
this.
The binds that entrap Des are all locked within her. For the last year I haven't been able to penetrate that barrier.

"Okay" Valentino breathes. My chest loosens. Hope flutters under my skin. It's slowly becoming a living breathing thing. These ropes are my salvation. They can resurrect what I've killed. I don't want to bind her. I want to set Desirae free.

DEFENSE

~ DESIRAE ~

"You know today's not Friday" I greet Jaxon as he strolls into the apartment. It can get really annoying when he just saunters in like he lives here too. We don't walk around naked or anything but still.

"Thank you Captain Obvious" he drawls. Have I mentioned that Jaxon is a freaking stud with his ash-blonde hair, heated blue eyes, and lean body? Plus the guy has a nice dick and knows how to use it; yep total package. "Where's belleza?"

He always wants to know where Carina is. I swear those two are now attached to the freaking hip. It grates on my nerves sometimes. I never dreamed I'd have to share my best friend with her ex. Some days I'm jealous while other days I'm just friggin' annoyed. Today might be that kind of day.

"I'm right here handsome" Carina waves from the kitchen. It's her turn to cook tonight and she's making enchiladas. The light bulb in my head starts flashing. Duh, that's why the man is here.

"Is that your cooking I smell?" His eyes glitter with anticipation. Once upon a time he only looked at her like that because he wanted to get between her legs. Now their circumstances have changed a bit.

"It sure is! You staying for dinner" Carina asks although we all know the answer.

"Hell yes" he crows. He walks over to her kissing her softly on the cheek. My chest aches as he wraps his arms around her. It isn't sexual but completely affectionate. Something I've only had a taste of in my lifetime. Until I met Carina and Diego I had no idea what is was like to be liked or loved just for being yourself. Neither of them have anything to gain financially, politically, or socially from me.

"What brings you here then stud muffin" I cross my arms over my chest needing to interrupt their little love fest.

"Oh" Jaxon pauses making both me and Carina raise our eyebrows. Mr. Always-Confident suddenly looks unsure of himself. "I want to propose something."

Carina tenses. My protective radar instantly goes on alert. "Well if it's marriage or sex we're both out."

Carina instantly relaxes, laughing at my audacity. It's always fun giving the guys shit. I love seeing their shocked faces. Jaxon rolls his eyes but doesn't immediately reply. That's interesting. I hold my breath waiting to hear him out. I hate tense and awkward situations; my first instinct is always to do or say something inappropriate or outrageous to diffuse the moment.

"I want to take you two to a self-defense course here on campus. We can go every Tuesday night. I'll even do it with you."

"Why?" Now it's my turn to tense. My stupid ass almost says the most ignorant and hurtful thing possible to my best friend but it goes to show that I really need to filter what goes from my brain to my mouth. Carina was the one who'd been attacked but she'd been blindsided. I've seen her throw punches at the guys and she isn't afraid to go for the jugular. I have no right distastefully making a joke that I hadn't been the one to get beat up. See? That's the kind of fucked up shit that flows through me.

"Because you can never have too many weapons in your arsenal" Jaxon shrugs like that answer should be good enough. He eyes each of us trying to gauge how receptive we are to his suggestion. I usually go to the gym on those nights but if the class is intense I'll willingly replace it.

"Whose idea was it?" Carina asks chagrined. The men in our lives are now 10-times more protective. We never go anywhere alone. It doesn't even matter that Pete's somewhere between the hospital and jail. Dean Richard doesn't really share much information regarding that. But I don't see what all the fuss is.

"Does it matter?" Jaxon runs his hand through his hair trying not to be irritated with our lack of enthusiasm. It actually isn't a bad idea but I'm not sure if that kind of thing will be a trigger for Carina.

Carina doesn't respond. She just stares expectantly at Jaxon waiting for him to elaborate. It doesn't take the man long to cave. He plops onto the sofa heaving out a dramatic sigh. Seriously I think he needs to go out hang out with the guys more often. He's beginning to show some of our tendencies and for a guy who's all about his dick and loving pussy that's just a little bit concerning.

"My uncle knows the guy who's running it. He suggested it to me for all the girls. I looked into it and know a few people taking the course. The school will cover your cost and any attire or equipment needed too."

"The University doesn't owe me anything Jax" Carina quietly states. Jaxon flinches, still baring some scars of guilt from the assault. I don't know if any of us will truly ever get over it.

He shrugs his shoulders neither confirming nor negating her statement. "I really want you to do this. Do it for Diego, for the guys, for me" he pleads. Bulls-eye. Jaxon knows exactly what to say to get her to relent.

"What kind of self-defense?" There are so many options nowadays. Places even cater to women only but if Jaxon plans to attend then it must be co-ed.

"The one I'm talking about is multifaceted" Jaxon the nerd makes an appearance. "It teaches hand-to-hand combat and how to handle firearms. You can get your concealed weapons permit all at the same time."

That's what I'm talking about. Is it wrong that I automatically envision Mr. Pearce when I think about knowing how to shoot a gun? Seeing him up close and personal recently leaves me treading choppy waters. He left too easily. He gave up representing me without throwing his weight around. Actually the more I think about it the more appealing this sounds.

"I'm in!" I exclaim. "Nicholas says we need to get CPR certified too. Might as well get that done too."

"Great" Jaxon beams. "I can help with that too. How about you belleza?"

Carina looks at me. I smile brightly trying to communicate that I really want to do this. If I said no I'm pretty sure it wouldn't matter what Jaxon wanted, she'd stick by me. God, I love her for that. My heart warms as my best friend smiles back at me nodding her assent.

"Andrea, Sati" Jaxon calls upstairs. He isn't kidding when he says he wants all of us to learn. I sit back watching as he practically demands them to join us. It'll be fun watching our group get physical and shoot things. Everyone automatically thinks Carina and I are the toughest in the group but I have a feeling some of the girls will surprise us by the time the courses end.

"We're in too" Andrea beams, thrilled to be automatically included in this. One of these days this girl is going to realize that she's part of the core group. It doesn't matter who comes and goes from the outer bands of the circle but our tight little niche will always be us.

"We start Tuesday then" Jaxon affirms. "In the meantime isn't it time to eat?"

Carina smacks him in the chest as she jogs into the kitchen. Andrea follows grabbing the necessary items to set the table. It's the refreshing yet amusing thing about us. We sit down to eat dinner as a family; just like the Lobos family does whenever I visit. It doesn't matter if we need to cram for exams or go meet up with a study group, we always make time to sit down and eat dinner together. Breakfast? Not so much. But dinner provides us the opportunity to cook for each other. Okay, maybe them more than me. I've tried a few recipes but if one of the girls isn't helping me then it turns into a colossal mess. Even Jaxon makes it into the rotation and the sexy fucker knows how to cook.

"Des can you get the drinks?" Andrea calls out from the dining table. I ask for requests knowing everyone has different drink preferences. Carina loves having her one soda a day with her dinner. Sati prefers red wine with certain meals. Andrea lives off that Arnold Palmer stuff, half ice tea, half lemonade. And Jaxon takes whatever I give him.

"Dinner's served" Carina hollers. Nothing more needs to be said. We scramble to the table knowing where our assigned seats are. I close my eyes giving thanks, not because I'm a holy person or anything but because I know I'm blessed. My life is better than I ever imagined and I'll do anything to keep it the way it is.

PERMISSION GRANTED

~ DESIRAE ~

"You know that was just evil genius" I bounce in place as we leave the salon. Carina the fibber exaggerated how long we were going to take just so that we could have girl-time without the dashing hunk by our side. Jaxon is a great guy, although a tad overprotective at times. But it means a lot that Carina realizes we need some time away from him too. Somehow Mr. Wright's managed to permanently ingrain himself into our lives.

"Valentino reserved us a private room" Carina states nonchalantly. The man's always reserving stuff for us without thought to him losing income. "I've invited Leticia too."

"I really like her" Andrea shrugs. Sometimes it feels like Leti isn't sure about Carina and Jaxon's friendship but she's never acted insecure or nasty about it.

"Valentino won't tell Jaxon will he?" I don't want him barging in while we're having a grand old time without him.

"Nope" Carina replies in a sing-song voice. We follow her into the car excited for the evening's events.

~

"I want to do something totally different tonight" Carina announces. She's been squirming in her seat since we got here. Andrea groans as Sati leans forward. "When I was bedridden I really enjoyed your little rounds of truth-or-dare."

Now everyone groans. Some of those rounds were a little too much between brutal truths and outrageous dares. Of course Carina enjoyed them; she wasn't victim to them.

"Hear me out before you start throwing temper tantrums" she huffs. "I want each of us to pick a song that shows how we're feeling or what we want to communicate through the form of music. I only wanted us girls here because there's no boundaries and nothing's taboo. I'll even go first!"

"Are we required to actually sing it or can we just mouth the words or act crazy?" Beatriz asks.

"Let me show you" Carina insists. She walks over to a hidden cabinet hunching over some electronic device. The little miscreant already had this planned.

"I'm going to do a song about food because I'm hungry." I waggle my brows at the others while rubbing my stomach. There's a song I'd love to do but if Carina's going to choose some life-changing ballad then I'm going to have to pass.

"Please tell me you aren't doing something like
The Climb
" Sati groans. We all snicker at the possibility of the Miley Cyrus version. In Carina's case it would be a nice choice but she needs to set the bar here and none of us will be doing anything worthwhile if she starts with that.

"Nope" she confidently states as she turns around with a cordless microphone in her hand. "Just a little Victoria Justice" She announces as the catchy beat begins to play. Carina doesn't actually sing and she limits her movements to ensure not to agitate her ribs.

She skips around the room singing about her best friend's brother is the one for her. Jaws drop and heads all turn... towards me. The little tart is singing a song about me and Diego. I defiantly cross my arms but it doesn't deter her. She marches up to me mouthing the words about being his type and hoping he makes a move. I can't believe she's calling me out like this.

She ends on a tremendously fake big note. Yeah, lip-synching is so not her forte. The music stops. She stares expectantly at me. "Thanks for your permission" I sarcastically reply. They all see through me; I hate this burdening weight of vulnerability.

"Just give him a chance" she softly whispers so that no one else can hear. The others quickly scramble to the wall trying to determine what their songs will be.

I stand up not wanting to be this close to her while she tries to pry my ribs open. "And what happens when it all goes to shit? Everything will change." She needs to understand the consequences of trying. There's more at stake than letting Diego between my thighs, which I want, but he refuses to unless my heart's invested in it too.

"Nothing will ever stand between us" She pulls me back down next to her. My chest tightens under her pleading gaze. Doesn't she understand that something already has?

"You make it sound so simple" I rub my chest hating the way it feels. Things are getting far too complicated. I love visiting the Lobos family and being completely ingrained into their family but I'll back off if it means that I can preserve my friendship with Carina. I'll gladly live a celibate life to ensure my closest friendships.

"Because it is" she insists. "You have feelings for each other" she holds her hand up refusing to let me interject. "I see it. Everyone sees it. You can deny it until you're blue in the face but there's always been something between you two. I've never seen Diego react to anyone the way he has with you. He tries to play it off but I'm not blind. You run like hell or do something completely preposterous... And when he doesn't turn away you don't know what to do." Carina grabs my hands squeezing them. "All I'm asking you to do is try; really try. Not like I pretended to with Jaxon. Don't continue dancing around him and don't expect to become fuck buddies because we both know Diego isn't like that. He goes in all the way and he'll expect you to do the same."

"Let me do my song next." I blurt out. My heart ping pongs around my chest as her words register. Being fuck buddies is easy; low expectations with maximum pleasure. Having a relationship is scary as fuck because of the present and my past.

I have to do this song now. I bulldoze the girls not giving them a chance to choose their songs yet. Carina needs to understand why I can't fully give into Diego. I can't be with anyone until I know I'm completely free from Father's wrath. It's only a matter of weeks before I can confirm the first test. Every day I'm waiting for Dean Richard to inform me that the upcoming semester has an outstanding balance and it needs to be paid. Nicholas and I made an agreement but I haven't tested the boundaries of it, yet. I expect to sometime soon.

I type in
The Monster
immediately finding the song I'm looking for. The girls will immediately recognize it since the hook is my ringtone. They've always thought I loved Rihanna's voice and Eminem's song but it's much more than that. This song speaks to the very essence of my being. I live this torment on an ongoing basis.

Rihanna immediately blasts through the speakers, singing about being friends with the monsters under her bed and getting along with the voices inside her head. I look at Carina as the words echo around the room about trying to be saved. Her brows furrow then her eyes clear as she really takes the time to listen to the words. I rap along with Eminem 'cause he's the shit. It's invigorating being able to communicate like this. I doubt any of the other girls intend to do something like this so I make sure to play the whole song; every repeated hook with every last verse.

"We're gonna grabs drinks from the bar real quick" Andrea announces to the room. She practically drags everyone out leaving just me and Carina there. My best friend isn't stupid. While the others may think whatever they want about the song and my choosing it Carina understands the importance.

She sits down next to me grabbing my face. My heart beats at a frantic pace. I've said enough with the song. I don't want to say anymore.

"Monsters" she whispers more to herself than me. "You said monsters not ghosts."

My face scrunches together wondering what the hell she's referring to. Are we talking Halloween here?

"You still have monsters" she concludes.

"Yes" I don't bother denying it. She knows about Piper. Valentino knows about Mr. Pearce. There's no point in pretending otherwise. I'm amazed V hasn't spilled the beans yet.

Carina stares at me for a long time. She doesn't press for information. She doesn't begrudge me for withholding anything. She just accepts that I'll tell her when I'm good and ready. I never thought I'd get to that point. I couldn't stand the thought of anyone staring at me with disgust or pity in their eyes every time they looked at me. But Nicholas and Valentino know pieces of the truth and if anything, they've become more protective. I don't know if anyone will ever know my entire story but maybe it's time for Carina to know more.

"Soon" I promise her. She's been so patient with me. She's almost too good to be true sometimes. If I didn't know her so well I'd never look past her promiscuous history. Yeah that's hypocritical and judgmental of me but at least I'm being real about it. Hell, who knows if Chelsea or Melissa even have any redeeming qualities in them? I never took the time to get to know them; frankly I don't give a shit. I selfishly allow others to think whatever they want of Carina. Because the truth is, if people actually saw how fiercely loyal she is, how completely she loves and commits herself... Then I'd be competing for her time and affection with everyone. It's bad enough that I have to share her with Jaxon.

"Whenever you're ready I'll be there to listen with an open heart and a closed mouth" she smirks making me smile in return. God, I love this girl. Why couldn't I have been born into her family? Oh yeah, that's right; because then Diego and I couldn't have ever happened.

~

The girls filter in shortly afterwards. I'm really glad I didn't begin my personal tale of horrors. I don't want the others to know. Andrea's my girl and all but I'm not quite there yet with her.

"You said we could do whatever we're feeling, right?" Leticia asks as she grabs the prop microphone.

"Yep" Carina smiles broadly. She's trying really hard to convince Leticia that she isn't a threat to her and Jaxon's budding relationship. Can't say I blame the girl. Jaxon is always with us regardless if Leticia's around or not. There has to be a lot of trust there to not second-guess what he does all day everyday with a group of hot girls like us.

Leticia types something in; instantly the music pulsates through the room. "Fuck yes" Beatriz crows as Avril Lavigne's voice starts chanting about wanting to become your girlfriend. We all scream as Leticia belts out, "And I'm the motherfucking princess!" She hops around the room like a pogo stick totally getting into her performance.

It's a damn fine song selection. The words are aptly appropriate and the beat fucking rocks. By the time Leticia gets to the bridge we're all standing up singing along with her. It's obvious she needs to get this out of her system. I don't miss the few stolen glances from Leticia to Carina. If she's looking for jealousy or remorse she won't find it from my bestie. Although Carina and Jaxon's relationship is rather colorful it won't have any kind of impact on whether or not Leticia makes something out of it.

We've all set the bar high for each other. There are no sappy ballads or depressing song choices. Each girl has something personal but bad ass to offer. It's cleansing. It's exhilarating. I haven't felt this free, this carefree in so long. Too bad the guys aren't here. They would actually enjoy this. It's just too fucking awesome to keep to ourselves. But maybe that's why it's even better because for once this is only for us, about us.