The Keeper (6 page)

Mei

I saw Joel and Dev Eagle today. On old Mr Billings' boat. They didn't look too pally. I hope Joel doesn't get his dream squashed too quick. He always gets so excited over something and then it doesn't take long to wear thin. It's like he sees things a different colour to everyone else until his eyes start to focus. I mean, who in their right mind would do half the stuff Joel does? And what if Dev gets on the wrong side of him? Even though Joel comes across like he's daring you to treat him bad, he doesn't want it really.

I think his gran lets a bit slide. I do too really because I see this other side of him that no one else does. His eyes aren't always hard and expressionless; when he looks at me they aren't anyway. Sometimes I just try to keep him happy – he's so cool when he's happy. Anything can change it though like that time he suddenly realised Prescott was wearing his hat. He went berserk. Ms Colby couldn't do a thing with him. When he's like that he reminds me of the movie we saw: Jekyll and Hyde.

Guess it's that changeableness that's exciting. No one's like that in my family – it's good old self-control and doing the right thing in this house. Mum would never let me roam around after dark like Joel gets to do. He's a bit like Heathcliff. I'm reading Wuthering Heights now. Mum says I'm too young for it.

I like the way Joel can suddenly do things. You'd never know he wasn't good at school by talking to him – except for that time we were in the gift shop and he didn't know what twenty per cent off would've been and he walked out rather than ask. He bought that same thing in another shop for ten dollars more. I keep off the subject of maths. He gets real touchy.

Wish I could think of something else to write about than Joel Billings. I don't think it's going to get me anywhere. I'm sure he thinks I'm a useless girl, only worth his protection (which I don't need). I don't know what could ever change that.

I hope Dev Eagle doesn't mess him up. Maybe I should tell Mrs Billings. Wish I knew what to do. If it wasn't for all those tatts and black leather – I mean he could be a criminal or something. Though he was nice to me the other day. Made sense really. Not what you'd expect a biker to say at all.

15

Next morning I wake up before the sun. I'm pulling on my black jeans and T-shirt and I know this will be a better day. It's something I can never explain, though Gran accepts it now – some days
are
just better than others. I have to get to Dev. How could I have ever thought last night that I can have a life without Dev as a dad? The secret bit has to go though. The other day after fishing on the beach, I had to go into Housers' shop by myself to get our Cokes. I can't be seen with him or Gran will find out. Everybody tells everything in a town like this. All in the cause of what's best for everyone concerned, of course. It makes me snort just thinking about it. Sure it was exciting at first, having a secret, but since Dev said all that last night – well, it's different now. Dev's got an ‘inside', something that might hurt, and I don't want to make it any worse.

I'm a bit nervous. What will Dev say now it's morning? He might have thought better of the ‘needing each other' bit. Dev sees me before I get down to the rocks. He's having a wash and hasn't done his hair yet. It's the first time I've seen it down past his ears – long, but not as long as the Sikhs' hair on Mr Pham's trawler before they put their turbans on.

It's hard saying sorry and I don't exactly say the words but Dev knows why I've come. ‘It's okay. We're mates. We'll take the good with the bad, ol' son.'

The ‘ol' son' bit makes me wince. It's just a phrase, but it makes me wonder again how long Dev will hang around. Surely he has a life of his own somewhere, and at no time has either of us said this is forever. I wish it was.

It's time. I've told Gran I'm bringing someone for tea. Bet Gran thinks it's Mei – well, let the bomb drop. I'm going to need Gran's permission to go public in the fishing competition with Dev. But it's not just the competition. I want Dev out in the open, whatever it costs. He's worth it, a real keeper. Last week I mightn't have risked Gran's reaction to Dev but now it'll be okay for sure. I mean, Dev's a bit of a shock when you first see him but once he starts talking he's okay. How could they not like him?

As it turns out it's Gran who shocks the rest of us. Except maybe Dev. We've just reached the back step. Gran opens the door with her ‘strangers are dangerous' frown in place and I'm hoping Dev hasn't noticed, when her expression totally changes. Eureka! Just like that. The harsh lines smooth out, her mouth curls at both corners like it does when I bring home lots of fish.

‘Dev! I didn't know Joel's mystery person was you.' Jumping dolphins! My mouth gapes as Gran ushers Dev inside. Dev's grinning as he takes off his jacket. Gran doesn't seem to notice the tatts. So it hasn't been as hard as I'd feared. I could've brought him sooner.

‘How come you know him, Gran?' We've reached the kitchen. We're all smiling. There's no signal of the trouble ahead. Zoe's there. When she sees Dev her face suddenly stiffens and pales. Her face is worse than any of Gran's ‘stranger danger' looks. It's time for me to start getting worried again.

Gran goes on, ‘I met him in the food mart today. He was so helpful, weren't you, Dev dear.'

Dev
dear
? Even I gulp. Zoe snorts. It's not pretty. And then she lets fly.

‘Smarming up to Gran now, is it? I know your type. All out for what you can get. Well, I'm not fooled, even if she is.'

‘Now Zoe—' Gran's trying to hush her, but Zoe's attention is on Dev; she pushes Gran, actually
pushes
her out of the way!

‘You're in with Scott, aren't you? If you touch Joel I'll have the police down on you so hard you won't even see the light of day. Ever. Nor will Scott.'

‘Zoe—' Gran's still trying to be kind. I can't work out why she's bothering. Zoe has that sound in her voice like Mei gets before she cries and I'm starting to smell the burning up of all my dreams.

Dev's reaching for his jacket. ‘I think I'd better go.'

‘No!' Everything's going wrong. Again! I hang onto his arm. ‘No. You can't go.'

‘It's best, mate. I'll come another time. When things are better.'

Zoe sneers. When I look at her I don't know her. Who is she anyway, mucking everything up like this? Zoe's practically choking she's so wild. ‘There'll never be a better time.'

Poor Gran's trying to smooth things over with ‘try not to mind' type phrases, but as Dev goes out the back door, I suddenly flip. This isn't just bolting horses. I'm being bucked off and I sure as hell don't like it. Nor could I stop it if I tried. I swing round on Zoe.

‘Who do you think you are! You can't ruin my friends like this!'

‘Joel, there are things you don't understand.'

Even Gran murmurs at Zoe although she doesn't sound as sure as before. ‘Surely you don't think he has anything to do with Scott? He seems so nice.'

Zoe laughs but it's a terrible sound. ‘Scott does his job well, even from inside. And look at that bloke. Does he look like a guy that's hanging round a kid for the fun of it?' I stiffen. It's the wrong thing to say.

‘Dev's okay. He likes me. And you sure as hell don't! You're ruining everything. You're just a stupid bitch! I wish you never came here. I hate you!' Just before I run out I have this hazy recollection of both their faces gaping wide, Zoe's stricken with horror. Well good. She needs to be told. Dev's all that matters now.

I find him down on the rocks, just sitting. His hair's wet, out of its plait, his jacket's off. He doesn't stir as I sit beside him. So I say nothing. We just listen to the suction of the water between the rocks, the level of the sea rising, then retreating, the sounds lulling, calming.

Until the thumping in my head has gone.

‘Didn't go so well, eh, mate?' Dev's still staring at the water. ‘You sure Zoe's not your sister?'

‘Nuh. Why?'

‘She acts like one – like a wolf protecting a cub. Guess I should've known this wouldn't work.'

‘What won't work?' I suddenly feel like Shawn Houser's hands are tightening around my neck. Panic rises. Except this is worse; at least I know how to get rid of hands around my neck. ‘What do you mean?'

‘Being your pretend dad and all. There's more to it and I should've thought more—'

‘But it's okay. I want you to be.'

‘Your family doesn't.'

‘Don't I count? Besides Zoe's not family and Gran'll be okay. She was happy to see you.'

‘She won't be now. I think Zoe knows something about me.'

‘Like about your kid, you mean?'

Dev sighs as though he is hauling cargo off a ship in a storm and the loss of it would be too great.

‘Do you know where your father is, mate?'

‘I don't have one.'
Except you
, I wish I had the guts to say.

He turns to me then. ‘Everyone has a biological father, mate.'

‘I don't know about him.' An image of Shawn Houser mouthing off comes to mind. ‘All I heard at school was that he went to jail years ago.'

‘What did your gran say?'

‘I never asked. I didn't want to know if it was true.'

Dev's quiet a bit after that.

‘Can people change, Dev? In jail? Do you think if my dad was there, he could change?'

‘I don't know about him, mate. But I did.'

‘You – You were in—?' Gran would have a fit. Maybe Dev's right and Zoe's found out. No wonder she spat the dummy. I wonder what he was in for but I don't ask – I know what this feels like. I never like kids asking why I'm in the focus room at lunch. I find something simple to talk about. ‘Why did you get eagles?'

Dev shifts his position on the rock. ‘Because eagles fly alone.'

‘Were you in a club?'

‘Once. I liked the good stuff, belonging and all that, but I still liked to be myself. I didn't like having to stick up for someone who'd do something I wouldn't have, just because he was part of the club. There's always one that thinks they can get away with anything because of that protection. I tried to leave but it wasn't the kind of club you left easily. There was an accident. My wife and kid were on the bike with me. It was my fault in a way. I lost everything – my wife, my kid, my club, my freedom . . .'

‘You went to jail for that?'

‘Manslaughter. When you're a biker it's presumed there's something else going on, and there were things I couldn't say.'

‘But that's not fair. You're not like that. Look at the way you handle the fish. The things you say.' There were other things too. The time we were walking along the jetty and a visitor to the area deliberately stepped in Dev's path. Dev sidestepped yet he didn't lower his gaze so that the other guy looked sheepish as he disappeared. Suddenly I realise something. ‘You don't really like to fight, do you?'

Dev turns to look me in the eye. ‘But what did you see first, mate? That? Or the leathers and the bike?'

I don't answer. Because it's true. He does look kind of awesome when you first see him. So, maybe that's all that's bothering Zoe too – the biker stuff.

‘What was it like – in jail?'

‘Bloody awful. Except there was this little guy. He'd done something that the other guys used to beat him up for whenever they got the chance. But he never fought back. He believed in a power outside himself—'

‘God?'

‘Yeah. Said God loves us—'

I snort. ‘God doesn't love me. I get it wrong all the time.'

‘This guy said God loves us no matter what we've done. The other guys laughed at that – him believing in God and still ending up inside, but he was the only one I could count on in there. Guess you can change in jail.'

‘What changed?'

‘That when I got out I wanted to mean something to someone, to be more than one of a herd – I wanted to make a difference.'

It's getting dark and I stare up at Dev's shape against the evening sky. Something's welling up inside me begging to be said, but how can it? What if Zoe talks Gran around and I can't see Dev any more? Dev's already made a difference. Can't he see that? But if Gran says I can't – I mean, Gran's like a mum. How far will I have to go to keep Dev? Surely I won't have to choose? Not between Dev and Gran?

16

I want to stay with Dev in the boatshed but he's adamant. ‘They'll be worried, mate. This is one thing you have to face. Hear them out. They might have good reason to be scared.'

I'm extra thoughtful on the way home through the reserve.
Scared,
Dev had said. I haven't noticed it before but all that ‘stranger danger' stuff of Gran's, is it because she's frightened? And what of?

Dev's right about the scared stuff. As soon as I reach the back door, Zoe's voice is calling Gran. ‘He's here. It's okay.' Gran puts down the phone as I come into the kitchen. I stand there, watching them both, and for once Gran doesn't say anything. It puts a different light on things when you know there's a reason. I may as well just ask.

‘So, what's going on?' Perhaps I look calmer than I feel for they take me seriously. After a few looks at each other that would win awards in a spy film, Gran sits at the table and pulls out a chair for me. Zoe puts the kettle on. She looks a little pinched round the mouth and her eyes are puffy. I suppose it's due to me. Hardest thing saying sorry. ‘Umm – about before – I didn't mean all that. I was mad, that's all.' Zoe manages a bit of a smile, looks relieved even. This ‘sorry' stuff really works.

‘Joel, there are some things I haven't told you.' Gran glances at Zoe again. Zoe's nod is slight but I catch the movement of it. It makes me annoyed that she's in so thick with Gran. ‘Zoe's all right, Joel. She wants the best for you, like I do. But there's someone who doesn't.' Here it comes. They're not going to start in on Dev, are they? ‘Cos if they are I'm ready.

‘When you were little a man kidnapped you.' Gran pauses. ‘He hurt you badly. He needed money. When he was caught he was put in jail. You were given to me by your mother to keep you safe – she didn't know at that time how the courts would rule, when he would get out, if he'd try again, or try to get custody of you.'

So it's true. ‘My father?'

Gran nods. She's none too happy. Her mouth's all droopy and there are more little lines I've never noticed before.

‘Why didn't my mother look after me?'

‘She was involved with drugs. Same as your father, Joel. The courts could have taken you away and put you in foster care and then none of us would have had you. I wanted you to stay in this family. So your grandad and I adopted you. That's why your name is Billings.'

‘I thought it was because my mother wasn't married or something.'

‘No. And legally I
am
your mother.' I smile at that. A lady as old as Gran my real mum.

‘But you're my real gran too?'

‘Yes.' She seems troubled all of a sudden, hesitating as though there's much more to say but she can't. Then she sighs, moving to a different track. ‘There is something else, Joel.' She turns to Zoe as she puts the cups on the table. ‘Zoe has found out that your father's parole is due. That means he could be out of jail soon.'

‘And you think he might try to kidnap me again?' So this is why she's always saying to keep away from people I don't know. ‘Gran, just tell me what he looks like. I can handle him.' I roll my two hands into fists above the table.

‘Joel.' Gran's tone is like a restraining hand on a lively puppy. ‘He's dangerous. And he could look different now. Nine years is a long time.' But I'm not concentrating; suddenly I'm a on a different current.

‘Why does he want to kidnap me? Does he want me? I am his kid.'

Gran's eyes water. What have I said? ‘No, matey. No. Don't ever think things like that. This man may biologically be your father but he did not bring you up and care for you.' She doesn't say
he didn't love you, he didn't want you
but the inference is there. It makes me dig my heels in.

‘But he did want me, didn't he?'

Gran glances over at Zoe. It's a call for help but I don't want Zoe's help. She butts in anyway. ‘Joel, he wants money. I'm sorry. Gran told me that your grandad had left everything in a trust for you—'

‘The property on the peninsula? Not just the boat?'

‘Everything. Maybe he thinks he'll have access to it through you.'

‘And Joel . . .' Gran again. She pauses, so slightly that I don't guess the damage she'll cause to my world, no time to steel myself, ‘. . . that is why we feel it is too dangerous, this – this friendship with Dev Eagle.'

‘No!' I jolt to my feet; my coffee spreads over the tablecloth as I push out my chair. It scrapes on the slate, too loud. I stand there above them, my breath hurting like fire each time it comes out. ‘You don't understand! Dev likes me. He wants
me.
He's got nothing to do with this, he just—' I stop myself in time before I say the word ‘ad'. Gran would not understand that at all.

This won't work.
Calm down
,
Joel
. I take deep breaths. No one takes any notice until you calm down. I start again. ‘You liked him, Gran. You said so.'

‘He does seem very nice, yes, but Zoe followed you one night—'

‘So that was you. Dev heard something.'

‘Joel, it's very odd how he's just turned up. He may be a friend of your father's and we can't take the chance.'

‘But how could he poss—?' Then I remember. Dev
has
been ‘inside'. But he didn't have to tell me that. Surely that shows he's on the level. Should I say? No. Gran and Zoe will take it as proof for sure. They can't do this. They don't know him.

‘But the fishing competition is at the weekend.'

‘Did you want him to do that? I'm so sorry, Joel.' Gran's starting to look totally distressed but right now I can't afford to care.

‘No you're not! You're ruining my life! I never get to do the competition.'

‘Mei's father could take you, he could use our boat—'

‘He's never there for the competition; he's always on the trawler.'

‘We could ask Mr Houser—'

‘With Shawn? You've got to be joking.'

They'd make sure I lost. What father would let another kid win the annual fishing competition? ‘I want my own—' I'm about to say ‘father', but I know now that even if I had dreams about Dev, he's not my real dad. But I can pretend, can't I?

‘I want Dev to do it and he will!' I don't wait for any more arguments that I can't win. So much for maturely talking stuff out. I blow it every time. I head for my room, the one place no one follows me. Even if it does look like an ammunition dump, it's the one place of calm in the midst of a stampede. Weird, Dev too has started to become a place where the horses stay in their stables. If only I could explain to Gran what it's like when I'm with Dev. Surely she'd see. But she's only listening to Zoe. It's Zoe who's ruining my life.

None of it could be true, could it? Dev likes me, he's as good as said. He's come just for me, he's come because of the ad. Hasn't he?