The Joy of Less, a Minimalist Living Guide (26 page)

You can avoid these situations altogether, of course, by opting out of gift exchanges. I know, I know—easier said than done! It might be no problem at the office, or among casual acquaintances, but it’s usually another story regarding friends and family. Changing holiday traditions can be a challenge, and must be approached with diplomacy and grace. To increase your chance of success, put a positive spin on your proposal: emphasize spending time with each other in lieu of gifts, or express a desire to conserve the planet’s resources. Explain that you have all the “things” you could possibly want, and prefer to explore other (non-material) ways to celebrate the occasion. If a “zero gift” policy doesn’t fly, suggest a Secret Santa or Pollyanna exchange; at least then you’ll receive only one gift, instead of five, ten, or twenty.

If people insist on bestowing you with gifts, express your preference for consumables. Tell them how glorious a gift of homemade pasta, gourmet olive oil, or exotic coffee beans would be; or mention your sweet tooth, and speak longingly of baked goods and artisan chocolates. Make it known that you love fancy bath salts, hand rolled candles, or scented body lotions. Remind them of your green thumb, and request plants, flowers, or seeds for your garden. A consumable gift will satisfy the giver, and enable you to indulge in a luxury you might not splurge on yourself. The best part—after you’ve enjoyed it, there’s nothing left to store!

Alternatively, suggest “experience” gifts—like music lessons, theater tickets, or membership to a museum or cultural institution. Point out that while “things” can break or wear out, the memories of a wonderful experience last forever. Or propose that everyone exchange gifts of service, like babysitting, snow shoveling, a car wash, or computer assistance. Give each other “coupons” for specific tasks, which can be redeemed when needed. The gift of someone’s help can be far more valuable, and appreciated, than another sweater or kitchen gadget. In fact, simply committing to spend time together in a certain way—like having a picnic, taking a hike, or doing lunch—is a wonderful substitute for something from the store.

Finally, consider making charitable donations instead of exchanging gifts. The money we spend buying each other gadgets, knickknacks, and tchotchkes can do a world of good for those less fortunate. Instead of shopping, spend an afternoon choosing favorite charities with your loved ones (be sure to involve the kids!); the experience can be much more fulfilling (and fun) than fighting the crowds at the mall. Engaging in philanthropy with friends and family opens up a wonderful dialogue with them, and brings you closer together for a common cause. It’ll make your occasions richer and more meaningful, and you won’t have anything to return, re-gift, or declutter later on.

As if gifts from our acquaintances weren’t enough, we also receive gifts from companies and retailers—otherwise known as freebies. I used to accept all those toasters, tote bags, and trial sizes without question, figuring I’d deal with them later. Then one day I opened a new bank account, and found myself carting home a George Foreman grill. I had absolutely no use or desire for one; however, the bank manager presented it with such flourish, it seemed downright rude to refuse it. No problem, I thought—I’ll simply accept it, then turn around and give it away. Ha! It wasn’t as easy as I thought. It took me three weeks to find a taker, as almost everyone to whom I offered it already had one.

Since then, I’ve become much more wary of the freebies that try to enter my life…and I’m much less likely to accept them. These little samples, trials, and tchotchkes are a particularly invasive form of clutter. At least when you purchase things, you make the decision to pay for them—a formal invitation, if you will, to bring them into your home. Freebies, on the other hand, slip into our drawers and cabinets rather stealthily, disguised as gifts. Visit any place of business, and you’ll likely receive a pen, calendar, or magnet with the company’s name. Attend a professional sports event, and you’re sure to leave with some kind of fan memorabilia. Purchase makeup at a department store, and your bag will be stuffed with complimentary, pint-sized potions.

You can, however, shore up your defenses; it’s just a matter of developing “freebie phobia.” Instead of automatically extending your hand for whatever’s being proffered, cultivate an instinct to reject it. At the very least, stop for a moment to consider if you need it. If the answer is “no,” then politely decline. You may receive some strange looks on occasion; after all, turning down free stuff is unexpected behavior in a consumer society. However, this simple act of refusal will go a long way toward keeping out the clutter!

When it comes to decluttering, heirlooms are a sticky wicket. In many cases, we would have never chosen to bring such objects into our lives—let alone commit to caring for them the rest of our days. Yet suddenly we find ourselves dusting around Hummel figurines, wondering where to hang a painting of poker-playing dogs, or trying to incorporate a Victorian fainting couch into our contemporary family room. Oftentimes, we don’t hold on to these objects because they’re useful or beautiful; we keep them out of a sense of guilt, sentiment, and responsibility to preserve our family “heritage.”

Unfortunately, heirlooms usually come into our lives because the original owner passed away. That fact itself can paralyze us when we’re trying to deal with them. We feel like the objects are all we have left of the person we loved; and that in letting them go, we’ll give up our final connection with them. It’s an extremely emotional, and difficult, situation. Give yourself plenty of time to grieve before handling these items. An adequate waiting period will enable you to take a more logical, and less emotional, approach to them. If possible, keep them boxed up or stowed away until you’re ready to make some decisions; if they’ve already settled into your home, it can be even more difficult to declutter them.

The most important thing to remember is that
the stuff isn’t the person
. These were simply things they owned—just like the things you own. Do you feel like you’re embodied in your dinner plates, or that your coffee table symbolizes your very being? Of course not! Likewise, your loved one was far more than that object on the mantelpiece, and shouldn’t be equated with it. Do you really think grandma would want you dusting “her” each week? (Or worse yet, stashing “her” in a stuffy attic?) Instead of squirreling away mementos, honor the person you lost by sharing stories and photographs of them with friends and family. Your memories are infinitely more precious than any “thing” they left behind.

Our obligation then, is not necessarily to keep the items we inherit, but to find the best possible use for them. We’ve been entrusted to steward them to a new home; but it doesn’t
have
to be ours. In fact, another relative may be thrilled to own such a piece of family history; if so, pass it along. By all means, don’t let petty squabbling or notions of “inequity” compel you to retain them—that is, don’t hoard twelve place settings of china just so your cousin “doesn’t get them.” If you don’t want them, you should be more than happy to hand over the responsibility for their safekeeping.

If your heirlooms are valuable or historically significant, consider lending (or donating) them to a local museum or historical society. Such an institution might welcome the opportunity to display your grandfather’s World War I uniform, or your uncle’s collection of regional landscape paintings. It’s a wonderful way to share your loved one’s legacy with the public, and transfer the care and responsibility for such precious items into more capable (and secure) hands. Even if your pieces aren’t particularly valuable, try to place them in a setting where they’ll be appreciated. For example, offer up the grandfather clock or old phonograph you inherited to a nearby retirement home. Give your aunt’s doll collection to a little girl who would love it, or donate her boxes of books to the local library. Try to find ways in which these objects can bring joy to others, rather than gather dust in your attic.

Alternatively, sell the items, and put the proceeds to good use. I’m sure Uncle John would be thrilled if his sports memorabilia paid for his favorite nephew’s baseball camp; as would Aunt Jane be tickled to see her old crystal punch bowl finance your new kitchen cabinets. Their objective was not to burden you with musty antiques, but to do something special for you—and all the better if you can transform their generosity into something you’ll truly appreciate. Another idea: donate the proceeds to their favorite cause or charity. I’m hard-pressed to think of a better way to honor someone’s memory.

If an heirloom has monetary value, treasure it, gift it, donate it, or sell it; but don’t hold on to it because it “
might
be worth something.” We may have fantasies that the stamp collection or oil painting we inherited will fund our retirement; but most often, it’s just a handy reason to squirrel it away and avoid dealing with it. Instead of making million dollar excuses for your clutter,
find out what it’s worth
. The Internet is a fabulous resource for determining the value of antiques and collectibles. Spend some time searching for similar items; find out how much they cost in online shops, and what prices they’ve brought at auction. In the process, you’ll learn whether your piece is run of the mill, or exceedingly rare. If the latter: obtain a professional appraisal, or contact an auction house like Christie’s or Sotheby’s for an evaluation.

Use eBay to value more common heirlooms. The site features a mind-boggling array of items, complete with auction prices—making it quick and easy to find the market value of your stuff. Remember, something is only worth what someone else is willing to pay for it. However, don’t despair when you discover that grandma’s “good” silverware sells for bargain basement prices; now that you
know
its value, you can decide what to do with it. No longer will you have to drag it around with each move, thinking that one day it’ll put your child through college. If you keep it, it’ll be for its own merits, rather than hope of a future financial windfall.

No matter what their value, you’ll probably still have trouble parting with particular items—because you’re too attached to their sentiments to let them go. In such cases, consider “miniaturizing” them. Just because you inherited a big collection of pottery or glassware doesn’t mean you have to keep
all
of it. Preserve the sentiment by retaining just a few special pieces, and displaying them proudly. If the heirloom in question is a single item, consider saving just
part
of it: snip a few squares off that old quilt, or salvage the pulls from that antique dresser. You’ll still have something to remind you of the person who left it; only that something will be much smaller, and more manageable.

Digitizing heirlooms are another way to save the sentiment, without saving the stuff. You can scan old postcards, letters, documents, and prints directly into your computer, and store the files on your hard drive. Alternatively, take digital photographs; a picture of your aunt’s treadle sewing machine will bring back the same memories as the item itself—without taking up an inch of space. Just one word of caution: while it may take a fire, flood, or other catastrophe to wipe out your physical heirlooms, the digital versions can be erased in a single system failure. Therefore, make regular backups of your files—to the Internet, or external media—to protect against data loss.

Finally, perhaps
you’re
planning to pass down items to future generations. It might sound a little harsh, but keep this in mind: there’s a good chance that your kids don’t want them. They have their own style, their own stuff, and their own décor—and your Victorian settee, or Art Deco sideboard, isn’t likely to fit in. Likewise, they probably won’t have the foggiest idea what to do with your snow globe, cookie jar, or garden gnome collection. Don’t burden your heirs with the task of sorting through your clutter, and agonizing over its fate. Streamline your possessions as best you can while you’re still here, instead of passing on your junk to the next generation. If you have significant items you’d like to bequeath, consult your children about them
now
and gauge their interest. Certainly don’t guilt them into taking things they don’t really want, just to get them off your hands. That’s not a good way to declutter!

Unfortunately, heirlooms aren’t the only sentimental items we need worry about; over the course of our lives, we accumulate plenty of our own. Events, milestones, and rites of passage all seem to come with their own “accessories”—and these commemorative items can be tough to get rid of!

We begin accumulating such objects as early as birth—or at least long before we have a say in the matter. Your parents likely kept your first spoon, rattle, or baby cup, and may have even bronzed your first pair of shoes. They probably stowed away your report cards, swimming trophies, and the pictures you drew in art class. They may have even held on to your peewee sports uniforms or your Boy (or Girl) Scout badges. (Which is all well and good, until they try to unload them on
you
.) As we get older, we pick up the torch where they left off: saving our high school yearbooks and graduation gowns, our fraternity (or sorority) memorabilia, ticket stubs from the theater, trinkets from our travels, postcards, greeting cards, letters, and more. Then we get married, have kids of our own, and start saving
their
stuff…(oh boy!).

We find it hard to declutter these items because of the memories and emotions attached to them—as if parting with them means giving up part of our lives. But we all know that’s not true! Getting rid of your old football jersey won’t make you any less of an athlete, and tossing the leftover favors from your wedding won’t invalidate your marriage. Likewise, selling your collection of Pez dispensers won’t erase the fun you had hunting for them at flea markets. We just have to understand that the events and experiences of our lives are not embodied in these objects. While things can be broken, tarnished, or taken away, the memories they represent persist—with or without them.