The It Girl (26 page)
Authors: Katy Birchall
2. Do something good for the world, taking advantage of newfound fame to promote important issues and causes. For example, encourage others to join me in going to Africa to hand out rice.
This is ridiculous. Do you know what would be good for the world? Instead of spending your time writing stupid lists you could go and make me some tea.
3.Â
Go to the Beatus dance (or any dance/event/place) with Brendan Dakers.
Go to a Comic-Con.
This cannot be number THREE on your life goals.
Why do people keep assuming these are in order? They are not in order.
Why, who else has seen them?
No one. Let's move on.
4. Meet Stan Lee
and inspire a great comic strip with a girl keeping London safe from the threat of evil.
Who is Stan Lee? Is he some big famous nerd?
Yes.
Why don't you want to be in a comic strip anymore?
Stop asking questions! You're making the page messy with all your scribbles.
Well EXCUSE YOU, Ms. Grump. At least I don't go around making lists of my life goals. Seriously, you could have made me the tea by now and everyone would be a lot happier.
5. Learn how to do hip-hop dancing AND, after recent events, learn how to sing.
Yes, your singing is truly awful. You've been YouTube-ing the hip-hop dancing, haven't you? Show me what you've learned so far. Go on, that's it, stand up and show what you . . . Okay wait, stop. No seriously, stop. You need more tutorials. What was THAT?
6. Save someone's life.
Finally, an acceptable life goal. Then you might get a medal from Buckingham Palace and then you might meet Prince Harry and then you might marry him and then
that would be AWESOME. Except that you lurve Connoooooooooooooooor. When are you going on that date by the way?
It is not a date.
It is SO A DATE.
Can you stop writing about dates all over my life goals! Some of us are taking this seriously.
No one who puts learn hip hop on a life goals list is taking it seriously.
7. Get over fear of pigeons and fear of paparazzi.
I'm going to use this knowledge to torture you. You know what we should do this afternoon? Let's go to Trafalgar Square and scatter oats all around you. And then take PICTURES. MWAHAHAHAHA.
Oats? Since when do pigeons eat oats? That's what horses eat.
I don't think pigeons are very fussy. And oats are easy to scatter.
Surely bird seed would be a better option?
You're right. Bird seed is the way forward. Let's go to Trafalgar Square and scatter bird seed all around you. And then take PICTURES. MWAHAHAHAHA.
8. Invent something useful for mankind.
Give up on this. Never going to happen.
Thanks for that.
No offense.
Offense taken.
Well, it's not my problem that you're so sensitive. This is a waste of a point. Do point 8 again.
No!
Go on. I'll start it.
8. MAKE FRIENDS TEA AND GIVE THEM FREE STUFF.
This is not a point on the list.
Yes it is. It's the most realistic one on here if you ask me.
I'm not asking you.
Well, that's where you're going wrong in life.
9. Have name engraved on a trophy. Be more grateful for my wonderful family, appreciate Dad more, and welcome new members.
What were you going to have your name engraved on a trophy for? For being the world's biggest dweeb? AHAHAHAHA. I'm hilarious. Though your amendment is very sweet. I like it.
Are you being sarcastic?
No?
Seriously?
Yes!
Oh. When you're nice to me, it throws me.
Don't worry, it's weird for me too.
10. Train Dog to high-five.
I truly do not know what to say to this. You've taken your love for your dog too far.
He is very talented. You never know.
Is this the last point? Can we do something INTERESTING now?
Yes, that's the last point.
WAIT. I have one.
This is not your list! You can't keep adding points.
I've got a really good one.
Let me guess. Is it something like . . . “stop being weird”?
No! It's really good and meaningful. Please?
Okay fine. Go on. You can add a point 11.
Cool. Here we go. The most important, meaningful point on your life goals list.
I'm quivering in anticipation.
Now who's being sarcastic?! Stop throwing me off my vibe.
Fine, fine. Go.
Here it goes.
11. Stop being weird.
How unexpected.
HAHA. Let's go make tea now.
From: [email protected]
Subject: So proud of you!
Hello, darling!
Mommy again. I know I spoke to you on the phone this morning, but I just wanted to reiterate how proud I am of you. I know this semester has been a difficult one, but you've come out alive.
Have a lovely day tomorrow . . . you know, it's funny, I can't really imagine Helena at Laser Quest. But such a wonderful idea of yours, darling! Do be nice, sweetheartâyou and your dad tend to get a little competitive when it comes to things like that.
Remind Nick that he's not actually in the army and his gun is just shooting light beams. There's no need to do any forward rolls.
Lots of love, Mom xxx
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected];
Subject: Question
Quick question, Jess, why are we going to Trafalgar Square?
And why did you want me to bring bird seed and my BB gun?
Danny
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Question
Ignore Jess, Danny. The Trafalgar Square thing is not happening.
Come over to my house when you can though. We're going to have a
Lord of the Rings
marathon!
This is the BEST day.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Question
Seriously, Danny, come as quick as possible. Anna has started acting out scenes from the films.
She's currently doing some sort of cheesy speech that little person, Samwise Gangee (or whatever his weird name is), says. Dog is playing the part of Frodo.
He looks as freaked out as I am.
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: You're It
Okay, so Mom is way too excited about this whole Laser Quest thing we're doing tomorrow. She went out this morning and bought camouflage gear. I'm not kidding. She's making me wear a bandana.
A BANDANA.
Lord knows what she's going to make us wear for the wedding.
More importantly, have you seen the papers today? Looks like you were photographed with your dad on the way to that land mine thing your dad kept going on and on about. I told you you'd look good in that hat. Spy chic.
Check this out . . . quote from one of the papers: “While other socialites tend to be seen out and about at lavish London parties, Anna Huntley has been spotted attending military lectures with her father, renowned journalist and author Nicholas Huntley. A fellow attendee of the talk, who did not want to be named, remarked that Ms. Huntley had âsat there happily with the rest of us' and had even âasked a couple of questions at the end.' Lectures by day, premieres by night? Now that's an It Girl with attitude.”
Hey, you must be a natural.
See you at Laser Quest!
Love, Marianne x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: You're It
Well, let's be fair here. I am learning from the best.
See you in battle.
Love, me xxx
First and foremost, a massive thank-you to Lindsey Heaven, Jo Hayes, and the teams at Egmont and Bell Lomax Moreton. Thank you for believing in Anna.
Thank you to all my colleagues, teachers, my amazing friends, and my wonderful family. I couldn't have done this without your relentless support and encouragement.
Huge thanks to the Rapoports, the Claytons, the O'Reillys, and the Briants. I am so grateful for everything your families have done for me over the years. I hope this makes you proud.
Special thanks to the two rocks in my life: Chloe and Lizzie. Your friendship inspired this book.
Finally, thank you to my mum, my dad, my brothers, and my dogs. The best family anyone could ask for.
KATY BIRCHALL
is the debut author of the It Girl series. She also works at
Country Life
magazine as their deputy features editor. Katy won the 24/7 Theatre Festival Award in 2011 for Most Promising New Comedy Writer with her very serious play about a ninja monkey at a dinner party. Her pet Labradors are the loves of her life, she is mildly obsessed with Jane Austen, and one day she hopes to wake up as an elf in the Lord of the Rings. She grew up in Essex and currently lives in Brixton.
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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
ALADDIN
An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing Division
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First Aladdin hardcover edition June 2016
First published in Great Britain in 2015 by Egmont UK Limited
Text copyright © 2015 by Katy Birchall
Jacket illustration copyright © 2016 by Jamey Christoph
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Designed by Laura Lyn Disiena
The text of this book was set in Electra.
This title has been cataloged with the Library of Congress.
ISBN 978-1-4814-6362-1 (hc)
ISBN 978-1-4814-6363-8 (eBook)